A/N

I'm sorry it took so long... I've stopped writhing almost everything for a while... I hope it's not to bad.
Thanks to Amy, I know I made you work with this one, my English was fading away ahahaha:

I know I've said that what happened in the chap before, was the most awkward thing... but this was awkward as well because... you know... we weren't alone in bed and so... ahahaha

Sara POV:

"I love you"... those words had haunted me for the last three weeks. Three weeks since I had finally admitted to myself that I was in love with my sister and in three weeks I haven't spoken a word to her.

Better yet, she's avoiding me. I tried a few times to approach her and talk to her, but every time she just runs away or finds any excuse to leave me. It's like she can't stand my presence anymore, and it's killing me. I don't know what to do. I want her so much and I want her to know about it. But how can I put it out there? How, when she wont even talk to me at all? It's not like I can go to her and say that I'm in love with her.

I don't even know how she feels about all that is happening. If she has feelings for me or if it's just a hormonal thing. I'm going crazy because sometimes I feel so sure that she has feelings for me and I feel so confident, and it's in those times that I go to her. But as soon as my eyes meet hers, all of my confidence goes away and I start to babble and then she just walks away.

Tegan POV:

The only good thing about this situation, is that I'm doing very good in school. Yeah, it's crazy, but I'm so fucked up that when I'm not high or drunk, I stay in my room, studying. It's a way to avoid thinking about how fucked up I am. It's so strange, people look at me in a different way now because I have good grades. It is so ridiculous and makes me feel uncomfortable. Every time someone looks at me in that odd manner, I freak out thinking that maybe they know. That it's written on my face that I fucked my sister, that my fucking hands had been where they weren't supposed to be. I had this strange feeling for almost two weeks now, but then some guys just came to me to ask what I was doing to pass the latest tests. That was the moment when I realized I was being paranoid.

The thing that hurts the most is that... she's not talking to me. I mean, I had avoided her for almost a week, but then... she started to come to me to talk, and at the beginning I was happy, but every time she tried to talk to me, the only things she was capable of, was blabber and I know she's nervous because of her lisp. When she tries to talk to me it's a fucking mess. Blabber and lisp... I mean... she can't even speak to me anymore. So now, every time I see her, I just walk away. It hurts too much to see her so nervous and I know it's my fault. I tried so hard to convince myself she wasn't really there the last time. But I know she was, I know it. And I know I made her cry. Every time I look at her, I want to die. I made her cry and now she's just so fucking nervous that she can't even talk to me. But how can I blame her? I'm a fucking monster. Sometime I look at my hands, I look at the fingers that had touched her, and I want to die, I want to cut them off.

And the most horrible thing is that every time she approaches me, part of me just wants to go to her, hug her tightly and beg for her forgiveness. But another part of me wants me to hold her in a totally different way. Part of me wants to hold her, and kiss her, and make love to her. So, every time I look at her, my mind and my body, and everything, fall to pieces. And I just have to walk away if I don't want to die on the spot.

It really hurts so much, sometimes I can't even breath.

Sara POV:

I know it's not fair, but I started dating Becky a week ago. It's not fair to her because I'm not in love with her at all, and it's not fair to myself because I know I'm not in love with her. Most of all, it's not fair to Tegan. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I'm cheating on her, because she's the one I am in love with. Every time I touch Becky, my heart aches.

I don't even know why I'm doing it. No one is happy... well... Becky is happy but just because she's oblivious about the real situation, and sooner or later I know I will break her heart. I think I'm just trying not to think about Tegan. I don't really know what I'm doing. And I don't even know if we can call this a relationship. It's not like we go out or have long make out sessions. I just needed a distraction and she was still my friend even after our little argument after that kiss. And as I felt Tegan go away, I needed someone near me and she was there. And one day she just asked me to be her girlfriend, and now here we are. She's holding my hand on the way home.

I know that Tegan is not far behind. She has become a loner since that day. She's in the company of someone only when she's high or drunk and that scares me.

I know it's my fault, I know she feels bad because she knows that I know and I'm too nervous even to talk to her. I make a fool of myself every time I try. She feels bad because I'm fucking stupid. When I see the sadness in her eyes, I just want to die because I know I'm hurting her so much.

I had even tried to write a letter to her, a fucking letter, explaining myself. But I feel too awkward. I mean, I want to face her, I really want her to hear what I have to say and to understand. And I want to see in her eyes how she feels. I know it could kill me. But right now it doesn't matter seeing that I'm not even able to put together a fucking sentence when I'm in her presence.

It's a thing that my mother noticed and she wants me to see a fucking therapist. I can't believe her.

We are just a few blocks from my house when I see a guy cross the street and coming our way. I know him, it's one of Tegan ex-boyfriends friends.

"Hi girls," he said to us as we stop.

"Hi Darren, what do you want?" I ask to him, knowing well that he just wants to play his fucking little game with us.

"Oh nothing, I was just thinking that the lady here, she's beautiful," he says looking at Becky. I feel her nervously shift her weight from one foot to the other.

"You should introduce us," he adds smirking.

"Well, she's Becky, and she's my girlfriend," I say to him in a stern tone, I'm really pissed off.

"Oh, another little dyke, well," he says, making a disgusted expression.

"What the fuck did you just say?" I say, loosening my grip on Becky's hand to get right in front of him.

"You two are abomination," he says looking at me with a fucking smirk again on his face.

Without even thinking about it, I push him. But he's much bigger than me so he barely moves. Then he pushes me back, and the moment I fall on my ass, I see Becky running away.

"Becky, please," I yell, but then he is on top of me.

Tegan POV:

As I see Sara push Darren, I start to run her way. That guy is a real dickhead and I know he will not let it go. A second later I see Sara fall on her butt and Darren straddles her. I see Becky run away and I hope she's going to ask for help because if she's just running away leaving Sara like that, I will kill her. But I have no time to think about it. He's sitting on Sara's stomach and I can see she's red. Shes scared, and sure she's having trouble breathing. After a few seconds I'm on him, I tackle him to the ground, and he is surprised so I stand up before he can move.

"Fuck you, bitch," he yells at me. A second later he's on his knees, then standing up.

"I will kill you," he adds.

Thats when I hit him. I give him a kick on his side, and he is on the grass again.

"Try to touch her again, and you will end up like Jason," I say to him through clenched teeth.

He looks at me for a couple of seconds and then he just stands up and walks away.

I turn to see Sara and she's still red. She's now sitting, and she has a hand on her chest. I can hear her whizzing.

"Oh my God, Sara," I say running and falling at her side, "where is your puffer?" I ask her.

I see her looking at her backpack now on the ground. I reach it and open the front pocket. There it is. I bring it to her lips and give her the medicine.

She looks at me with watery eyes. And I want to cry too because now that the adrenaline is gone, I feel weak. But I can't be weak right now.

Her breath starts to calm but she starts to sob, so I hug her. I hug her tightly and she nuzzles her face into my chest and just cries. I rub her back gently trying to calm her.

"Sara, I'm here... it's ok," I say, and I kiss the top of her head.

She puts her arms around my waist and hugs me even tighter. I keep her in my arms and start to caress her cheek, wiping her tears away. After a few more minutes, she's calm again.

"I-I... I'm sorry," she says, and I look at her surprised.

"There's nothing you have to be sorry about, it's not your fault," I say to her, she looks at me for a moment and then she smiles.

"Thank you, Tee," she says to me, and I smile widely at the use of my nickname.

Sara POV:

She puts one of her arms around my waist and I put one of mine around her neck as helps me up. I feel a little pain on my back but it's nothing too bad. She bends to pick up my backpack and start to walk, helping me. It's not really necessary but I don't want her to let go so I act like she was really helping me. We walk in silence, and for the first time it's not even an awkward silence and I'm glad. After a couple minutes, I break the silence.

"You saved me again, Tegan," I say, looking at her. She turns to face me and smiles.

"I said I would never let anyone hurt you, what kind of horrible sister do you think I am?" she asks playfully. But it's just for a moment, her face turns sad and she faces at the road again. I know exactly what she's thinking.

"Tegan," I start again, and I feel her body tense, she doesn't turn this time, "I'm so lucky to have you," and after a little pause I add turning to her "and I've missed you,".

She faces me with a wide smile and I smile back at her. She squeezes me a little and I let out a sigh of relief.

After a couple minutes we are home again. We don't want mum to worry so she let me go right before we open the door. I go straight to my room, take off my clothes and take a shower. When I come out of the bathroom, I can hear Tegan in her room. She's playing that melody and I can hear that she's singing, but I can't actually hear the words. Her voice is beautiful though. I really want to go to her room and just watch her play, but I need to get dressed first.

By the time I dress and finish drying my hair, she's not in her room anymore. I go downstairs and see her on the couch, watching some stupid cartoon. I sit near her and we just stay there, watching TV together. It's so nice to have her near me and not feel all that anxiety I felt just up to this morning. When the show ends, she turns of the TV and turns to me.

"So, how are you doing?" she asks me. I turn and face her, our bare feet are touching, and even if hers are as cold as ice, I enjoy the contact.

"Better, now that I have you again, I guess," I say to her, smiling. I see her face turning pink, and she's so beautiful.

"I've missed you too," she says to me and I smile again.

"I heard you have improved your grades a lot," I say to her, tilting my head to the side and watching her curiously.

Tegan POV:

When she tilts her head, I'm sure it's the most beautiful and cute thing I've ever seen, and my jaw drops a little. I try to put myself together even if I know I'm turning a little red. I knew it wouldn't be easy to talk to her and have her back. When she does... well... everything she does, I just want to kiss her.

"I... I studied a lot, you know, I haven't felt so social lately, and I needed something to do," I say, and I am a little embarrassed and scared because, what if she asks me why? I'm not ready to talk about it.

"Yeah, I guess it's a good thing... but you will be social this Saturday, right?" she says to me. I look at her confused.

"We are going to that rave, you know, at Haley's house... I want you to come," she says to me. I don't really want to go, I know Becky will be with her and that makes me sad. I don't really want to see them together. And I think she sees it in my eyes.

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," she says to me shaking my legs.

"Ok ok, I will come," I say to her sighing, but smiling a little at her cuteness.

"Yeaaaaahhhh," she cheers.

A moment later mum call us to help her with dinner. We spend the rest of the evening talking and having fun with our mother. She looks so happy to see us getting along again, to see us relaxed again. I go to sleep with a big smile on my face.

A loud crash woke me in the middle of the night. I open my eyes abruptly and I see a flash of light. I look toward the window and I know that the sound I heard was a thunder. There is a great storm outside and I can see that there is a strong wind. Between the thunder, I can hear the sound of the wind. It's that fucking creepy sound that makes goosebumps rise on my skin.

I lie back again, looking at the ceiling. Another loud crash of thunder makes me flinch and my mind is suddenly on Sara. I know she hates this, she is scared as hell of storms. Part of me says I should go to her room and comfort her, because I know she's not sleeping. But I know that if I go to her, I will have a hard time keeping my hands off of her. So I lie still, feeling guilty.

The sound of thunder again shakes my window and I hear a little scream outside my door. I sit up and look at the door. I hear some sobs and then the light sound of footsteps tip-toeing away. I know it was Sara. Maybe she felt a little uncomfortable to come to my room, like I was to go to hers. But after I heard her scream and cry outside my door, there's no way I'm not going to go comfort her. I will do my best to be a good sister and just a sister, but knowing that she's scared right now, I have to do something. I walk toward her room and knock lightly.

"Yeah?" I hear from the other side.

"May I come in?" I ask to her, poking my head inside her room.

"Yes," she says, and I see her jump at another sound of thunder.

"Are you ok, Sara?" I ask her, she nods even if it obvious she's not. I don't really know what to do.

"I was just checking, this fucking storm woke me up," I say smiling at her. She smiles back and I turn to go to my room again.

Another particularly loud boom of thunder and I hear her scream again. I turn to her and she's trembling under her sheets.

"Hey, do you want me to stay a little?" I ask her. She nods again and makes room for me to lay on her bed. In that moment I know it's not the best idea, but what else can I do? She needs me.

I walk toward her bed and lie down on top of her sheets. She looks at me for a moment.

"You will freeze, come under," she says to me.

I hesitate a moment, then go under the sheets with her. I instantly feel the warmth of her body. She turns her back to me and lies there, trembling. I want to hold her but I know she's doesn't really like that. And even if she did, I don't really know what to do when I'm with her. After all the things I've done I feel a little awkward. But her shaking body just makes me feel bad. I put a hand on her back and start to rub it, trying to calm her. I feel her taking a deep breath, and she let out a little sigh. Then she moves closer to me.

"Tee...would...would you mind holding me?" she asks. And a wave of love washes through me. I crawl closer to her and put my arm around her. I feel the heat of her body embracing me. And I would find it comforting if she wasn't setting me on fire. She nuzzles into my chest even more and every inch of my front is in contact with her back. I just hope she couldn't feel my heart hammering into my chest.

After half an hour, the storm calms down, I don't know if I have to go or not. I know she's not sleeping from the way she breaths.

"Better?" I ask her, and I see her head move when she nods.

"Will you stay with me? You're so warm..." she says in a sleepy voice. I don't know if she's truly conscious about what she's doing to me.

"Oh... Ok," I say to her and I give her a little kiss on her head. She sighs happily, and soon I know she's asleep.

Two hours later, I'm still awake. I keep her in my arms even if it's so hard not to touch her in a different way. But then something happens.

I feel her tremble a little. Then she starts to moan. I think she could be having a nightmare so I start to rub her side lightly. But she starts to rock her body, lightly pressing into me. I feel the heat increase and she starts to moan again. A couple of minutes later, the sounds she makes start to turn me on, she's moaning in a low tone, and it's so damn sexy, and her body moving lightly against mine, she squirms a little and then I hear it.

"Tegan...please..." she says in that low tone, and I pool in my underwear.

She's dreaming about me, moaning, rocking her body. She mumbles and after she called my name I can't make out any other word, but she's making those sounds and I'm so wet and I lose it again.

I slowly slide my hand down her body. When I reach the waistband I hold my hand there for a moment. Her skin is burning under my touch. Then I slide my hand inside and I meet her wetness again. I push my lips against her shoulder to muffle my moans. I start to circle her clit and she turns on her back. This time I know she's really asleep. I don't know how I know, but something tells me she is.

I look at her face and she's doing all those little sounds and it's driving me wild.

I'm not in control of my actions anymore. So I cant stop myself when I slide my body down, under the covers. I place myself between her legs and I can smell her, and it's driving me insane. I pull down her shorts, that are now damp.

I start to kiss her inner thigh and I hear her moan a little louder. She calls my name again and I just go for it. I slide my tongue through the length of her folds, and it's the first time I can really taste her. And nothing had ever tasted better. I enter her with my tongue and she squirms. One of my hands is on her stomach. She's burning and when I enter her, I feel her tense. She's quieter now but she moves under my touch. I replace my tongue with two fingers and start to pump slowly, collecting every drop of her. She starts to breathe faster and move under me, and I know she needs something more. I start to move a little faster and to circle her clit with my tongue. She's trying to hold back her moans, and I know she must be awake now. Trying to cover what is happening, trying to create the illusion, to give us the chance to say this is not happening. But I know too well that what I'm tasting is true, and I want it to be true because it's the most amazing thing I've ever tasted.

I suck her clit into my mouth and she arches her back, her breath quickens and I know she's almost there. I lick her clit applying a little more pressure as I start to pump faster and deeper, curling my fingers. Suddenly her whole body tenses, and I feel her walls spasm around my fingers, and she drenches my palm.

I lick away the mess between her legs and she lets out a trembling breath. Then I freeze.

Suddenly I don't know what to do. I left my place between her legs but I can't get out from under the covers. I'm just too scared to face her. I keep doing things to her when she's unconscious and I cant blame her for not stopping me when she wakes up and she's in the middle of an orgasm.

I can't say from what place in my brain these fucking ridiculous thoughts are coming from, but they are paralyzing me. Then she turns her body. She's giving her back to me again. And after a minute, I get out from under the covers. I don't know what to do. Should I go away? If I go, she will think it was just a quick fuck? Will she be upset? Or will she be upset if I stay? If she falls asleep will she be angrier to find me in her bed in the morning?

I'm trying so hard to find an answer but there are no answers to this. It's not something you can talk about. You don't even see this in movies. What will I do? I don't know how much time passed, but she finally falls asleep. And I think that if she wanted me to go, she would have kicked me out of her bed. But again, maybe she was just pretending nothing had happened. Or maybe she was asleep, for real? No, that's impossible, I'm not that bad in bed, right? I laugh at my thought, and I smile at the fact that I'm joking about this, I'm fucking my sister and I'm joking about it. I must be really crazy and fucked up.

Finally, I choose to stay here, back against back with my sister.

Sara POV:

Lately I had a lot of dreams about Tegan, this is why I hesitated for a moment when she asked to stay.

But I'm really scared to death and I know the feeling of being protected by her, is what I need. That is why I asked her to hold me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yell to Tegan as she pushes me against the wall.

Her mouth is on my neck in no time.

I put my hands in her hair and I'm tugging on it every time she bites the right spot. Her hands are exploring my body and I cant hold in my moans. She puts her leg between mine and starts to rock against me. The pressure is driving me mad and after few minutes, it's just not enough anymore.

"Tegan...please..." I plead and I feel her smile against my neck. She unbuttons my jeans and puts her hand in my underwear. I start to move against her hand as she starts to circle me. I tilt my head back and she sucks on my neck, and a loud moan escapes me. Her head starts to go down and then...

She's in me... with her tongue. I tense for a moment when I wake up with the feeling of her tongue in me. But I'm so turned on and already so close that there's no way I could stop her now. Plus, I don't want her to stop. She replaces her tongue with her fingers and starts to work on my clit with her mouth whilst pumping painfully slow into me. I start to move, trying to increase the pace, and she gets it, she starts to pump faster and harder, and she's sucking my clit in her mouth, sending shocks through my entire body.

I know that I can't hold back any more, and I explode when she curls her fingers in me.

I bite hard on my arm to hold back my cries, but as I take it away from my face, I feel her tongue on me again, and a shaking breath escape my lips.

Then she stops. It's not that she just stops her movements on me... she freezes. I don't really know what to do, she's not coming up and she's not moving. I'm dying inside. After some time, I know she will not come out if I don't do something. So I turn, giving her my back again. She comes out a minute later.

I know she probably will leave me again, and the thought is killing me. Maybe this is just a quick fuck for real. What can I do? Nothing, there's nothing I can do. So I lie there, still, hoping to see her by my side when I'll wake up tomorrow. Anyway, she's not gone already... so maybe...