Author's Note: Sooo...I am alive and I needed something to just get me used to writing again. Would have been sooner but between computer revival, work sucking and life sucking just couldn't find the muse to write anything. Fortunately friends provide you with situations you can use to turn into works of literature...long life friends. So yeah enough of my rambling, enjoy the short one shot of mine

Summary: My collection of one-shots featuring Naruto X Hinata.

Disclaimer I do not own Naruto and all works associated with Naruto. They are all owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Co.

Advice

"Mmmm Naruto" said a blushing Hinata. Naruto was caressing the side of her neck as she sat at her desk attempting to continue writing her mission report. "Naruto-kun behave!" she scolded as she shooed him away.

"Fine." said Naruto with a pout as he left the office.

Hinata sighed deeply, she recomposed herself and started filling out the details of her mission. That was until she felt her ear lobe being toyed with deftly by Naruto's tongue. The pen unconsciously slipped out of her hands and her body began to feel warm in all the right places. As her body began to become a slave to his tongue's ministrations, her mind reminded her of the task she had to complete. This time she took the offensive; she rose from her chair and embraced Naruto with passionate kiss.

"That's more like it." he muffled. Believing that he had convinced his fiancée to succumb to her carnal desires, he failed to notice that he was now being moved towards the door and eventually into the hallway. The couple paused at the entrance to the office and Hinata pulled Naruto in deeply, giving him a passionate kiss and without warning she parted. Naruto now had a puzzled expression on his face, wondering why his lips were not tasting the essence that was Hinata. She stood in front of him, blew a kiss and waved goodbye as she closed the door in his face.

"Hinata." he whined at the door. "Let me in."

"No, I have work to do."

"But it's been so long..."

"I have only been gone a week Naruto."

"But I was gone for two weeks before that."

"No Naruto-kun!"

"Fine I'm coming in."

"Its locked." she replied

"Like that can stop me." he stated as his hands began to form signals

"It's sealed" was her response.

"Fine, I'm giving you an hour before I knock down the door."

"No you will not."

"Yes I will."

"No! You, mister are going to let me finish and if you don't I'm going to be forced to stay at the Hyuuga Compound. And if I do that there definitely won't be any continuation of our recent activities"

"You wouldn't..."

"Try me." she stated. Hearing the firmness in her voice Naruto could only concede at this point.

"Fine!" said Naruto, his voice could be mistaken for that of a spoilt child. Hinata couldn't help but giggle at his behavior. "It's not funny!" he shouted as he continued his childish tantrum.

Naruto found his way into the living room and flopped onto the couch, there was absolutely nothing to do. He couldn't bother to turn on the television because the remote was too far. He thought about teleporting to it but he didn't feel like forming the seals. The only thing on his mind was Hinata and he was frustrated that he couldn't have her. His mind was beginning to form plots, plots that would get him into the room so he could get his way. But he remembered that Hinata let him finish his mission report the last time, granted that he just wrote I succeeded on the report and was severely scolded for it the following day. The actions of that night he deemed worthy of the trouble. He had a perverted grin on his face as his mind played a highlight reel of their sexual escapades. Continuing with the trend for the night Naruto was interrupted by a knocking on the door.

Naruto looked around the room to see if he was hearing things, not hearing anything anymore he simply shrugged it off as a figment of his imagination. That was until he heard the sound once again in the direction of the front door. Sighing heavily, Naruto got to his feet and went to investigate the source of the disturbance. He swung the door open...

"Uzumaki's what do you want?" He then focused in and saw exactly who it is. "It's you."

"If I'm not correct, by that tone you are using I could say that you do not want to see me. But it is customary for friends to see each other at times as well. Am I not correct?"

"Sai, it's been almost 10 years since you have left ROOT. You are not as socially inept as you were before, so forgive me if I ignore your last couple of sentences. Now what do you want?"

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?" he said.

Naruto looked at him skeptically and let out what felt like his hundredth sigh of the night. "Fine come in, I have some time to kill." Naruto let Sai come in then closed the door behind him. He headed into the kitchen and opened the fridge; he reached in and pulled out a bottle of sake. Grabbing two glasses from the cupboard he made his way to the table. He rested the glasses on the table, filled a glass and then handed it to Sai.

"There ya go."

"No thanks..."

"What do you mean no thanks? This is vintage sake from the Village of the Hidden Rain. You know how hard it is to get this?"

"Yes I do, I went with you to get it."

"That's right! So drink up."

Sai shot the glass which caused Naruto to raise an eyebrow. "I said drink it not inhale it."

Sai exhaled slowly, he placed his glass on the table and poured himself another glass. This one he drank at a more moderate pace. So after their third glass Naruto asked his previous question. "What do you want?"

"It's Ino..." he said softly.

"What? She kicked you out or something?"

"Not that exactly."

"So what is it then?"

Sai began to blush slightly. "I just have a feeling that..."

Naruto took another sip of sake. "Hurry up and come out wit it already." he said growing impatient.

"...I think she's bored with me!"

"Huh?"

"Bored, disinterested, exhuasted, lacking enthusiasm. To put it simply I think she is growing tired of me."

"What do you mean tired?"

"She just doesn't seem as excited as she was when we first started."

"Still lost here..."

"She seems tired of our sex life." he blurted out.

"Pfft, why didn't you just say that?"

"Because it's not easy to say that's why."

"So change."

"Change what?"

"Change your routine, spice it up a little."

"Huh?"

Naruto began to stare blankly at Sai."Sai, you really don't know what I mean?"

"As in change position? I know how to do that. I mean that's what she taught me"

"No Sai, not simply change position. As in change your routine. If you do it on the bed, try the chair, the dresser, somewhere else in the room. Hell take it to any other place in the house."

"But isn't sex only supposed to be done in the bedroom?"

Naruto looked at Sai but when he saw he was serious he started to laugh. "Oh hell no, I don't think there is a place in this house we haven't had sex in."

Sai slightly cringed at the thought. "Don't worry we clean up afterward...most of the time" said Naruto with a smirk.

"But how was I supposed to know that? In all the books they always talked about being in touch with your partner's feelings, being sensual or emphasized touching. Even in those sex manuals that Kakashi-sensei let me read."

"So he gave you those too huh?" Sai just nodded. Naruto couldn't help but laugh. "You know you weren't meant to follow those to the tee. That was sensei's version of sexual education without him having to talk, his perverted way of sexual education. Then again seeing who his wife is..."

"Anko-sensei?"

"Yeah, those two make a very interesting couple but anyways not getting sidetracked. Back to your little situation." Naruto paused for a moment before he spoke once again. "So what do you do on a normal...ummm...bedroom night?"

"Well I normally begin with foreplay, kissing and caressing she seems to like that. Then I progress from there, take off her top, play with her breasts then her stomach..."

"Okay, okay, enough information. You're making it sound like you are following the step-by-step guidelines on 'How To Make Love'..."

"So you have read it as well?"

"What?" Naruto was stunned for a moment. "There is actually a book called that?"

"Yes, several volumes in fact.'How To Make Love','How to Kiss','How To Erotic Massage'..."

"Erotic massage huh? I might have to borrow that one but once again Sai, back to your issues. Let me ask you one thing Sai. Do you enjoy drawing the same picture every time?"

"Do you enjoy drawing the same picture every time you draw?"

"No..."

"Exactly. So do you think Ino's going to enjoy the same routine every time?"

"No" answered Sai after a deep sigh.

"Use your imagination, think of something that might drive her wild. I mean you're an artist for crying out loud think of her as a canvas. I mean your paintings come to life, use it as a way to get her in the mood, something. Hell I even used Kage no..." Naruto coughed and stopped abruptly. "As I was saying, your ninjitsu can be an option."

"Is there a book or some notes..." started Sai.

Naruto had to resist the urge to scream. "Sai, I have seen you come up with complex schemes at the drop of a hat during our missions together. Why in the world would someone so calculating need a novel to tell them how to think?"

"Sex is not a mission. I mean you do react to her movements and try to think of what are you going to do three steps ahead but it's not as simple as it sounds."

Naruto just stood there, his jaw dropped as he couldn't believe how Sai just described one of his favorite pastimes. Naruto then snapped himself out of his stupor; he took downed what was left in his cup and slammed it on the table.

"Damnit Sai! Listen! " Sai looked at Naruto attentively. "You want a mission? This is a mission. You are going to go over to Ino's! As soon as she opens the door, ignore the greetings. No good evening, goodnight hello, none of that. You pull her in, kiss her passionately then pick her up and throw her over your shoulder. You are going to slam the door close. Throw her down on the nearest surface!" Naruto paused for a moment, he remembered who he was talking to and decided to specify this detail." You are going to throw her down on the nearest soft, comfortable surface! Tear of her clothes! And let your inner BEAST out!"

"Inner beast?"

"Yes! YOUR INNER BEAST!" Naruto's eyes almost began to turn red as he spoke with so much passion. Naruto then calmed down and regained his composure. "So as I was saying, that is what you are going to do."

"It's that simple?"

"It's a start, it's a start my friend." Naruto was about to open his mouth to impart more words of wisdom, but then heard the door to the office open. That was the signal that their little session was over. "The mission starts now!"

"What right now?"

Naruto began to Usher his former teammate to the door. "Yes right now! I expect a full mission report tomorrow."

"But I still have questions..."

Naruto heard Hinata call his name. "This is a D-rank mission, complete it and you will gain access to the higher levels. Now go!" Naruto had to resist the urge to throw him out of the house but how fast he closed the door he might as well have.

Hinata now stood in the hallway. "Who was that?"

"Just Sai stopping by for a small drink."

"Really? How's he?"

"He's going to be alright, shame I can't say the same for you."

"Hmm?" said Hinata coyly.

"You think it's funny how you locked me out huh." Naruto's eyes changed to bloodshot red and his features more feral.

"You think you can take me that easily?"

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" said Naruto as two clones appeared. Hinata audibly gulped much to Naruto's satisfaction. "You have a 10 second head start."

"10...9..."

Hinata laughed out loud. "Someone save me!" she shouted as she ran away.

...the following afternoon

Hinata was sitting on the couch, lost in her reading when she heard the knock on the door. Resting her book down on the coffee table she went to see who came to visit them at this hour.

"Hey Ino." said Hinata as she opened the door.

"Is Naruto in?"

"No, he's by the Hokage's office. Why?"

Ino just leaped at Hinata and squeezed her tightly."Give him that for me will you! That and a big Thank You!" Ino then released Hinata and waved goodbye. Hinata just stood there blinking, lost as to what had just transpired.

"Sure..."

Author's Note: So yeah there you have it...mistakes probably? Will I go over them...who knows. If you spot some feel free to let me know. So until then later and for those who read my pokemon fanfic...just be patient a lil bit longer. I promise two chapters...I really do