So this one took a little longer. This fic is turning out to be a lot harder to write than the last one. Thanks to all for the reviews so far.
[Switch to announcer voice] And now, another exciting chapter of…
CHUCK VERSUS A NORMAL LIFE
Chapter 4
A Normal Nerd Herder Day
The alarm flashed over from 6:59 to 7:00 and Huey Lewis and the News' "I Want a New Drug," began blasting out of the speaker. Chuck didn't move. Then he felt Sarah leaned across him and turn off the alarm. "Come on, Sleepyhead," she cooed. "Time to get up."
"Five more minutes," he moaned.
Sarah slid under the covers and began to tickle the soles of his feet. He convulsed with laughter and tried to pull his feet away. "Okay! Okay! I'm awake!" he yelled. "Not fair," he scolded her. Sarah smiled at him with an angelic smile.
"The supervisor of the Nerd Herd has to set a good example," she said. "Can't be running late."
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, but he leaned over and kissed her before heading into the shower. It was amazing how comfortable he had gotten with having Sarah in his bed when he woke up. Maybe he should consider what Devon had suggested last night and talk to her about moving in.
He stopped and groaned. Last night. He had looked like such a doofus. If Sarah and Ellie had any doubts before that he was going crazy, last night should have confirmed their suspicions. The problem was, he wasn't sure that he wasn't going crazy. After all, all the government secrets downloaded into his brain? His girlfriend a CIA agent and his neighbor a cold-school assassin? His old college roommate and his college girlfriend as spies? He stuck his head under the cold water of the shower as if that would wash away these growing doubts and fears.
He got out of the shower, toweled off, then looked at himself in the mirror. "You have to get a hold of yourself, Chuck," he said to his reflection. "This is your life. You're not a spy. You're not an asset. You're not the Intersect. You are the supervisor of the Nerd Herd at the Buy More and you have a beautiful, sexy woman who loves you."
He stopped and pondered that. "Loves me," he repeated, softly. Why did he find that so hard to believe? Why was it so hard to believe that a beautiful, intelligent woman would fall for…a loser?
That was it. That was the rub. It was hard not to think of himself as a loser. Five wasted years after getting kicked out of Stanford. And now. What did he have to offer a woman like Sarah? A woman like her deserved champagne breakfasts in Napa, not frozen OJ in Burbank.
At least if he was the Intersect…
No, he told himself. Live in the here and now. Not some fantasy world where you are Special Agent Charles Carmichael and helped steal diamonds and stop nuclear terrorists and get to be the hero.
Loser. The word haunted him.
He shook it off and went into his bedroom to change into his Nerd Herd uniform.
Sarah and Ellie were in the kitchen laughing about something when he walked in. He notices that Orange Orange Sarah seemed much more at ease with Ellie than Spy World Sarah. 'Dammit,' he thought. 'There is only one real Sarah. This Sarah. The other Sarah, the super-spy Sarah was some kind of delusion. Live in the here and now.'
"Hey, Little Brother," Ellie said when she saw Chuck enter the kitchen. "You know, you always gave me the impression that you asked Sarah out. But now I find out that she left you her number when you first met and you didn't call her. She had to stop back by the Buy More to ask you out."
Sarah smiled at him. "I was so embarrassed," she said. "Here I was new in town. I didn't know a soul. I stop in the Buy More to get my phone fixed and there's Chuck. He was so cute and so charming. And when he helped that father get a videotape of his daughter redoing her ballet recital… Well, who wouldn't want to get to know a man so sweet?"
"Aw," Ellie said to Sarah. "It's a good thing you're persistent."
"It's a good think Jeff wasn't on desk duty," Chuck said.
"For all of us," Sarah laughed.
"Chuck," Ellie said excitedly. "Sarah made French toast."
Chuck looked at Sarah with a raised eyebrow. "Don't give me the Spock eyebrow," Sarah said. "Ellie did most of it. I wanted her to start teaching me how to cook."
"That soufflé that you made the first night you came to dinner was wonderful," Ellie said.
Sarah looked a little sheepish. "Actually, I didn't really make it. I was trying to impress you so I bought one."
Ellie laughed. "That's all right Sarah. We'll have you a regular Rachel Ray in no time."
Chuck sat down and Sarah brought him a plate of French toast and a cup of coffee. The French toast was good. Chuck looked up to see Sarah and Ellie watching him eat. "Whammf?" he asked, his mouth full of breakfast.
"How are you feeling today, Chuck?" Ellie asked. "Any more headaches or weird sensations."
Chuck swallowed his French toast and looked at them. So they did think he was going crazy after last night. The problem was, now that Ellie mentioned it, his left hand once again felt warmer than his right, with just the lightest pressure as if someone had their hand covering his. "No," he said. "Nothing at all. Perfectly fine. This is really good French toast."
Ellie and Sarah exchanged a quick glance.
"Will you look at the time?" Chuck said, making an exaggerated show of looking at his watch. "Gotta go! Don't want to be late for work."
Chuck gave Sarah a quick peck on the cheek and then practically ran outside and slid behind the wheel of the Nerd Herder he had brought home last night. He stopped, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. "How do you know if you're going crazy?" he asked himself aloud.
He jumped when he heard a knock on the Nerd Herder passenger window. He opened his eyes and jerked his head over to see John Casey leaning down to look in the window. Chuck just stared at him for a moment.
"Well open the window, Moron," Casey yelled through the glass.
Chuck hit the button to roll down the passenger side window.
"My car is in the shop. I need a ride. Open the door," Casey said. It didn't sound like a request.
Chuck stared at him for a moment, so Casey grunted, reached in the open window, and popped the lock. Then he opened the door and climbed in. "Well? Let's go," Casey growled. "We're going to be late."
Chuck started the car and put it in gear. He stole a quick glance over at Casey, who was sitting ram-rod straight with his arms folded across his chest. Spy World John Casey was scary enough, and he was under strict orders to protect Chuck at all costs. But what about Buy More Casey?
Chuck sighed. There he went again, thinking like there really were two different John Caseys. Thinking as if Spy World really existed as something other than a figment of Chuck's crazed imagination.
"What was that?" Casey asked, looking over at Chuck.
"Nothing," Chuck said hurriedly. "I didn't say anything."
Casey grunted and turned back to look out the windshield.
"So, ah, you were in the Air Force?" Chuck asked.
Casey turned and gave Chuck a narrow-eyed scowl. "Listen, Bartowski. Just because I asked you for a ride doesn't make us buddies or pals or comrades-in-arms. My personal life is just that. Personal. You got it?"
'Well, one thing is the same about both Caseys,' Chuck thought, then berated himself for thinking about Spy World again.
They stopped at a light and sat in stony silence waiting for the light to change. "Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep." Chuck heard a steady high-pitched beeping noise. "What's that?" he asked.
"What?" Casey asked.
"That beep beep beep," Chuck said.
"Great. Now you're hearing things, Bartowski," Casey said. "Just drive."
The light changed. Chuck started off again and the beeping seemed to fade.
******************************************
Chuck was clocking in when he heard," Good morning, Chuck" whispered barely two or three inches from his ear.
Chuck jumped and turned around. "Oh, good morning Emmett," Chuck said. "You scared me."
"Why?" Emmett asked. "Something to hide, Mr. Bartowski?" He drew out the word 'hide' to emphasize it.
"No," Chuck said defensively. "No!"
"I'm watching you, Chuck," Emmett said. "I'm on to your little game."
"What game?" Chuck asked. "What are you talking about?"
"Watching you," Emmett said in a sign-song voice as he walked off.
"And I thought John Casey was creepy," Chuck heard a voice behind him say. He jumped again, and then spun around to see Morgan standing behind him.
"Geez, Morgan. I'm going to put a bell around your neck."
Morgan looked surprised. "You seem jumpy, my friend. What seems to be the problem?" He took out his pen and clicked it open and closed several times in rapid succession. "Lady troubles? Tell Doctor Morgan about it."
"I have to get to work," Chuck replied and headed to the Nerd Herd Desk.
He sat down and sorted through the invoices and assigned out the off-site jobs to his staff of Nerd Herders.
The phone rang.
"Hello. Nerd Herd Tech Support Desk, this is Chuck, how can I help you?... Yes, sir, I can help you install Windows Vista… Oh, you did install it and it's not working… Yes, I'm sure you followed all the directions… No, I don't know if Bill Gates parents were married, but I assume that they were… Yes, sir. Now, did you buy the Windows Vista Upgrade version?... Okay, so you put in the install disk… No, sir, I am not trying to imply that you are an idiot… So nothing happened. Okay… All right, sir. Are you at your computer now?... Well, yes, it would be much easier if you were at your computer… No sir, I was not trying to be sarcastic… Okay, is your computer turned on?... No, sir, that was not sarcasm either… Okay, do you see an icon on your desktop that says 'My Computer'?... Your desktop… No, sir, by desktop I mean the screen on your computer, not the top of your desk… Yes, sir, I will try to be more precise in my language in the future… So on the screen, do you see an icon?… a little picture… Yes, and under the picture the words 'My Computer'… Well, can you tell me what icons you do see?... I see, sir… A little red circle thingy with a piece taken out of it. I see… Well, sir, I don't know that you want to run Windows Vista on your Apple computer… No, sir, I don't know if Steve Jobs parents were married, but I assume so… Yes, sir, you have a good day… Yes, sir, be sure to bring your receipt for that Windows upgrade when you come in… Gooodb-" The line went dead and he signed and hung up the phone.
He hung his head and slowly shook it. Three and a half years of college for this?
"Long day already, sweetie?" he heard a sweet, familiar voice say. He looked up and smiled.
"Well, good morning again, miss. How can the Nerd Herd help you today?"
Sarah leaned in and gave him a kiss. "That's a start," she said. "Lunch? Ellie fixed us some sandwiches."
"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said, picking up an invoice. "We have a tech install over at the Hilton. There's a BioScience conference and they need me there to set up their computers for registration and for the presentations."
Sarah frowned. "You can't send someone else?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "No one else has the skill set."
"Well, that's what I get for dating such a smart guy," she said. "See you later, then?"
"Sure," he said. She leaned over the counter and kissed him. He watched her all the way out of the store.
"Bartowski!'
He spun around. "Yes, Big Mike?"
"Aren't you supposed to be down at that medical convention?"
"I was just leaving," Chuck said.
"Make sure you shower before you come back," Big Mike said. "Ain't no tellin' what kind of germs they got down there."
Chuck started to correct him, but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
It wasn't until he was in the Herder and half way to the hotel that he realized: BioScience Conference! He slammed on the brakes and broke out in a cold sweat.
Jill Roberts. What if when he was setting up Jill Roberts came in? It happened before. Well, okay, maybe it didn't really happen before. It was getting a little – okay a lot – confusing figuring out what was real anymore. But Jill did get her degree in molecular biology and she did work in the biotech field.
"Okay, Chuck," he said to himself. "This is crazy. You are not going to meet Jill Roberts at this conference. You are going to go there, do the install, and go back to work. After you shower like Big Mike wants."
He took a deep breath and then started out for the hotel once more.
***********************************
Large banners in the lobby proclaimed "BioScience Conference 2008" and the feeling of really bad déjà vu hit him again. He shook it off and began the setup.
Several hours later, he checked the last of the registration computers and said to the short conference rep standing next to him, "Okay, so the network should be set up with 10 base T Ethernet connecting all the servers for the conference with the firewall in place." As soon as he said it, he broke out in a sweat again and looked up, expecting to see Jill Roberts, the college girlfriend who broke his heart, slept with his roommate and dumped him, walking down the hall.
"Um, is everything okay?" the conference rep asked.
Chuck looked down at him, and then looked back up. No Jill. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked back down at the man. "No. I mean, yes. Yes, everything is okay. You're good to go." He picked up a clipboard and handed it to the man. "If you could just sign here, indicating that the work was completed." He looked back up as the man signed, still expecting to see Jill walk in and feeling an odd feeling of relief and disappointment that she wasn't there.
The man handed him back the clipboard and Chuck bent over to begin packing up his bag. "Chuck?" he heard a familiar voice say. "Chuck Bartowski."
He looked up into the beautiful soft brown eyes of Jill Roberts. He panicked. "Present. Yes, that's me," he said.
"It's me," she said. "Jill!"
"Jill! Oh my gosh, of course," he said. "Hi." He reached out and hugged her awkwardly across the table.
"Hi," she said.
"Hey… you," he said. "How are you?"
"I'm great," she said.
Chuck noticed the huge ring on her finger and his eyes went wide. "You're married?" he asked, incredulous.
She looked confused for a moment, and then looked down at her wedding and engagement rings. "Oh, yeah." She held her hand up. "Four years now. You hadn't heard?"
"No," he said, trying hard to process this information. "No, I hadn't heard."
"I got married just a little bit after graduation." She turned and glanced behind her. "As a matter of fact, here's my husband now."
Chuck followed her gaze and paled. Walking toward him, impeccable in a suit and tie, was his nemesis, Bryce Larkin.
"Hi, honey," Bryce said, giving Jill a kiss. He turned. "Hello, Chuck. Long time no see."
"B- B- B- Bryce!" Chuck stammered.
"Good to see you again," Bryce said. "What are you doing here at the Conference? Jill wanted me to come along so all the other doctors wouldn't keep hitting on her." He put an arm around her waist and kissed her and she giggled.
"I was setting up the computers," Chuck said, lamely.
"Hon, why don't you go on in and get your registration. I want to catch up with Chuck," Bryce said.
Jill gave Bryce a light peck. "Good to see you, Chuck. We'll all have to get together sometime."
Bryce stepped around the table and slapped a hand on Chuck's shoulder. "You are finished, aren't you?" he asked. "Let's go have a drink."
Stunned, Chuck followed as Bryce led him to the hotel bar.
They sat at one of the table in the bar and Chuck set his Nerd Herd bag next to his chair. Bryce signaled the waitress. "Martini, three olives," he said. "Chuck? Amber Bock?" Chuck nodded.
When the waitress left, Bryce turned to Chuck. "What are you doing, Chuck?"
"Excuse me?" Chuck asked.
Bryce shook his head sadly. "This isn't your life," Bryce said. "Working at the Buy More? You were meant… You are meant for so much more."
Chuck looked down at his Nerd Herder nametag. "I'm… thinking about my options," he said. "Working on my five year plan."
Bryce sighed, the same sigh that Chuck gave when a customer asked a particularly stupid question. The waitress returned with their drinks. Bryce laid a twenty on her tray, handed Chuck his beer, picked up his martini by the stem and drained it in a single swallow. Then he picked up the little plastic sword with the olives and twirled it between his fingers. "Another, please" he said to the waitress.
She left.
"Where do you get off?" Chuck asked. "Why am I even talking to you? You got me kicked out of Stanford for something I didn't do. You stole Jill from me. And after screwing up my life, now you're going to lecture me?"
"You know why I got you kicked out," Bryce said. "I was looking out for you. I'm always looking out for you. Even now."
Chuck set his beer down. "What?"
"Come on, Chuck. Think about it. Is this really your life? Is this what you were meant to do?" The waitress returned. He help up a hand, slid the three olives he had been playing with into his mouth with his tongue, dropped another twenty on the tray, picked up his new drink by the stem, and downed it. He set the glass on the waitress' tray and snatched the little sword with the olives, then waived her away. "You can live this life, Chuck. This normal life. Or you can be who you were meant to be. Think about it." He stood up, slid the olives into his mouth, and then dropped the little plastic sword on the table. He turned and started to walk away. "See you later, Chuck," he said without turning around.
Chuck stared at him as he left, then stared for a long time at the empty doorway from which he had left. He absent-mindedly rubbed his warm left hand.
**************************************
Chuck drove back to his apartment. If Emmett asked, he could say that the call went long and that per Big Mikes instructions, he had to go home to shower before he could return to work and by then his shift was over. He called Morgan. "Morgan, buddy. Can you do me a solid and clock me out at five?... Yeah, I finished the install and I'm kinda beat… Yeah… Thanks buddy… No… No Call of Duty tonight. I'm pretty wiped. See you tomorrow."
He went home, showered, and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long while. How long, he really couldn't say. His reverie was interrupted by his cell phone. He picked it up and saw the smiling face of Sarah Walker in her Weinerlicious uniform. "Hi Sarah."
"Chuck," Sarah said. "Are you okay? You sound… funny."
"I'm just tired," he said. "Tough day at work."
"Yeah. I spent all day going over the records to take to the tax accountant. I never realized running a small business was so much work."
"I saw Bryce Larkin today," he said.
"Bryce? You mean the guy who got you kicked out of Stanford? Where?"
"He was with Jill. They were at the BioScience conference. They're married now."
"Jill Roberts? Oh, I'm sorry, Chuck," Sarah said sympathetically. "That must have been hard. Do you want me to come over?"
"No," he said, then paused. "Sarah, do you think that maybe your life…" His voice trailed off.
"What Chuck? I'm coming over."
"No," Chuck said without enthusiasm. "I really am tired. I'm just gonna grab a quick bite and then turn in."
"Chuck. I really think…"
"Good night, Sarah," he said, almost slurring the words. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Chuck…" Sarah started, but Chuck hung up the phone.
**************************************
**************************************
Ellie nodded to the duty nurse as she hurried past on her way to Chuck's room. She only had a few minutes and wanted to check on Sarah. They would notify her immediately of any change in Chuck's condition, but even though she had personally made each of the floor nurses promise to keep an eye on Sarah, she was worried that Sarah had been wasting away. She wasn't eating and there were constantly dark circles under her eyes. Ellie wasn't sure what John Casey had said to get her to go home the second night, but other than quick trips home to show and to change clothes, she had been by Chuck's bedside ever since. Ellie had them bring in a cot for Sarah so she could at least try to get some proper sleep.
Ellie opened the door and Sarah jumped. She had been sitting in the chair next to Chuck's bed, her head resting on his arm.
"I'm sorry," Ellie said. "I didn't mean to startle you." She saw Sarah rub her eyes and realized she had been crying. Again. Ellie was surprised any of them had any tears left.
Sarah struggled to her feet and faced Ellie, but couldn't look at her. "Do you hate me?" she asked suddenly.
Ellie, who had been starting to take a step into the room, froze. "What?" she asked.
"Do you hate me?" Sarah asked. "For what happened to Chuck?"
Ellie burst into the room and enfolded Sarah in her arms. "Oh my God, Sarah. No! How could you ever think that?"
"But it's my fault," Sarah said. "If he hadn't been trying to protect me… It should be me laying there, not him. He doesn't deserve this."
Ellie gently pulled away from Sarah so she could look at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. Ellie hadn't noticed until now how hollow Sarah's cheeks had become and wondered with alarm how much weight she'd lost. "Sarah. Sarah, how could you say that? How could you think that? If anything happened to you…" She paused, searching for the right words. "You have to know that Chuck wouldn't have it any other way. I know how much Chuck loves you. You can see it every times he looks at you. The way his eyes lit up every time someone mentioned your name. So how could I hate you? The person that my brother would give anything for?"
"But I…" Sarah started to say.
Ellie shushed her and pulled her back into a tight embrace. "Chuck's going to be fine. You have to believe that. You have to have faith."
There was a noise from the hall and Ellie turned to see Devon filling the doorway. He gave Ellie a small nod and moved just inside the room and a little to the left of the doorway.
"Come on," Ellie said. "You have to get something to eat and get some proper sleep. I'm taking you home with me. Devon will take you down to the car. I'll be right there."
Sarah started to protest, but Ellie cut her off. "You know I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer, so you might as well."
Devon put his arm around Sarah and guided her gently from the room. She leaned heavily upon him. Ellie waited until they were out of the room, then turned and faced Chuck's bed.
"Charles Irving Bartowski," she said in the stern tone she used when they were both younger and she had to 'pull rank' as big sister. "Look what you're doing to that poor girl. Now you stop this foolishness and wake up right now!" She slammed her hands against the railing at foot of the bed and yelled, "Dammit, Chuck, why won't you wake up?" Her eyes filled with the tears she thought she had run out of and she rubbed her fingers across her forehead. "Why won't you wake up?" she moaned.
The duty nurse, hearing the commotion from down the hall, came running into the room. She saw Doctor Bartowski, the pillar of strength for so many in the hospital, leaning against the railing at the foot of her brother's bed as if all that strength were gone.
She walked over and started to put her arm around Ellie's shoulder. Ellie suddenly stood upright and shook her off. "I'm fine." She clenched her fists so hard her arms shook. Then she took a deep breath and was immediately calm. At least outwardly. "I'm sorry, Carmen. I didn't mean to snap. I'm taking Sarah home. Call down and tell them I won't be able to finish my shift."
"Yes, Doctor Bartowski."
Ellie spun on her heel and strode out of the room.
Carmen spent a few minutes checking Chuck's vitals and double checking all the equipment. She looked down at the still figure in the bed and sighed. So young and obviously so much to live for. She reached down and gently caressed a stray curl.
She heard a sound and turned suddenly. Doctor Woodcomb was standing in the doorway. "I didn't mean to startle you, Carmen," he said in a surprisingly soft voice. Everyone at the hospital joked that Doctor Woodcomb had two volumes, loud and louder, so it was a surprise to hear him speak so softly.
"I was just leaving," she said, embarrassed to be caught in such a tender moment with a man she didn't even know. She hurried past Doctor Woodcomb and out the door.
Devon walked over and stood beside the bed looking down at his future brother in law. "This is so not awesome, bro," he said quietly. He pulled the chair by the bed closer and sat down. "It's been real hard on Ellie and Sarah," he said. "It's been real hard on all of us. Although I guess you'd know that, hearing them crying all the time."
"I know Ellie feels so helpless. Here she is a doctor; she's saved all these people; and she can't do anything for her own brother. But we've done all we can, bro. It's up to you, now. You've got to fight. You've got to beat this. I know you can do it, Chuck. I've always had faith in you."
He took a deep breath. "You know I love Ellie more than anything in the world and I can't stand to see her hurt. So if there was any way you could see fit to waking up soon, that would be…" He paused. He had been about to say 'awesome' but that word seemed inappropriate. "That would be the best wedding present that you could give Ellie and me."
"You know, Chuck, Ellie is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And as much as I love her – as awesome as is it to have her in my life – it's not going to be complete unless you're there to share it with us. You're so much a part of our lives. So much a part of my life, that I can't imagine it without you, bro. I mean, I get the greatest woman in the world and this megabonus of you as a brother in law."
"So Chuck," he said, standing up. "I would consider it a personal favor if you would just get better. Deal bro?" He picked up Chuck's hand and slapped it into his own, gripping it tightly. "Deal! And I'm gonna hold you to that, bro. I'm gonna hold you to that."