A sea of black surrounded Jax, Tara, and the boys. Both Tara and Jax knew the turnout would be massive, but almost a thousand people turned out to pay respects to SAMCRO's dead dowager queen. Tara and Jax were seated. Tara held a sleeping Thomas, and Abel sat on Jax's lap. Behind them stood Bobby, Chibs, Tig, Happy, and Juice. Unser sat to the left of Tara. Her free hand held his as he wept freely. She felt the guilt pouring off of him. She silently wondered if he felt her guilt too.

"Gemma Teller-Morrow was a good woman." Tara felt ill as the preacher spoke. Yeah, she was great. Almost killing me was her crown fucking achievement. Tara noticed how she went back and forth with her emotions. She vacillated between anger and all-out fury to sadness and nostalgia and back again. If it weren't for her boys and for Jax, she would never feel even the slightest bit of happiness.

"She was a giver to the Charming community. She reached out to many charitable organizations, and she gave so much to St. Thomas, but the one place she will be missed most is at home. Her boys, Jackson and Abel and Thomas, as well as her daughter Tara, they were her world." Tara wanted to vomit as the word daughter left his lips.

Daughter. It was such a strange word. There had been a time she considered herself a daughter to Gemma. Back before all the insanity set in, Gemma was one of her closest allies. She taught her how to navigate the murky waters of the club. For all intents and purposes, Gemma had taught Tara how to better love her son.

Jax held her right hand. Sunglasses masked his eyes. Tara could see the tears falling. She was just glad he could cry. He needed to cry. He needed to get the pain out. It was good for him. It was good for both of them. She watched as Jax stared at the coffin. It was black, polished to a high shine. The silver handles glimmered in the noonday sun. Sprays of roses, of all colors, surrounded the casket. Roses were Gemma's favorites.

"Today, we say goodbye," the preacher intoned. "We say goodbye to a leader. We say goodbye to a wife, a mother, a grandmother. Gemma Teller-Morrow was all of these things and more. She was so much more."

Tara was shocked as tears streamed down her face. Why am I crying? Her conscience answered. You're crying because you loved her. You're crying because, no matter what, you thought that there was some way you could repair whatever you had…

There was no hope now. Gemma was gone, and with every day that passed, Tara was remembering more. Last night, while she lay in Jax's sleeping arms, she had a breakthrough of sorts. I can still smell the blood. She was back in the kitchen. Her skin stuck to the floor. She couldn't lift herself up, but her eyes fluttered back open and cooperated. She saw the boots again. They paced, as if their inhabitant had a struggle, a decision to make. Finally, they stopped. The boots were coming at her. She closed her eyes quickly. She didn't want the culprit to think she was still alive.

The shooter was inches away from her. She could smell a subtle hint of cologne. Silently, he knelt. He gently touched her hair. She could feel a strange, subtle wetness on her arm. Tears. The man is crying.

"I'm sorry," he murmured softly. The voice was barely a croak, and she didn't recognize it. With another quick stroke, the man stood. The boots left her.

Amazing Grace. The song soared in the air. Tara's eyes dried. Thomas had woken, but he didn't cry. He just observed his mother with sweet, innocent eyes, oblivious to the army of bikers surrounding them. Tara smiled lovingly at her son as she relished the weight of him in the crook of her arm. Unser was crying. Tara's heart constricted. He was the one man Tara trusted to spill her secrets, but decided to stay quiet about what Gemma had done, especially now. Oh, how Wayne loved her, flaws and all. His whole world is gone. I can't break his heart more.

As the last note rang out, the preacher asked all to rise. Tara stood with Jax and Unser. The man of God motioned for the family to grab a clod of dirt. Jax placed Abel's feet on the ground. He held the little boy's hand as they moved towards the grave. All but Tara, who still held Thomas, grabbed the earth. She watched as Jax threw the clump of dirt onto his mother's casket. Each member of SAMCRO followed suit. Unser and Abel stood together. Abel reached down and without hesitation, grabbed a fist of earth. He looked up at Unser. Tara's heart broke. He's waiting on Unser. Oh, sweet Jesus.

Unser's whole body shook with ragged, unyielding sobs. Tara thought he'd collapse with the weight of his grief. She passed the baby to Jax and began walking towards him, but when Unser knelt and copied Abel's action, she stopped. The old man, riddled with cancer, reached out and grabbed the little boy's hand. Together, they threw their last respects onto the glorified box. Tara hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until she exhaled. She could feel Jax's presence behind her. They stood together as what was left of Gemma was lowered into the ground. Tara began to tear up again, and when the tears fell, she didn't stop them. She just let them fall. She needed to grieve, just like her son did. Just like they all did.

As she cried, she felt SAMCRO surround her. Chibs, Bobby, Tig, Juice, and Happy stood with them. Just a few hundred feet behind them, Sons of Anarchy charters from all over stood in solidarity. The familiar tug of war between what she thought was right and what she knew was right began. Each club member held a special place in her heart, and she knew they'd die to protect her and her boys, but death abounded in the club. How many more funerals would she have to attend? Love couldn't buy back lives lost.

"C'mon babe, let's head back." Jax sounded as drained as she felt. She nodded. They turned to leave. The sun had reached its highest point, and Tara could feel her exposed shoulders beginning to redden.
They walked towards the car. Tara turned to look at Gemma's resting place one more time. One more glance would bring the closure she desperately needed.

When she turned, she spied a tall, black clad figure. He stood by Gemma's grave. She stopped and watched him. He stood for a moment, his head bowed in prayer. She began walking back. Jax noticed and called her name.

"Tara, are you ok? We should go." Tara nodded absently and motioned towards Gemma. Jax saw the man standing there, and instantly he understood. She watched as he turned his back and walked, with the boys, towards the car. She knew he'd wait for her.

"Nero," Tara said gently. The man stood straight. He was dressed in head-to-toe black. His salt and pepper hair blew in the breeze. He stared ahead, not physically acknowledging Tara's presence.

"I cannot fucking believe this is happening. It's surreal." Tara moved closer to him. Their shoulders almost touched. She looked at his face. His eyes were covered by large, black sunglasses. Underneath the lenses, tears streamed down his face and off his chin.

"Yeah, it is. I'm still having a hard time reconciling it myself."

"I loved her, Tara." Tara nodded. "I loved her enough to think we'd have a future outside of this SAMCRO life. I even asked her to come to my uncle's farm. She refused, of course." A sardonic smile spread across his face. "She just wouldn't leave."

"I know," Tara replied. She looked down at her feet, unsure of what else to say.

"She told you?" Nero was surprised. Tara shook her head.

"No, but I know you want out. I know you wanted to save Gemma. I struggle with that need every single day with her son. It's been my whole world since I came back to Charming. I can't escape it, no matter how hard I try. When I wake up, I am scared, and when I go to bed, I am scared. There are nights I don't sleep at all. I'm just waiting for something else to happen."

"It's not any way to live, Tara," Nero countered. This time, Tara nodded.

"I know."

"So what now, Tara? Where do we go from here? What does Jax want to do?"

"He has to find who did this. Patterson wants redemption for the school shooting, and she's only giving Jax a small timeframe to find the killer. If he doesn't, he has to comply with the deal set in motion before this happened, and that will leave the boys and me outside and very much alone. With a murderer loose, that thought is…"

"Terrifying," Nero finished the sentence. She nodded again. Nero turned to face Tara. He removed his glasses. She turned to face him. She could feel the sun scorching her exposed skin, but she didn't care. Nero's pain was tangible, and filled her stomach with a hollow ache she didn't quite understand. She reached out and stroked his arm. He stepped back like he'd been burned.

"Don't." His voice was agitated. Tara's brow furrowed in confusion.

"I'm sorry," she said calmly. "I didn't mean to…"

"I have to go," Nero mumbled. He turned on his heel and walked away. Tara questioned whether or not to stop him, but she let him go. Slowly, she made her way back to the limo. Jax and the boys waited quietly inside. She was surprised that Thomas had remained calm throughout.

"Hey babe," Jax said, sliding a muscular arm around her shoulders, "How's Nero doing?"

"As well as can be expected," she sighed. Her mind was racing. The way Nero moved away from her was so damned strange. She couldn't begin to understand it. Grief has its way with people. As she looked out the tinted window, she stared at Gemma's final resting place. She won the battle. She should have felt triumphant. She should have felt relieved. None of those feelings made up Tara Knowles Teller; if anything, the opposite was occurring. Despite what happened between Tara and her mother-in-law, she mourned the loss of Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Her boys lost their only grandparent. Her husband lost his mother, and with every breath Tara took, she knew how dangerous her life was. The killer had to know she was alive. The reprieve from the sink water wouldn't last long, and her memory wasn't cooperating. Every single cell in her body was highly aware of the importance of those recollections. Without them, Jax could go to jail, and she and the boys could die.

"What are you thinking about darlin'?" Jax questioned. She blinked and smiled emptily. She glanced at him, then her gaze fell on Abel and Thomas. My boys. She would do anything for them.

"I'm just really blessed to have you," she choked out. Her voice was hoarse with tears as she looked back to her husband. Seeing this, Jax pulled her into his embrace and rocked her slowly. He adored her, and she knew it. He didn't have to say it; it was in the careful way he held her. It had taken a living hell for her to fully realize it, and that broke her heart.

"We're just as blessed to have you," he whispered in return.

She closed her eyes and let him hold her. Vulnerability had always been easy with Jax. It felt good to be protected and cherished. It felt good to have his arms encircle her. She didn't quite realize how much it meant to her until she almost lost it. She fought for her sons, and it almost cost Tara her life. She had lost sight of her husband's love, but she felt like he'd lost himself along the way too. Now, in one another's arms, she knew that they were right back where they belonged.

Now if I can just remember, she thought. I'll be able to save us all.