All the Little Things

Ch. 4: What Can One Do…

A/N: So here's chapter four….and little faster after chapter three. This week is state standardized testing week at school and since it's beyond easy I've had lots of time to write.

Thursday after work Tony climbed into his car and speed dialed Ziva's number.

"David." Came the stiff response.

"It's Tony. Are you alright?"

"I am fine." She snapped.

"Sorry I asked." Tony said.

"No, I am sorry Tony. I was just focusing on something."

"Don't push your shoulder too hard yet." Tony warned her.

"Of course not," She said, a little too quickly.

"I'm coming over and I'm bringing dinner." Tony announced.

"Alright." Ziva agreed. "See you soon then."

Tony arrived at Ziva's apartment twenty minutes later with a bag of Mexican takeout. He rang the bell and waited. After a moment Ziva answered. She looked adorably rumpled in baggy sweats and an oversized T-shirt. Her hair was loose and wild. Tony reached out and wrapped on arm around her waist and, careful of her shoulder, hugged her to him. "Good evening." He purred.

"Mhmm…and to you too." She responded.

"I brought burritos." He said gesturing with the bag.

"Excellent." Ziva praised. "I am starving. You put that on the kitchen table and I will get us water."

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Tony asked, worried about her shoulder.

"I can manage, thank you." She said. With that she turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

Tony had just started setting things out when there was a crash from the kitchen. He went running in to find Ziva standing near the cabinets surrounded by shards of broken glass. "What happened?" He asked. Ziva turned to him with watery eyes.



"It slipped." She said miserably. "I almost had it, but my shoulder pulled and my hand stopped working."

"You pushed it too hard." Tony said sternly. "I said I would help."

"I did not want to ask."

Tony stepped over the glass and took her in his arms. "I know it's a matter of pride, Zee-vah, but please come to me before you get hurt." He ran his hands soothingly over her back.

Trapped inside his arms, Ziva laid her head on his shoulder. "I do not know how to give up control, Tony. I do not like feeling helpless. I am not used to depending on another."

"I'm here to teach you." Tony promised. "Now come on, dinner is getting cold." He dropped his hands and grabbed one of hers. Gently pulling her hand he led her from the shards of glass to the talbe.

As they ate he looked at her seriously. "What else have you been unable to do?" He asked after a moment.

Ziva looked shyly off to the side and chewed thoughtfully. She swallowed slowly and looked back at him. "It is stupid." She said.

"I don't care. Anything you need."

Ziva sighed. "I cannot wash my own hair." She said evenly.

"Tell me when and where." Tony said, eyeing her beautiful hair and longing to touch it.

After dinner, Ziva got a towel from her linen closet and her shampoo from the bathroom. She brought them into the kitchen where Tony was cleaning up the last of the glass. He pulled a chair over to the sink with the back to the cabinets. He started running the water waiting for it to warm up. He took the shampoo from her and set it on the counter. He took the towel and gently wrapped it around her shoulders. By this time the water was steaming.

He coaxed her into the chair and tilted her head back under the spray. Tenderly he massaged the water through her thick hair. Next he lathered it generously with shampoo, kneading his fingers to get it all the way through.

Ziva purred as his surprisingly talented hands massaged her scalp. She'd always enjoyed having her hair touched and played with, but this was heaven on earth. She stifled a groan as he kneaded harder.

"Does that feel good?" He asked.

"Yes…" She groaned.



Tony chuckled and began to rinse her hair. Soon he motioned for her to sit up. He removed the towel from her shoulders and slowly adoringly began to towel her dripping hair dry.

When he finished Ziva rose to her feet and kissed him fiercely. "Thank you." She whispered between kisses.

"Anytime," Tony whispered back.

Ziva pressed closer to him and deepened the kiss seductively. To her surprise, Tony pulled back from her. "No, Tony…" She pleaded.

"It's not a good idea right now, Ziva. Your shoulder isn't completely healed yet."

Ziva groaned, but knew he was right. Tony kissed her forehead. "As soon as you're feeling better, I promise." He murmured. "It's not that I don't want this. I want you." He whispered.

"Do not tease me, Tony. Teasing is not nice." She begged, writhing against him.

"I'm sorry, you're just so hard to resist." Tony admitted.

Ziva smiled at him. "I am going to die, being made to wait." She whined.

"I won't let you die."

Later as they lay together on her bed Ziva ran her hand along Tony's arm. "Can I ask you something?" She asked.

"Anything."

"If I hadn't lost our baby when I was shot, what would you have done about it?"

"Done about what?" Tony asked, confused.

"About me being pregnant," Ziva clarified.

"That depends. Would you have kept it?" He asked.

Ziva shifted nervously. "Yes." She said in an almost inaudible whisper.

Tony was silent for a moment. Finally, he sighed. "I know myself…I would have been stunned and I would have instinctually run from the commitment that implies. But eventually, probably after some big fight, I would have realized that I couldn't live without you. I'd have come pining back, hoping you'd still take me. Would you have taken me?"

Ziva let his very open, honest admittance sink in for a moment. At last she answered him, "Only if you promised to stay involved with our child, even if something divided us."



"Deep down I know that I never really could have left." Tony said. "Not you, and certainly never our child."

Tears sprang once again to Ziva's eyes as she felt emptiness consume her again. She couldn't help but wonder if in the moment that bullet hit her shoulder she and Tony had lost their chance at forever. It was an irrational thought since he was still with her, but in the moment its reality seemed undeniable. She silently blessed the darkness that hid her tears from Tony. She didn't want to have to explain it to him.

Despite Ziva's beliefs Tony new she was upset. He felt the minute tremors of her body as silent sobs rippled through her. But remembering the advice Gibbs had given him, he dutifully kept silent…

Earlier That Day…

Tony was on his way back up from Abby's lab where she and McGee were processing a dead Marine's computer. As he rounded a corner in the hallway he saw Gibbs coming down the stairs from the Director's office. 'That's odd' Tony thought. 'This must be at least the fourth time he's briefed her today. He rarely reads her in even once…per case.'

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs called out.

"Yeah, boss?" Tony called back.

"How's Ziva feeling?"

Tony quickly hid his surprise. "Her shoulder is on the mend boss. I just have to keep her from pushing it too hard."

"I meant how's her mental space doing?"

"She seems sad." Tony said, worry coming through in his voice.

"Most women are when they lose a child." Gibbs pointed out.

Tony nodded. "I know." The two of them were quiet for a minute. "But what can you say to make them happy again?" He asked.

"Nothing." Gibbs said simply.

Tony was momentarily stunned. "But didn't you say anything to Shannon when she lost her first baby."

"Nope," Gibbs said flatly.

"But she has to understand that it wasn't her fault and that I don't blame her." Tony protested.

"She will. She just needs time." When Tony continued to look worried and perplexed Gibbs sighed. "We can't understand what goes on with this Tony. It 

may seem irrational as hell to us, but to her it's very real. Placating words are not going to ease her feelings any."

"Then what can I do?" Tony asked.

"Like I said, there's nothing you can actually do to make it go away. All you can do is try to ease the pain a little. Hold her when she cries, but pretend not to notice if she tries to hide it. Talk about with her when she's ready, but don't force the subject. Be open and sow her you are there even if you don't say it."

Tony nodded. "Alright. Thanks, boss." He turned to go.

"And Tony," Gibbs waited until Tony looked over his shoulder, "Tell her you love her."

Tony nodded and left.

Gibbs watched after him until he left the building and then he turned back up the stairs to the Director's office.