Life Goes On

Four

The hospital only kept me in overnight which I was internally grateful for. I took one day off so I could recuperate which included a visit to Don's grave. By myself this time, none of the members ended up at the grave site for the simple reason- they where all at work. Well I hoped Elliot hadn't ended up giving them the day off.

I'd given Elliot temporary Captainship because he was the next suitable in line. Then if anything- god for bid happened to him it would be Olivia, then Fin and so forth. It made sense.

I slept in for the first time in years. Something that had surprised me but the last case had taken its toll on me so in a way it worked. Then for the rest of the day I caught up with my conspiracy theories- something that I hadn't managed to do since Don had died. It felt nice to be relaxed. It was something that I had missed. Probably something that everyone had missed.

But the next day I had to go into work, something that I wasn't really looking forward too. I didn't have to do any leg work which I was semi grateful for. Correction, I wouldn't have to do any leg work unless my detectives got into trouble. Something that I hoped wouldn't happen.

When I walked into the room I realized that the power had shifted. Until today I had still been regarded as detective Munch, co-worker and friend. Now I was their boss. Not their colleague. Their boss and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"Morning, Cap." I nod a hello and I want to instantly wince, except I hold it back. Some part of me still wants to be the one sitting by Fin's desk joking with the rest of the squad. I want Don to be alive. I want to turn back time, and not accept the Captainship.

Except another part of me now doesn't. I like being the leader of these four detectives. I know they work well together. They always will and I accept that.

I head to my office and sit down. Looking up at the knock at my door, surprised to see James Thomas standing there. Is it time to give my wait it out speech to him?

"Captain, can I talk to you for a moment?" I know for a fact my eyebrow is raised so I lower it, back to its normal placing.

"Sure James, what is it?" He looks nervous and I have to hold back a laugh. I've been waiting for this talk because everyone in the unit has had it. Not just Fin and Olivia. Elliot and I had as well. It's quiet for a few moments as I wait patiently for James to speak.

"Do you ever wish that you hadn't taken this job? That you hadn't joined this unit?" My eyebrow rises again. I wonder if Don had encountered this question.

"Every single day," I state simply and this time its James's turn to raise an eyebrow, except his is in confusion. So I lengthen my statement, "then I wonder who else would do the work? Who else would want to do this job? Who else could do this job? We do this job because in a way we want to. You wouldn't have applied for this unit if you hadn't. Neither would Fin, Olivia or Elliot. You all have your reasons for applying and I'm not going to ask what yours is. It's for you to give up at your discretion." I warn. I'm actually enjoying giving this speech out. I don't know why but I am.

"Why did you join SVU? If you don't mind me asking Captain?" I give him a small wry smile. Something that he will get used to in time; he'll also drop the formality soon. At least I hope so.

"To keep the rapists off the streets," I say simply and laugh showing James out of my office, "just remember James- if you don't do it, who does?"

Three and a half hours later I'm trying to get Olivia to go home. She and Elliot have been working on a case for the last three days and I know the lack of sleep is getting to her. Elliot left half an hour ago- but that was with Olivia's help and now I'm trying to get her to take her own advice.

"Benson, you need your sleep. You know that as well as I do- that's why you sent Stabler home. Why not take your own advice?" I urge hoping that she would listen this time. Seeing the doubt in her eyes I turn to look at Fin hoping that he would help out, "At least have an hour of sleep in the crib. Fin will get you if anything turns up."

"Yeah Liv, you look like you need it." Fin joins in and although he doesn't know it I'm grateful, "the cribs there for a reason. Use it."

"Gee thanks guys," She looks at James and I almost feel sorry for the rookie. She's going to try and use him against us and I can tell Fin sees it too, "Thomas, what do you think?"

James looks like a dear caught in a headlight and I manage to hold back a snort. For a couple of seconds he looks at Fin, Olivia and I obviously wondering whose side he should pick. I don't blame him, if he's wise he'd pick mine but you never want to get in between a battle.

"Well I guess… there is the standard rule that you need eight hours sleep a day…" He trails off and I can't help but be slightly proud of him. Trying to figure out a safe way out, however he hasn't made it. Fin knows it. Olivia knows it and I know it. However the battle is now in my favour, so I don't actually mind.

"Fine," she growls out and I can't help but smirk in victory. She storms up to the crib.

"Congratulations Thomas, you made it through your first when to sleep battle with no injuries." Fin laughs at my remark and I head back into the office pausing for a moment at my door way, "although I better not have to fight you two either."

"Yes Dad," The words are out before Fin realizes what he's saying. His eyes are wide and I know how he's feeling. At least, a part of it. Have I really replaced Don? He was the father of our unit; before I know what I'm doing I'm sitting back in my chair with my door shut.

I don't want to replace Don. That's not my intentions and I hope Fin, Elliot and Olivia know that as well as I do. It's like Olivia said I'm the Uncle that's thrown into the role. I don't want to be the father, yet somehow I am.

"Munch," I look up to see Fin standing there looking almost the same as I do. I wonder if that's fair, "It just came out, like a joke…" he's stuttering and that's something that Fin hardly ever does.

"I don't want to replace him, Fin." I finally say, "I never wanted to replace him. He's…" I pause not knowing what to say.

"He's gone, John. As in not coming back, you're not going to replace him. You've already shown that in handling Thomas and that last case. Thomas went into your office shaking when he came out he had a smile on him. You calmed him down on your own with out Don." I look at Fin curiously.

"He was shaking?" Fin nods and I close my eyes.

"He'd been sitting there since seven o'clock waiting for you. Normally he's here at about eight. Something you said relaxed him. Life goes on John. Don's probably watching this up there with a smile. He knew what he was doing when he put you down as a suggestion. I knew what I was doing when I said your name. You make a good captain, Olivia, Elliot and James all agree." I open my eyes and I agree with Fin. Life really does go on, even if something big happens to you. You get up and you move on.

The End.

Notes: James Thomas is the fourth member on the team. My own character nothing more nothing less.