Chapter 4
Laura quickly learned that research, without the impending threat of being eaten by a subbasement archive that was inexplicably alive, was mundane at best. Specifically it was boring because she could not read most of the books in the freaking room in the first place. She had no real skills to contribute to this search, since she figure investigative journalism wasn't really a skill they particularly needed right now.
Heck, Perry had given up an hour ago and joined Andrew to help him whip up something to feed them. She kept gazing at the door longingly. And every time she looked up, half the room was doing the same thing.
She was surprised by Danny trudging along with the research. Of course, she sort of thought the girl had a crush on a certain slayer's sister. Danny'd never been that impressed that Carmilla could read Sumerian. But apparently Dawn was just the bee's knees because she could.
Bee's knees? She shook her head. She needed a break. She chanced a glance over at her girlfriend/roommate/whatever. She was sitting on a couch with her long-lost daughter. There was no way to deny the fact that is was weirding the rest of them out. The two women were in their own world. And though they were definitely working diligently, they were too involved in their own brooding, and Laura thought possibly each other's, to even notice what was going on with the rest of them.
And that included her and Buffy.
"That's the symbol for under, right?" Faith whispered. It was obvious she didn't want anyone else to hear her, but it was so quiet in the room… tension would do that… that everyone's head popped up just the same.
"Good job," Carmilla whispered, before she noticed everyone else watching them. The smirk Laura always thought was only for her worked its way onto Carmilla's face. "You've done it now, firecracker," she whispered.
"You have got to be kidding me," Dawn piped up first.
"What's wrong?" Danny asked. Laura mentally shrugged at Danny's concern. Some things never changed.
Dawn smiled at her before turning to Faith and giving her the death glare. "I'm totally able to forgive the fact you tried to kill my sister. Stole her body. Threatened my mom. I'm even over the fact you are sleeping with her… but I swear to God, Faith… if you can friggin read Sumerian and you've never told us… do you even know how many hours we've spent in this library while you were…" She threw up her hands. "Ugh. You can totally read it, can't you?"
Mr. Giles, their watcher (whatever that was since Carmilla was sort of vague about it and had answered her question with uh he watches them, duh) cleared his throat. "Ahem. Is that true, Faith?"
Laura watched Carmilla smirk again. She decided to focus on Faith's face instead.
"I can't even read English, G. Give me a break. I don't know anything about Sumerian."
And holy moly, Laura thought. What a crappy liar.
"Faith you are the worst liar on the planet. It's sad you still try," Willow added. "But ditto on what Dawn said. I cannot believe you've kept this from us."
"How is this surprising?" Buffy asked the room.
The rest of them held their breath. It was no secret that Buffy was capital A Angry right now. It was almost visible. Laura couldn't specifically blame her or anything. In fact, she understood why.
But then Buffy just started laughing. It started off as a giggle, but sort of broke down into a complete hysteric around the twenty-second mark.
"Uh, B?" Faith stood up carefully. "Are you okay?"
She shook her head. Then she nodded. She was still laughing. "Of course you can read Sumerian. And of course I'm pregnant. And so is your mother's twenty-year-old girlfriend. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried." She wiped at her eyes.
Her friend Xander, who'd been sitting with LaFontaine, trying to draw diagrams of the two battles digitally, spoke up. "Buff… you sure you're…"
She popped up suddenly before he could finish. "I'm good. Just freaking golden actually. But it's stuffy in here and I can't read any of this crap. And for once, I think it's a free ticket to bail. So that's what I'm going to do." She made eye contact with Laura. "Can you read Sumerian?"
Laura shook her head slowly, hoping to god the slayer was giving her an out too. Cause she was getting antsy. "I don't even know what I'm looking for. This book is Greek. I don't read Greek." How long had she been staring at it?
"Let's take a walk," Buffy said, taking her hand.
Carmilla took that moment to intervene. "Wait… uh, that's not really a good idea."
"Carm, this is boring and I'm just sitting here. Maybe if I get some air I can…"
"Uh, if they get a break so do I." Kennedy piped in.
"Me too," Xander said.
LaFontaine shrugged, when he looked at them. They were probably in hog heaven over there.
Buffy put her hands on her hips. Laura had to admit her stance and her glare were both intimidating. "Show of hands who's pregnant?"
Laura raised her hand, ignoring Carmilla's eye roll.
"Right," Buffy said, hand also raised. "Just us. So we are taking a break." She caught Carmilla's eye. "And pregnant or not, I'm still a slayer. Nothing will hurt her when I'm around. Trust me. I'm twice as strong as you."
That peaked Laura's interest.
"B, you're being obstinate." Faith interjected.
"And you're being weird." She grabbed Laura's hand. "We're going outside for a bit."
Laura shrugged at Carmilla who'd switched to brooding and shooting death glares at Buffy. "Whatever, cupcake," she mumbled, sitting back down.
Laura frowned, but it sure the heck wasn't enough to get her to stay. She let Buffy lead her out of the library.
"Holy crap," Laura said, when they got outside. "Thank you. I was about to start crying I was so bored. I don't even know what we're looking for."
Buffy shrugged. "I know. Me either." She waved her arm around. "So these are our 'grounds' or whatever. It's actually really pretty. Want to explore?"
"Is anything going to jump out and try to eat me?" Laura asked.
"No," Buffy smiled. "Not while I'm here. You know those things that go bump in the night?"
"Yeah. I sort of live with one," Laura answered.
Buffy smiled. "I'm the thing they're afraid of."
"Oh," Laura said. "That's actually… kinda cool."
Buffy shrugged again. "You get used to it."
After about thirty minutes, it was evident that the rest of them were getting restless as well.
"Oh my god," Kennedy suddenly spoke up. "Can I go find Buffy or something?"
"Absolutely not," Giles answered, not looking up from his book.
"What about me?" Xander tried.
The watcher didn't even answer him.
"You guys haven't found anything?" Willow asked Faith.
"Well besides from the passage here that talks about a vampire and her smoking hot slayer daughter knocking up two midgets… nope."
The rest, excluding Giles and Carmilla, gawked at her.
She shrugged guiltily. "Jokes," she mumbled, looking back down at the stupid book in her lap.
"Not funny," Giles answered, still not looking up.
A few more minutes passed before Xander raised his hand like a schoolboy.
At this Giles did look up. "Is there a reason you have your hand up?" He finally asked.
"Can we take a break? I've got a few questions and uh… I can't really concentrate."
Giles sighed but nodded. "Fine. I need tea anyway." He looked around the room. "Anyone else?"
No one answered.
He walked out mumbling something about getting too old and "bloody children. The lot of them."
When he was gone, Xander turned back to the broody pair. "I think I speak for almost everyone in here when I say this… but really?"
Both Carmilla and Faith sighed in sync.
It was weird.
"What?" Faith asked.
"Okay first of all – did she teach you how to dress? Cause seriously you guys are like…"
Faith eyed him incredulously. "That's what you wanna know?"
They all nodded sheepishly.
"Yes," Carmilla answered for her. "Moving on." She looked back down at her book.
"How did you guys stay hidden for so long?" LaFontaine asked.
Dawn nodded. "Yeah. Did it not occur to anyone that your mom was like perpetually a teenager or whatever?"
"Where'd you go to school?" Kennedy asked. "Did you go to school?"
"Did she teach you Summerian?"
"Did you ever see her drink blood?"
"Did you have a puppy?" Xander added.
Faith rolled her eyes.
They continued to throw questions at the both of them. Carmilla closed her book and crossed her arms menacingly unaware that Faith was doing the exact same thing.
"Also, that's weird," Danny piped up.
The rest of them nodded their agreement.
Faith noticed and quickly unfolded her arms. "Look. I didn't know any different. As far as I knew she was my mom. I mean think about it… I know your parents have aged or whatever, but were you like really aware of it?"
They shook their heads slowly. "So there you go. I never really noticed, I guess. She was just always there. She was my mom, okay?"
They nodded.
"Right," Willow answered. "But it's just… how did you two survive? I mean you just take a child and then what… fake a birth certificate or whatever?"
"Among other things," Carmilla finally spoke up. "She went to school when she could. When she couldn't I taught her."
"Explains why she can read Sumerian," LaFontaine said. "Sounds like you taught her more than I ever learned in school."
"School was stupid," Faith muttered quietly. "Still is."
Carmilla frowned beside her.
Faith opened the door to her fourth house this year and threw her backpack down on the floor. She stalked into the kitchen, still mad.
Some boy at school had called her a latchkey kid. He said his mom said Faith's mom left her at home by herself sometime.
It wasn't true. Her mom never left her alone. Sometimes she had to leave for a few days (she never told Faith where) but there was always some neighbor lady that her mom paid to watch her. And she called her at least once every night. Sometimes more.
And then he'd said some other things. And then some of the other kids had joined in. She took it as long as she could. What she wanted to do was hit him in his stupid face. But she didn't. She just hid in the bathroom until recess was over.
She opened the refrigerator and was slamming things around inside. She didn't notice her mother standing in the doorway until she slammed it, obviously knocking over half the items in her fury.
"What did that refrigerator do to you?" Her mother asked.
Faith jumped. "When did you get back?"
Carmilla frowned at the question. Normally when she came back, the eight year old would run and jump in her arms. Asking her if she brought her anything. If she missed her.
But right now she was leaning against the table, her arms crossed, scowling.
"This afternoon, buttercup. How was school?"
"It's stupid," Faith muttered. She'd started rummaging around the cabinets. She was throwing things onto the floor.
Carmilla walked into the kitchen slowly. "Care to elaborate, Mäuschen?"
Faith slammed the cabinet door, still empty-handed. "No. And why do you talk like that? When I say those words at school, nobody understands me. And they call me a freak. They said I don't have a real family. That you aren't ever here and I always have to stay with smelly ole Mrs. Jackson. Where's my dad? Why do we always have to move and stuff?"
Carmilla frowned deeply and sat down at the small kitchen table. She ran her fingers through her hair. "Want to pick up that mess?"
Faith crossed her arms again and scowled at the woman. "No. I don't."
Carmilla nodded. She'd figured as much. Truth be told, as far as cleanliness went, she wasn't the best role model. "Fine. I'll do it." She made a big production of standing up. Normally guilt was a way to break Faith. She couldn't stand to see her mother sad.
But it wasn't working this time. Faith never moved from her spot. Even as she watched Carmilla pick up everything she'd thrown on the floor and put it away.
"What else did they say?" Carmilla asked once she was finished. She sat back down.
"They called you things. Names." Faith whispered. "I didn't know what they meant. I had to look it up in the dictionary when we got back to class."
"Oh," Carmilla started. She was feigning indifference. "And what did they call me?"
"Eric said his mom and Josh's mom said you dressed funny. Like a prostitute. He said they said you were dirty." Faith was whispering now. She was embarrassed for a myriad of reasons she didn't even understand.
To her surprise, Carmilla laughed. "Well Eric's mother is a fatass and Josh's mother is a moron and a fatass. So I don't really expect either of those little shitmonsters to be very smart or very kind. Most people are vicious, Knallkörper. I'm not a prostitute. So no worries." She went to pat the little girl's cheek, but Faith jerked away.
"It isn't funny!" She yelled. "I hate them. I wanted to hit him. He called me trash."
At that Carmilla stopped smiling. "Did he now?"
"Yes," Faith spat out. "He said I was trashy. And gross."
"Eric Johnson, right?" Carmilla asked.
Faith nodded.
Carmilla grabbed the little girl's hand again. She pulled her between her knees and hugged her around the waist. "They don't understand you, sweetheart. They are jealous." She kissed the side of her head, and put her chin on Faith's shoulder. "And stupid. And their words mean nothing," she whispered in Faith's hair. "You're beautiful. And smart. And sweet. And you have a mother who loves you more than she did yesterday…"
"…and less than she will tomorrow," Faith finished. "I know." She frowned and turned to make eye contact with Carmilla. "Why did they say those things then? If they aren't true?"
Carmilla pulled her closer. "Because they are insignificant. Worth less than the thought you are giving them. They will grow old. Miserable. And full of hate. It's best to ignore those types of people. They are poison."
Faith nodded, sniffling softly. "Then why does it still hurt, Mama?"
"Because you're human," she whispered softly. "But it will fade. Most pain does."
After dinner, and a ridiculous amount of ice cream, Faith got ready for bed. She ran back into the living room where Carmilla was reading a book by Nietzsche. Faith tapped it playfully.
"I thought he was stupid," she said, pointing at the book. "You said he made women sound small."
Carmilla shrugged. "Know thy enemy, sweetie," she said, closing the book. "Are you ready for bed?"
Faith nodded. "Will you tell me a story?" She loved her mother's story.
Carmilla smiled and stood up. "Sure. Let's get to bed and I'll tell you about the little girl who learned forgiveness."
She told her daughter a story about a little girl. One who'd been teased and who rose above the belittling to become a great leader and powerful woman. Also there was a dragon because for some unfathomable reason, there always had to be dragons or 'it's not a real story, Mama.'
So she'd taught her daughter a lesson on forgiveness. And then she'd slipped out of the house and knocked on her neighbor's door.
"Mrs. Jackson, I know it's late, but I have to run out. It's an emergency. It should only be an hour and I wouldn't ask except…"
"No worries dear," Mrs. Jackson answered, grabbing her coat. "I'll make sure she's safe and sound until you get back."
Carmilla nodded and waited till the woman was inside before speeding off on foot. It was faster.
One of her many talents as a vampire was her ability to materialize. She used that talent tonight.
Though it was well passed the bedtime of any normal child, she had a feeling the little shit would still be awake. She wasn't wrong.
When she appeared in his bedroom, he started to scream. She put her hand over his mouth easily.
"You know who I am, kiddo?" She asked.
He nodded slowly.
"Good. Good." She said. "I need you to listen up. Can you do that for me?"
He nodded again.
She could smell his fear. Normally, that would be enough to remind her he was just a child. Tonight, she didn't care. "Tonight, I watched my little girl cry because of something you said. You know you said something bad, don't you?'
He nodded yet again.
"Good. So here's the thing. You have no idea what you're talking about. Your mother is a moron and that I don't blame on you. But hurting my little girl… well that I kind of do."
She leaned back a bit and started in his eyes. "You know you hurt her feelings?"
He nodded slower this time.
"I'm gonna take my hand away, but if you scream, you will regret it. Got it, bucko?"
More nods.
She removed her hand slowly. He didn't say anything, but his eyes told her enough.
"I'm going to leave soon, but before I do, I need you to know something… I don't like bullies. Not at all. I certainly don't like ones who hurt my little girl. And do you know what I do to bullies?"
He shook his head.
"I feed them to my cat," she whispered.
His face turned puzzled. "I'm not afraid of a cat."
At that revelation, she jumped up quickly from where she was sitting and used another talent, which was specifically hers alone. It took seconds to turn into a giant panther. She jumped back on the bed and growled, baring her teeth.
And little Eric Johnson screamed his head off.
Too bad a cat can't laugh, she thought, as she disappeared.
Carmilla watched their expectant faces. There was nothing she could tell them. Even if there was, she wasn't sure she would. "It wasn't easy," She finally told the room. "It was never easy."
"Yeah, but what about…"
"There's nothing else to say. Not right now anyway." Carmilla answered. She couldn't share why it wasn't easy. She couldn't tell them that every pain Faith felt, she suffered. How she'd seen new worlds being born. Watched great men die. She couldn't explain why none of that mattered. While the birth of industry, technology… none of it even registered like that one decade with Faith.
No one said anything for a moment. They obviously had a lot of questions and she couldn't blame them. She just didn't know if she wanted to answer any of them. Even thinking about it…
"I guess it's just weird," LaFontaine said specifically to her. "Thinking about you. A mother. I just don't get it."
Danny nodded her agreement. "Seriously. There's not a motherly bone in your body."
Carmilla sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't expect you to believe me. And I don't really care if you do."
Faith had heard enough. "She was a good mother. She took care of me. She loved me. She taught me. I was lucky." She whispered.
Carmilla blinked slowly but didn't say anything. She could feel how shocked the rest of them were. Faith had apparently built her walls very high since Sunnydale. It hurt her that she didn't trust anyone.
It killed her that Faith had become her in some ways. Hard exterior. A façade of badassness to cloak what she was feeling. It infuriated her that they didn't know Faith. Not the real one. That they'd never taken the time to try.
Carmilla sighed and watched the woman stick her nose back in the book, effectively ending the conversation.
She remembered something she'd read a few years ago: If you've never wept and want, have a child. She moved to touch Faith, and noticed the way she bristled slightly. She pulled her hand back. Her heart breaking all over again. She thought suddenly about Laura, outside right now, carrying a child. Maybe carrying her child.
She wasn't sure she could do it again.
Faith shivered suddenly before Carmilla could question herself further.
"What is it?" She asked her.
"I think I've found something," she announced to the room. She made eye contact with the red headed witch. "From beneath you it devours…"
"The first," Willow groaned.
Faith nodded but then began shaking her head. "Yeah. But that's not all of it." She turned the page. "From beneath you it devours. From inside you it creates. One born of light. One born of darkness. One meant to control. One meant to die."
"Shit," Dawn whispered.
Faith read silently to herself for a few seconds and shut the book quickly. "We should probably get Giles back in here." She caught Carmilla's eyes and slid the book over to her.
Carmilla opened the book slowly and read to herself where Faith had stopped.
Daughters born of women. Born of destruction. Born of death. Love will have its sacrifices. As daughters are born, mothers will die.
She shut the book quickly. Yeah. She wasn't ready for this.
"What else does it say?" Lafontaine asked.
She stood up and handed the book to Dawn before turning around and grabbing Faith's hands. "You. Come with me," she said, pulling her up.
"Double shit," she heard Dawn exclaim, as she shut the door.