Email: swythangel@hotmail.com
Title: Phenomenal Noumenal
Type: Series 4/7
Teaser: Aya-chan has finally woken up. Will Ran be able to tell his sister about his relationship with Ken?
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Er, that Ran has a sister who was comatose the whole series?
Warnings: AU, yaoi or maybe shonen-ai…
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is theirs, you know who they are so I won't even elaborate on that ^o^
Keywords: Aya, Ran, Ken, RanxKen
Angst, angst
and more angst in this installment. Then again, what's new ne? ^^ And hwee!
Didn't I get this done fast? Because I realized just how much of a cliffhanger
the other part was…gomen, gomen!
Well, my mailbox
has just been fixed so I'm actually happy…I'm so mail-deprived lol>
Onwards with
ficcie I guess…
Phenomenal Noumenal
Part 4
"Oi, Oi! Ken! Watch what you're doing will you? You just burned my eggs! Now what'll I have for breakfast?"
Ken looked up to find Youji yanking the burning pan from the stove and dumping the contents in the sink with a disgusted look on his face.
"G…gomen, Youji. I was thinking about something. Here, I'll cook you another batch."
Ken opened the refrigerator and took out some more eggs while Youji responded to his statement with a leer.
"Last night was that good eh?"
Ken blushed and swatted Youji with the towel he was holding. "Hentai! And no, that wasn't what I was thinking about."
"It was that bad?
Ken rolled his eyes. "Will you quit thinking about that? It isn't the thing I'm thinking about alright? Well actually its part of it but…"
"Aha! I knew it was the sex!"
Youji had this really smug look on his face that Ken couldn't help but get annoyed. He whacked Youji over the head…hard.
"No, it isn't! Only you would think in terms of that."
Youji just smiled lazily and reclined on the kitchen chair. "Hey I got to be me."
By this time, Youji had noticed the troubled air around Ken. And if anything, Youji wasn't as obtuse as everyone seemed to think. Ken never burned any of his meals before, well, at least not after the first months. For him to burn the eggs now, would mean that he had a problem more worthy of attention than Youji's breakfast. He blinked once as he saw Ken's brows furrow with concern.
"So, seriously, Ken, what seems to be the problem?"
Ken sighed and turned to Youji, dumping the eggs in a plate and serving them to the sitting blond. He pulled out a chair next to the older man, sat down and buried his head in his arms.
"Aya knows about Ran and I."
"Ey? Sugoi! Hey that's good news then." Youji smiled. He knew how hard it had been for both Ran and Ken since Aya woke up. Their attempts at creeping around behind Aya's back had always served Youji as a constant source for amusement.
"Not good."
"Wha? Why isn't that good? Now you two can display affection even when Aya's around."
"Aya saw us in bed, naked."
Youji who had started eating, spluttered and choked on the eggs. "Whhaaaaaaattt? She saw you two in bed, naked and…and kissing?"
"Yes, exactly like that." Ken said, shaking his head.
"Damn." Youji said, forgetting his eggs in favor of the brunette in front of him. "Then what happened?"
"She ran out of the room with this really horrified expression on her face."
"Shit."
"Deep shit." Ken agreed. "Ran's talking to her right now and its been an hour. I don't think this is going to be good."
***
"Aya, please understand."
"No."
The raven-haired girl wasn't even looking at Ran at all but kept a fixed gaze out of her window. There was a stubborn cast to her chin and her face looked like a thundercloud.
Ran had been trying to explain his relationship with Ken for the past hour but all he had been getting from his sister had been dagger looks and negative monosyllables. He had intended to calmly explain, hoping that his dear sister would understand but he had forgotten just how stubborn Aya could be. She had turned a deaf ear to everything he said.
His patience was frayed at the ends.
"You fairly glowed with excitement when you found out Ken was gay, you even said you'd help find him a boyfriend. Well, he has one now, me. You should be happy."
"I want Ken with someone else. Not with you, never with you, Ran-niisan!" Aya burst out at last, breaking her self-imposed silence. "How can I be happy that my brother is gay?"
Dawning understanding broke through Ran's anger. "That's a double standard reaction, Aya, I'm sure you know." He told her quietly.
"I know. But I can't help it. I can take Youji, Omi and Ken-kun being gay, I'd even love it. But not you, never my brother."
Ran shook his head. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Aya-chan but this is who I am. You will just have to accept that."
"No!" Aya shouted. "You cannot, you are *not* gay."
"I am. There's no changing that."
"No."
Aya knew she was being deliberately stubborn and illogical but she couldn't help it. She knew she wasn't being fair and that her brother was right. She *was* imposing a double standard on her views. Why was it that she could take others being gay but not her own brother?
If she was truthful with her brother, she knew that the answer was quite simple. She still thought that gays were not normal. No matter how liberal she acted, she was still just a little bit conservative in her views. It was all very well for others like her friends to be gay but to have a member of her family *be* gay? She couldn't take it. Just as she couldn't take finding Ran-niisan and Ken naked in Ken's bed, kissing. It was just wrong.
Her eyes hardened and she faced Ran who stood from across the room.
"I cannot, will not accept your relationship with Ken, Ran-niisan."
She was not surprised to find purple eyes hardening in response.
"I suggest you try to, sister, because there is no way I am giving up Ken."
Ran faced his sister with resolve. Nothing would make him give up Ken. Ken had been the one who had saved him from sinking into the darkness, the one who showed him how much life was worth living, the one who had given him the hope when his desperation over Aya's sickness had almost overwhelmed him. Next to his sister, Ken was his most precious treasure. Aya needed to understand that.
"You would choose Ken over your own sister?"
Coldness crept into Ran's veins as he looked at Aya. "What are you saying?"
"It is simple really." Aya said calmly, but inside her heart pounded. She knew she was putting her oniisan in a terrible spot but she couldn't help it. "if you choose to keep your relationship with Ken then I will go away from here. I can't respect a brother who actually has a relationship with another male."
"And where can you go?"
Aya shrugged. "Here, there, anywhere. I'm sure I can always find a bit of work or something…"
Ran's protective instinct took over. "No. I forbid it."
"How can you forbid it if you aren't my brother anymore? If you choose Ken over me, then you give over your right as my brother."
"That isn't very logical, Aya-chan."
"No it isn't but you can't really prevent me from doing it can you, Ran-niisan? You can't monitor my movements everyday. One day you'll wake up and see that I'm not there anymore."
"And if I concede?"
"Then everything will be as before. I'll even treat Ken-kun the same way."
Ran was quiet, standing near the door of Aya's room, frozen in place. He was like a statue, unmoving. The rise and fall of his chest was the only indication that he was alive…that and the roiling purple depths of his eyes.
Seconds stretched into minutes in the silence of the room. The Fujimiya siblings locked in battle.
Finally, Ran spoke up.
"You win, Aya-chan."
It came as no surprise to Aya. She knew that her brother loved her above everything. Ths feint had been her trump card. From the first, she knew that she would eventually get her way.
"No staying with Ken alone under any circumstances."
The affirmative Ran threw Aya's way was strangled, pained. "Yes."
"Then we have a deal."
"Only…give me this last time to talk to him, to tell him the situation."
Aya gestured expansively. "Of course. I understand, Ran-niisan."
And with that, Ran swung on his heels and left Aya's room quickly. But not quickly enough that Aya did not see the pain of loss in his eyes.
/How can I be so cruel to Ran-niisan?/
Aya slid bonelessly to the floor, the emotional riptides she had been forced to hide for the past hour taking their toll on her.
She ached for her brother but she was still of the firm belief that she was right. She shook her head. /No, I shouldn't think like this. I am only doing this for Ran-niisan's good./
She remembered the look of loss in the purple depths.
/That will pass, Ran-niisan. Please understand that I do this for your own good. How can you be happy with another man? You'll be better off without him…I promise./
***
Ran barged into the kitchen, not even stopping to greet Youji and Omi a good morning. He went straight to where Ken was cooking Omi some eggs and tugged at his arm. "Ken, I need to talk to you."
Ran knew he was wearing his unemotional mask but Ken knew him well enough by now to know when he was upset. And it reflected in the compassionate brown eyes as Ken looked his way and nodded.
"Let's go for a walk."
"Alright." Ken untied the apron strings and set the apron aside. "Oi, Youji. Take over here, will you?"
And with that, Ken followed Ran outside into the summer morning. He looked at the redhead worriedly.
/Something is bothering, Ran./
But he didn't speak, Ken knew enough to give Ran the space he needed until the time was right. They walked in silence, Ran in a preoccupied half-trance and Ken in fretful silence. Their wanderings led them to the prominent oak tree standing majestically on the top of the hill. Their tree.
That was when Ken, who had been trailing behind Ran for the last few blocks, walked faster, catching up to Ran who was tracing the interlocked carved pattern on the tree blindly. Two weapons superimposed on each other.
/Katana…and bugnuk. Mine…and Ken's./
The first time that they had been officially together, they had carved the two shaky images into the tree rather than their names…a secret code for their secret relationship.
And now, now it would have to be chipped off. Ran thought. Because there would be no relationship anymore, no Ran and Ken. Only Ran. Ken. Youji. Omi. Weiß. And of course, Aya.
Ran felt himself propelled forward a few steps from the impact as two arms surrounded him from behind.
/Ken…beloved Ken./
"That bad, huh? Its alright, Ran."
/No, its not alright! Don't be too kind to me, Ken. I can't take it, not with what I have to do./
Ran wanted to scream the words out. Seeing Ken being his usual self ripped Ran apart inside. He gently disentangled Ken's arms from around him and walked away a little. He needed the space.
How could he tell Ken that it was all over? Moreover, how could he accept that it was all over between him and Ken especially when he had thought they would be together for the rest of their lives.
/But I have to…or Aya-chan…/
Everything eventually went back to Aya. Aya or Ken, the choice had been hard but not hard enough. Aya was, after all, his sister, his blood, he couldn't very well abandon her.
/And Ken?/
Ken was sunlight and laughter, openness and love. It had been a hard choice but Ran knew that he could give those up if he had to. He had lived without them for a long time before Ken had arrived, he could live without them again.
But that didn't mean it didn't hurt to give them up, to give Ken up…
/Remember Aya-chan!/
It was all Ran needed for his resolve to harden. He looked towards Ken.
"What did Aya-chan say, Ran?" Ran could sense the apprehension in Ken's voice. But he didn't make a move to reassure him.
"I'm afraid its all over Ken."
/I love you./
"Wha?" Ken blinked at Ran in surprise. "What did you say?"
"I said its over."
/I love you. But my sister comes first./
"But why, Ran?"
"Aya-chan, she doesn't approve…"
"I…I see." Ken told Ran and then he brightened. "But we can still change her mind ne? I mean if she finds out just how serious we are…."
Ran cut in. "You don't understand, Ken. When Aya said she didn't like us going together, she issued an ultimatum."
God, it was hard to explain it to Ken.
"What ultimatum?"
"You or her…"
"I…I see…" Ken turned his back on Ran and went to the tree, his hands absently tracing the katana.
Ken was acting strangely calm and Ran became worried. Usually, the brunette reacted emotionally. Ran strained to see Ken's face but the fall of bangs concealed any expression. All Ran could see was a soft smile playing on Ken's lips.
"And of course, you would choose Aya, ne, Ran?"
"No, Ken, you don't understand, she…"
"You don't need to explain, Ran, if I were in your shoes I'd do the same."
Silence. The pain of knowing this would be the last time they would have together effectively leaving them without the words to say anything.
Ken's hand still traced the katana. "So I…I guess this is it then." Ken turned to face Ran. He was smiling, the kind of smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. "It was nice while it lasted, Ran. But I guess all things come to an end too ne?"
Somehow, even with the smile on his face, Ran knew that Ken was trying very hard to hold back the tears. He wanted to take Ken in his arms and assure him that everything was alright and tried to do just that.
/This once. Just this once, before I relinquish him./
He advanced forward, only to be startled into stopping as Ken put out a hand and cried out, his smiling mask dropping for a few precious seconds to reveal the panicked hurt and pain.
"Don't!" Ken took a few steps back. "Don't come near me." /It only makes things harder./
The smiling mask came back. "My, look at the time. I promised Youji I'd help him in the flower shop today…so I guess I'll just see you around, ne, Ran? Ja!"
And without another word, Ken turned on his heels and ran back to the flower shop, trying hard not to let Ran see the tears that couldn't be stopped anymore. He didn't realize that the morning sun was hitting him just right to make the trailing tears sparkle in the sun or that the redhead standing near the tree on the hilltop had noticed and was himself, trying to hold back the tears.
***
/Baka! Baka! Baka! Why does it have to this fucking hard? Why can't we just have a happy ending?/
Ken screamed to himself as he ran. He didn't want to go back to the shop so instead he ran aimlessly, to whatever place his feet took him as his confused thoughts tumbled over each other.
His feet eventually lead him to a nearby park where he collapsed on the edge of a man-made pond. His tears had dried up by then. Instead he stared dejectedly out at the swimming ducks, his thoughts turned inwardly.
He shouldn't have interrupted when Ran was explaining but he knew the redhead enough to actually guess what had happened. Only one thing could make Ran give him up. Aya probably tried to threaten Ran that she would run away…or place herself in mortal danger, nothing else would have worked.
But it still hurt. It had taken everything in Ken not to tell Ran to fight for them, to show Aya how much they loved each other.
That would have thrown Ran into confused guilt. And Ken didn't want that. He didn't want to pit Ran against his beloved imoto because he knew that of all the people in the world, Aya would be Ran's Achillles Heel.
It would only tear Ran apart, not to mention the relationship between the siblings. Ken, who had wanted a similar kind of family relationship, didn't want to be the one to jeopardize Aya's and Ran's.
/So instead, I make the sacrifice…/
Nothing new in that, nothing at all. Ken thought to himself as he threw little pebbles in the pond.
When he was ready to leave, he had made a resolution. He would try to get on with his life like everything was normal. He had gone on with Ran before, made a credible job of it, in fact. He would try to remember that time and act like he did before.
/That doesn't mean I'll stop loving him though…/
No, it didn't. But Ken knew that he had to at least pretend that everything was alright. For Ran, so he could move on and do as Aya wanted him to. For Aya's peace of mind. And for himself, because he would do anything to stop Ran from suffering.
/Smile, Ken. That's all you have to do. Smile and go on. Like you always do./
TBC ^_~
You guys know the drill ne? C-o-m-m-e-n-t-s onegai! Ahohoho! Comments help me write faster. That and because I love hearing from you lovely people.
Don't hate Aya-chan ne? I'm just trying to make this realistic. I know I had the same sort of bias from before…double standards are bitchy to deal with but they're true. Don't blame the person though because sometimes its more on how they were raised and the values inculcated in childhood…besides, Aya-chan will make up for it, won't you, Aya-chan?
Aya: looks at hostile
glares from readers> Absolutely.