LEGEND OF ZELDA TIME LOOPS: In Which Ganondorf becomes...Magnificent!
Author Note: I do not own the Legend of Zelda, or many of the ideas displayed in this fic. I am simply a humble chronicler compiling these stories for your amusement. Now, BE AMUSED!
4.1
"Absolutely not!" Hild slammed both of her hands on the desktop, rattling the screens. Skuld stood on the other side, with Epona nervously seated beside her. Hild raised her hands to point at Skuld.
"I have been working tirelessly with all of you to ensure that Yggdrasil doesn't go into a Full System Meltdown. I even agreed with you on having people on 'your side' act as the Anchors for the Time Loops, as Destruction isn't exactly what we need at this point. But!" She raised a single finger into the air. "I will not let you lock out an Evil Anchor, just because he caused your heroes some trouble."
"Some trouble?!" Skuld pointed at the screen in front of Epona. "He's crashed the Hyrule Loop six times in a dozen loops. Even Susanoo's Chosen Brat, Kamina took thirty to do the same thing. And, he shows no sign of stopping!"
"But can he break it?" Hild stepped forward, looking towards Epona. "I've read the articles. You used the Triforce as an Anchor, and didn't you set it to always seek the Balance of the Universe over all?"
Epona nodded weakly. "Yes, I mean, he can't use the Triforce to Ascend or permanently damage the Loop, as it just forces a Reset if that happens, but he is still..."
"Doing exactly what the Triforce expects him to do." Hild turned to look at Skuld. "Thanks to the choices you lot have made for Anchors, most of your universes are horribly unbalanced. Your little golden pyramid understands that it needs good and evil to balance its universe."
Skuld was silent for several moments, before she stormed out of the room, pausing just before she left to utter a terse "Fine." Hild smirked after her, then turned to Epona and smiled. "Keep up the good work." She left moments later.
Epona sat there for a moment, then turned to her station and sent off a message. She needed some stress relief, and it was amazing the massages one could give when one had eight limbs.
4.2
Link stared out at the devastation that covered Hyrule Field, stretching out as far as the eye could see. Moblins, soldiers, fairies, Gorons. The field was littered with bodies. Three, in particular, stood out to Link.
The first was Impa. The loyal bodyguard of Princess Zelda lay near the gates of the town, a circle of Moblins and Redead surrounding her as a testament to the fact that, while kind and caring, she was truly a force to be reckoned with.
The second, bizarrely, was Tingle. Over the course of the Loops, Link had learned of the existence of a demon named Uncle Rupee, who was apparently a spirit of Greed that sometimes was responsible for turning ordinary men into...Tingles. Link had quickly learned how to beat him, as apparently Rupees acted as both his power source and his weakness. In this Loop, however, the local Tingle had apparently had dreams of being a hero, inspired by tales of some of Link's past incarnations. This Tingle had not only defeated Uncle Rupee, but had also stripped him of his magic and power, becoming a mighty force for good. The broken forms of the three dragons, Gleeok, Aquamentus and Volvagia certainly showed Tingle's heroic potential.
The third was Zelda. They had both been Awake this Loop, and they had felt the pressure from the Triforce that indicated that Ganondorf was soon to be Awake, if he hadn't Awoken already. They had immediately made preparations, gathering forces after scouts revealed that an army of monsters was amassing in the Gerudo Valley. They had managed to get the Gorons to join them, bringing several loads of the Bomb Flowers that grew on their mountain. Link had visited the Temple of Time, and had drawn the Master Sword, using what he knew of it and of the dormant spirit, Fi, that dwelt within it to keep it from locking him in the Sacred Realm for the next few years.
Ganondorf's forces had attacked the city, swarming across Hyrule Field, and they were met by the forces gathered by Link and Zelda. It was amazing how a little training from the Hero of Time (not that they knew he bore, or would bear, that title) could do towards making the usually fairly incompetent city guards into a rather formidable fighting force. Everything had seemed to be going well, until Zelda vanished in a wave of dark fire. Link had spun around, having heard her gasp, just in time to see her disappear.
Immediately, he had felt along the connection to the Triforce of Wisdom and along the mental connection he had with Zelda. She can't have gone to far...there. With a burst of green light, he called on Farore's Wind, and vanished.
He reappeared on a small hill, near the burning ruin of the Lon Lon Ranch. Malon and her father had been moved into the city, as both Link and Zelda knew that, whether she was Awake or not, Ganondorf had something of a vengeful grudge against the part-Gerudo girl, and he seemed to take great pleasure in destroying the ranch whenever he could. Now, Zelda and Ganondorf were battling atop a small hill near the burning ruin. Zelda was dancing across the ground, the Bow of Light in her hands as she fired arrow after arrow at Ganondorf. On his part, Ganondorf seemed to have picked up some new tricks. He was dashing back and forth at high speed, occasionally stopping and sending out bursts of light from his eyes which knocked arrows off course. Then Ganondorf noticed Link. With a grin, he had vanished completely, just seeming to fade into the air. Zelda fired one last arrow at where he had been, then turned to look at Link.
If Link hadn't known any better, he would have assumed that he had played the Inverted Song of Time. The next moments seemed to happen in slow motion. Just as suddenly as he vanished, Ganondorf reappeared, standing right behind Zelda. Zelda was already turning, but Ganondorf was too close, and Link let out a strangled cry as Ganondorf's sword pierced through Zelda's heart. Idly, as he raced towards the battle, Link felt the tremor from the Triforce as Zelda died, leaving this Loop.
Between steps, Link equipped the Pegasus Boots, Bunny Hood, and he pulled a Pegasus Seed from his pouch. Ganondorf had just enough time to blink before Link hit him at around a hundred miles per hour. After around ten good strikes, Ganondorf managed to call on his new powers to match Link's speed.
Which was when Link swapped the Bunny Hood for the Goron Mask and used his own variation of the Spin Dash attack that blue hedgehog had shown him.
In the end, Link had emerged victorious. Now, he stood on the field, the last one standing. Some of the moblins and soldiers were probably still alive, but, at this point, Link could muster the energy to care. Slowly, he made his way back towards the city. They had won, this time, but next time they might not be so lucky. He needed to train more. He needed to get better.
4.3 (Mivichi)
The trees looked like trees. That was Link's first thought upon Awakening.
While far from profound, it had its importance. A few loops ago, the trees had, in fact, been man-hating, tree-shaped monsters intent on conquering the world. It was always good to know whether the shrubbery was plotting to eat you alive, Link mused as he reviewed his in-loop memories.
His memories told him that he was a teenager, trained as a swordsman by his father, who had raised Link in seclusion deep in the forest. His father had recently died during a fight with a giant, Moblin-like creature, and in-loop Link had decided to leave the forest to investigate the source of the trouble. Currently, he traveled a path towards Hyrule. Thanks to a traveling mask salesman, he knew it to be ruled by Princess Zelda and her consort, Vaati.
Link nearly tripped over nothing.
This loop was definitely a new variant. Glancing at the Triforce emblem on the back of his left hand, he decided to ping it for the statuses of the Power and Wisdom thirds. He frowned at the feedback. The Triforce of Wisdom lacked the usual close fit with Zelda that it usually had, as if something distorted the connection, and she showed no signs of being Awake.
In contrast, Ganondorf, while definitely Awake and in possession of the Triforce of Power, had absolutely no corruption tainting him or his shard.
Everything was downright weird. At least Link did not have to worry about Ganondorf knowing how to check if Link was Awake, probably; it was a technique Zelda had created.
As the trees became scattered enough to let full sunlight leak through the canopy, Link reached a crossroad. According to the faded lettering on the wooden signpost, Clocktown lay to the northeast, Hyrule Castle was directly east, and some place called Lonani Village could be found to the southeast.
After a moment's hesitation, Link turned his boots to the barely-trodden path to the southeast, heading for Lonani Village - and Ganondorf.
Wanting to travel faster without accidentally stealing Epona again, Link withdrew a bunny hood, a roc's cape, and a pair of pegasus boots from his subspace pocket. More and more frequent run-ins with a looping Ganondorf had encouraged him to find better ways to travel, but Link saved the options from outside Hyrule for real emergencies.
Besides, there would probably be a temple or dungeon with something useful in it along the way. He did not want to skip those.
Link pushed open the doors of Lon-Lon Bar, allowing them to swing shut behind him. He casually took a seat on a padded stool at the counter. His eyes raked over the drinks lined up behind the bartender, Ingo.
Ingo peered at link suspiciously. "I've never seen you around before." When Link returned his stare evenly and made no reply, the bartender reluctantly gave up and asked, "What can I get you?"
"Chateau Romani," Link replied.
Ingo started, his mustache pressed into a straight line and his eyebrows raised high. "What? That's 200 Rupees a bottle! Can a kid like you even afford it?"
Link pretended to dig through his belt purse while actually accessing his subspace pocket. He placed four purple Rupees on the bar and slid them towards Ingo. "I think I can," said Link calmly.
Ingo looked between the money and Link, even more suspicious, but swept the Rupees into the moneybox all the same before reluctantly handing over a Chateau Romani. Link uncorked it and sipped it slowly, enjoying the rich flavor. He simultaneously tamped down on his magic; with the effects of a good bottle of Chateau Romani and the amount of magic he had thanks to the loops, gulping down the milk without using any power caused strange side effects. Once, he had literally glowed and maybe accidentally started a cult.
LInk forced himself to remain relaxed as two very familiar people entered the bar and sat down a few seats from him. Both were heavily cloaked in illusion magic and likely did not realize that he could easily see through it. While he had hardly begun to work through learning how to draw upon the side effects of certain masks and items without equipping them, the Lens of Truth had served as his test case.
He drank more of his milk.
The two others ordered high-grade Lon-Lon Milk with berry liqueur added. The one in the purple cloak quaffed his drink and cursed. "I can't believe we are sitting at the same bar as the hero," the young man complained to his companion. "First I wake up as a real Hylian, and then I realize that I'm married to a Zelda who is crazier than a sack of Cuccos. All we need is to find out next is that the hero was also dropped on his head too much as a kid and is perfectly willing to skewer us instead of Her Royal Asylum Reject."
Vaati had always been a snide one, but it sounded like this loop had pushed him to his limit.
"Peace, Vaati," replied Ganondorf in a tone that implied 'shut up or else'. "Both you and I were much the same not so long ago. Were it not for the actions of that one girl present during the Hero of the Moon variant, I would have already killed you."
"You would have tried," countered Vaati, "but I would be working with the evil princess and would have killed you first. She is ridiculously overpowered."
Both drank more as Ganondorf contemplated Vaati's words. "I think you underestimate my abilities," Ganondorf concluded. "Still, a toast to Serenity for returning our minds to us."
Link almost choked on his milk. During the loop where he and Zelda had replaced Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, Usagi might have visited Link's home loop. If anything could purify an evil god's curse of hatred, she and her Silver Crystal could.
And now Vaati and Ganondorf weren't villains even though both were Awake? Link did not want to deal with this or, more specifically, them.
Said villains clinked their bottles together sardonically before finishing their drinks.
Vaati blew a strand of hair out of his face. "We need to do something about Zelda. Much as I like ruling Hyrule, she isn't worth it, and she plans on targeting you sooner or later. Let's be allies this time around?"
"Help me protect the Gerudo from the princess, and I will help you in turn," Ganondorf promised, wiping away a milk mustache. "We will gather troops, obtain power from the Great Fairies, and raze the castle to the ground, killing all who stand against us."
Vaati nodded. "Agreed, as long as you are willing to help me build a new castle afterwards. Think we can get the hero on our side? Maybe kidnap someone, threaten their life unless he helps us?" Vaati questioned approvingly. "He usually likes those farm girls, right?"
Link sighed. Yeah, they definitely were still Ganondorf and Vaati. He downed the rest of the milk, stood up, and walked over to them as the magic rushed through him. The villains flinched in surprise when he broke the illusion by using his double clawshots to latch onto them both.
"Shit, he's Awake," Vaati cursed, hand going up to cast a spell.
Link tugged on the clawshots to knock them both off-balance and disrupt their spells. "You know," said Link as he used his pocket to instantaneously switch into the outfit fairies had given him during a fused Kingdom Hearts loop, mostly black with an amazing amount of zippers and belts, "I think the three of us need to talk."
He grinned and cast a modified version of Farore's Wind. In a haze of green light, they vanished from the bar.
Dropping out of the warp circle, Link and his two drag-alongs landed in the middle of an island in front of this Hyrule's water temple. He dropped them just in time to dodge a blast from each side as both Vaati and Ganondorf fired curses at him.
"I really did just want to talk," Link said while equipping both an adult-sized Lokomo Sword and a Phantom Sword directly from his subspace pocket, "but I am totally fine with doing this first."
Ganondorf grimaced at the sight of the swords. After a loop where he had caught an Awake Link off-guard and poorly-armed, the hero had taken to collecting swords - with a focus on anti-evil swords - from the many variants, much to the villain's displeasure. Link even had a few Master Swords that lacked a spirit sleeping inside them.
Still, Ganondorf kept his sword raised. "I do not trust the sincerity of your words." Then, reconsidering, he said, "Or I would not, if you were not such an idiot."
Vaati stood with his arms raised, hands aglow with magic and aimed firmly at Link. "We can talk like this," he suggested.
"Or we can fight first, talk later," Link replied. "I'm sure none of us want to end up dead or sealed, so how about a friendly spar?"
The possibility of a serious fight without a bad end had its appeal. Ganondorf smiled like a shark. "How friendly?"
Somewhat surprised that Ganondorf was not against the idea, Link drew on the rules he usually used when fighting friendly loopers. "No dismemberment, death, or permanent maiming. Otherwise, anything goes."
"And both of us against you," Vaati replied without hesitation.
Link breathed slowly, in and out. That would be a challenge, but he had confidence in his abilities. "Agreed," he finally responded, and the other two attacked him even as he spoke.
Sitting on a freshly-cut tree stump, Link took a long swig from a bottle of blue potion before tossing a couple of extra bottles to Ganondorf and Vaati on the log across from him. The hero pulled out a handkerchief and wiped sweat from his face as he observed the rest of the island, or what remained of it.
The ground around them varied between charred black and frozen ice and was peppered with arrows. Swords of various styles and sizes were stuck in the soil, in trees, a boulder, and the monument that had been in the center of the island. Link made a mental note to retrieve them before he left.
Part of him still could not believe that he was anywhere in Vaati and Ganondorf's vicinity without them all trying to kill each other... much. He gave a short laugh. "That was surprisingly fun."
Vaati snorted. "You didn't get stabbed-"
"Yes, I did. Twice," Link pointed out. Ganondorf radiated smugness.
"-with a light arrow," Vaati finished. "Was that some sort of test?"
"It did less damage than usual, ergo you are less evil than usual," Link said with a shrug. "It was the easiest way to be sure you weren't lying."
Ganondorf thought that a lingering grudge against previous actions of himself and Vaati did more to explain some of Link's methods but felt no need to announce such aloud. "Enough chatter. Will you oppose us or assist us this loop, hero?"
"As much as I hate to admit it," Link replied with forced cheer, "Serenity really did get rid of Vaati's corruption and your curse. If that means we won't be fighting every loop, I'll deal with it. Right now, this loop's Zelda is the only threat I plan on fighting." A slight waver in his voice was the only sign of how the thought discomfited him.
Vaati's eyes widened with mild surprise. "So you won't mind us killing this Zelda and taking over Hyrule?"
Link wiggled his hand. "I don't want to kill her, but I will help you." He hesitating before adding, "Make sure that she doesn't have descendants, or else a reincarnation might remember and become an insane Zelda in a future loop. The Triforce of Wisdom allows crap like that."
Ganondorf looked poleaxed. "That explains much," was all he said.
Vaati looked up at Ganondorf, decided not to ask, and looked past Ganondorf to Link. "With you working with us, I think we can afford a direct assault of Hyrule Castle with minimal preparation." He gestured smoothly, allowing shimmering purple magic to flow between them and resolve into an illusionary model. "This is the the layout of the rooms, and the layers of protection we have to nullify..."
Vaati brushed off his robes and gazed around the newly-made ruins of Hyrule Castle, then downed the last half of a bottle of Chateau Romani. Strutting to one of the few pieces of architecture still standing, he dropped the empty bottle and kicked the cracked and battered column to the ground. "Now that was a good time," he said airily, unconsciously cuddling a salvaged magical staff that had served him very well in the final battle as he popped a new celebratory bottle.
Ignoring the drunken Vaati, Ganondorf folded his arms as he pondered the dusty remains that marked all that was left of the monster into which Zelda had transformed. In any other loop he had experienced, that would have been himself. The twist in the situation made him feel strangely uncomfortable, even if the result had been favorable overall.
Link, carefully not looking in the same direction as Ganondorf, held this loop's Master Sword under a beam of the light. Instincts born of past loops screamed at him to stick it in Ganondorf and Vaati before they showed their true evil, but Link forced the feeling down. Taking a vacation after looting the rest of the temples present in this loop sounded better and better the more he thought about it.
His gaze twitched towards Vaati. Covertly checking in on the formerly-evil overlords occasionally would be a good idea. Interventions might be required.
Link hoped this loop would end up as a funny story to tell Zelda the next time he saw her. Embarrassing pictures would help. He slid out his deluxe picto box and aimed the lens at the intoxicated sorcerer.
4.4 (KrisOverStreet)
It was a bar. All three of them were Awake, adult and recovering from a Loop they wanted very badly to forget. The fact that two of them hated the third with a passion, and the third hated them back with a passion that had only recently been reduced from demonic to merely mortal, was washed away by a tide of alcohol.
The tankards had begun to overshadow the table by the time Link asked the question. "So, Ganon... did you ever... y'know... win?"
Ganondorf set his tankard down. "Of course I did," he rumbled. "Dozens of times. In all the different incarnations. I have killed you..." He released the mug to count on his fingers for a few seconds before finishing, "in one hundred and seventeen distinct and unique ways. If you'd held still while I raised the anvil, it would have been a hundred and eighteen."
The thought sobered both Link and Zelda (currently in her Sheik guise-it caused less annoyance in dive bars, she'd found) enough to chug their drinks and wave to the bar-wench for fresh ones. Still, a thought so horrible is like an aching tooth; you just can't help prodding it. "So you actually achieved your fondest wish?" Link asked. "Absolute, supreme power?"
"Well..." Ganon took a healthy drink of his own mug and considered the point. "Technically Demise's curse wanted the destruction of the world. I suppose every premature Loop ending counts for that. But absolute supreme power? I wished for that once. Precisely. Once." Now it was Ganondorf's turn to drain his mug.
After the wench brought fresh mugs and a barrel to cart off the empties, Ganondorf elaborated. "This was a very early Loop for me- my third or fourth time through the setting I was born in, where you lived in the forest with those tree spirits. I played you like a puppet from beginning to end. I knew exactly what choices you would make and when. I was two steps ahead of you every step of the way, and then- when everything was in place- I took the Master Sword from you, locked the both of you in a dungeon for my later entertainment, and took the Triforce from the Temple of Time.
"And I made my wish."
With that Ganondorf raised his fresh tankard and drained it at a single draw. A drunk at the next table over cheered, but a single glare from Ganondorf silenced him.
"What happened then?" Link asked.
"The Loop crashed," Ganondorf said. "And I Awoke in a new place... in a technological era. I was a teenage student in a high school, and my best friend was the president of this club-"
"We don't talk about Eiken," Link said quickly.
"All of them were Gerudo," Ganondorf continued. "My sisters. My MOTHER was the club sponsor. There was even this young student with-"
"We do NOT talk about Eiken!" Link said more firmly.
"They were all around me with... those... things... I couldn't stand it... so horrible..."
"You should try HAVING those things once," Zelda snarled over her mask.
Ganondorf's eyes widened. First he stared at Zelda, obviously altering her slim physique with his eyes. Then he looked down at his own chest for a moment. With a full-body shudder he grabbed both the other Loopers' tankards, drained one, and then the other, slamming them down so hard on the table that one of them cracked.
"Since then," he gasped, "I have learned to be more circumspect about what I wish for."
4.5 (Crisis)
Ganondorf Awoke and stared at the single most impossible thing he'd ever encountered.
His son.
Even discounting the fact that loopers couldn't have children when Awake, the idea of a Gerudo male siring a son due to the 'one male every hundred years' curse was ludicrous. Even if his Loop memories told him that he'd cut a deal with a previous Zelda to be put to sleep for decades so there would be the chance he could sire a son and break the Gerudo curse (since in this variant, it could apparently be broken if a Gerudo male sired another Gerudo male), the sheer odds against that happening were still astronomical given the size of the Gerudo tribe (especially in this variant) and the number of women who were pregnant at any given time.
But there he was.
His son.
Link.
Ganondorf felt a migraine coming on.
4.6 (KrisOverStreet)
The mighty gun and its tracks lay in ruins around the rim of the Sacred Grounds. The turf of the pit buckled and rippled with scars of torn turf and fallen rocks. Small fires smouldered here and there in the ivy that climbed the stone cliffs.
And in the center of it all, a demon lay dying.
"You have not won, Hylia," the demon gasped. "So long as the Triforce survives, so shall I. So long as you are reincarnated, I shall return to torment you. If you share the mortals' fate, then you shall share the mortal's curse."
The demon turned to Link and said, "And you also I curse, boy." And then the demon turned to the third figure, the tall, muscular redhead who still held the hammer he'd been using to keep his ingenious device in the battle as long as possible. "And you... you also I curse. You and your descendants shall never now happiness, never know peace, never know anything except the greed for wealth and power."
The last of the demon's power struck out at the three... and bounced off an invisible wall three times.
"Already have done," Groosendorf rumbled, bringing the hammer down on what was left of the demon's head before it could dissolve.
Afterwards, moments before the Loop reset, he added, "That felt so VERY good."
4.7 - (Dalxein)
"Hello everyone... My name is Ganon."
"Hello, Ganon"
"But I prefer Ganondorf. It's a lot more regal and I prefer that version of myself."
From the back, a couple villains mumbled, "Hello, Ganondorf."
"And... I'm not a very nice person."
"Aww, that's okay." Chrysalis said, patting him on the shoulder. "Most of us here aren't very nice... except her." She nodded over towards Derpy Hooves, who really had no reason to be there, but she wasn't going to question it. "What matters is learning to not be mean. Nice is for ponies."
"Pon...eys."
"Yes, dearie." She turned to the Unawake Sombra. "How is your speech therapy coming?"
"Sombra... re-learning pro-por sentence structures now." the dark unicorn managed.
"Good to hear. A millennium without anyone to talk to- awful, just awful. We're all glad to hear you're making progress, aren't we everyone?"
"Good work, Sombra."
4.8 (SpaceKGreen)
Ganondorf smiled. He had felt it soon after he had Awakened; something was different about the Triforce of Courage. Someone else had replaced Link in this Loop.
And a truly gracious host should always provide for their guests.
So he had pulled out all the stops. Conquering Hyrule, crushing the populace, spreading darkness across the lands, the works.
Sadly, Zelda wasn't Awake. He was sure she would have appreciated the show.
Playing the final notes on his pipe organ, Ganondorf rose, turning to meet the Looper who had replaced Link.
There was a small moment of terror when he saw that the arrival had pink hair, but he was able to mask that with an evil grin as he realized that, fortunately, it wasn't that Sakura girl.
This girl was shorter, had straight hair with spiky ends, and had a very jaded look about her.
He was about to start his grand speech, when the girl raised a hand to interrupt him.
"Look, I know you're probably all ready for a fight and everything, but I had a really rough time in my last Loop and I was hoping to get some rest." said the girl. "So, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is, I poke you with this sword a couple of times, you give a dramatic speech of defeat, we all go home happy. The hard way? You don't want the hard way."
Ganondorf smirked. "And here I am, going to all this trouble to make this interesting for you. I'd feel rather... disappointed if we didn't make a real show of this."
"Yeah? And I wanted a pony. Hmm, there was that ranch on the way here, I'll have to check it out..." mused the girl, apparently drifting off.
"I'm afraid I have to insist. And I have to admit, you've piqued my curiosity."
"Fine, hard way it is. Don't say I didn't warn you." The girl shifted her attention to a point behind Ganondorf... then turned around, sheathing her sword. "Bobobo? Sic 'em."
Ganondorf turned and stared in surprise, as a tall muscular man, wearing sunglasses and a blue shirt, and wielding a large blonde afro, emerged from a small savings and loans where his pipe organ used to be, arguing with a spiky orange ball about how to invest his stock of vintage gummy worms.
He was totally unprepared for the Old Ladies Bingo Night to the side of his head.
Things just went downhill from there.
It took quite a few loops for Ganondorf to mentally recover.
It took considerably longer for him to... convince Link and Zelda to give up the pictures they took of him in his impromptu drag queen phase.
4.1) As the saying goes, you need a few rotten eggs to make an omelet. Wait...
4.2) Zelda gets her Aerith Moment.
4.3) The curse is broken! Now, the real fun begins.
4.4) Eiken: A fate you wouldn't wish even on your own worst enemy. Because then, they steal your drink to drown the memories.
4.5) Their family tree is full of knots by this point.
4.6) Hammers: They're not just for violent, teenage girls anymore.
4.7) I am bad, and that's good. There is no-one I'd rather beat than Link.
4.8) It would appear surrealism can substitute for the Master Sword in a pinch.