Author's Note: omg thank you so much for all these nice and beautiful reviews! They made me so happy!
So yeah, I'm not going to say much this time, just enjoy this chapter! (or not because it's really sad...)
*there's a little trigger warning! Since this chapter contains thoughts about suicide*
Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) still don't own anything from the PJ universe.
Chapter 3 - Into the fire
And now I'm alone I'm looking out
I'm looking in, way down
The lights are dim
and now I'm alone I'm looking out
I'm looking in, way down
The lights are dim
Ooooh
Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Come on, come on.
Percy reached Brooklyn after four hours. On the way back, the rain transformed into a rainstorm, as if the weather would reflect his emotions. As he turned into the street to his home, he saw the first lightning flashes in the sky.
"I guess there's someone who is in the exact same mood as myself." Percy muttered and climbed out into the rain. Immediately his clothes were soaked and he sighed loudly.
"And again wet, great. Thank you very much, Zeus. " He said sarcastically, trudging through the rain to the other side of the street where his home was.
"Mum, I'm back," Percy shouted, closing the door behind him. Immediately Sally came out of the kitchen and smiled at her son.
"Oh Percy, you're all wet? I hope the rain did not stop you too much? But how was it? Was it good?" She asked. Percy just nodded.
"Mum, my father is Poseidon, I am used to the water. And yes, it was very relaxing, "he asserted.
Percy was almost scared of how well he could lie to his mother. And he hated every minute in which he lied to her. Of course, he could just tell her the truth, but then she would worry too much about him. It was simply the better option to conceal the truth.
"I'm making myself ready for bed now. I'm really exhausted. "Percy murmured. His mother looked at him worried. "Percy ...", he knew exactly what would come now, he already saw it by the look on her face. It was only a matter of time before they would notice his weird behaviour. "Is everything okay with you? I mean, Paul and I are a little bit worried, you know?" As for the cue, Paul came out of the living room and put an arm around Sally.
"I'm fine, I promise," Percy said while running his hand through his black hair.
"It's just, you're somehow so distant... We do not know why and, Percy? If anything has happened, you can always talk to us, you know that right?" Sally had tears in her eyes, but tried to suppress them.
"Mum ..." Percy whispered, closing her into a tight hug. "I really appreciate that, but everything is fine, I promise you. I just had a few strenuous months. "
She nodded and broke away from the hug with her son. "Okay, sweetheart, I believe you. I just want you to be happy." Percy smiled at his mum.
"I am. Goodnight, mum. I love you."
"Good night, Percy. I love you too, sleep well." If she would just know, how much Percy actually wished to sleep well again. Sleep was now luxury in his life.
With his head bowed, Percy went into the small bathroom in his room. Even if he really did not want to take a shower and be confronted with the water once again. But he could not avoid the water forever.
He pulled out his still wet clothes and climbed into the small shower. Instantly, the hot water run on his pale skin. It was only now that Percy noticed how cold he had actually been, thanks to the rain and his trip to the sea. Goosebumps pulled over his body, he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. And in this moment, Percy was not afraid of the water, it was as if nothing had happened.
But this feeling disappeared just as quickly as it had come. His mind once again turned around what had happened. He was powerless. His powers were gone. But why? Had Poseidon taken it away from him somehow? Had Percy embarrassed him at the camp, so that know he wants to punish him? But somehow Percy could not believe that. Yes, his father was a powerful god, but unlike many other gods, his father had never been cruel to him. Yes, his father was a powerful god, but unlike many other gods, his father had never been cruel to him. Okay, he had often ignored him or was angry at him, but he never acted like the kind of father who would do such a thing.
But honestly? What did Percy know? He hardly knew his father. Perhaps he was wrong about him, after all. Poseidon was already over a thousand years old, and probably had more pages in his life which Percy didn't know about.
A loud sigh left his lips. Because no matter for what reason he had no control over the water anymore, it was definitely a problem. If the gods find out about it, so will all the monsters, and that would mean Percy was an easy target. There were still enough creatures out there who wanted to see the son of Poseidon dead.
But there was another thought that did not let him go. Would he ever be able to return to the camp?To Annabeth, whom he had left behind? If he had lost the powers of Poseidon, and everything else, was he still a demigod? The thought made him shiver. But if he was no demigod anymore, would the monsters and gods still haunt him? After all, he would not be a big threat anymore. But Percy knew that this thought was only a wishful thought. Even if he was no longer a threat, some would want to take revenge on him for that he had done to them during the war.
And suddenly, Percy was no longer frustrated or sad about the loss of his powers. He was furious. Hadn't he been through enough? Would it ever stop? He already knew the answer to these questions, a clear no. It was never enough and it would never stop. Without thinking about it, Percy struck his fist as hard as he could, against the wall. Immediately he felt a sharp pain, but he did not stop and hit it again, stronger this time. Only when he could almost feel a crack, he stopped. The blood ran along the wall and the water turned slightly red. After a few seconds, Percy noticed that the water was no longer warm, but already cold.
He turned off the shower and washed the red spots from the wall. Then he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hips. Percy ignored the pain that came from his hand, he had already felt much worse pain.
As Percy went back to his room, he dressed up and immediately fell back into his bed. But he was not tired at all. No matter how hard he tried to not think about the fact that his father might be the reason why he had lost his power, it didn't work. It made him angry, but also incredibly sad, but he would never admit that out loud.
Percy thought that after the war of the Titans and giants, something would change, but everything was still the same. The gods acknowledged their children, but nothing more. Percy had not heard anything from Poseidon for a long time as well. And again, as so often in his life, he wondered why he just could not be like all the other ordinary people out there. It might sound incredibly exciting to be the son of a real God, but there were more negative things than positives. Apart from all the monsters. As a demigod, Percy would never be able to build a real relationship with his father, or with anyone else. Every day, Percy was persecuted by the constant fear of being killed, as soon as he did not pay attention for a few minutes. And now more than ever, because of the loss of his powers.
Some time ago his life hadn't been that bad, despite all the things that came as a half-god on one. He had spend some beautiful days with the love of his life and he felt happy for a little while. But now?Percy felt as he could barely breathe. Every day was a fight, he even had to force himself to just get out of the bed. What no one knew, he had felt like that before, a long time ago. When Percy had been a child and his mother and him had still lived together with Gabe. Yes, he had been young, but had already been through a lot this time. But not even Sally knew about it.
"Where are you, boy? Come here right now!"
Percy hid under the table. His tiny hands over his ears, so that he could not hear anything. His mother was working and he was alone with Gabe. He had accidentally crashed his bottle of beer while he was playing, and he knew exactly what would happen now.
"Oh, there you are, you little piece of shit."
Percy tried to run away, but Gabe was a lot bigger and faster than he was with his eight years. Gabe grabbed Percy with his big, strong hands.
"No, please," he cried and tears streamed down his little cheek.
But Gabe ignored this, and Percy felt a fist in his stomach. He instantly crawled and coughed.
"Stop crying, you little bastard and be a man." But Percy couldn't stop. Gabe hit him one more time and Percy fell on the cold ground.
"I hope that was a lesson for you."
Percy had not thought about these memories for such long time, they almost felt like blurry dreams.
But even if the injuries had disappeared from his skin, the scars he felt inside, never really healed and probably never would.
He glanced at his watch, but it was just a few minutes after midnight. He would definitely not sleep tonight, that he was sure about. He struck his bed linen aside and stood up. Percy did not know what he would do. He only knew one thing, that he desperately needed fresh air.
Quickly he pulled a sweater over and slipped into a pair of jeans that were still lying on his floor. It was probably not the best idea to go out there on his own, in the middle of the night. Not only because of monsters or gods who wanted to see him dead. After all, he lived in New York, where accidents were nothing new. But even this did not matter to him at the moment, he just wanted to distract himself somehow.
As quietly as Percy could, he slipped through the apartment and disappeared through the door.
Percy had no plan where he was going. He just ran through the town until he suddenly was standing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The many lights reflected on the water and the image of what Percy was looking at was just beautiful. No matter what he did, somehow it would always pull him to the water, whether he wanted to or not, it was almost like a magnet.
Despite the late hour, many people were still on the road. Instantly, Percy wondered how the lives of those who walked past him, would look like. Whether they were happy? Or maybe there were some who felt like him? Alone. Useless. Kind of abandoned. Percy sighed. When had his life taken such a turn? Was it before he fell into Tartarus? Or afterwards? Was it the time where he almost drowned? He could not remember. He could not even remember the last time he'd been truly happy, it felt like an eternity. Percy just stood there and looked down from the bridge at the water, which seemed more black than blue because of the dark night. But because of all the lights, it did not look creepy or dull, it was the opposite. It almost looked like the stars were dancing in the water. If he would ever be able to use his powers again?
"Hey, young man, are you all right?" Percy suddenly heard a voice behind himself. He immediately turned around. A man, something of the age of thirty, stood before him. In his hand he held a briefcase and he wore a suit. Wow, a typical businessman, Percy thought.
"Um, yes, thank you. I'm fine," Percy murmured, frowning. Why would a stranger on the road stop and talk to him?
"Are you sure? If you need someone to talk to or help, there's always a way out." And then Percy understood. As crazy as it may be, he began to laugh.
"Oh my God, no. I don't want to kill myself, wow. I'm just standing here, enjoying the view, "Percy said but continued to laugh.
He did not even understand himself why. There was absolutely nothing funny about this, he probably has totally lost his mind.
"Okay, then it's fine," the man replied, giving Percy a confused look.
He probably thought he was insane. With a last look at Percy, the man turned around and disappeared in the crowd.
Percy didn't know what to do. So he just stood there, looking at the water. Thinking about everything and nothing at all.
After a while, he decided to go back home, after all, he wanted to be back home before his mother noticed his disappearance.
When he was back in his room, the clock told him it was already six o'clock in the morning, his mother and Paul would soon wake up. He took off his clothes and exchanged them for his pyjamas.
Then he laid down on his bed and stared at the wall again. Now that he was back home, his thoughts went back to the moment on the bridge, where the man thought he was going to jump, and suddenly he the thought was not so funny anymore.
Percy had never thought of such a thing in his life, but now? He thought about dying, but he did not want to die. On the contrary, he wanted to live. But the way his life looked like at the moment, Percy did not know exactly how. He was not suicidal, but he also knew that if a monster or a god would wanted to kill him now, he would just laugh and say, "Go ahead."
Percy, perplexed by his own thoughts, sat upright in his bed and ran his hand through his black hair.
A knock on the door made him start up.
"Yes?" He answers. His mother opened his door and smiled at him.
"Good Morning, sweetheart. How are you today? "Sally asked, and Percy saw that she was still worried about him.
He smiled at her. "Mum. I'm fine, really, "he said and stood up.
"Yes, okay. I'm sorry, I'm a total helicopter mother again, "she replied, laughing. Percy smirked.
"A little bit. But it's okay. Is breakfast ready? "Percy asked, trying to distract the subject.
"Of course, Paul is preparing everything. I'm sorry Percy, but are you really well? You look very tired. Have you even slept at all? "Percy sighed.
"Yes, Mum. I just had a bad dream, "Percy said, and went to his mum and kissed her on the cheek.
In a way, Percy actually had a nightmare.
This one called itself: Life.
Yeah, that was quite a sad chapter, wasn't it? Now the time has come for you to decide if you still want to continue reading,
or not haha. Because you can believe me, that from chapter to chapter Percys thoughts are going to get even more depressed.
BUT I can also say you don't have to worry about me killing Percy. I would NEVER do that! But yeah, this story is a really sad story, with
a deep meaning. You can read it, or not. But PLEASE if it triggers you in any way, take care of your own health and stop reading, okay? 3
That's all for today. Please leave some reviews, they really motivate me to keep going with this story :)
Love you guys! xxx
P.S: A big thank you to my beta reader! x