Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 4
A/N: Welcome again my pretties! I hope that I have not kept you waiting to long for this update! I had some trouble getting it done, but finally it all worked out. I would like to thank my beta, RogueStorm84, for doing an amazing job looking this over. I also want to thank you all for R&R and following me and the story! You all have made me a very happy camper :D Anyways enough with my rambling. On with the show!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the Characters, well besides the psychopath, only the plot. Did I mention that I own this story's resident psycho? Just checking!
The first forty-eight hours passed with little success. The team had been racking their brains searching for anything that could help them with this case. Truth be told they didn't even really know what they were looking for. They had had Garcia run a search looking for males who had been shot in their homes and then hunted. Unfortunately the search had come up empty. Everyone was dragging their feet trying to catch sight of something that they had missed.
"Okay, so what do we know so far?" Hotch was normally the one that was fully alert, but right now as he questioned his team he looked as if he would pass out at any moment.
"Well he is definitely a male in his late twenties early thirties," Said JJ warily.
"He is arrogant. He speaks as if he won't be caught. He knows that right now we have nothing on him," Stated Rossi as he stared down at his memo pad, rubbing his beard as he thought about what could be missing.
"The crime suggests that the shot was the initial attack that was simply meant to add to the excitement. Maybe he wants to prey on his victims. Let them get healthy only to hunt them down again." Emily looked at Morgan with a hint of sorrow in her eyes. Morgan stood up and walked out of the room, his jaw clenched so tight it was amazing that his teeth didn't crack under the pressure. That was when Reid stood up, irritation rolling off of him.
"First, let's not talk about this case as if it isn't personal. We all have a tie to this case. Your connection to it, whether you like it or not, is me! So can we please drop the nonchalant, this is just like every other case attitudes? Second, let's not talk to me like a victim. Yes, I was shot and frankly I am terrified for my life. NO one understands how shaken I am. But the thing is that I refuse to let some man interrupt my life. I am not going to sit around and play victim, waiting for you all to save me. Lastly, can we please stop shooting Morgan the sympathetic looks? He feels bad enough, no need to make him feel worse."
"Reid," Was all Hotch said in warning, but there was no hint of disapproval in his voice. He simply just wanted everyone to focus on the task at hand. Hotch surveyed the room, the faces of his team burned into his mind as he saw their defeated and tired looks. They clearly needed a break.
"Alright, everyone go home and call it a night. We will pick this up tomorrow morning." Everyone rushed from the room except Reid and Hotch. Sitting back down and pulling his notepad towards himself, Reid began reading over the details that they had gathered so far. He watched his boss busy himself with his belongs, knowing full well that he wanted to say something.
"What is it Hotch?"
Hotch hesitated before he finally spoke, "You're right about us not knowing what you went through back at your apartment…at least not all of us. I understand that you are having a hard time processing all of this, but don't forget that while some of us have not suffered exactly as you have or are, we still suffer. Perhaps you should feel relieved that we care so much that we have to treat this just like any other case otherwise we would all break."
Hotch made his way to the door only to stop and turn around when Reid's voice met his ears. "Thank you Hotch. For caring. But there are some things that caring can't fix. Do you know that I have not set foot in my apartment in eighteen days? Not because I haven't had time or because I haven't thought about it. No, I haven't been there because I am afraid, Hotch. I'm terrified of what it will remind me of what happened. The idea that I could ever be so helpless again shakes me to my very core. Hotch, I was shot in my own home! Then there are the nightmares that plague me every time Morgan leaves my side at night. Yes, he has been good for me….so good to me, but it is only a matter of time before he realizes that he doesn't really want me. How could he want the socially awkward genius who can't help but ramble?"
"Perhaps Reid, you should give Morgan the chance to tell you what he wants instead of making assumptions. Make sure you get some sleep….we will start fresh tomorrow." Reid listened to the footsteps fade as he sat in his seat, heart racing. He had wanted to get those things off of his chest for the past week. Morgan was everything to him….more than everything. Morgan was practically all that he had left. He had a father who was barely present and his mother, though he loved her dearly and he knew that she felt the same, she was almost completely gone. Her body was still surviving, but her mind was slowly dying. Losing him would kill me….listen to me. I'm the genius who has fallen in love and making statements that I know can't possibly happen. I am so far gone. Reid's thoughts were broken by a cough coming from the doorway.
"Do you really feel that way?" Morgan watched Reid become tense and that was all he needed to answer his question. His voice was strained as he continued to speak, "Just so you know, you are the one that I want. I'm sorry that all this had to happen to you in order for me to see that but honestly you are the one."
"Morgan…."
"Yes Pretty Boy?" Morgan moved to squat beside Reid. He brushed the back of his fingers across Reid's cheek gently. He stayed silent knowing that when he was ready the younger agent would speak. He didn't have to wait long.
"I don't know what I am supposed to do. It feels like I have to be strong, you know because of the job we do. But honestly I don't feel strong. I feel fragile."
"Spencer, no one is expecting you to be strong. You're not invincible. It's okay to be scared…baby that is what lets you know that we are alive. It's also what separates us from people like him." Morgan grabbed his lover's hands, giving them a tentative squeeze. Reid looked down at him for the first time since he had come back into the room.
"You know someone very wise once told me that I couldn't be superman…that I could only be me, be Derek. The same applies to you."
Reid smiled, "Who said that?"
Morgan couldn't hold in his chuckle. "That wise person was you genius, but I'm pretty sure that you remember it perfectly."
"I do remember, but it doesn't hurt to hear the praise sometimes."
"Well, that just means that I will spend the rest of my days telling you how awesome you are and how much I love you." Morgan stood letting go of Reid's hands. "Now let's get out of here so that you can rest that brilliant brain of yours, Pretty Boy."
"Actually you go ahead without me. I am going to work on this case some more. There has to be something that I am missing."
"Spencer Reid, what did we just talk about…and before you open your mouth I do not need to hear the entire conversation again verbatim. Now get your skinny ass up and come home with me so that you can get some sleep. You are no good to the team if you are mentally and physically exhausted." Without further argument Reid stood up. Grabbing his coat he walked out of the conference room a smile on his face and the man he loved trailing closely behind him.
Morgan found himself at the office at seven thirty. Reid had insisted on being at the office before eight, and when Reid wanted something he didn't stop until he got it. Morgan had attempted to roll over and ignore his boyfriend, but Reid simply pushed him out of the bed, effectively dumping him on the freezing floor. Now he was sitting at his desk still grumbling about the incident. Garcia walked into his office at about a quarter till.
"Hey my Chocolate Adonis. We are waiting for you in- are you okay?"
"I don't know how to do this Baby Girl."
"Do what Sweet Cheeks?"
"I don't know how to walk in there and pretend that this doesn't bother me. I know Spencer needs me to be strong, but what am I supposed to do? I came close to losing him once…I don't know if I can face that again."
"Are you trying to say that you don't want to be with him because some sick psychopath is on a rampage with Reid's name at the top of his list?"
"What! No, that's not-"
"Good because Derek Morgan he has been through a lot. And while you may not know how to handle this, how do you think he feels? Besides, when did this become about you? Last time I checked Reid was the one who took a bullet. Not to mention he is the one who has to sleep with one eye open and will possibly feel like he has blood on his hands because in less than an hour this creep is going to call back. So maybe you should suck it up and deal with whatever macho complex you have going on and get your head out of your ass."
"Gar-" Morgan was cut short as Garcia stormed from his office. She was right of course. He had taken a situation that had barely anything to do with him and had completely submerged himself in it. He was being selfish to the one person that didn't need anything else added to his load. With that in mind and the scolding from Garcia fresh he made his way to the conference room to find Hotch asking Reid questions.
"Reid, what do you remember when you first woke up?"
"There was a sound coming from the front of the apartment. It sounded like a rat had knocked something down. I got out of bed and made my way towards the noise. When I reached the kitchen I realized that nothing was out of place. Nothing except the fact that the lights were on."
"Think really hard here Reid. Did you or did you not leave the lights on in the kitchen."
"All the lights except a lamp beside my bed were off." Reid opened his eyes and stared at Hotch. Things were starting to click. He hadn't noticed before now that the lights had been off before he had gone to bed. "He was already in the house. Hotch, keep going. I think that this is helping."
"If you're sure." Hotch paused, but when he didn't receive any sign to stop from Reid he continued. "What happened the second time you was awakened?"
Reid closed his eyes once more. "The clattering got worse. There was more noise this time, almost as if someone wanted to announce their presence. When I got out of bed I noticed that heat had been turned on. Once I returned to the kitchen I noticed that the pots were thrown all over the floor. I called Morgan a second time and then went back to bed." Only Garcia witnessed Morgan flinch at the mention of the phone call.
"And the last time you got out of bed, what happened?"
"I hadn't been able to get back to sleep after the second interruption, so I had simply lain in bed with my eyes open. There was a noise like someone going through drawers and then there was a creak. I moved to the living with my phone in hand. As I was dialing Morgan's number again I moved back to the bedroom to grab my gun. I normally keep it in the first drawer of my nightstand, so it was really weird that it wasn't there. I knew something was wrong, but I went back into the living room anyway as I got Morgan's voicemail again. Then there was the sound of footsteps and then he was standing in front of me. He had on a mask with my gun pointed at me." Reid shivered as he relived the horrendous event. He was shaking pretty bad when Morgan decided that he needed to help Reid through this. He swiftly moved to Reid's side, pulling out a chair and turning it so that he was facing Reid. Reid kept his eyes closed, but even with that sense gone he still knew that it was Morgan that was trying to give him comfort…to guide him back to reality. But he couldn't go back until this was done. The case depended on him being strong enough to get through this. Just a little more.
"He said, 'How nice it is to see you again, Spencer. Did you miss me?' When I didn't answer he backhanded me and I fell to the floor. The phone dropped from my hand but it wasn't that far away. I tried to reason with him, but he wasn't listening. Then everything slowed down as he pulled the trigger. I felt the bullet enter my torso and the blood started pouring out. Then he leaned over me and whispered, 'Goodbye Dr. Reid. You should have just-' I don't recall the rest of his sentence because I blacked out." Reid tried to open his eyes, but before he could his mind began to replay the shot over and over again. His body started shaking and then one phrase began to leave his mouth over and over again.
"No, please don't do this. I will do anything just don't. Just put the gun away." Morgan instantly remembered the words. It was the words left on his voicemail right before Reid was shot.
"What is happening to him Morgan?" Garcia had a panicked look on her face.
"He is reliving the shooting again. My guess is that his mind has it on an endless loop. Simply put I think that Spence is having a panic attack." Morgan released his lover's hands to grip his face. He rubbed his thumbs soothingly against Reid's cheeks as he spoke to him, "C'mon Pretty Boy. I'm right here. It's not real…you're just reliving something that already happened. C'mon Spence, listen to my voice. Follow my voice." Reid's eyelids began to move rapidly as he tried to open his eyes.
"Morgan?"
"Yes, Pretty Boy. It's me baby, it's Morgan. There you go. Open those beautiful brown eyes for me baby boy." Reid's eyes fluttered open. There was a slight sheen of sweat coating his forehead. Once his vision settled he was instantly in Morgan's arms…seeking the warmth that he knew the man could provide. "It's okay Spencer. You are-"
Morgan was cut off by the ringing of the phone. He looked down at his watch noticing that it was time for the unsub to call back. He grabbed the napkin that JJ held out to him only barely noticing that Garcia had left the room. Morgan began to dap at the moisture that had collected on Reid's face as Hotch answered the phone.
"This is Special Agent Hotchner."
"Well, hello there Agent Hotchner. I take it that I am on speaker."
"Yes, you are."
"Very good. So on to the main event. Have you all figured out anything that can help you with the case?" Garcia was recording the entire conversation from her lair as well as trying her hardest to find out where he was hiding.
"We do know that you used Dr. Reid's own gun when you shot him. Also that you intended to kill him. My question is why you didn't?"
"The great thing about your last response is that the first two parts are correct. The problem is that not killing him was an accident, but don't worry I'm still working on that. So, you have nothing that will help you catch me?"
"Not yet, but it is only a matter of time." Hotch spoke with a seriousness that seemed to radiate throughout the entire room.
"Where is Dr. Reid?"
"He is currently-"
"I don't want excuses Agent Hotchner. I want the genius on the phone, NOW!" Hotch looked over at Morgan. He knew that Reid would agree, but Morgan was an entirely different story. He noticed Morgan tense before he sat back, moving to allow Reid to stand and move over to the phone. Reid cleared his throat before speaking.
"This is Dr. Spencer Reid."
"There is my favorite genius. So, tell me doctor. Do you prefer them tall, dark, and handsome?"
"Excuse me? I'm sorry but I'm not following you."
"I believe that Agent Morgan is your current choice for a partner. So, that simply implies that you like them tall, dark, and handsome. Which explains a lot, but on to more pressing matters. Since you have yet to figure out anything important or helpful, let me lend you a hand. In an alley about four blocks from the Bureau you will find a white male who is dead. Maybe he can shed some light on our little situation. You have forty-eight hours before another body shows up. I suggest that you all work quickly. Ciao for now."
A/N: Again I would like to thank RogueStorm84 for being an amazing beta! Thank you all for reading this story and reviewing! I love you all for it! So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to R&R! Until next time...See Ya :D