Disclaimer: Nope, nope, not mine. It wasn't me you saw at book signings.
Yay for alyssarose2011 who joined the party going on down at the review button!
Thank you readers!!
Chapter 4: Which reality?
Bella's point of view
Last time:
"Bella". Edward called softly to me, and I could hear it flawlessly, there was relief. I wondered what my new eyes would show me. I opened my eyes and focused fully for the first time on the love of my life, and saw the unbelievable.
Edward's clothes were completely disheveled, his hair was stiff with filth, his lovely face had splotches of red streaking wildly over his white cheeks, and he had small cuts to his hands. His lips looked a bit red and chapped. His face was still glistening in the early morning light; I took a small step forward and let my eyes wander up. It wasn't his skin that was shimmering; it was the harsh tear stains. They were still flowing. My eyes snapped up to his: green. Brilliant green and swollen. He had an endless amount of tears spilling from these gleaming emerald orbs that were staring helplessly at me.
What is happening?
Is this a power? Did my change somehow affect Edward? While I was wallowing in everything I would lose as a human, did he gain it? Is anyone else different? Alice or Carlisle – I had seen them while I was changing. What did this mean? Could I turn the tables on immortality?
I noticed the itch in the back of my throat. Very slight.
The sensation came to a screeching halt and dropped into the pit of my stomach as I realized: I am a newborn vampire, and Edward appears to be human. Humans are filled with blood.
What does blood smell like?
"Edward, do you feel ok? What is going on?" Edward's eyes went from desperate to scared then to curious. He walked slowly towards me. Would he be warm if I touched him?
"Bella, you're asking me if I am ok? Are you?" He looked incredulously at me. I felt my jaw drop, my brow crease: did he not realize what he looked like? What I had done to him? Before I could respond, I felt the itch again – I need to get out before I kill him. I held my breath like I had seen him do before. I was on the defense now: just get out.
"I need to see Carlisle and Alice". My voice was clipped and sharp. I heard the door open, standing there was Carlisle and Alice, and behind them were the rest: Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and little further behind them was Jasper.
The light steaming in from Edward's window hit them all, and not one of them sparkled.
Before I could form a coherent thought, Alice approached me about to take my hands. I pulled away from her sharply. She stopped dead in her tracks and I looked at her and saw hurting blue-gray eyes.
"Oh God", my hand went up to my mouth as I stepped back from her; "I need to get out of this room. I'm so sorry. What have I done? This cannot be happening. Edward, stay away", I said as he took a giant step forward.
"Bella what are you saying?" Carlisle approached then. He was a mess. He looked like he had never slept and hadn't eaten in a month. Esme followed in after her husband. She had worry written in her hazel eyes I saw. I began to breathe very hard. Blocking the door now was Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper all looking on-alert and very frightened. They should be: I could kill every one of them in a heartbeat.
"Bella, Bella love, come to me", Edward pleaded across the room. I looked from Esme's eyes to his, I was shaking uncontrollably now. Emmett slowly stepped into the room with Rosalie holding onto his hand behind him. For the first time, Emmett was not intimidating to me. Edward took another step forward. Carlisle made a move to grab onto me. I was being backed into the corner of the room.
"NO! Get away from me!" I bellowed at him.
"Bella! What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know who we are?" Rosalie demanded, stepping around Emmett. I shoved my hands out in front of me to warn her to not get closer, Emmett pulled her back.
"What do you mean 'what's wrong with you', I nearly killed her last night Rose!" Jasper screamed, coming to a stop by Rosalie, "she is scared to death!"
My eyes were still on Edward's as I saw my break.
'I'm so sorry', I mouthed to him, and I ran for it.
"Bella….NO!" Edward roared.
I sped past Carlisle, breaking through Jasper and Rosalie and hurling myself all the way through the door's entrance. I got down the hall and near the stairs when I felt Emmett coming up behind me: I jumped. I cleared the banister and landed like a cat on the dark hard wood floors. Before thinking, I ran to the front door, and pulled: they were still locked from three nights before. The screaming upstairs was getting louder and Edward's cries were growing closer; I walked back steadied myself and kicked as hard as I could. The front door caved. I ran through before the splintering wood could fall to the floor.
Once outside, I did not look back and did not try to listen to their voices. I was so angry at myself. How did this happen? Did I secretly want this all along – Edward to change human, not me change to a vampire? How is this fair – why now? In my anger, I slowed and pushed at a tree nearby, it flew into two more, ripping them up from the roots. I screamed at the heavens, kicked plants and threw rocks sending them clear through other tree trunks.
I could have killed them. They were human now, right? I didn't feel the need to kill them, like Edward had felt with me, but I still have the capability. I was programmed for the carnage.
My despair turned to anger. How could they not feel this change? How could Alice not see it? How could Jasper not notice this? This is so much bigger than me. I am alone now. I could feel the walls closing in. I wish I could cry.
I need to hunt.
I began to run again, flying further into the greenery; green like Edward's eyes. His eyes swollen from crying. I wanted to hold him and calm him. What would it be like to hold him while he slept? I was the monster who could hurt him now; I couldn't touch him. I understood now: I would never put him in that danger. If I went back I would never leave; I could never see him again. Leave to save him? Yes. A sob tore into my soul and I collapsed. I would never see him again. He would age and die. I gave him the fate that I was so terrified of barely a week ago.
I heard something to my right. I sprang into a crouch and spotted a few deer. I sniffed the air and it literally pulled me towards the scent. I sprang quickly and in a matter of seconds, I was standing above three killed deer. Instinct is an interesting thing. I walked a few feet away and sank to the damp forest floor, lying on my back eyes closed. I could hear everything. Bugs and wind and leaves and sticks. Everything. I could hear Edward's cries as I ran; Alice yelling my name and Esme shrieking. I could hear the blood trickling from the dead deer a few feet away.
'It could have been Edward, it could have been Edward, it could have been Edward' my mind was screaming this at me. I scrunched my eyes shut even more and pressed my hands firmly against my ears. I took a deep breath and let it out: an ear-splitting wail that mourned all that I had lost from selfishness.
Night, come and bury me.