Why was it so hard to breath when Erik held him? Charles questioned himself over and over again. Had Erik seen what he had been feeling before. Charles wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.
He looked to the tired face in front of him, noticing how his eyes felt as if he was portraying his soul in this very moment. It made him feel uneasy, he was the telepath not Erik.
A person with cold hands was supposed to be kind. He had felt a slight brush of his cold fingers when Erik gave their board. He noticed how careful he held it, as if he treasured the memories. The board that belonged to his father, his real father. Not the abusive figure who took his father's place and broke his mother's heart.
He blinked, he felt tired - too tired to deal with the mess Erik brought with him by entering his world once more.
"I'm not a pity case." The words had escaped him, he only meant them half hearted but he spoke them aloud and noticed the small shiver coming from the taller male. "I know." Erik whispered, a feeling of frustration and panic arising inside of him. "I don't do this out of guilt alone, Charles I don't pity you." His eyes stared down at his old friend.
I understand you don't truly take me on my word, but Charles I never wanted to hurt you. The way those words were spoken, it seemed unfit for the metalbender. It was sincere, surreal and Charles felt his heart feel heavy. He licked his lips feeling nervous, unsure of what would become of them both.
A silence, one Charles ended with a doubt.
"I - Erik…" He wavered, thinking once more if he truly wanted to say his next words. But he noticed how careful Erik was, even when he held him and let him hit him he was patient. Charles sighted: "I need your..help."
Erik felt surprised: "Help?" He asked the other, taking notice of how frail and broken Charles looked at him. He swallowed and nodded: "Of course, I will help you in the best of my abilities." It wasn't just a promise, Charles knew in the way he said those words with extra care and certainly.
"I - want you to be my caretaker. And help me to start my school." He eyed the other, already expecting the refusal that came from his proposal.
Erik however didn't refuse. "Of course." Erik whispered it softly. The conversation that hang between the two left many words unsaid. By the both of them, Charles would need time to rebuild his trust in Erik. And Erik needed time to prove himself, but he knew that it was a small first step.
"You need to stop drinking…" Erik said careful and was greeted with a heavy sigh from the blue eyed male. "I know."
"You need proper sleep." Erik pointed out and Charles laughed with a hint of sadness. "Do you?" He asked the other. Erik couldn't lie: "Barely."
In that moment they both understood they needed to become some kind of support for the both of them. And in the same instant they realized how difficult it would be.
"It's late - I." Erik mumbled when he saw it was already 2 am. Charles nodded, moving his fingers to his temple. "Apparently Hank had much more faith in you then I did. He prepared a room for you. It's - close to mine." Charles didn't want to sound bitter, he simply didn't want to be cared for. He wasn't used to it, and he didn't want to get used to Erik being near too much. He already wondered if Erik as his caretaker was a good idea to begin with. A soft knock broke his thoughts and he told Hank to enter. "Hank will show you your room." Charles said softly, in which Erik nodded and stood up to leave.
"Goodnight Charles." Erik looked at his old friend once more. "See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight Erik." Charles didn't truly believe the other would be here the next day. He would figure it later, he guessed.
Charles watched the door close, and he felt a familiar sting.
Why did you return Erik?
He played out the conversation they had.
Raven is wrong. I never could save him from himself. I didn't even know he wanted to throw his life away.
He looked at the broken pieces of glass, if Erik would await him in the morning he would ask him to clean it up. And he will ask of him to throw away that cursed coin.
It scared Charles, that Raven used him to blackmail Erik in living. What does that even mean? I mean enough for him to live? Why?
Charles decided those questions could only be answered by the man that had left him before. He pulled his blankets closer, trying to seek some warmth. But even the blankets reminded him of how cold the other felt. He cursed inwards and forced himself to try to find some rest.