Wow I'm so sorry life and exams has stopped any progression with this story I'll try to be a better author.

I realise this has kinda got a lot of Niff (Nick/Jeff) in it but I hope you don't mind that much.

I also apologise for any errors.

WARNING : Self harm/ Cutting DO NOT READ IF TRIGGER

4 months ago

Blaine Anderson sat in the nurses office while she tended to his arm probably just a sprain she said, then why did it hurt so much. Perhaps because it was the first time his bullies had physically hurt him, or perhaps it was because his former best friend had done it...

Present

He creaked open the door to his house, not bothering to shut it behind him and attempting to control his breathing. The silence throughout it was deafening He wrists itched for the touch of the cool metal, the blood pumping loudly in his ears. He felt hot and claustrophobic the heat came in waves his skin crawling with the itch. His breathing sped up.

Disgusting fag deserves to die deserves to be hurt to be in pain to be unhappy. He hated himself everyone hated him no one loved him he wanted to die. He wanted the pain to end for his heart to stop aching for numbness.

He walked slowly, his footsteps echoing like a death march across the marble hall and up the stair. He reached the bathroom attempting to quell the feverish sweat he had by splashing his face with cold water. It helped minimally it didn't stop the want to feel the blade against his skin.

He reached for his razor with shaking hands lifting the metal to his wrist and pressing it into the already scarred skin until the deep red blood beaded against the silver. He sighed in relief he couldn't feel the hurt now the pain was momentarily gone replaced by the relief. He had heard about how people cut to feel again because they were numb but he cut to feel numb, he cut because when he cut he couldn't think about anything else. He took a deep breath letting the air fill his lungs and continued to mark his skin.

Jeff pulled up to the Anderson home marvelling momentarily at the grand facade. Then rushing towards the door, he saw how it stood ajar and pushed it open slowly.

"Blaine?" he waited for a response "Blaine where are you?" Jeff began to panic. What had Blaine done? Was he somewhere laying unconscious on the floor, blood dripping down his arms pooling beneath his lifeless body?

"J-Jeff?" A small voice stuttered from the stop of the stairs.

"Blaine! Oh thank God I thought we'd lost you I thought you were gone I thought you might have killed yourself or something!" Blaine let out a sob and Jeff started towards him but Blaine flinched away only then did Jeff notice the bloody cuffs of his white dress shirt, he gasped.

"No" He whispered "come here Blaine, I'm not going to hurt you I just want to help" the platinum blond warbler paused "can I see them?" he advanced slightly, Blaine shook his head.

"Just go, I'm fine ok... D-don't tell anyone..."

Jeff grimaced "clean them ok and put some bandages on them... I'll see you tomorrow... Please Blaine we explained everything to Kurt he feels awful he thought you might need some space so he's waiting till tomorrow to talk to you... we love you Blaine don't do anything stupid... Please."

Jeff after receiving an assurance that if he didn't leave Blaine would make him, turned reluctantly and left closing the door behind him.

Blaine stood at the top of the stairs Jeff's words echoing in this head. 'Kurt feels awful'. Kurt feels awful, He'd made Kurt feel awful ... He was a monster ... He'd hurt the only person that had ever really loved him.

Kurt lay in bed staring silently at the empty one across from his. He was too drained to go to dinner. His eyes felt dry yet he knew he would start crying again at a moment's notice. Just thinking about his ... about Blaine made the tears come back, he saw the betrayal, hurt and despair on Blaine' face as he was ushered from the hall by David.

A lone tear dripped down his cheek leaving a silver trail of salty water in its wake. The moonlight streaming through the open window washed softly over his face. All Kurt heard was the rustle of the trees swaying in the silence, until the sound of a car creeping up the drive reached his ears. He stood and padded over to the window. It was Jeff.

Kurt watched Jeff's blond hair as he ran along to the side door of the dorms, where it seemed someone was waiting ushering him in from the cold. Kurt squinted at the figure in the light, Nick, as he suspected. But wait what was Jeff doing out so late, did he lie? Did Jeff lie about him and Blaine cheating? No, he wouldn't do that... Would he?

Jeff sat in his car, his brain still buzzing with thoughts of Blaine. He was so scared that tomorrow they'd find out Blaine had killed himself and Jeff had done nothing.

But right now he should be working out how to get in to Dalton without being seen, it was after curfew and he'd get into a lot of trouble if he tried to just walk in. He decided to text Nick, to see if he could sneak through the side door of the building.

Nick was in Jeff and his dorm listening to happy music and beaming, once in a while stroking the cheek where Jeff had kissed him.

When he heard his phone buzz, he snatched it up and read the text: 'Hey 3 could you come open the west side door for me? - 6'

What? Damn Nick had been so distracted that he hadn't noticed the time, it was after curfew. He quietly tiptoed out of his room and down the hall to the door slipping it open quietly as Jeff ran in, Nick shut it behind him and the two of them hurrying back to their room.

As soon as they walked in they heard 'Falling for You' playing loudly from Nick's laptop. He blushed and shut it quickly with a snap, "Sorry." Jeff smiled and shook his head, waving it off. Flopping down on the bed, Jeff sighed and buried his face in a pillow.

"Jeff?" Nick frowned, concerned at his friend's actions and hopped over sitting gently on the edge of Jeff's bed. He placed a hand on the small of Jeff's back and rubbed softly, "Jeffy? What's wrong?" Jeff was silent, "where were you tonight?" again no answer.

Frustrated, Nick stood with a loud sigh, "Are we still friends Jeff?"

Jeff's head snapped up when he heard how hurt Nick's voice sounded, he sat up quickly and stared at Nicks back "Of course we are! Best friends-"

Nick cut him off in a thick voice "Really? Because I thought best friends told each other things? And there's something big you're not telling me..." He didn't turn around and just continued staring at the wall, burning holes in it with the intensity of them.

Jeff felt angry, the hypocrite how dare he I'm not the only one with a secret "I don't have to tell you everything if you don't allow me the same courtesy!" he shouted surging off the bed.

Nick paled, "W-what?"

"You heard me! Why did you get so angry when you saw me with Blaine! Huh? I know perhaps it's because you've got a stupid crush on me and you were insanely jealous!"

There was a tense silence, Jeff realized what he just said and clapped a hand to his mouth. Nick shakily turned, his heart having dropped like a lead weight, staring straight at the other boy's guilty and pained face, "Thanks Jeff now I know where we stand..." Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he struggled to keep his voice even, the brunette scurried out of the room, his sobs ringing out as the door closed behind him. "NICK! Wait no I didn't mean that!" Jeff called after him but he was already out of sight.

David, Wes and Sam were sat in Sam and Josh's dorm having a halo marathon while Josh sat on his bed reading a book quietly.

"Haha! Take that David!" Sam turned to Wes for a high five and grinned, "Told you we would win!"

David sulked and Josh added"I told you, that you shouldn't have bet that you could beat both of them at the same time, I warned you he was getting good." David just stuck out his tongue and Wes laughed as Sam puffed his chest out and struck superman poses.

A loud knocking hit the oak door and a few quiet sobs could be heard. All four boys looked worried at the sound and Wes made his way over to the door opening it quickly. "Nick?" the boy rushed past Wes and into the room standing distressed in the middle of it for a second, before falling to the floor and dissolving into tears.

I don't want to ask for reviews but they make me want to write quicker and make me happy so I would really love some, thank you so much for reading my little story. I think we'll have quite a few chapters left yet.

Courage