A/N: So still struggling with finding time and inspiration to work on my regular stories but we're getting there. For now, here's something that you'll really like! Probably. Psst. There's a dirty joke in there.
Disclaimer: So I just read a memo that Disney moved the rights to Zootopia to another vault. That would have been nice to know before I got LOCKED IN THIS ONE OVER THE WEEKEND!
Article 4: Ice cream, cause purple and bowling pins.
Meanwhile in Cyrodiil, we tune back into our rapidly growing favorite fox, now only four behind from the top slot. When last we left Nick Wilde, he was being beaten to death by a horse he had accidentally assaulted and turned into an enemy. During the swap over to Skyrim and the Dovabun, it appears the crafty mammal popped a few health potions and made a run for his life. Since the world has not reset, he obviously made it. His journey to Chorrol city was a short one after his little sidetrack and already he would be making his way towards Kvatch after meeting with-...wait...where did he go?
After a short search, his 'You are here' arrow was found leading into an Ayleid ruin. The fox was taking a risk by going into the ancient halls of the elves. While the riches and rewards waiting within were vast and highly sought after, the dangers were just as many. In the end, you would either be rich and most likely bleeding or dead.
Fast traveling to the ruins Nick had unlocked on his map, a power granted to narrators, we arrive to see a couple of dead conjuring wizards, a jackrabbit and a skunk, near the front door. Obviously our hero had little trouble getting inside but the real danger still lurked within. Floating through the stone door, no loading screens as is another power of all narrators, a glowing white arrow appeared, marking Nick's location through several of the walls.
Unfortunately, due to legal terms and conditions, modifications to an existing map structure was not allowed so passing through the walls was not an option. Instead the camera zoomed along down the corridors littered with fresh, and sometimes not so fresh, corpses, hoping to catch up to the fox before he disappeared down into a side room. Sounds of battle echoed along the halls indicating the conflict was close.
The darkness lifted to reveal a fox, now dressed in an outfit of light leather armor for maximum mobility, currently struggling against a massive rhino skeleton. While foxes were the largest predator in the small mammal category, a rhino stood over twice his height. It's bones were thick and sturdy and not likely to easily break. The steel shortsword in Nick's paw was closer to a longsword to him, but would be considered a toothpick by the large mammal. With each swing of his sword the fox had to nimbly dodge the warhammer nearly the size of himself. Slight nicks were appearing in the tough shinbones, each one causing minor damage. It would not be en-
"Oh jeez. You're back again?" His voice was rather annoyed as he ducked a vicious slam from the rh- "Of course I'm annoyed! I'm fighting a giant pile of magically animated BONES! I have zero idea on how to beat this thing!"
What he didn't know was that a simple dispel spell could disrupt the magic holdi-
"I don't know any magic!" Nick roared in frustration, throwing himself to the ground to avoid having his head taken off. It didn't truly matter if the vulpine didn't know any magic since that wasn't how skeletons were held together anyways. "WHAT?!"
With his mood steadily declining and his reflexes slowing from all the exertion, the tod barely rolled out of the way of another devastating swing. Slinking back around the corner, a floating menu popped up out of sight of the fox. Seeing how close he was to death, the decision was made for the good of the readers. Scrolling over to the settings menu, the difficulty rating was dropped down to novice. This would prevent him from dying and ending the tale.
The echo of rattling bones came around the corner, prompting the narrator to come back around the corner to see a horned skull resting on top of a pile of once was a reanimated skeleton. A dumbfounded tod stood there just staring at his sword wondering what just happened, for the creature's health had plummeted in one sword strike even though the last twenty had seemingly done nothing. "I should probably question this," he muttered suspiciously, "but I'm probably not gonna like it and I'm still alive so...yeahhh..."
Emboldened by his success, Nick headed deeper into the ruins. The place was spooky. Like really spooky. Like one foot per minute sneaking speed with a bow and life detection spooky. Like desperately wishing it was Skyrim so you could abuse the fortify restoration glitch and become a god spooky. But Nick pushed through anyway. He was on a mission that was of vital importance to the Empire. "Now where is that sword that really old lion wanted for his collection?"
Huh?
So wait. Given a quest by the Emperor on his deathbe-...oh that's right, he never did that part of the quest. Okay so suddenly feeling his pocket weighed down by a bloodstained and sugar glazed amulet, Nick stopped and pulled it out to take in it's significance.
"Wow. This is very significant. This is Emperor Clawhauser's amul-wait is that blood?!" Nick looked up at the ceiling. "You made Spots die?! What the hell! Bring him back!"
But it's part of the scrip-
"Don't care. Make him alive again."
Oh very well. Suddenly the amulet is free of blood but still sugar glazed. The Emperor had to go into hiding so they took him to an undisclosed location for the remainder of this story. Happy? Now will you please go to Kvatch so we can get the script back on track?
"Could I do that? Yes, yes I could. But I'm not going to. This sword is worth nearly two thousand gold coins to this old fart of a lion and I intend to collect. Now is there anything ahead of me?"
Sigh. There's two more skeletons, a weasel and a deer around the next corner. Quick question though. How are you going to carry two thousand gold coins?
"Same way I'm currently carrying seven swords and three sets of armor. My pocket uses Time Lord technology."
Wait, are we seriously bringing in Doctor Who futuristic technology into a story about spells and swords?
"You got a better suggestion?"
...So using magic from a...uh...time traveling wizard, Nick shoved the four foot long sword into his magical pocket.
"To join my other four foot sword in my pants, hey-o!"
*facepalms* You didn't just-...ugh. You know what? Zombies. Dozes of zombies all around you right now.
"Zombies. Why did it have to be zombies?"