HANSEL AND GRETAL PART II: DDR AT THE DANGO HOUSE
Anko prepared to make her infamous dangos in festive, holiday flavors. Tis the season to be spoofish, folks.
"So, what are you crazy kids doing out the back outskirts of Grimly Tales anyway?" the Dango Witch asked, dipping the dangos into brandy-flavored chocolate. Suigetsu scratched his head in embaressment.
"Well, I was on this super hard boss just past the Calm Lands. I was about to get Lulu her last spell-"
"He's a FF fanatic." Karin groaned, and Anko chuckled. Shudder. Chucklers are nerve-wrecking individuals. Yikes!
"If you think that's bad, you should see this creepy dude who used to teach me," said Anko. "I mean, all he thinks about is snakes and emos!"
OFF-GLASSES MODE! "Y o u m e a n l i k e t h e E m o P r i n c e ?"
Anko cocked an eyebrow. "You mean that was washed up singer, writing all my songs?"
"Huh?" said Handsome and Gritty in chorus.
Anko sighed. "All I wanted was a best friend, best of all best friends. Do you have a best friend too?"
She's off her rocker! thought Karin.
Suddenly, a menacing figure exploded through one of the walls! It was so diabolic, so evil, so...low in saturated fats?
It was the Road Master, Chouji! But in Potato Chip Bag Form once again.
"Darn! That Kakuzu's done it again!" Chouji muttered. He shook his plastic bagginess, and looked up at the trio around the table, even though chip bags can't see anything. "I do believe I've been foiled on my quest!"
"Um, who are YOU?" Karin asked, wrinkling her nose. Hmph. Fangirls.
Chouji bowed. "I'm the Road Master. Well, I WOULD be the Road Master, if my monster Truck, CABBAGE MAN 66, hadn't been stolen by that ruffian Prince."
"T h e E m o P r i n c e ?"
"Yes, that fangirl-infested fool."
"OVERDRIVE!"
"Okaaaaaay..."
The Dango Witch ushered Chouji to the table. She shoved a plate of candy cane dangos towards him, which he refused. Road Masters only ate energy foods, like potato chips. Klondike bars work as well.
"I have to get CABBAGE MAN 66 back, or else the spell won't wear off," explained Chouji, crinkling with every movement. "That Kakuzu was very tricky. A Road Master is powerless without his faithful truck."
Suigetsu grinned.
Anko closed her eyes in deep thought. She glanced in Handsome and Gritty's direction. "So, what's ya savages's goal?" she demanded. Karin shrugged.
"That's the problem! Haruko Kurimasu never gave us a goal in the first place! So, my goal is t o m a r r y t h e E m o P r i n c e."
"I hate everything about your goal." Anko said bluntly back. Karin stiffened in her chair. "And what about you, Sonny Jim?"
Suigetsu grinned. "To meet Cloud Strife, and battle Kuja!"
Anko twiddled her thumbs in a twiddling fashion. "Hmm, I have only a bit of magic to grant one wish. We'll settle this the old fashion way!"
Anko diasppeared in a puff of magic smoke. She reappeared with a DDR mat, a copy of SuperNOVA, and a 2-inch television. It even had color!
"Ala Ka Poom. Zig Zag A Zoom! I'm a Barbie Girl, In a Barbie World!"
Barbie Girl Ino popped out of nowhere.
"Oops! Send that blondie back! Mwahahaha!"
Barbie Girl Ino popped out again. Hmm. Weird.
The Dango Witch looked at her DDR subjects. "Gotta send the experts! Kishi-In, Kishi-Out! I summon thee!"
Ka-Krackle! Masashi and Seishi Kishimoto appeared at the table, with rough manuscripts of their latest chapters of Naruto and O-Parts Hunter. They looked at each other, twinly confused. Anko cackled. Shiver.
Suigetsu closed his eyes to fantasize about Tifa Lockhart. When he opened them again, Karin, Seishi, Masashi, Chouji and himself were an inch tall, and were on top of the table where they were sitting around just a nanosecond earlier. Anko loomed over them, like a giant Heartless. She flashed her diamond grilles once more, and began the announcement of the chapter...
"Y'all gonna play DDR...TO THE DEATH!" she announced evilly.
"Umm, how about NOT to the death?" suggested Masashi K. nervously.
Now it was Anko's turn to be confused. "What? Whoever heard of something that's NOT to the death???"
"Well," began Seishi, "Me and Masashi are highly popular manga-ka. We can't afford all of this to-the-death jazz."
Anko scratched her ear in deep concentration. "Well, alright. But Potato Bag has to fight...to his last morsel!"
"NNNNNOOOOOO!"
Anko mwahahaha-ed, and began the game. The first song was on Basic, and it was Kelly Clarkson.
"Whose idea was to put Hilary Duff and Kelly Clarkson on a DDR game?!" Karin shouted, while dancing to the arrow patterns. Anko cackled while stuffing dangos into her mouth. "Dance, monkerys, dance!"
"Monkery?"
"Dance DANCE!"
And so the fivesome were to dance to the death, except or the Kishimoto twins, for they are important manga-ka that most of us love and adore. Chouji could only fight to the last morsel. That poor potato bag.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned back into days. And if it were physically possible to dance for that long without your internal nervous system breaking down into millions of biteable pieces, that's how long Handsome, Gritty, the Kishi twins, and our famous Road Master danced their boogie. Meh, dance talk.
Anko laughed at her little finger-sized minions, and sat back down by the fire. It was Christmas time. Actually, December 25th was tomorrow, so the Dango Witch decided to get into the jolly festivities.
"STOP DANCING, YA FOOGLIOS!"
Everyone sqreeched to a stop. Masashi and Seishi panted and were on the point of fainting. Anko snapped her fingers, and the twins were magically transported through the fabrication of time and space continuium, releasing their physical forms and spiritial souls into present day Japan. Masashi was so inspired, that he gave Sasuke a bajillion and kazillion power-ups, and created dark Tobi. Oh, and he brought back Hinata! One out of three isn't so bad...
Suigestu looked up at Anko, who loomed overhead. "I'll grant only two wishes!" she announced. Chouji was on the pointof sweating out all of his salty goodness. "But first, I grant you each a power-up!"
The Keyblade suddenly appeared in Suigetsu's hand. He grinned. Anko said, "Now it's your problem to eliminate the Heartless. You'll meet that Cloud Stripes or whatever, but not that Ku-Bye-Ya dude."
Karin shook an angry fist at the Dango Witch. "And what about me?!"
Anko sighed. Karin suddenly bursted into four mini marshmellows.
Chouji and Suigestu gaped at the four mini marshmellows. "Heck, I don't like her!" explained Anko, annoyed. Chouji popped back as a human, ready to roll.
"Thank you, Miss Dango Witch." he said politely. A map appeared in his hand, along with some pixie dust. "What's this for?"
Anko grinned, flashing those ridiculous grilles for the last time. In this segment, anyway.
"Oh, you'll be needing it," she replied. "The new sidekick of Lee Pan's been pretty cranky since she was degraded from her Fairy What's-Her-Name status..."
NEXT TIME!
Follow Gaara on his quest to Grandma's house in Creaky Wood, where he meets the wannabe Big Bad Wolf! Will his alliance with Juugo White prove fatal, or help him traverse this seemingly harmful Wood? And what becomes of Gritty? And Barbie Girl Ino? And will the Emo Prince ever find inner peace?
TUNE IN NEXT TIME!