Disclaimer: I own nothing.
––
"Lizzie, stop!" Mika wailed, seeing Lizzie siting on the tracks with baby Judith on her lap and walker in front of her, broken on the tracks. "Lizzie?" Mika saw blood on the walker's mouth, and Judy was too quiet.
Carol stopped beside Mika and saw the blood as well, Daryl just froze, and Ty stopped, unable to go any closer, to see exactly why they looked so tortured. They all felt so cold, Mika was too stunned to cry, and Beth felt her eyes burning as she pushed through them. Daryl couldn't stop her, and she jerked her arm back from Carol.
"Get away from her!" Beth shouted venomously. "God, get the hell away from her!" She started shooting the walkers, her eyes full of tears and her ankle burned with pain.
Carol moved beside her and shot at the walkers as well then Daryl and Tyreese, Mika wrapped her arms around Lizzie, sobbing now. The sound of muffled sobs and gunshots filled the air, the scent of fresh blood drifted around them, and as the walkers fell one by one, Beth couldn't do it anymore. She stopped and fell to her knees, crying. Carol wanted to sooth her, but if she stopped, even for a moment, it would sink it. Judith was dead, killed...by Lizzie.
"Lizzie," Mika softly cried.
A small cry sounded from Lizzie's arms, Carol looked down and found Judy nestled in Lizzie's arms, untouched. She picked Judith up with a few difficulties, but she held her close, seeing now that it was a rat's blood. But also Lizzie's. Lizzie was soaking in blood, and Judith had blood staining her shirt.
Carol handed Judy to Beth, and Ty took them back the house, holding Judy in one arm and helping Beth limp back with the other. Daryl stayed, and Carol saw the gashes on Lizzie's arms. "Lizzie, why...?"
"They just want me to change," she whispered.
"No!" Mika screamed. "No!"
"It's okay," Lizzie said. "We just have to wait. I'm showing you. You'll see. You'll finally get it. It's okay, we just have to wait."
"We can wait," Carol assured her. "Come here." Lizzie curled into Carol's arms, and Mika did the same, taking Lizzie's hand. "We'll wait." Carol smoothed Lizzie's hair down and kissed the top of her head. "Just close your eyes, sweetheart. We'll wait."
Lizzie nodded, smiling at Mika. "Don't cry. You'll see, Mika, you'll see."
Mika cried into Carol's chest, though.
She looked into Carol's eyes. "Then we can do Judy and you too, Mika. We can all change." Lizzie closed her eyes, so sleepy. "This is nice. We can be a family." Her hands were losing their grip. "We can be...together...forever, Mika."
"Lizzie?" Mika gripped her hand. "Lizzie, no!"
Carol closed her eyes as hot tears ran down her cheeks. "Daryl," she said softly.
He nodded, shouldered his crossbow and picked Mika up. Mika struggled, crying out for Lizzie, and Daryl carried her wailing and reaching for Lizzie back to the house as Carol sobbed and rocked Lizzie in her arms.
You in the dark, you in the pain, you on the run
Living a hell, living your ghost, living your end
Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don't wanna lose the time, lose the time to come
Beth smoothed Mika's hair back as Mika sobbed into her lap, the small girl shook so violently, and Beth couldn't calm her down. Beth was crying her eyes out for Carol, for Mika and for Lizzie losing herself, and she didn't know what to say. She wanted to comfort Mika, but she had no words. If Beth thought about losing Maggie, she would never stop thinking about it. She had to be strong for them, especially for Mika.
"The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not want," she said in between sobs, thinking of her father. "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He—"
The sound of a single gun shooting made Beth cringe, and Mika wailed louder, digging her nails into Beth's thigh, and Beth held her closer. "He resoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."
Whatever you say it's alright
Whatever you do it's all good
Whatever you say it's alright
Tyreese hung his head outside as Daryl began to dig a grave by the water near all the flowers, and he joined Beth as she softly spoke, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Daryl thrust the shovel into the ground angrily, over and over, seeing the look on Carol's face as he walked away. He remembered the mice at the gate, and he saw the one by Lizzie's feet. She was feeding the walkers at the prison, probably dissected that rabbit too. Son of a bitch! He wanted to cuss and shout. One little girl! One little girl playing with walkers brought all of that illness to the prison! But he couldn't blame her. She was...sick herself. She was dead now. She was with the many others who died of that illness, and Carol and Mika would have to make peace with her being dead. That was easier said then done. He never wanted to bury another child, another daughter of Carol's.
Silence is not the way. We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way. If heaven is on the way
Carol sat beside the tracks with all of the dead walkers, holding Lizzie's limp body in her arms. She looked at her gun and tossed it away from her. She set Lizzie's body gently down, minding her head and brushing hair from her face. She was so numb in that moment as she removed Lizzie's knife and gun. She set Lizzie's gun in her holster and her knife in her boot.
She placed a kiss to Lizzie's forehead and stood up, walking back to the house, and she saw Daryl digging. She walked around to the front of the house and sat down, hearing Tyreese and Beth. "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."
You in the sea, on a decline, breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down, letting the cables sleep
Whatever you say it's alright. Whatever you do it's all good
Whatever you say it's alright.
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it. Heaven is on the way
We'll wrap the world around it
If heaven is on the way. If heaven is on the way
She looked herself over, soaked in Lizzie's blood, and she began to gently rock herself back and forth, forth and back as the wind picked up. She saw the beautiful flower in front of her and saw Lizzie's and Sophia's faces in their yellow petals.
I would too. Can we go?...'Cause I believe she's still out there. I'm not afraid to kill, I'm just...afraid... (No sir)... I think a lot of people are going to die, but at least they get to come back... Yeah, but they're something...They're someone... We all change. We don't get to stay the way we started.
Mom...? Mommy...? That sweet child lost all alone in the woods. Mommy! Help me! It's so dark, and I'm scared! Mommy!
She broke down into painful sobs, feeling the emotions she felt when she lost Sophia, and she felt like she was fall apart all over again. She just kept...falling.
I'm a stranger in this town. I'm a stranger in this town.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
––
Daryl craved a cross for Lizzie's grave outside by her grave, and he tried so hard not to let the silence get to him. It was so heavy. So heavy. Beth was now rocking Judy on the porch in the rocking chair since her ankle needed to be elevated to reduce swelling, and her eyes rimmed with red and puffy. She had just cleaned Lizzie off, changed Lizzie into a cute white dress that was left behind, and she'd brushed out her hair. She wanted Lizzie to know that she was loved, and she wanted her to find peace. Tyreese carried Mika to bed after she cried herself into exhaustion, and he set her gently down on the bed, but her little fingers wouldn't let go of his shirt. He oh-so gently removed them and picked up her doll, letting her cuddle with it. He covered her up and left the room.
Daryl finished with the cross and went inside. "It's ready."
Tyreese nodded.
"Where's Carol?"
"She's out on the porch. I think it's best if we leave her be."
"I'll get Beth." Daryl went to Beth and found her on the porch, her legs to pulled up with Judy in the space between. She was so pale. His heart ached, and when he saw Carol, he nearly died.
She was sitting on the lawn chair, her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and she wasn't moving, wasn't even blinking. She had her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms in her lap, and she covered in blood. She looked like a statue, beautiful and broken...red and marble.
He started for Carol when Beth grabbed his jeans. He looked down and her eyes moved up, and she shook her head. He groaned silently. "We're ready. C'mon."
She handed him Judith and stood up. "C'mon." She took him by his sleeve and led him away from Carol. She was almost grateful for the pain in her ankle. It took her mind off the emotional pain, if only for a moment.
The funeral was silent, Beth placed flowers over the grave, and Tyreese marked the grave with Daryl's cross. They all stood there, Beth had no tears left to shed, Tyreese had nothing to say, and Daryl had mixed emotions. He wasn't sure how he felt.
Tyreese went back to the house with Beth and then Daryl left. Daryl went to check on Carol, still holding Lil' Ass Kicker, and he stopped beside her. He sat on the ground and Judy reached for the flowers. He plucked one and let her have it, and he gazed over at Carol.
"I did it," Carol whispered. "I killed Karen and David." She didn't blink.
"I know," he whispered back.
"Of course you do." She inhaled deeply. "He should know too."
"Now ain't the time for that, Carol." He reached up to comfort her, but she jerked away.
"What, are you going to hold my hand?" She gazed at the trees. "Make sure you're on the left side."
"Carol—"
"Leave me alone, Daryl. I need to be alone right now. Please."
"No."
"Fine." She rose and walked off toward the woods.
"Son of a b—Carol." He went after her.
"Daryl, no." Beth scurried over to him, wincing the entire way. "We told you to leave her alone, damn it!" She scolded him. "And Judy can't be in the woods. It's getting late. Go inside and let Carol sort through this."
"No."
"Yes. Daryl, she doesn't you to help her through this. She needs you to give her space." Beth searched his eyes.
"The last time...when Sophia died, Carol... She helped me more than I helped her. I ain't lettin' her do this alone."
"Things change, Daryl. People change, and Carol's changed. Give her space." She crossed her arms. "Besides, Judy needs fed, and I gotta tend to Mika."
He reluctantly went back with Beth and fed Lil' Ass Kicker, Beth couldn't get Mika to eat, and Ty couldn't be in the house. He kept watch over the others and waited for Carol to return. He wanted to talk to her for a bit, try to help her make peace with what happened. He knew about her other daughter, and now this...after the prison and so many lost...it was horrible for him, but Carol must be going through hell.
––
Carol sat down on the cool grass and pulled her legs in, looking at trees and blooming flowers around her. She couldn't even cry. Losing Lizzie...because...she had a different opinion was bullshit. She was strong and brave, and she could've survived this world. But...no. Mika was such a sweet child, but Carol didn't know if she was a survivor. Mika had already lost her mother and father and now...her sister. This would be a true test of will.
Thunder rumbled above and Carol realized how dark the sky was. She looked up and closed her eyes as rain poured down on her face. She could remember how Sophia loved the rain. She used to stare out the window all the time and just listen. When Ed wasn't around, Sophia could do that. She was so sweet, so special, and it was better she wasn't here. This world...what it did to Carl...to her... She was sure it was better for Sophia to be gone, no matter how much it hurt.
She stayed out there, the icy rain pounding over her and washing the blood away. She didn't feel the cold, just the guilt. She had to tell Tyreese. If he got angry and wanted vengeance, she would let him have that. He just needed to know. She was the one who killed Karen and David, and Tyreese needed to know so be could cope and move on. The woman he trusted, the woman he never suspected, killed the woman he loved. It was her responsibility.
"Carol?"
She looked up and saw Mika beside her, soaking wet. "Mika?" She stood up on her knees. "Honey, what are you doing? It's raining. Go inside."
She shook her head. "No, not without you."
"You shouldn't be out here. Go inside with Beth."
"No, I don't want to be alone." She tossed her arms around Carol's neck. "Please, don't leave me all alone."
"You aren't alone."
"Yes, I am. Mommy and Daddy are gone. Lizzie was supposed to stay with me! She wasn't supposed to abandon me!" She fell to her knees and cried into Carol's soaking shirt. "Please, don't leave me, Carol!"
Carol wrapped her arms around the small girl and held her. "I'm not going anywhere."
"She told me," Mika whispered. "She told me she he—heard them, that they wanted her to be like—like them, and tha—that's how I knew! That's how I knew she was doing some—something hor—horrible!"
"This wasn't your fault." Carol drew her back. "Mika, you are not responsible for Lizzie's actions."
"I—I didn't t—tell you. I sh—should've tol—told you!" she sobbed.
"No one is to blame. You loved your sister, and your sister loved you, but she's gone now. That's all that matters." She grasped her cheek. "Mika?"
"That's—that's all that ma—matters."
Carol picked Mika up, the girl didn't weight much, even when completely wet, and she took her back to the grove. Ty went inside and grabbed towels for them, Carol thanked him and set Mika down. Beth took Mika to the bathroom and began to boil water for a bath, because the girl was shaking, her teeth chattering and she was cold to the touch.
Carol wiped her face and made her way back to the room she'd slept in the previous night, having problems with removing her jeans. She kicked off her boots and peeled her socks off.
"Hey." Beth walked into the room. "I brought you some hot water to wash your face or warm you hand... Umm, I'll bring you some food in then check in on Mika."
"No. I'll check in on her, but thank you, Beth. You need to rest your ankle."
"I will. I just want to make sure you and Mika are all right." She intertwined her fingers. "I'll get you some dry clothes."
Carol unbuckled her belt and jeans, setting her belt on the dresser and dropping her pants to the floor. She picked up the washcloth Beth left beside the bowel of steaming water. She washed her face and what blood the rain didn't clean off, Beth left her fresh clothes on the bed, and Carol changed into the warm, if only a little bit big, clothes. She dropped her boots outside on her way to see Mika and ran into Daryl.
He gave a small nod at her then walked by, but Carol grasped his forearm with her hand, stopping him, and he met her eyes curiously.
"Thank you for taking care of...them." She swallowed hard. "It means a lot that you stayed."
He removed her hand from his forearm and hugged her. "I'll be there whenever you need me."
She pulled back. "Mika needs me right now."
"I'm gonna be on watch. If you wanna talk, come find me."
She nodded and walked into Mika's room. "Mika?" She kept her voice soft, just in case she was sleeping, but Mika wasn't sleeping. She was in her bed, clutching Lizzie's pillow to her chest, snuffling. Carol closed the door and sat on the bed. "Do you feel any better?" She tucked hair behind Mika's ear.
"Yes." She paused. "No." She met Carol's eyes. "I don't know."
"You should get some sleep, Mika."
"I can't."
"I'll be right here."
"You'll stay?" Mika's eyes were big and hopeful.
"Of course I'll stay."
Mika smiled a little, and they lied down, and to comfort her, Carol her the rest of Tom Sawyer from what she could remember. Mika's breathing was becoming more even, and Carol stopped telling the story. She knew how the girl felt, but she had words to console her. They would have to heal together.
Carol felt Mika's hand grip her suddenly. "Mika?"
"Just making sure," she sleepily whispered.
"Good night, Mika."
––
Daryl gazed up at the moon and heard the door open. He looked over, but it was Beth who came out. She walked over to the rail and rested her hands on the cool wood. He wondered now if Carol had fallen asleep. In a way he was glad, but in another, he wished they could've spoken.
She was looking at the sky and smiled. "It's so beautiful. All those stars. Heh, almost makes me forget." She turned her head and swallowed. "I wanted to talk to you, and since I limped all the way out here, I think you owe me an answer."
"Shouldn't be you be restin'?"
"Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you."
"Talk 'bout what?" He adjusted his crossbow.
"Before...when it was just us—you and me us—I was wonderin'..." She met his eyes. "Why did you look so defeated? Once you saw Carol...you changed. Why?"
"Uh-uh." He shrugged.
"Don't uh-uh." She leaned against the rail. "Tell me."
He looked into her eyes, but said nothing.
She searched deep and found her answer buried in those irises. All she could say was, "Oh." She averted her eyes and brushed her fingertips over the water drops on the rail. She was silent for a long time then tapped her fingernails and stepped back. "Carol went to sleep without eating." She tilted her head. "I think you need to get on her about that."
"Tsk. I ain't her keeper."
"Never said you were." She stepped back to the front door. "Got some food left. Ty got a bowl. If you want it, it's yours." She disappeared into the house.
He didn't go inside, but Ty came outside. "How're you doin'?" Daryl didn't look at him.
"I keep thinking of how many ways that could've ended differently." He sat down. "I can't believe she would..."
"She was the one feedin' the walkers," Daryl said. "Probably did in that rabbit too."
He ran his hands over his face and sighed heavily. "I always thought...whoever killed that rabbit...was the same person that killed Karen and David, but Lizzie's... She's too small."
"You wanna know who killed 'em?" Daryl looked over.
"Right now, I just want to get out of here. Maybe we should go to Terminus."
"Talkin' 'bout that before." Daryl met his eyes. "We oughta, but not all of us. Maybe two, just to see if it's a good place to be."
"Makes senses, I guess. I don't want to lose any more people." He shook his head.
"Me neither."
They kept watch as Beth tended to the dishes and Judith as Carol and Mika rested. They would have a lot to talk about in the morning, right now they all needed to rest. They would decide who went and who stayed later. Carol needed to keep Mika close, and Daryl needed to be close to Carol. Beth and Ty wouldn't make it far out there. He wasn't stable right now, and Cheerleader Beth would eventually run out of energy to cheer him on when her ankle hurt like hell and was swollen ten times its normal size. They'd take a few days, come to a decision and then send two. If those two didn't come back, they would know if Terminus was good or not.
––
Rick and Michonne moved toward Terminus, Carl was tossing the jasper up and down, bored, and Rick and Michonne spoke softly about what to do if they weren't a sanctuary for all. Carl overheard and turned to face them, closing his fingers around the jasper. He waited until his father went ahead to check the snare.
"What do we tell them?" Carl asked. "About us, I mean."
"What do you mean?" Michonne asked.
"Do we tell them who we are? All of it?" He looked at Michonne. "How do we even do that anymore? Hi, I'm Carl Grimes, everyone I know is dead or missing."
"We'll tell them the basics. I'm Michonne, you're Carl and that's Rick. If they want to know more, well...we'll tell them."
"Should we lie?" He stuffed the jasper into his pocket. "When they ask about us, do we lie?"
"For every reason you have to lie, there's a better reason to tell the truth." She tipped his hat. "Don't worry about it, Carl. We'll tell who we trust, and if it's just us then we'll be the only ones who know."
He nodded.
"Well, it ain't much." Rick showed them their catch when they met him.
"It's better than nothing," Michonne told him.
They took a break, cooking the rabbit, and they ate. It wasn't much, but it would get them through the day. They pressed on, Michonne and Carl played a few travels games, and Rick smiled at how childish Carl was being. It was a welcome thing.
––
Daryl woke to a strange sound, and he went to investigate. He found Beth, Carol, Mika and Tyreese in the living room...dancing. He remained hidden, just watching and his lip tugged upward at them. It was the first time he'd seen Carol smile like that or Mika. It'd been too goddamn long.
Beth sat on the couch, using her legs to make a beat. She was starting a new song. Great. "I see this life like a swinging vine, swing my heart across the line. And my face is flashing signs, seek it out and ye shall find. Old, but I'm not that old. Young, but I'm not that bold. I don't think the world is sold. I'm just doing what we're told. I feel something so right doing the wrong thing. I feel something so wrong doing the right thing. I could lie, could lie, could lie. Everything that kills me makes me feel alive."
Mika laughed when Tyreese spun her, and Carol was kind of dancing with Judith. It was actually amazing to see them like this. Ever since the prison fell, Daryl thought this could never happen. Laughter and dancing and singing. It was a comfort, even if Beth's voice drove him up the wall.
"And switch!" Beth called out, letting Carol switch partners with Tyreese. Mika laughed, smiling so big that it looked like it hurt, and Carol was smiling because of that. It accentuated her eyes, giving her a soft more beautiful tone, and he wanted to step in and—Don't, he sternly told himself. Not now.
"Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard. Said, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars. Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard. Said, no more counting dollars, we'll be, we'll be counting stars."
Daryl leaned against the wall and shook his head to try and clear it.
"I feel the love and I feel it burn. Down this river, every turn. Hope is a four-letter word. Make that money, watch it burn. Old, but I'm not that old. Young, but I'm not that bold. I don't think the world is sold. I'm just doing what we're told. I feel something so wrong doing the right thing. I could lie, could lie, could lie. Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly." Beth smiled at little laughs Judy was making. "Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard. Said, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars. Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard. Said, no more counting dollars, we'll, we'll be counting stars. Take that money, watch it burn. Sink in the river, the lessons are learnt. Take that money, watch it burn. Sink in the river, the lessons are learnt."
Mika stopped when she saw Daryl and went over to him. "Daryl! You have to join us!" Mika beamed.
He shook his head. "Nah, I ain't one for dancin'."
"Oh, please! You have to!" She looked at him with big, blue eyes.
Beth jumped in. "Hey, Mika, why don't we finish while we pick peaches and find more pecans?"
"Okay. I love pecans!"
They left the house, Mika held Beth's hand, and Carol smiled a little to see Mika still happy. They had to put on a brave face and smile, because if they were depressed, Mika would never recover. It was hard, but she was a child, and they needed to be careful. She was sensitive.
"I'm too old for this," Carol admitted, sitting down.
"That ain't true," Daryl automatically and softly replied.
She shrugged a shoulder. "She looks so happy today. It's been two days, but she's coping. Beth's been a real help."
"Hey," Tyreese interrupted, "don't go selling yourself short. You're the main reason that little girl gets out of bed everyday."
She smiled. "You're a terrible lair, but you're a sweet lair."
Okay, now do. Daryl blinked. What the hell? He noticed the look they momentarily shared, and he stepped back for a moment. Did he... Was that real? Was he still dreaming? What the hell just happened? He knew that Carol and Tyreese were close, but Ty always had a thing for Karen. Did that change? Did he like Carol now? Or was Daryl misreading this? Was he being protective of her? After what happened...what he'd said... Wait. Had Carol heard that? She was unconscious by then, so maybe she didn't. After so many years of being with her and nearly losing her and when he finally gets the balls to tell her how he felt about her...and she didn't fucking hear him. That's why she wasn't acting any differently, didn't understand his persistence. Son of a bitch!
"So, have you thought about it?" Tyreese asked Daryl.
"Huh? Er, yeah. I have."
"Carol?"
She nodded.
"And you both agree?" Tyreese glanced between the two of them.
"Yes. Daryl and I will go to Terminus and see if it's safe for the girls." She didn't want to lose another child. She couldn't handle it. "We'll leave in the morning."
He nodded. "I'll tell Beth." He turned and went out the way the girls left.
"You feelin' up for this?" Daryl chewed his bottom lip.
"If it protects Mika and Judith and Beth, I'm up for it." She rose and closed the space between them. "I'll see you at dinner. I'm going to prepare my bag then take a walk." She left before he could say anything more. He hoped she would be more willing to take to him while they were out. They really needed to talk. He had to know if she heard. He just had to know.