Hello again everyone! Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews- I couldn't believe I got so many! I love you all!
Disclaimer- I don't own Gravitation; it belongs to Maki Murakami. I do own Kristen and Rick, and now I also own a copy of the next volume of the DNAngel manga. Squee!
Thanks to…
Flagger- As always, thank you so much for bring my beta!
sohma-kitty-10-14- I'm so flattered someone wants to use my phrase. I hope one day all the world will call it man smut. Join me in my noble quest!
Earthlight- Hey you're right- everyone is coming to America! How did that happen?
Estelle Stafford- Thank you! I was hoping the comedy wouldn't get in the way of the angst and change the story too much.
ryuchi-shuichi41- Yeah, I hate it when my email goes spastic. I feel your pain! Thank you so much for the review. Multiple reviews make me feel so loved… (cries).
Em-chan 01- Thank you so much!
Jade-t9- Hooked? Good! You can never escape now! Bwahahaha!
Zorotierney- I always wanted my writing to be someone's drug of choice…
T.O.C.A- I love it! From now on I shall always refer to it as "Tohma's Drawer of Porn"
Frostic54- I'm glad you liked it. I was worried it would get in the way of the angst.
kai21- (blushes) Thank you so much, that was a really nice review.
Aryna.Tahashi- Yeah, Tohma just has something about him that just screams, "I have a secret stash of man smut!"
Lateralus-x- My ego thanks you. As usual, your review makes my day.
X.xMeiko-samax.X- Yes! You always know someone likes your writing when they throw in some sugar on top.
anna- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Gasanechi- Bwahahahahahaha! I mean… maybe.
On to the story!
Sleepless
Chapter 3
This was getting ridiculous. Yuki Eiri had not been able to type anything remotely coherent in more than six long months. Why? Because he didn't have a stupid brat to throw out of the house. Because said brat wasn't there to mercilessly annoy him with useless chatter. But it was the annoying, useless chatter he actually missed.
For the first few months he had been able to ignore the pain, pretend he didn't care. That's what he did best, after all. But as each day passed he found the pain growing, becoming harder to ignore.
He glanced at the lighter again, picture ever present.
I miss him.
They were only three words, three simple syllables, but it had taken him more than six months to admit. The notion itself frightened him, but what came next scared him even more.
I need him.
It came out unbidden, without conscious control. He rejected the idea immediately. He didn't need anyone.
"I don't need anyone!" he called into the silence, as if vocalizing it would make it true.
Unsatisfied with the denial but unwilling to continue along this dangerous train of thought, he returned to staring at his computer.
Shuichi awoke on the kitchen table, emotionally drained and physically exhausted. He forced his bleary eyes to focus on the clock- four in the morning, meaning he'd had, at most, two hours of fitful sleep.
He lay his head back down on the tabletop, lacking the will to move to the bedroom, hoping he could just fall back to sleep.
Sleep never came. Just memories, then tears, then thoughts, then tears again. It was his alarm clock ringing in the other room that finally broke the cycle, bringing him from the murky awareness of his depressed musings- not quite asleep, not quite awake. He briefly considered just calling in sick, but after only two weeks on the job he didn't consider it long. Painfully removing his body from the uncomfortable kitchen chair, he dragged himself into the bedroom to get dressed.
He skipped breakfast that morning, probably the first time he'd ever done so, but the emotions were playing games with his stomach, and he was certain if he ate anything it wouldn't stay eaten for long.
Forgoing the bus he thought is best to walk to work, it would both save money, and, more importantly, help to clear his head, which desperately needed clearing of the many images of Yuki currently filling it.
Yuki.
"Get away from me you evil bitch! I can't believe you just… What are you doing to my laptop!?"
"Packing it for your trip to America. We're leaving tomorrow and you haven't packed a thing." Mizuki stated simply, continuing to cram Yuki's belongings into the overflowing suitcase on his bed. "Oh no. Please don't ever wear this orange vest Yuki-sensei. It would look horrible on you, and I don't think you could ever recover your mysterious writer image."
"That's because it's Shuichi's," he growled, grabbing the vest, thinking of the many ways he could kill her with it. Strangling, smothering…
"Thank God. It's amazing how he can wear things like this and still look great. You're more limited in what you can wear."
He could gag her with it and throw her out the window…
"Wow," she sifted through his closet, throwing random articles in the bed, the rest on the floor. "You still have a lot of Shuichi's clothes in here. It's been six months. What, are you still waiting for him to come…?" She realized exactly what she'd said when she saw a look on Yuki's face she had never seen before, never imagined she would be seeing now. The great Yuki Eiri, the cold hearted bastard that never cared about anyone but himself, was close to tears.
"Oh my God Yuki, I didn't mean to…"
"Get out." His voice was weak, she could barely hear it, and that scared her even more. "Hiro was right", she thought, "he really does love him. I never thought it possible."
"Get out!" His voice rose this time, anger laced with pain. He embraced the anger, latched onto the familiar feeling, as he always did.
"Yuki I…"
"Now!"
So she left him there, regretting her words. As she climbed into her car she pulled out her cell phone.
"Hiro? It's Mizuki… I'll help you."
After Mizuki was gone, Yuki began picking up his lovers clothes of the floor of their bedroom.
Yes, he had kept Shuichi's things exactly as he had left them, half expecting his lover to return as he always did. Only this time, he hadn't. This time he'd stayed gone, just as he said he would.
"Why, Yuki? Why?"
It hasn't been anything out of the ordinary that triggered the fight, perhaps that was the problem, that the way he'd treated Shuichi, ignored him, had become ordinary.
"It's our anniversary and all you do is lock yourself in your room and write!
He smoothed out each piece of clothing, replacing it in Shu's half of the closet with care.
"Yuki! Answer me! Yuki!"
He pounded on the door again, louder this time.
"Go away brat! I'm working!" he called through the door, never glancing up, his writing never slowing.
"Damn it Yuki! Do you even care?"
"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!" He had a deadline to meet. They could do something later.
But there was no later. Just a note.
Dear Yuki,
I love you so much, but I'm sick of being the only one in this relationship that cares. I know you love me. I hope you love me. All I ask is that for just this once, you're the one to make the effort to keep this relationship going. I'll be at Hiro's. Please come get me Yuki, please come after me and make me come home, because I'm not coming back on my own this time.
I love you,
Shuichi
But he didn't believe him. No need to worry, he always came back. Only this time he didn't.
A week passed.
Two.
Every day that went by he grew increasingly worried. Each moment that passed was lonely, empty. Still, he did not follow Shuichi. His pride would not let him. Shuichi would cave first. He always caved first.
It was on the third week he came home to find a note taped to the door, written in Shuichi's familiar scrawl.
Yuki,
I quit Bad Luck and I've decided to leave Japan. Don't bother trying to find me, not that you care anyway.
Shuichi
Yuki stood outside his door in the biting winter cold, unable to think. Finally, as the shock wore off, bitter wind dragging him out of his reverie, he uttered the four words he never thought he'd say. "He didn't come back."
Yuki dropped the shirt he was holding as the memories overtook him, overwhelmed him. For the second time since Kitazawa's death, Yuki cried. (1)
"Shuichi! Arigato!" Kristen yelled as soon as Shuichi walked into work, glomping him.
"What?"
"Arigato! It means good morning in Japanese!"
"Actually it means 'thank you.'"
"… No it doesn't! Are you sure?'"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
As Kristen left to check her Japanese-to-English dictionary, Shuichi walked over to the counter to grab is nametag and scold Rick.
"You really need to stop telling her things like that. If she ever does go to Japan, she's going to be really confused."
Rick laughed his deep, rich baritone. "But it's so much fun," he mock pouted.
"I wonder why she's trying to learn Japanese anyway."
"Isn't it obvious? She has a crush on you."
To Shuichi, who quite frequently missed the obvious, this came as quite a shock.
"But I like guys," he blurted, lacking the vernacular.
"You're gay?" Rick asked, putting on a seductive smile, leaning in closer.
Shuichi took a step back, not liking where the conversation was going. Sure it had been six months, but how could he even consider dating anyone else when he still called Yuki his lover, still thought of that apartment back in Japan as home.
Rick, unaware of Shuichi's inner turmoil, interpreted his silence as a yes.
"So do you want to go out some time? Maybe catch a movie?"
Shuichi knew he should have said no, that he would only be using him to fill a void that would never, could never, be filled again, a temporary salve on his still bleeding soul to try to numb the pain.
He wanted Yuki. But Yuki had never wanted him, never needed him the way Shuichi craved for the author with every breath, every thought, every tear.
And so, it was because he still loved Yuki he told him yes.
To be continued...
1- Gah! What am I doing to them!?
(begins crying hysterically)
I'm so sorry Yuki!
A/N:
PLEASE READ!
It's finished! The reason Shuichi and Yuki broke up! Hope I didn't disappoint those that wanted Yuki to have cheated, but I gave it a great deal of thought, and determined if Shuichi really did leave Yuki, this was the most likely scenario. Plus, I wanted to try something different from the other stories I'd read. This also gives them both the opportunity to work on their biggest relationship flaws: Shuichi is too forgiving and rarely stands up for himself, and Yuki needs to warm up more. I've read a lot of really great stories in which Yuki did cheat, but it just didn't feel right for this one.
As always, please review. Since bribing people with good kitten karma seemed to work last time, this time I'll throw in a puppy too.