Race to the Edge 1 (Part I)

A/N: Finally! We've reached RTTE. From now on things will get way more exciting, I promise ;)

I decided to split this Chapter into two. It's getting longer and longer… From this chapter on the Diary-parts won't be so dominant anymore. Many scenes will be live from Astrid's POV.

Agonizing years

Dear Diary

Three years! It took Trader Johann three entire years to find another book for me. That really says a lot about us Vikings… Sword, axes or maces? No Problem! Food? Always ready! Books?...Erm, what?

I really missed writing to you… Of course, I could have used loose sheets of paper and actually I tried it a few times. But it simply wasn't the same. I'm really glad I have you here now.

These three years… You can ask everyone these three years have been the most peaceful ones Berk has ever seen. Everyone is lighthearted and happy. There are more buildings now, too, bigger and more luxurious ones. Since we don't have to fight anymore at all many younger couples have settled down and there are three times more children on Berk then usual. Even distant 'cousins' no one remembers came to Berk to settle here. It truly is peaceful… I'm probably the only one who loathes these years…

Since there is peace there are also expectations. My parents both hinted more than once at me becoming of marriageable age and every now and then I catch a comment or remark from others as well. From the looks they share they all seem to assume Hiccup and I will announce our betrothal any moment. If only…

I can see where these ideas come from though. Snotlout works as 'Weapons Tester' these days. Gobber came up with the idea. It is fun to watch him get thrown around by a catapult. Fishlegs became kind of a teacher for the history of dragons. He seems quite settled in this calling. The Twins never did what they were told so it's no surprise they don't participate in the old Dragon Academy Duties any longer.

That leaves Hiccup and me to be the only active Dragon Riders left. Oh, the others still have their dragons. They just don't use them any longer in the same way. Hiccup and I are the only ones to spend our days on our dragon's backs. We patrol the sea near Berk, keep watch and occasionally take longer attempts to find new islands or dragons. You see, we spend a lot of time together and I understand how many of the others assume we're a couple. But the hard truth is, we're not.

You may wonder why that is… and I can't give you an answer to that. I still wish it would be like that with us. Not much has changed however since the events with Alvin, Dagur, and the Screaming Death. All Hiccup seems to be interested in are the dragons, to care for them, to train them, to find new ones and to learn as much about them as possible. I often meet him with Fishlegs in the Great Hall for breakfast. They would ask me if I couldn't sleep either. Hah!

I often ask myself whether I should stop this Dragon Rider Thingy as well. Why am I keeping it up? The answer is not as easy as the Question. You might think I'm doing it to be with Hiccup and that is true in a way. We are best friends after all. We practically know each other's thoughts which really comes in handy when we fend off the occasional pirates. There is no one else to whom I can talk as easily and with whom I can laugh as lightly as Hiccup. I would really miss his friendship. But there's still this tiny spark of hope, that maybe… someday… and it's killing me. Hope dies last they say and it's true. It will rather kill me before it would release me…

I could try to outrun it. Stop being a Dragon Rider. Get away from Hiccup. But I love being a Dragon Rider. Hiccup aside I wouldn't want to spend my days other then flying on Stormfly's back through the sky. There is nothing on Berk or any other island that could keep me grounded for any length of time. There is no one for me either. I don't want to even imagine this dull life, performing some dull duty waiting for my feelings to recover and start anew. If only there was any other task suited for me. I would take it gladly.

No, that's a lie. I wouldn't be glad. But I would take it nonetheless. My heart feels raw and sore. It can't take much more kindness and smiles from Hiccup. It burns… It hurts so much!

For more than four years now I'm torturing myself with my feelings for Hiccup. I want it to end…

Dragon Eye of the Beholder

Dear Diary

There it is! I can't believe it and… and actually I'm afraid of this, too, but…

Stoick offered me a position in the Berk Guard! He said since Hiccup is more and more out and about searching for new dragons he wants one Dragon Rider to be here at all times. He seems not to believe this peaceful time will continue endlessly. And he of all people knows his son and seems to see more of my pain than anyone else. This is my chance!

I keep being a Dragon Rider but will be separated from Hiccup who will be free to venture on his searches as he pleases. That's…great! He'll love this. He always wanted to fly further, behind the borders of our known world.

I would have liked to be with him on his journeys but I'm more realistic than he is. I'm not so sure there is more out there. So, now I'll stay on Berk and protect our families. I just hope, he'll be alright out there on his own… Toothless will protect him of course, but… Ah, he'll have to be enough!

I'll miss Hiccup. There's no one else on Berk for me to talk to. Fishlegs became a real friend during the past years but he's too geeky for any long-term conversations. There's certainly a lonely time ahead of me but hopefully, it'll be a less painful one. I can deal with loneliness.

Tomorrow I'll catch Hiccup and tell him the news.

Dear Diary

I feel awful… I saw the disappointment in Hiccup's eyes. He tried to hide it but he's really no good at acting… It was heart-wrenching. He seemed to realize that there is no one but himself who believes there is anything left to be found. I should have tried to cheer him up, to encourage him. He's free to search as far away as he wants now.

Instead, I told him he should give some thought to what's next for him and Toothless. I told him, that there might not be any more to find, that we're probably done, that our search is over. Why oh why did I do that? Do I want him to be as miserable as I am? Do I want him to stay on Berk and forget his dreams? No, I really don't want that! It is part of what I love about him most! I'm doing this so he can follow his dreams, for Odin's sake!

Oh, I know what made me say these things… This stupid, cursed spark of hope… It wants him stay on Berk. It wants him to settle down and raise a family, with me! I hate this spark of hope! I know Hiccup. It would destroy him to do as it wants. I hate it. And I wish this would come true…

This can't be happening. I had one day in the Berk Guard and Hiccup already called us in for an emergency Dragon Rider meeting. We're all gathered in the old arena now in front of an over-sized map.

'All we got from Johann before he passed out was this: Dagur escaped from Outcast Island by commandeering his ship.' Hiccup says. I don't want to keep listening. I finally broke free of my personal vicious circle of hope and pain and now Dagur returns and all Dragon Riders are needed? This. Can't. Be. Happening.

Of course, we have to recapture Dagur. This is, after all, a matter of safety not just for Hiccup but for the entire island of Berk as well. But does it need to happen now of all times? I finally made my decision. It was not an easy one to make but I did it. Is it too much to ask for a little more time to adjust? Apparently, it is…

'…There is one ship you must avoid at all cost' Johann says in a grave voice. 'It's called… The Reaper! Riddled with booby traps from stem to stern. Barely made it out…' This can't be happening… This… He's not thinking he can fool any of us with this fairy tale, is he?

'Okay, Toothless, let's go.' Hiccup replays excited. 'Unless, of course, any of you can make time out of your busy schedules to capture a dangerous maniac?'

This can't be happening…

Dear Diary

I just want to say good bye to you in case we won't come back from this stupid mission to this Ship Graveyard Johann told us about. In case I won't return…

Mom, Dad, when you find this I want you to know that I always loved you. And… please take care of Stormfly should she make it back…

Dear Diary

Surprise, surprise, we made it all back alive. Okay, maybe I was a little exaggerating the last time. But this mission truly was the most dangerous we had for years. I actually did almost die. Twice…

You know, this Ship Graveyard is inhabited by gigantic eels. They scared away our dragons and when they attacked the ship we gathered upon I fell into the ocean.

It was strange… While I fell all I could think about was Hiccup. The sadness in his eyes when I told him I'd join the Guard and all the things I should have told him instead. It must have been only one or two seconds but to me it felt like an eternity. I remembered how I'd thought Hiccup would die after the battle against the Red Death, how I regretted not telling him about my feeling while I could. These regrets resurfaced in that moment for I thought these eels would kill me. I would have tried to fight them but let's be honest I would not have had a realistic chance. I thought I gave away my chances for good this time. In the end Hiccup and Toothless saved me by diving into the water themselves.

When I think about that now it is incredible Toothless agreed to do so. He's just as afraid of eels as our other dragons and yet he did not flee and even faced them on their territory. Hands down he really is much smarter than most other dragons and his loyalty for Hiccup goes deeper, too. But still… Did Hiccup order Toothless to dive or did Toothless do it on his own? Either way, they did it for me… I need to think about that fact. Later…

I still have to tell you what else happened. Dagur showed up, as expected. Without our dragons we had no chance and he put us in a cage. He tried to sink the ship so Hiccup would focus on saving us instead of following him. In the end it didn't work out for Dagur but for that moment I thought we would all drown.

Facing death twice on one day… It makes me reconsider my decision. I don't want to regret anything and I fear I'll always regret not telling Hiccup. If I turn my back on him now I'll always wonder what might have been. So I'll have to tell him.

Ah, this is the spark of hope again. It found new food in today's events and is burning a hole in my heart like a bright flame. The fact that Hiccup and Toothless saved me… One way or the other, it has to mean he cares for me somehow, right? Either Hiccup exposed his best friend to his greatest fear or Toothless did it himself, surely for Hiccup's sake. Because of me…

Or they're simply very responsible and would do the same for any of their friends. I hate it! This word! And this cursed spark of hope! I can't think straight anymore.

There was one other thing however that no logic can lessen and it feeds my hope even more. When Hiccup found us all captured by Dagur he called out for me. Only for me…

Dear Diary

I've made my decision! I will confess my love to him. Then at least I'll finally know whether he has any feelings for me, whether there might be a future for us. And if not then hopefully this spark will finally die out.

I just have to find the right moment to tell him…

I tried it today. I tried to gather my courage and to get him alone, to get him to listen. But he's so occupied with this Dragon Eye as he calls it. I don't think he would have noticed a pink dragon dancing around him, let alone me…

I gave up eventually. This will wear off soon and when everyday life got us back I'll get my chance. Huh... saying it like this is kind of depressing because I have to admit... Having the whole gang together again on a mission to fight Dagur… it was exciting!

Dear Diary

Have you ever heard of a dragon called Snow Wrath? Me neither, until two days ago… Now I know far more about that beast then I ever wanted to know. I only hope I'll never have to deal with one of those again!

Gothi of all people gave Hiccup the final clue. Apparently, the tooth of this dragon is supposed to be some kind of key for the Dragon Eye. So we raced towards this island only to almost freeze to death. I mean yes we're used to cold weather but glaciers like that… Nope, I defiantly prefer a slightly warmer climate.

So we flew to that island and got almost killed again while capturing one of these teeth only to find out the Dragon Eye does… nothing.

Okay, to be fair, is was exciting. Despite the cold and all we did find a new dragon that's not even mentioned in the Book of Dragons. And surely this Dragon Eye keeps something from us. I am curious as to what these coming days may reveal. And-

Imperfect Harmony

Someone just knocked at our door. And once again, more demanding this time. Did something happen? I close my diary and hastily cram it in its hiding place behind my weapon shelf before I hurry down the stairs. Halfway down I collide with someone and we both tumble towards the ground. I'm the first on my feet again and automatically reach out for the other one when I realize its Hiccup. He grabs my hand I yank him to his food. This is a well-practiced move for us and I have no time to think at all before he starts to talk.

'Astrid, you're still awake. That's perfect! Come on, you have to see this!' He grabs my hand and pulls me past my startled and drowsy parents out of the door. It is dark outside, long past nightfall. The village is quiet since most are probably fast asleep.

'Where are we going, Hiccup?' I ask when he keeps pulling me up the hillside. I stumble slightly and barely manage to keep up with him.

'I have to show you something. This is – Oh, you have to see it for yourself. It's amazing!' Hiccup replies excitedly. He leads me right into the Haddock house. I can hear Stoick snoring in the other room as Hiccup pulls me up the steps and into his sleeping chamber.

Suddenly I feel self-conscious. What exactly does he want to show me here, in his sleeping chamber of all places? We're alone, even Toothless is gone. The Room is almost dark, only a small light burns on his bedside table. It's empty, too, except for his desk and his bed… I feel myself blush and am grateful for the darkness. 'Hiccup… What do you want to show me?' I ask nervously. Did he notice something after all? The snoring from downstairs aside, this is kind of romantic. Just he and I, the almost dark room with the violet light…

Violet light? I take a closer look at the candle on his bedside table. Only it is not a candle. It is the Dragon Eye and it is glowing! I pick it up and examine it closely. The glow is fading but it is there. A pale violet shimmer coming from one of its ends. I look bewildered at Hiccup but he just says 'See?' with a wide grin on his face.

Before I can ask any question I hear angry voices from above that turn into scared screams. I dodge the falling bodies but just barely. Snotlout, Tuff, and Ruff lay in a heap trying to untangle themselves. I hear a snickering sound from above and surely spot Toothless looking inside through the skylight.

Suddenly I feel movement against my back. Hiccup stands just behind me, one hand on my shoulder while his other arm reaches around me. 'May I?' he asks and I can feel his breath tickling my neck. My heart misses a beat and I close my eyes while he takes the Dragon Eye out of my shaky hands. What is this? My heart is racing as if it tries to make up for the missed beat and I'm shaking all over.

There's another scream and Fishlegs lands with a THUMP on the ground. He's probably complaining but I'm not listening. I try to steady myself by leaning against the wall, arms crossed to hide them shaking. My eyes are on Hiccup while he positions the Dragon Eye on a stool and places Toothless in front of it.

'Okay, bud. Go ahead!' he commands and a feint glow shines out of Toothless' mouth. The light goes through the Dragon Eye and projects pictures on the opposite wall.

'Woah!' is all I manage to say.

Dear Diary

This is amazing! There are maps inside the Dragon Eye, can you believe it? They show ways to unknown islands beyond the boundaries of the archipelago. There's no way anyone of us would stay on Berk now with this proof in hand. Hiccup still has to talk to his father and the council but I already know that they won't be able to keep us on Berk. My travel pack is ready and we'll start any minute know. I won't bring you… I don't think I'll have a quiet minute to write and chances are too high for Snotlout or the Twins to discover you. So, I won't be able to write to you for a long time.

This changes everything! It's so exciting! New islands, new dragons, so much for us to discover! After these three boring years, a whole lot of adventures lay before us.

PS: I promise I'll stick to my former plan. I will tell Hiccup how I feel about him. But I still need the right moment. Right now there's so much to deal with... I'm used to keeping these feelings inside so I can do it a little longer.

There was this odd sensation of last night however… Although it did not happen often this was not the first time Hiccup came that close to me. But never before has my body reacted to his so strongly. Even now I remember how strange it was. Sweet and painful at the same time…

Ah, Hiccup's leaving the great hall. I have to go now. Wish me luck!

This is amazing! We really made it! We found this new island and it's beautiful! Cliffs and woods, a white beach and this lagoon… I sit on a rock at the water's edge, legs dangling, and still try to take it all in. I haven't felt this free in a long time. We're scattered in and around the water, everyone giddy and hyped up, dragons and riders alike. I lean back trying to take in as much sunlight as possible and inhale deeply. The air smells like brine and wind and sunshine, just like home, and still it's different. It smells like freedom.

A shadow falls on my face and I open my eyes. At first, I can't identify what's blocking the sun but then I recognize Hiccup leaning over me.

'You like it here?' he asks casually with his always ready smile. I sit up and blink a few times while he seats himself beside me.

'Yeah!' I say truthfully 'You know I never thought…' I shake my head. 'I'm glad we found this place after all.' I smile at him. Our old comradeship resurfaces just as easily as it always was. And jet…

'Yeah, I'm glad, too.' He replies looking around. I watch him do so and realize how much he's changed. Hiccup always was formally our leader but now he really is. We all followed him into the unknown. He's confident and responsible and determined, just like a chief should be. I know he does not think so himself but I truly believe he'll be one of the greatest.

I smile to myself. Seeing him like this now, happy and sanguine on this newfound island … Only a few days ago I accepted the fact that I wouldn't be around to witness this. So much has changed in such a short time. Now we're here together and a whole lot of new possibilities arise. I only have to choose…

'Is there something on my nose or why are you starring at me like that?' I blink. Hiccup is looking at me curiously. I hastily turn away already feeling the blush rising.

'No, I… I was just... thinking…' I reply, sternly not looking at him. 'About what to do next, you know?' It's not a lie…

'Well, we have to rest. I guess we don't have to vote on where we're making camp.' He replies.

In the end we technically didn't make camp in the lagoon but on the beach instead. We're all tired from the long flight. I'm glad we didn't have to put much work into the camp. Snotlout's Monstrous Nightmare gel really is useful though I'll never tell him that. We ate our provisions and now it's finally time to sleep. I get ready to curl up beside Stormfly when I spot Hiccup sitting near the waterline. I hesitate. Maybe this is the right time for me to talk to him. The others are all fast asleep; it's as if we were alone. I gather my courage and walk over.

Hiccup turns when he hears me approach and smiles. 'Hey. Can't sleep either?' He asks when I sit down next to him. I shake my head, not really answering his question. 'There's so much on my mind right now.' I say truthfully. 'But you were right, Hiccup. There's so much more out here and it's beautiful.' It really is. There are some misty clouds in the sky but the moon is shining brightly right through them making them glow, too. It's getting cool but there's almost no wind at all. Little waves hit the beach in front of us, making a soothing noise.

'And this is only the beginning, Astrid.' Hiccup replies. 'Who knows what we'll find out here?' Only the beginning… The Beginning of a new life for all of us. New chances and maybe we'll find a new future out here.

'I totally agree.' I say. I'm searching for the right words to say. Why must this be so hard?

'See? There are probably hundreds of other islands out here and tons of new dragons, too. Tomorrow we can look for the source of this strange singing noise earlier. What do you think could it have been?' Hiccup keeps talking enthusiastically. I slump down inwardly. There's no use in trying to talk about anything but new discoveries right now.

'Who knows?' I reply. 'Our dragons liked it so it might be a singing fish?' I attempt to joke but fail miserably. Even so, Hiccup chuckles lightly.

I wrap my arms around my knees and stare out into the darkness. This was a stupid idea, I should have known. It's too early for anything but new land and dragons. I shudder slightly, horrified by my own stupidity.

'Are you cold?' Hiccup asks and lays an arm around my shoulder. I stiffen in surprise but this is Hiccup after all. Always a good friend. He often used to do things like this on our scouting missions. But then… I might as well use this to my advantage.

'Yes, a little' I reply. 'And tired, too. This was an exciting but long day.' I yarn to proof my point and rest my head on his shoulder.

'True' He agrees and shuffles slightly to make me more comfortable. We sit like this for a while and although I didn't intend to do so I soon fall asleep.

I barely awake when Hiccup beds me carefully on the sand. I feel a light touch on my forehead and drift off into deep dreamless sleep.

Big Man on Berk (and what we've all been waiting for)

Dear Diary

Finally, we're back on Berk! There's so much I want to tell you about. Well, not what you might hope for, though, but still interesting. The others are over at Gothi's right now to get a cure for Fishlegs' allergy so I have a few minutes to fill you in.

So, where to start? Oh right. We almost died! Hah, but obviously we made it all back alive. Sorry, I'm a little hyped up. It's good to be home again! So yeah, almost dying… Right… We called the dragon Death Song for his song lures in other dragons so he can capture and eat them.

We also found an island that's inhabited by a large flock of Night Terrors. These are cunning little dragons not unlike the Terrible Terrors. Luckily they aren't aggressive and share their island with us. It is a beautiful place. You'll like it! It took us the past weeks but we did it! We constructed an outpost, the Dragon's Edge. I have my own hut there no one dares to enter so you'll be save there.

There's one other place on this island I want to tell you about. I discovered it during our first days there and never told one of the others about it. It is a cave right on the cliff side not far from the Edge. It's practically invisible from the outside. One can see only a small ledge, too narrow for most dragons to land upon. It tried it out just to see whether Stormfly could do it and she did. Only then I saw the cave's entrance hidden inside the cliff's wall. The Cave's not big, only an oval of about 20 steps. What's special about this cave though is the walls. I guess Fishlegs would totally geek out if he ever discovers my cave… I have no idea what it is exactly, some kind of metal or mineral probably. It marbles the stone and reflects even the faintest light. Even at night the cave seems to glow inside when there's enough moonlight outside. My Glowing Cave… I hide there when I really want to be alone. Yeah, I have my hut but someone could knock at almost any time.

But that's not what you want to hear about, right? Right… I haven't told him, yet… I'm still waiting for the right moment. We're always busy at the Edge. Building and scouting, caring for our dragons… Ah, who am I kidding… I haven't had the guts to tell him. This new life at the Edge… I love it! It's so exciting! I'm afraid to ruin it. What if I tell him and he rejects me? I don't think I could stay at the Edge if that were to happen. Maybe if the hype wears off a bit. I know I can always return to Berk but I don't want to right now.

Dear Diary

Today I really almost died… of laughter! You should have seen Snotlout totally in love with Fishlegs, or rather Thor Bonecrusher. I'm still hardly able to not fall off my chair by laughter. It was ludicrous.

Dear Diary

So we made it back to the Edge. This two-days-flight really gives a lot of time to think… Being on Berk again… it reminded me of the past years. Of all this days and weeks and months I spend waiting and hoping… Of how I agonized myself over Hiccup…

And if I'm honest with myself… nothing has changed! I may be distracted right now but that won't last forever. I don't want to return to this vicious circle! I should tell him and live with the outcome but I just realized I'm a coward.

It should be simple. It is night and everyone's asleep or at their huts at least. I could simply go over to Hiccup. His hut is right next to mine after all. I could knock until he opens. I'm sure he not yet asleep since he's practically not sleeping at all since we found the Dragon Eye… I could tell him right away that I love him. So simple and yet so impossible at the same time. I just can't make myself do it!

I'm sorry but I can't write right now. I'll make a little flight, hopefully, that'll help to clear my mind.

The night is clear and cold. A full moon lightens sea and shore and the wind is getting stronger. I have no goal and let Stormfly pick her path while I try to figure out what to do. I can't keep on living like the past four years... I value Hiccup's friendship I really do, but… Being his friend is simply not enough anymore. I've tried and failed…

My heart aches and I feel tears running down my cheeks. I can't endure this any longer! I have to do something! And since I'm obviously not courageous enough to tell him my love, I'll return to Berk.

I already made this decision once when I agreed to join the Berk Guard. This is no different. I'll try to move on however hard it may be. This new life is exciting and great… but the price I'd have to pay is too high.

I don't pay attention as to where Stormfly flies and am surprised when she alights. Maybe I subconsciously direct Stormfly toward my Glowing Cave or maybe she flew here on her own. It doesn't matter... She lands on the narrow ledge. I dismount and flee into the Cave. Here I'm alone. Here I'm save. I fall to my knees and sob unrestrained.

Why did I fool myself like this? This new environment doesn't change anything! I can't go back to this life of hope and pain. I already feel this burning hole in my chest again. I wrap my arms around me. Leaving is the right thing to do. Why then does it feel so wrong?

Stormfly followed me into the cave. She croaks sympathetically and nudges me with her nose. I reach out and scratch her neck. 'I'll be fine, Stormfly' I say huskily. 'Everything will be fine…' If I tell myself often enough maybe it'll come true. I barely notice Stormfly leaving the Cave, leaving me to my agony. A new wave of tears and shaking overwhelm me.

I have no idea for how long I lay on the stony ground. I'm cold and stiff and numb, inside and out. Looks like I fell asleep after all… But for how long? I slowly get on my feet and rub my eyes. They're still wet. I remember what brought me here and feel again this stabbing pain in my chest.

'Hey Stormfly, what is this? Why are you so upset? Where's Astrid?' I hear a voice from the outside. A far too familiar voice. Stormfly led Hiccup to my Cave. I freeze. I can't talk to him right now. Not in my bedraggled state and surely not now!

I look around, searching for a hiding place. But there is none. No further corridor, no bigger rock, nothing. I hear metal clinging on stone as Hiccup enters the Cave and stop, my back towards the entrance. I don't want him so see my tears.

'Look at this! What is this stone? That's amazing. Fishlegs will totally geek out when he sees this!' He's close now, just around the corner and… 'Hey, Astrid there you are! What happened? Stormfly acted really strange and almost got me worried. You're alright?' He stops talking, waiting for me to answer. I don't trust my voice right now. I nod and wrap my arms tighter around me. Not convincing enough obviously for Hiccup steps closer and places his hand on my shoulder.

I can almost feel my heart cracking due to this casual and kind gesture. It hurts… so much…

'What is it, Astrid?' He asks, more serious now. I bite my lip. Why can't he just leave me alone? 'You can tell me everything. You know that, right?' Go away! Go away. Go... away… 'We're friends!' That's it…

I spin around, furious now. 'But I don't want to be your friend!' I shout. 'I hate it!'

Silence.

I see a hurt look crossing Hiccup's face and then nothing. His face is empty of emotions, a well-practiced mask. I've seen it before whenever he didn't want to show his emotions to his opponent. He never used that mask on me before! The cracks in my heart widen. What have I done?

Hiccup steps back once, twice. His eyes narrow. 'Then why did you keep up the act all this time? If you hate it so much…' He turns to leave the Cave and I stare at him bewildered.

'No...' I whisper. 'No Hiccup, wait! I didn't mean-' Hiccup turns toward me, a hurricane of emotions in his eyes now.

'You didn't mean what? Ever since I lost my leg all of a sudden everyone is friendly to me. They see a cripple and pity me, I know that. But I never needed, never wanted their pity. And I especially don't want yours!' He turns again and walks away. I stare after him, shocked. Pity for the cripple? My heart burst into uncountable shards. He can't really believe that! That I put up with him out of pity? I can't let him think that!

I hurry after him. I have to get to him before he flies off! I have to! When I reach the corner I find him leaning against the wall, head bowed. He notices me and keeps on going. 'Hiccup, wait!' I shout. He doesn't wait. 'Hiccup I can't stand being just your friend! It's killing me… because… Because I love you!'

There, I said it… After I ruined everything and hope finally died I'm now able to say it. I close my eyes. I don't want to see whatever reaction might be on Hiccup's face. Or maybe there's none. Maybe he simply mounted Toothless and is already gone. I can hear the rustling of wings as he flies away. Or is it the blood rushing in my ears? I don't know. I don't care…

Suddenly there's movement, something in my face. I stiffen as an electric shock jolts right through my entire body. I try to back away but I can't. Something's holding me, I can't move. I try to calm, to understand what's happening.

The electric shock wears off and I feel warmth instead. Warmth coming from whatever's restraining my movability, pressing against my entire body, my lips. Sudden realization dawns on me. It's Hiccup. Hiccup is kissing me!

I can discern his lips on mine now, moving slightly. His arms are around my waist, restraining me, holding me. My hands start to shake and I make them clutch his collar, drawing him closer. This is a dream! Surely it must be. I move my lips with his, taking in as much as possible of this moment. It ends too soon.

When our lips part Hiccup keeps me in a tide embrace, his face buried in my hair. 'If this is a dream, please don't wake me.' I hear him whisper. I chuckle slightly. That's just what I thought, too. But I have to know…

'Hiccup?' I try to retreat, just enough to look at him. He lets me do so reluctantly. 'What… Why…?' I have trouble finding words while looking in his brightly shining green eyes. He smiles warmly and leans his forehead against mine. 'You have no idea for how long I wished for you to say these words. To dream… To hope…' He whispers. I swallow. These are my words, my feelings. Could it be..? 'For how long?' I hear myself ask. He draws back to look at me again. His face, his eyes are serious. 'Astrid I'm in love with you for almost ten years now!'

Dear Diary

Hey there. It's me again. Haven't thought you'd hear from me again so soon, have you? Well' it's almost dawn and only a few hours have past. The flight didn't help to clear my mind… neither did the hours we spend in my Glowing Cave for that matter... Yes, I said we, because Hiccup was with me. It's a long story, maybe I'll tell you another time… But it seems we're together now… as a couple… Or maybe I'm still dreaming… I don't hope so! My mind certainly feels hazy though…

This night we spend in my Cave was… special. We talked for hours and… okay, we didn't just talk… There was a lot of kissing, too… Anyways we talked about so many things… Things we both never dared to mention these past years. We certainly could have made things easier for us…

It begins with the fact that Hiccup seems to be in love with me for ten years! I'm only beginning to comprehend what that means… He said he started working in Gobber's forge because of me. I resented him for so long because of that and he did it for me! He knew I wanted to become a warrior and since he was not the fighting type he wanted to help me by making weapons for me. That so… sweet. And it made me feel guilty retrospectively. In addition it looks like Gobber knew all along. Apparently he always gave my weapons to Hiccup for mending. Because he knew what it meant to him. And he never said a word. Gobber always was like an uncle to me and he never said a word!

I also asked Hiccup why he didn't say anything. Like after he defeated the Red Death, that year on Snoggletog, the Thawfest-Incident… Okay, cross out the last one, I wasn't coherent myself that day… But there where so many occasions when I thought I showed enough of my feelings for him to know… He admitted to have noticed these things. At least… But apparently he had never allowed himself to believe any of it. He said he had dreamed and hoped for so long that he wasn't even considering it could come true. He said that… that to him I'm the perfect divine beauty, as it is in my name, and that he never considered himself worthy enough…

It made me feel bad to hear him say this. I'm far from perfect… I'm mean and I'm callous sometimes and I'm a coward… All the things he's not. I rather think that I'm the one who doesn't deserve him, that I'm the fortunate one of us.

Ah, I'll have to think more about all this… For now, we agreed to not tell the others about us. I really don't need any teasing or mocking comments from Snotlout or Tuffnut right now… And I think I'll be able to handle Snotlout's flirting comments far better now. We'll try to behave normally around the others. That shouldn't be too hard I guess. We've been close before and as long as they don't catch us kissing…

The Sun is rising… I'll try to catch some hours of sleep now. Luckily the journey back from Berk was hard for all of us and no one will be up before noon…

Thanks for reading. Pls review and let me know what you think of this ^^"