His uncles words came back to him he slipped further in to the darkness that was depression. You are worthless. In his dorm he made a promise to himself he would be perfect that way people would like him more he had to find a way to be perfect and to do that he needed to cleanse his body to clean it of all the evil that was inside and he cut relishing in the controlled pain and then slipped into an almost peaceful sleep not stirring when the others came up to go to bed.
A dark space with nothing but the tiniest cracks of light filtering through the gaps in the door illuminating the soft particles of dust as they drifted down off the lower side of the stairs. It hadn't taken for Vernon to throw Harry back into the cupboard, with in seconds of stepping through the fire actually. Harry didn't need to be smart to figure out that this time spent home with his loving relatives was going to be anything but healing.
Harry woke with a start, he had foolishly hoped that perhaps he would have a short time before nightmares of his time spent at home kicked in but it seemed that he was not so lucky. He felt desolate and alone the embarrassment of the night before still fresh in his mind. He would move on he had ways of coping and once he was clear and pure maybe they would take him back. It was his evil really that had pushed them all away so he couldn't really blame them but he would get better he knew he would.
Days and weeks passed by and it was almost Halloween now, but Harry had barely noticed. His grades stayed on the lower side of average as he continued on with the hope that he would be able to cleanse his impure body. He was washing up to four times a day and barely eating and the number of cuts had continued to grow.
Day to day it became hard to keep up the façade that is Harry Potter, his friends had all but abandoned him but that didn't matter. None of the teachers really seemed to notice the tension among the Gryffindor's, the teachers seemed to be permanently busy with something and the other students didn't care.
Classes seemed so pointless but he made sure to seem interested he didn't want a repeat of last time and after all the effort he had gone to, to ensure they believed he was better after his last visit home he didn't want to ruin it with a silly mistake.
Harry woke up on a fine Wednesday morning, the weather was dull but not overly cold and there was no rain yet to speak of. Harry as usual was the last one in the dorm to get up but it was planned to ensure that he could have a shower in peace and only have time to make a cursory stop at breakfast. The other boys in the dorm didn't really bother him that much, they tried to stay out of his and Ron's fight but he could see that Seamus especially seemed to agree with Ron and the others stayed quiet for an easy life rather than stick up for the boy they had spent next to no time with in four years.
He had potions first thing this morning and he remembered Snape mentioning something about partners but he couldn't remember exactly. He didn't care all that much so long as they didn't get to pick their own as he knew that no one would willingly work with him. The Slytherin's hated him on principle and the Gryffindor's either sided with Ron or ignored him to avoid trouble. So he took his seat in the back and prayed to any diety to get through this lesson unscathed.
"Malfoy and…Potter. Now get to work. You all have partners and there is no excuse for a miss-made potion, you manage it though and the pair will get a zero for the day." The potions master stalked back to his desk robes following behind him majestically. As he turned he surveyed the room and if his eyed lingered on the slightly blurry shape of Potter for a second or two longer who was going to say anything, certainly not him. He wasn't a spy for nothing he knew an active glamour charm when he saw one but he would wait to see what kind of mess of this Potter made.
Harry slowly made his way over to Draco knowing however slowly he went it wasn't going to delay the inevitable. As per usual, when they were partnered together Draco would stir the potion, add the ingredients and condescendingly order him to slice, dice and chop the ingredients necessary for whatever concoction they were preparing that day.
With his potion of the job done, dicing Shrivelfigs and chopping daisy roots wasn't rocket science, he took the time to gaze around the classroom and observe everyone else. He wasn't fantastic at potions but he got by he knew if Snape didn't breathe down his neck so much he would be able to concentrate better but he smirked as Ron was berated for his usual bad performance in potions. He had been paired with Neville equally as poor in potions and the two had already made a mistake neither had a shred of ability for this subject and kept their grades up to barely passing on their written work.
As usual Snape spent the lesson stalking around making vicious remarks to the Gryffindor's and praising the Slytherin's, everything else was relatively normal he somehow managed to praise Malfoy and criticize him for the potion they were both working on but that was to be expected.
All was going well until an unidentifiable object flew from somewhere in the room into his and Malfoy's cauldron causing an explosion of colour and unfortunately landing all over him. In the slight shock he thought he heard a snigger coming from Ron's direction but he couldn't be sure. Usually the potion in this state caused no harm it was in the cooling stage and anything added would just taint the potion making it worthless however in what can only be seen as seriously bad luck Ron had managed to throw something highly reactive made by mixing two standard ingredients together.
The shock and lack of food along with his precarious health meant Harry not only passed out but his well kept glamours began to fail starting with those on his arms, being the most recent. In a stroke of fortunate luck, however, Malfoy kicked him in the attempt to move out of the way of the flying potion and roused him preventing the further drop of his glamours. How much was luck and how much was fate Harry did not know but the abrupt dismissal of the class if I see any of you round here for the rest of the day you will pay allowed for a hasty exit before anyone could question him.
Snape however was cursing his bad luck for not having caught the boy in time to ensure that he went to the hospital. The potion was fairly harmless even though it exploded what worried the professor was the reaction that the young boy had had. His reaction should not have been that severe and so he floo'd Pomfrey and McGonagall to ensure that the boy had a check up.
Harry however was almost cursing as his recent spell of luck ran out when McGonagall approached him first berating him for his poor homework, then for not immediately reporting to Madam Pomfrey and then stating that he was to accompany her there now no excuses, it was the longest walk of his life. All he really wanted was to go back to his dorm and lay down. He wasn't stupid when he woke he knew in the few seconds that the glamours on his arms had dropped and he wanted them back up, he wanted to cut as well. What Ron had done was cruel and dangerous but to do it was what had shocked Harry the most, he never thought Ron would go that low.
"Ahh Mister Potter go over to the bed and lay down, come on the quicker you are the quicker you leave. On to the bed we don't have all day." Refreshing, Harry thought to have someone remain the same, Madam Pomfrey liked everything done her way and that would never change. But in this situation he thought he just might shit himself or scream.
"Madam Pomfrey this isn't necessary, really…" Harry replied, heart racing at fifty miles an hour.
"When you are a qualified healer Mister Potter then you can decide what is best but until then you will lie back down and do as you are told. From what I have heard so far about you this year it will be a first but do try and do as you're told without complaint." Her normally calm nature over shadowed by annoyance. With both her and the stern McGonagall standing a few feet away he hastened to comply.
"Right lets start with a basic assessment of you health and go from there." With the mediwitch waved her wand over Harry in what seemed a complicated manner and a glowing list began to form over his body. Harry closed his eyes in shame knowing however basic this was at least some of his secrets would be told to those in the room.
Madam Pomfrey gasped as she proceeded to read from the list as Professor McGonagall ran to the floo in order, Harry suspected to call Dumbledore who moments later stepped out of the fire place in order to hear Madam Pomfrey say. "Severely under weight, cuts to the lower arms, sleep deprivation, magical exhaustion and active glamour charms over 95 percent of the body."
Harry sighed the more serious happenings of his time at home still appeared to be secret but he still had a lot to explain. But that was the question how he explained some of it without telling the whole truth was anyone's guess and would they believe him even if he did. He had been betrayed one too many times to trust that these people had his best interests at heart.
It was Dumbledore however that interrupted his thoughts, "How severe is all of this Poppy, what needs to be done?"
"I… He needs St Mungo's. I just can't deal with this here, he needs medical help and…" at this point she strode over to Harry and lifted his sleeve and pointed to the lines of scabs and scars up his arms "and therapy for whatever drove him to this. I just don't have the experience for this."
"Okay Poppy if that is your judgement then that is where he will go."Dumbledore replied, looking over Harry with, well was it regret or pity Harry did not know, nor did he care to find out. With that he began to sit up and attempt to get up from the bed.
"I'm not going any where, there's nothing wrong with me and I won't sit around while you lock me up like some crazy person, you can't do this to me."With one final push he made to step forward and leave the infirmary however not all went as planned as the world spun and an odd sensation flittered through his body he felt arms go round him slowing his fall to the floor and heard Madam Pomfrey say from right next to him something about stupid boys, not strong enough and Merlin help him if he tried it again.
At a later date he would reflect that watching glamours fall as the magic behind them was no longer enough to keep them up and seeing your own body shrink was the single most strange experience to date as it was however the only thought to go through his mind was "oh shit" before he passed out blissfully unaware of the shock and pandemonium caused to the three adults he had left behind.
Coming round however was not the most pleasant experience that Harry had ever had and not one that he hoped to have again. As he came to memories from the hospital wing slowly came back to him and he groaned. They had seen him as he was, the scrawny little boy, who was too short, too pale, to skinny, to odd looking and over all not very important looking. His shame was there for the world to see.
As awareness came back to him he began to survey the room and with a start realized that he was no longer in Hogwarts but somewhere that looked entirely too much like a hospital. There was a strange beeping noise coming from somewhere above him, his arms were wrapped in a thin layer of gauze, to protect what he knew to be slightly infected cuts, he knew recently he hadn't been as careful but he suspected that he was probably give a potion and the infection was now gone.
It was then that he noticed something that looked too muggle to be there but a touch and slight gasp of pain told him that there really was a needle in his arm and he followed that up to see a bag hanging off a hook with normal saline and nutrients written in big black letters.
Panic started to settle on his mind and as he looked at his other arm he the noticed a red band round his wrist stating Harry Potter, Age 15, floor 3 room 6b. Understandably the initial slight panic that he had been feeling dramatically increased and without further notice he made quick work of removing the cables the were on his chest and the funny looking clip on his finger and finally removing the nasty looking needle in his arm. With that done he then went to get off the bed, and noticed two things. One was that his glamours were definitely off his legs and now that he noticed arms seemed to short and two that as he moved his legs round they hit an invisible barrier. He was stuck. And the annoying beep had turned into a drone.
Breathes became hard and his chest felt like there was a hippogriff on there but at the sight of three very irate nurses who were standing at the side of his bed he began to calm and listen to what they were saying to him.
"Mister Potter just what do you think you are doing that equipment is expensive and doesn't work very well unless it is actually attached to you". One of the nurses, well actually the only nurse left carefully explained as she put everything to one side except the needle. "You are lucky, the healer on your case has said these are no longer necessary, but the needle is and so must go back in although I'm sure she will explain this too you when she comes to see you." Her temper seemed abated for the time being, Harry however was not willing too see for how long though.
"I..uhh what I mean to say is.. uhh where am I exactly and why can't I get off the bed and what is going on, what are you doing to me". Harry quickly rattled off getting more worked up as he spoke.
"Mister Potter I am doing nothing your healer however has set a number of precautions in order to ensure that you get better".
"But I..." Harry began only to be cut off by a young woman in jeans and a t-shirt, with brown hair pulled back off her face.
"Thank you Louisa but I can take it from here," she spoke calmly but with an air of authority and the nurse, Louisa said her goodbyes and left the room closing the door behind her. "Now Harry I believe you had some questions for me to answer. To start with I am Healer Wentworth but you can call me Callie. So here we go, you are in St Mungos in one of the secure wards under section, you are very sick and in order for you to get better there are a number of procedures to follow. One being the needle in your arm which is giving you body what it needs, it is a mixture of muggle and magical solution in order to help you as best as possible. The ward on the bed keeping you on it is to prevent you from injuring yourself in attempting to get off, although even if you did the band on your wrist, which you can't remove, will prevent you leaving the floor of this building without authorization, so you won't get far."
Harry looked down tears pooling in his eyes threatening to spill over at any time and anger boiling his blood at he idea of not being able to leave. He responded as calmly as he could, "What do you mean sectioned and why won't you let me leave I don't need or want to be here so you should just let me go".
"Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it Mister Potter you do not have a choice. The section is in place to help you and means that two healers with psychiatric qualifications have decided that you need to be here, legally we make the decision as too where you stay, how long for and what treatment you need as you have allowed your own health to drop to a point that is dangerously low and so it has been decided you are not well enough to look after yourself or make decisions in that regard. "Callie explained in a slow but not patronizing way.
"But I don't want too be here can't you just let me go back to school please. I'll do anything you want. I'll be good, I promise, I'll be a good boy really I will." And Callie felt her heart break at the tearful boy that sat in front of her, looking like a young boy of ten or eleven despite him being fifteen.
"It's not about how good you are Harry; it's about how healthy you are. Your headmaster wanted you to be here because he realized that you needed help and you do, you are in no condition to attend school." She explained calmly.
However she did not expect what happened next and it would stay in her mind for sometime to come. Harry, with a look of pure rage on his face proceeded to attempt to throw everything off the bed, including himself. Callie was quick to act and a string of Latin later had the boy strapped down to the bed as the ward round the bed significantly restricted his movement. A button on the wall pushed had a nurse, Louisa, quickly walk in, and then out, only to return with a small bottle and needle which was passed over to Callie, she then left again.
"I'm sorry Harry but in your condition it just not safe for you to throw your body around like that, the ward will keep you from moving too much," as she said this Harry had tears running down his pale face and Callie proceeded to fill the needle with what was in the bottle. "This will relax you Harry so try and get some sleep and we will talk again tomorrow, I'm here for you Harry, you will get better." she promised and emptied the contents of the needle into his arm.
As she left the room Harry felt his emotions settle back to almost nothingness and his eyelids began to droop as he fought to stay awake. For a while he managed, the drug not forcing him to sleep but relaxing to a point where it was inevitable. He thought for a while about what she had said. Most of it made little sense to his twisted logic. Couldn't she see, what he was doing was to make him better to make him pure. How would he ever deserve the love of his Godfather or have his friends back if he couldn't make himself pure.
It wasn't long before the pull to sleep became almost overwhelming but he decided then that he would do his best to become pure whatever these hospital people did he had to, and as he slipped into a black abyss he wished he was anywhere but here.
AN changed for the better I hope lol review xx ed 19/9/09