Hashirama, World's Worst Matchmaker

by Silverlight10243

In which Hashirama decides to solve the issues of clan politics through the rather... uncanny methods of marriage and his rival, Madara Uchiha's blind little brother becomes the first victim. Tobirama is flabbergasted, Madara is fuming, Toka is enraged, Izuna is shocked. Hashirama really isn't the world's brightest matchmaker... (Microfic, Crackfic, Sitcom) Sequel up!

4. Chapter 4

Hashirama was renowned as the God of Shinobi, his prowess in Mokuton being admired and coveted throughout the entire Shinobi World. But he really wasn't the brightest person when it came to, eh… matchmaking.

Let's say that after several strenuous attempts to persuade both his little brother and Madara into this, Toka Senju and Izuna Uchiha were still completely ignorant.

That's precisely the reason why Hashirama earned Konohagakure's most terrifying slap-on-the-face (these were the pre-Tsunade days…) and had half of his office demolished when he ceremoniously announced it to his, not-so-very-happy cousin.

At first she had been shocked, then she was flabbergasted, then she broke out into a thunderous rant, proclaiming that she could do much better than an Uchiha, to boot, he was… blind…. eyeball-deprived—that was the more accurate word, seeing as his psychotic elder brother had hacked off his eyes for rather uncanny purposes.

"He's an Uchiha, he's blind AND he has a psychotic elder brother!" she protested.

By that time, Hashirama had already re-grown half of his office's damaged properties.

"But it's all arranged…" Hashirama stated gloomily, "I've went through all this—"

"You should've asked me for my permission first!"

"Eh… hehe… I totally forgot…" his voiced trailed off.

And so a bunch of Chuunin errand runners decided to make a detour around the Hokage's office, due to the deafening sounds of violence and bloodshed that came from inside.