I spent another sleepless night thinking about all the wrong I had done, and all the right I had failed to do.
I knew exactly where I would go and what I would do come sunrise.
When the sun was barley over the horizon I was seated by a crick. The very stream where I had shared my first kiss with Marian.
My bow was lying next to me, broken in half and the arrows were skewed across the ground, not moving from where they had landed.
I continued to throw them one by one even as I heard them approaching.
"What have you done?!" Much exclaimed, indicating my bow.
"I have no need for it anymore. It's better of broken." I threw my last arrow into the dirt and faced the water pulling out my dagger.
"What are you doing?" Allen piped up.
"I am punishing myself for all those I have killed and all those who have either died or been injured in my name."
"How?"
I turned to little John, "Like this," I thought for a moment, and the first person who came to mind besides Marian was Roy, my friend who died because I wasn't quick enough. "For Roy." I made a slash in my hand. "For Allen's brother and his two friends."
Three more slashes.
"Master this is madness!" Much tried to grab the weapon from my grasp but I held firmly.
"For the people of my village. For the sheriffs men, and for the people in Acre." Blood trickled from my wounds but I couldn't stop yet. "For Gisborne."
"Him you could've left out."
"No I couldn't John, I have to suffer for all those who have suffered for me." I did not yell, for I did not expect them to understand.
"For all of you, and Djaq and Will. And for anyone I have forgotten." I made the last slash deeper than the others.
Thinking the worst was over the three men sighed, but the worst was yet to come.
"And Much, I apologize."
"For what?" Much looked concerned.
"I promised I wouldn't do nothing foolish, well I lied." I stood and gripped the dagger with both hands.
"And last, for my beloved Marian, please forgive me, I love you." And with that I plunged the dagger into my gut.
"Master no!" Much screamed as he caught me. But it was too late, the deep pit of unconsciousness was already sneaking in.
The other two joined Much around me but their conversation was hard to understand.
"We go to Acre." Much declared, but the name had no meaning to me.
"He's hardly in any state to travel!" Allen countered.
"We need Djaq immediately! And we don't have time to send a message and wait for her to come here!"
"Much is right, we go now!"
By the time Little John spoke everything was just mumbled words with no meaning. So as I was lifted I finally gave into the darkness that had been trying to sneak into my conscious mind since the weapon had entered my body.
Finally I could sleep.