Day Three
Dave avoids Kurt all day at school because he's an immense chicken. Honestly, though, he's pretty sure he weirded Kurt out yesterday and he doesn't want to make it worse before his ambush tonight. Sam keeps shooting him covert thumbs up in the hall and it's making Dave feel beyond awkward, so he doesn't want to risk speaking to Kurt.
The day drags on horribly, of course. Seriously, three days of school and he's climbing the walls. How did he ever do this the first time around? But mercifully, nothing eventful happens and he only sees Kurt at a distance. He carefully avoids Puck as well, worried that Puck will talk to him about the party and ruin his ability to show up 'by accident.'
By the time the final bell rings, he's ready to just go home and take a nap. His old-guy brain isn't used to this kind of drama.
Instead of that nap, he ends up just sitting in his room and staring at the television. Everything seems old and quaint and it freaks him out a little, but it's the best way to mindlessly pass the time.
After dinner, he takes another shower and shaves again – can't be too careful – and puts on something slightly nicer than what he'd been wearing at school. He doesn't want to look like he's trying that hard, so he doesn't change out of his jeans. He does take off the ratty McKinley sweatshirt and replaces it with a nice-looking striped polo shirt.
He still can't get over how young he looks when he glances in the mirror. It startles him every time. It also fills him with regret that he didn't take better care of himself. It wouldn't have killed him to eat a salad or do a sit-up every once in a while.
These are the thoughts that make his palms sweaty and his pulse race, though, because he doesn't know how to 'change' that aspect of his life. What can he do, really? Write himself a note? He only has a week or so left to try to fix things, but there are no guarantees. He's not sure how this works – will he still remember everything from his 'old' life? Will he remember what it feels like to be a failure? He should have asked more questions.
He can't do anything about it, though, so he gets off that train of thought and onto more pressing issues. He goes downstairs and yells a goodbye to his parents, slipping out before they can ask any questions. His memory of the route to Puck's house is kind of hazy and he makes a couple of wrong turns, arriving about ten minutes later than he'd planned. Hopefully Sam hasn't gotten distracted and is still lurking by the door.
He rings the bell and Puck opens it a minute later, a beer in his hand. "Karofsky? What are you doing here?"
"I'm here for the party, ass," Dave says, trying for a tough-guy voice. It's been too long since he asserted himself, though, and it sounds half-hearted.
"Dude, party's tomorrow," Puck says, looking at him like he's challenged. "S'just the glee club over here tonight."
Right on cue, bless his heart, Sam pokes his head around the doorframe. "Hey, Dave! Come in and have a beer, man! It's cool with you, Puck, right?"
In this alternate timeline, Dave's been about as much of a dick to the glee people as Puck himself has, so Puck barely hesitates before he swings the door open the rest of the way. "Yeah, sure. I just didn't think you'd want to, man. It's not that much of a party, if you know what I mean." He rolls his eyes as if to convey that his glee friends are kind of lame and Dave grins.
"Whatever. I'm not gonna turn down a beer. I'll hang out for a while." He steps into the house, trying to tamp down his nerves, and accepts the bottle that Sam puts in his hand. "Thanks," he says, giving Sam a significant look to convey his double meaning. Sam grins and wanders off into the living room.
"In here, man. Rachel's trying to get people to play Celebrity, but I don't think it's working." Puck rolls his eyes before he turns to lead Dave into the room. "Hey, Karofsky's gonna hang out, guys," Puck announces like it's no big deal.
It's funny, but Dave's life has been so defined by the incident with Kurt and what happened after that he can hardly process the fact that no one looks overly alarmed by Puck's words. Kurt makes a face, but most of the others simply shrug, looking various degrees of nonplussed.
Dave wants to make a beeline for Kurt and try to talk to him immediately, but he forces himself to play it cool. He drinks a couple of beers and doesn't say anything to Kurt until he finds himself standing in front of him, an index card taped to his head. Rachel Berry can be very convincing.
Kurt's card reads 'Sue Sylvester,' proving that the glee club's definition of 'celebrity' is loose. Kurt's eyes veer upward to read Dave's card and he smiles a little. "So... Having fun?" Kurt asks, shockingly civil. Either that, or it's a test.
"Actually, yeah," Dave says, trying to smile at Kurt in a way that isn't creepy. "I wasn't sure when we started, but this is kinda fun."
"I can't believe you're being nice to us. Did you get a personality transplant or something?" Kurt's voice is bitchy, but there's a hint of genuine curiosity.
There are a ton of people around, but sometimes the best anonymity is found in a crowd, so Dave just shrugs and says, "Well, I was dealing with some heavy stuff, and I took it out on the people around me. Which was shitty of me, but there you go."
"I'm sorry. Trouble at home?" Kurt asks, falsely polite.
"Actually, I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm gay," Dave says. He keeps his voice low, but he says it honestly and as bravely as he can, staring right into Kurt's pretty blue eyes when he says it.
Of course, as soon as he says it, he starts systematically freaking out.
Kurt's mouth drops open and he stares at Dave for much too long before he finally says, "You're messing with me, right? I mean, really."
"Um... No?" he says, completely stupidly. "I'm... sorry?" He's not sure what he's sorry for, though. He feels awkward as shit and his heart is beating so hard he's afraid he's going to have a heart attack right there in Puck's living room, but underneath the cardiac arrest, he feels fucking incredible. Loose-limbed and wide-eyed, like someone just let him out of a cage.
Kurt opens his mouth to reply, but Santana spins Dave around before Kurt can produce any sounds. "Am I dead?" she asks.
Dave can't process the subject change right away, but he gets with the program and looks at her card. It says 'Ed Westwick,' and Dave can't remember who that is for the life of him. "Alive," Kurt supplies over Dave's shoulder, and Dave breathes a sigh of relief.
"Way to be helpful, Karofsky," Santana mutters, moving away.
Dave turns back to Kurt, who looks like he has a million questions, but Dave preemptively cuts him off. "Am I a musician?"
Kurt looks up at Dave's card again. "No." He pauses for a second and then says, "Can we talk?"
Dave swallows hard. "Yeah, okay," he says. Kurt turns toward the kitchen and Dave follows. They're almost to the doorway when Finn pops out of the kitchen. He narrows his eyes a little at Dave, like Dave's leading Kurt off to kick his ass or something. Despite the fact that Kurt is ahead of Dave, but whatever.
"What're you doing, Karofsky?"
"We were just going to talk, Finn," Kurt says.
"About what?"
Dave swallows. He's not sure if he's ready to say the words and he's not sure if he wants Kurt to, either. Kurt doesn't out him, though. "Nothing. We were just bored of the game," Kurt says, reaching up and pulling the card off his head, wincing as a few strands of hair catch in the tape. He scowls at the card. "Well, no wonder I couldn't guess this. Celebrity, my butt."
Dave takes his card off, too. Apparently, he's been 'Barack Obama,' which makes sense with the answers he's gotten. He should have guessed, but he's used to a different president in his own time.
Kurt tries to move past Finn, but Finn doesn't budge from the doorway. Dave doesn't want to push it, though. He's pretty sure that pissing Finn off won't win him any points with Kurt.
"Let's just get new cards, Kurt. We'll say we guessed these," Dave suggests, trying to keep his tone light.
"Maybe I can get Rachel to play something else," Kurt says, turning back to the living room.
After he steps away, Finn says, "What's your deal, man?"
"Just trying to make amends with Kurt," Dave says.
"Why?"
Just like that, it's his opening. 'You're here to change things,' he reminds himself inside his head. Change things.
He takes a breath. "Because I'm gay. I was picking on him because I had a hard time coming to terms with it and he's... Well. You know how Kurt is. Almost no one knows, okay? So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell everyone. I should get to tell people when I want," he finishes, maybe a bit more self-righteously than the situation warrants, but honestly, he's a little sick of Finn's nosiness. And he hasn't had to deal with it for almost twenty-five years, but it's coming back to him now how annoying it is, though.
Finn's just standing there like a big, dumb gump, so Dave just walks away, holding his head high. It's getting easier. Telling people, saying the words. He'd thought it would be like dying a little inside every time, but it's not at all.
He's not sure if he can hang around here, playing lame party games and pretending to be one of the gleeks now that he's laid himself bare, though. He sees Puck and, before he can weigh the options, goes over to him. "Hey, I'm gonna take off, man."
"No worries. I know this is hella lame."
"Nah, it wasn't that bad," Dave tells him.
Puck shrugs. "They're cool people, but seriously. They need to learn how to have a good time." He smiles at the assembled group fondly, like a father smiling at his children's silly antics. Shaking his head a little, he turns back to Dave. "You gonna be here tomorrow for the real party?"
"Count on it," Dave says, even though he hasn't made up his mind. He and Puck shake hands and Dave escapes into the cool night air.
As he gets in his car, he wonders if this whole thing is easier because it has a feeling of unreality. Logically, it is his life, but it also feels like it's not. His life is the one back in Zanesville, scrounging to make a living and struggling with a relationship that does nothing for him. Even the first time around, this wasn't his life. His life was kissing Kurt Hummel and then doing everything in his power to take that fundamental truth away and bruise and bury it.
This seventeen-year-old life doesn't feel like his. And maybe that's why he's starting to feel like he can be free with it. He can tell everyone in the school that he likes dudes and the ramifications aren't really his to deal with. They belong to this 'other' Dave. This alternate timeline Dave who isn't really him anymore.
In eight-and-a-half days, Dave will be gone – supposedly. And this new Dave will have to deal with all of it. It won't be his problem anymore.
That feels both amazing and terrifying, but he's starting to embrace the role. What choice does he have? The fear he feels at having everyone know is much less than the fear that nine days from now, he'll wake up staring at the back of Angie's green smock, watching her get ready for work, and the shame will begin anew.
He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what to think, even, but he knows he has to do something. Even if he wakes up in nine days and he's still miserable, he has to believe that it will at least be a different miserable. He just can't go back. He can't.
He pulls into the driveway, shaking with his renewed convictions. He's going to succeed. He has to. He owes it to Kurt, to Angie, to his parents. He owes it to himself.