A/N: A very special thank you goes out to my co-writer, LabRatsRule! As usual, you rock!
Since it was December 23, still two days from Christmas, Gibbs felt fairly confident that they could get Tim checked out by the doctors and back home to Mike's in time for Christmas. They'd take him home with them when they left, of that there was no doubt. As he and Ducky headed out the door with Tim, the rest of his team stampeded right behind him, fully intent on going too. About to put his foot down and refuse, he stopped himself, remembering how deeply they'd all grieved for this man, their teammate. After everything his team had been through, they all deserved to be with Tim as much as they wanted to, especially if Tim had no objection and showed no discomfort over the idea. Gibbs didn't have the heart to tell them no. He knew that they could all see how traumatized Tim was and that they would temper their actions accordingly without even having to be told.
Surprisingly enough, the limo was once again waiting for them as they all stepped outside Mike's house. The ride to the hospital was a quiet one, as Tim was resting with his head propped up against the window, with Gibbs sitting next to him. No one wanted to disturb him. He had steadfastly remained glued to Gibbs' side, a hair shy of being Velcroed to him, even though his memory of things and people before he'd been kidnapped seemed to have returned with no gaps that he knew of. Somehow, along his way through whatever harrowing journey he'd been on, had taken his ability to feel safe around anyone, except Gibbs, Ducky or Mike, away from him. It didn't really matter which one, but predominately, Gibbs. Even if Ducky or Mike was with the group, where Gibbs was, there Tim stayed glued. It was a sad sight. Tim McGee had once been such a trusting soul, believing the best in everyone, but able to stand on his own two feet. Now, he obviously trusted almost no one, felt safe only around a chosen few.
Gibbs was concerned. Since Tim had been glued to his side when Ziva slapped him, he'd been unable to see Tim's inner reaction, not able to see his eyes and what might have showed there. It had been a slap that normally would have done Gibbs proud. Although it had achieved what Ziva had set out to do, Gibbs had been angry at her methods. Since it produced the desired results though, his anger was quickly cooling. The fact that Tim didn't seem to even be thinking about the slap anymore was easing Gibbs' worry about and making room for other concerns to come to the forefront of his mind.
As the limo slid into the parking space and stopped, the group unfolded itself from the car and left room for Gibbs to get Tim awake and moving. Ducky immediately headed into the hospital in search for the Dr. Peters he'd already spoken with over the phone, anxious to get things started for Timothy. As the group headed toward the waiting room of the hospital, Tim hung back, literally matching his steps to Gibbs', visibly more scared now than he had been when the hospital was first mentioned back at the house.
Mike had stayed at the house. He'd known the limo would be crowded and he hated hospitals. The retired agent also knew Tim was in the best hands possible. It was time to let go and let his team have him back. They all needed this.
As Tim was shown into an examination room, Ducky accompanied him at Gibbs insistance. Gibbs promised Tim that Ducky was the best person to be in with him and the doctor and that he would be right outside, waiting until the doctor was finished checking him out. Tim had meekly gone along with it. No one had missed the way Tim had struggled over that turn of events. The poor kid had only settled into the decision, when Ducky had promised to go out and get Gibbs the minute the doctor was finished checking him over. As Ducky started to follow Tim into the room, Gibbs pulled on his arm, stopped him for a second and whispered something in his ear. When Ducky turned his shocked eyes on Gibbs, the younger man simply gave him one of his patented stares. Ducky, of course, understood what that meant. No discussion, no room to not do as Gibbs had just requested. Silently nodding his head, Ducky went into the room with their patient.
Gibbs breathed a sigh of both relief and frustration. He was so far beyond relieved that his agent was actually alive and had an obviously great deal of memory back. But, he couldn't help but feel that relief compromised with frustration at the state Tim was in. The poor kid was obviously so traumatized he'd undoubtedly not ever find the joy in life that he'd found before. How much did he remember? How much pain would he go through when he had time to process what he'd actually lived through? Would they be able to get him to a place where he was comfortable in his own skin? And, what would the results of what Gibbs had just asked Ducky to make sure got done be? How private could they keep it? So many questions were crowding Gibbs' mind, he was still hearing new ones in his head when Ducky came back out.
"Jethro. Timothy's examination is completed. You can come back in now. Timothy requested the doctor hold his diagnosis until you do."
Gibbs accompanied Ducky back into Tim's room. As the Doctor saw them come in, he opened Tim's chart and began his report patiently, as if he were speaking to a young teenager.
"Mr. McGee, as I'm sure you are well aware, your fingers are broken and in need of setting. We will need to give you anesthesia and let you be asleep for that procedure; especially since they've obviously been broken before and not set properly. You will need pins because you have multiple breaks in each finger. You do not seem to have tendon, ligament or nerve damage that would require a very extensive surgery. Thankfully, the nerves are not severed, but merely bruised. You injuries are more akin to a jigsaw puzzle, with some pins and casting, your hands should be fine. Unfortunately, you should know there will most likely be an ongoing problem for you now, as improper bone healing often leads to arthritis fairly quickly and severely.
Your kidneys are severely bruised and you have two bruised ribs. My recommendation is complete bed rest for at least a week. No physical activities. I see by your chart that your vital signs are less than great, so I want you to avoid stress, too. Your body is severely malnourished, also. Dr. Mallard has promised me that he will take care to see that your nutritional needs will be seen to very carefully. I understand that you will need to travel soon, to go back to your home. I will trust Dr. Mallard to make the call on that as well."
"Okay." Tim said softly as he watched Gibbs take in everything the Doctor was saying about him. He wasn't too concerned about the prognosis, as none of it was confining him to the hospital and none of it was life threatening. This meant he could go home. Home. Did he have a home? Had he been gone so long that he had nothing left to go back to? Suddenly, he felt a fresh wave of fear roll through him.
As Gibbs listened to the Doctor's prognosis, he watched Tim from the corner of his eye. He didn't want him to realize he was under scrutiny but needed to be able to read how expressive Tim's eyes were after everything he'd been through, if they still were at all. Sure enough, thankfully, the young man's eyes, at least when he wasn't aware he was being watched, were still the windows to his soul. Right now, fear was flowing through him and Gibbs needed to know why.
Gibbs spoke up, "Doctor, this mean he's clear to come back home with us?"
"Yes, Agent Gibbs, he's clear to go, as soon as we set his fingers; so long as he is taken care of in the manner I have just directed." the doctor replied. "I will be giving you prescriptions for pain meds for him, also. The work on his hands will take some time. However, we will use one of the shorter acting anesthetics; Versed, in conjunction with Nitrous Oxide and Oxygen. With this combo you'll wake up nicely and not groggy and pukey for days and you'll get to go home right away".
"We'll be here when he gets back. We're not going anywhere." Gibbs vowed. "I need a word with you." Looking at Tim, he told him quietly. "I'll just be a minute and Ducky's gonna be with you while I'm right outside."
Tim nodded gratefully. He knew that it was wrong for him to constantly need to be near the ones he felt safe with, this constant nearness had to be wrong, but he couldn't help it. If he couldn't see them, it was like he was back out there in the cold world, alone, nameless, clueless and completely lost. It was a feeling he never wanted to experience again. Sure, he remembered his team mates, but for some unfathomable reason he couldn't remember, he didn't feel even close to the same measure of safe around them. Tim didn't want to be hurting anyone's feelings and that was something else that was plaguing him. He knew they all loved him, that much had been obvious in their blatant joy at the sight of him alive. With the fear of what was or wasn't waiting for him back 'home' and the certainty that he was hurting the people around him without meaning to, Tim was quickly becoming distressed. What he didn't realize is that the more he strove to hide it, the more apparent it became.
As Gibbs stepped out to speak to the Doctor, needing the confidentiality to do so, Ducky remained with Timothy and steadily attempted to calm him.
"Timothy, it's quite all right. Why don't you tell me what's upsetting you at the moment?"
"I'm okay." Tim refused to discuss it; after all, he was trying to hide it.
"All right; do you think you can close your eyes and rest for a few moments?" Ducky asked with compassion, unwilling to push the young man in any way.
"I can try." Tim conceded. He knew he wouldn't succeed at it, but he also knew it would give him the chance to not have to worry about hurting anyone or hiding anything. As he complied with Ducky's suggestion; he felt himself begin to relax for the first time since they'd arrived at the hospital.
The doctor quietly came back into the room and gave Tim his anesthesia intravenously as the young man quietly rested. The less attention called to what was going on, the more likely he'd be able to remain calm and relaxed. As Gibbs and Ducky watched silently, Tim was allowed a few minutes to actually go under before he was wheeled away to the operating room where they would work on his hands.
While they waited, the team quietly talked about their observations regarding Tim. Every one of them had concerns and it was good that they talked about it as a group. They'd be able to help Tim better if they were all informed and advised.
"Jethro, Timothy was quite distressed before you came back in. I could not get him to tell me what was bothering him. I did not want to push him to talk so I suggested he lie back and rest." Ducky opened up the floor.
"That was probably for the best, Duck. I could see he was getting upset before I stepped out to talk to the Doctor. If I'm not mistaken he's scared about going home. When the doc mentioned going home,. Tim's eyes immediately filled with fear."
"But, Gibbs, since we don't know exactly how much he remembers, how are we gonna know what's bothering him?" Abby asked in frustration.
"We take it slow. Take our cues from Tim. Watch his reactions, but not too closely, don't want him to feel like he's under a microscope. It's pretty obvious he feels safe around Mike, Ducky and myself right now. So, let us talk to him and the rest of you just try to draw him out into doing things together as a group. No personal questions from you." Gibbs seriously instructed the group.
"Yes, and if you see any signs of distress or pain, you let us know." Ducky added.
"Of course, Ducky, but it's not likely that we would see it before you guys, given the way he won't let you or Mike or Gibbs outta his sight, unless one of you stays with him." Tony reminded the M.E. in a tone that mixed resignation with anger.
Gibbs understood where Tony was coming from, to a degree. And he felt for him and the rest of them too. But he felt for Tim even more. Knowing his team; he was sure they did, too. Gibbs had faith in them that they would help each other find their way in this recovery process for Tim.
What he hadn't figured out was how to make sure Tim didn't have to see or even find out about the video tapes; any of them. Just as important, how could he dispose of the ones on Tim's laptop without anyone finding them?
As the group's discussion became more 'what we can do as a group for Tim' discussion and less of a 'what are our instructions' discussion, Gibbs and Ducky took themselves away from the team so they could talk.
"Gotta ask you something, Duck." Gibbs admitted.
"Jethro, if it's concerning those tests you instructed me to insure they completed on Timothy, the answer is no. I do not need to know any details in order to remain his treating physician. If what you fear is indeed a reality, then I will need to know. Only then." Ducky responded.
"Duck." The younger man's tone was full of apology, but dedication to his former refusal to make Tim's private business anything but private.
"Jethro, you do not have to explain anything. I understand completely." Ducky promised.
"Yeah, Duck. I do. I cant…" Gibbs floundered, suddenly weighed down with the burden of those private emails and the videos within them. "I need to tell you." He didn't want to remind Tony or even bring the subject up with Jenny. And given that she wasn't here anyway, he was hoping that she'd never have to address the issue again either. But, he knew that was an unreasonable expectation, especially if they were to find a way to put it all under layers of locks and keys.
"From all appearances, it would seem that you're not sure you want to tell me. I'm listening when you're ready."
Quietly, Gibbs gave Ducky the rundown on what he was struggling with. He kept it as basic and non-descriptive as possible. As he finished what he needed to say; he ended the conversation with his major concern.
"Duck, I don't have to tell you that I don't want Tim finding out, ever. But, there's always a chance that he'll remember or put the pieces together for himself. Hell, we're not even sure of everything he does remember. I don't want him to ever see any of it. But, it's all part of his case file! I'm not concerned with the ones that aren't part of the case file near as much as the ones that are."
"Jethro, you need to discuss this with Jennifer." Ducky told him.
"Yeah, Duck, I know." Gibbs admitted with a sigh of frustration.
"And I believe the sooner, the better, Jethro. You do not want to have to be attempting to take care of this while getting Timothy settled in.
"Yeah, Duck. I know, you're right, Duck, call that Doctor who was helping Tim before we lost him. Bring him up to speed, ask him if he'll be available for Tim when we get back." Gibbs instructed with hope. "Ask him to consult with us, keep us from making this worse for him. Maybe Jen will let us teleconference with him before we get back. I don't want to rush back, but then again, I don't know how comfortable Tim is here. We'll have to wait and see on that."
"Dr. Wilson! He should prove to be very helpful! You have at least an hour before they will be done with Timothy. I'm certain he will sleep for at least an hour after that as well." Ducky suggested.
"Yeah. Okay. I'm going for more coffee and a phone call. Stay with them, Duck. If Tim gets back before I do, come get me." Gibbs instructed before he walked out.
Thirty minutes and long phone calls later, Gibbs was back with a few things taken care of. Looking around at the dozing group, he couldn't help but notice their exhaustion. Yeah, but every one of em looked a whole lot more at peace now than they had before this trip; there was no doubt about it.
Looking around for Ducky, he located him coming back from the nurse's station with a pleased look on his face.
"Duck?" Gibbs asked quietly, not wanting to wake his team.
"Jethro, Timothy is on his way out of surgery and will be in a recovery room for the next two hours. If all goes well, we can take him home with us then." Ducky advised.
"Any problems?" Gibbs asked cautiously.
"No, Jethro, they had no complications and Timothy's hands should heal completely, although he will have to work hard to regain full dexterity
"Duck! Computers are his life!" Gibbs was horrified that this young man would be forced to endure yet even more pain and adjustments in his life because of this nightmare.
"No, Jethro, computers are only a large part of his life. Let's not borrow trouble for him or let anyone else do it, either." Ducky softly admonished him.
"How soon will they let me go back there? I don't want him waking up alone!" Gibbs quickly shifted his focus onto the more immediate situation.
"In just a few moments. Relax, Jethro, Timothy is still asleep" Ducky promised him.
"Ducky, I don't want him alone for a second! He's too fragile right now!"
"I promise you, Jethro, we will not let him awaken alone. His doctor promised to come get us just as soon as they have finished settling him into his room. Look, here he is now." Ducky pointed out.
Gibbs practically ran to meet the Doctor, not wanting to wait another minute. He was truly worried that Tim would wake up alone and be forced to handle being alone in a strange room on top of it. "What room number?" Gibbs demanded.
"Agent Gibbs…"
"No! He's just come back from months of God knows what kind of abuse and whatever else his kidnappers did to him! He does not need to be left alone to think no one is here for him, even for a second! What. Is. His. Room. Number?" Gibbs pushed, his voice soft but deadly. This doctor was messin' with the wrong Marine!
"Room 212." The doctor allowed and stepped back as Gibbs practically flew down the hall.
Reaching Tim's room after what seemed like an eternity, Gibbs forced himself to calm down before he stepped in. As he finally stepped in and laid eyes once more on his miraculously alive agent, Gibbs breathed out a sigh of relief. And as it soon became apparent that the young man had indeed remained asleep and was still in slumberland, Gibbs allowed himself another sigh of relief. Stepping back out into the hall, he quickly called Tony to let him know the updated condition of their teammate. He suggested if they wanted to see for themselves that he was okay, they should do it before he woke up.
As he stepped back into the room and sat down next to the bed, he couldn't help but look his agent over carefully, unable to take his eyes off him. God, and to think they were getting a second chance to have him in their lives!