Megamind pulled a stool over to a work bench and took the new diguise generator out of the drawer. He could have used Minion's, but the faithful henchfish might have noticed it was missing. Just a few more finishing touches and then he and Roxanne could go out on the town.
He would take her out to dinner, and then dancing, just like a normal couple. They would both be in disguise to keep her reputation intact, in case they ran into someone she knew.
As much as he loved meeting at her apartment, he didn't want her to feel trapped. She hadn't so much as sighed wistfully about not being able to go out, but his heart leaped at the way her eyes lit up when he invited her to the Lair.
Which, admittedly, had been a spur of the moment sort of thing, but he'd been dying to show her some of his inventions, and with Minion being on a mission in Vancouver to buy some weapons-grade titanium, it was the perfect time.
Am I not the boss? Why, yes I am, and what Minion doesn't know won't hurt him.
Putting down the screwdriver he ran his hand over the workbench. This was the first place in the Lair that they'd Done It. And Done It very well.
He'd gotten a lot better since his first fumbling attempts to pleasure her. The first time he was all thumbs, so to speak, and so nervous he couldn't even get her bra off.
"How many hooks does this thing have?" he'd cried.
She shook with laughter. A stupid grin tugged at his mouth as exasperation gave way to amusement at his ridiculous predicament.
"You need to slow down," she said with a giggle. "It's not a race, spaceman. Move over."
He shifted off her. Arching her back she reached behind and unhooked it. Watching him from under lowered eyelids she slipped off one strap, then the other, and cast it aside. Almost shyly, he placed one hand over her breast.
"Hey," she said, putting her hand on his cheek so he would look into her eyes. She whispered, "Think of it as...a dance."
Oh, dancing, well, he was able to get his head around that.
Yes, he'd greatly improved, if he did say so himself.
A few weeks later he'd showed her around the Lair.
She ooh-ed and aah-ed over the alligator habitat, got acquainted with Spee-ider-bot, and teased him about the Robo-sheep. ("Are they supposed to nuzzle people to death? They're ridiculous!" "Ah, you mean ridiculously terrifying." "No, Megs, just ridiculous." "Well, they're still in the preliminary stages. Wait until they reach phase two!")
Eventually they ended up back at this workbench.
"So...this is the Lair," he said, raising his arms to encompass the great, echoing space. "Where the magic happens."
"It could be even more magical," she said, running her finger down the lightning bolt on his chest.
He embraced her for a kiss, and quickly discovered she wasn't wearing any underwear. Seizing her luscious rear and hoisting her onto the bench was the only logical course of action.
The intoxicating memory of Roxanne filled his head, her heavy-lidded eyes, her curves, her soft skin, the firmness of her breasts and the feel of her nipple hardening under his caressing thumb...
Shivers of pleasure ran up his back. His hands convulsed and the screwdriver shot onto the floor with a clatter. He shook himself and forcibly turned his attention away from the increasing pressure in his pants. If he didn't watch it he'd have to go take another cold shower.
With a sigh he leaned over and picked the tool off the floor. How was he supposed to get anything done? With grim determination he focused on the minute wiring of the disguise generator, and gradually the ache in his loins faded.
In his lonely fantasies before they got together, he'd while away the nights imagining hours of constant lovemaking, and there was plenty of that, but in reality there was also a lot of downtime.
These in-between times were just as marvellous in their own way, the intimacy they had was on a level he'd never shared with anyone else, not even Minion. They lay quietly together or talked and laughed about everything.
Almost everything. One or two topics just never came up. Just a few. Well, actually, there were several subjects they avoided.
Occasionally the specter of Jane Hemings, former Damsel and now living in disgrace, haunted him.
Megamind pressed his lips together in a thin line as he peered through the magnifying glass and inserted the brace for the tiny lithium battery into the casing. He was nothing like that smarmy El Diablo.
Megamind was determined that Roxanne would never doubt his love for her, which may have been why he might have been a little too quick about offering her free run of his Lair, his biggest and arguably most important secret, the base from which he was able to live in relative safety and conduct his brilliant plans for the takeover of the city.
He never regretted it, never felt even the slightest unease about doing so. He trusted her completely, which, if he were in a more rational frame of mind, he might have wondered about, but in his state of being completely smitten it seemed only right and natural to bring the woman he loved into his home.
Minion, now, Minion would be a wet blanket about the whole thing.
I mean...it's not like I'm never going to tell him. After all, he planned on making her his bride, and once she became his Evil Queen, Minion would be overjoyed and welcome her with open arms, and all would be set right.
It was just taking a while to convince her to marry him, that was all.
When she said she planned to bow out of the Damsel job, he blithely declared he didn't care, it was all fine with him, anything she wanted to do he supported one hundred per cent, but it caused a turmoil of conflicting emotions within him.
On the one hand he wondered if it meant she would accept his offer of marriage, which caused little ripples of glee to run through him. But she steadfastly rejected all his proposals. Maybe he was being too flippant. She might think he was joking around. Next time he ought to get a ring, to show his true intentions.
On the other hand, if she quit, then Metro Dunce would find some other unfortunate woman to foist his attentions upon, and then Megamind, as the undisputed top supervillain of Metrocity, would be honor-bound to kidnap her and draw the hero out into battle.
It was too bad Mr. Goody Two-shoes didn't have any young female relatives to fill the role. There was his mother, but the role of Damsel was very discriminatory in some ways, and reserved for the young. It wasn't in the rulebook, but no city had ever had a Damsel over the age of 40. Not even the Damsels who ended up married to their city's Defenders managed to hang on to the role. Once they got into their forties, it was sayonara.
Roxanne would most likely be shunted out of Damselhood anyway in a few years, but she'd made it clear that she'd had enough of being used as a pawn in their super games.
The thought of breaking in a new kidnappee was sobering, and rather tiring. Roxanne was so good at it, so willful and sarcastic, but if he kidnapped her one more time, she said, she would leave him.
He didn't dare test her resolve on the matter.
He straightened up from where he hunched over the magnifying glass, and rubbed his neck as another worry nagged at him.
If others found out about their relationship...if other people knew, other people with their disapproving, judgmental ways...
She would be ostracised. The media would eviscerate her. And it would be all his fault.
Suddenly he felt like an utter heel. He was a bad influence, and liable to ruin her life.
Scowling, he bent over the holo-watch again. Well, so what? He was a villain, after all. What was he supposed to do, break up with her for her own good? Ha! No way!
Getting dragged through the metaphorical mud happened to him all the time, but he was used to that crap, expected it, thrived on it, even. If the news cycle didn't have some item circulating about his dastardly, evil ways, then something was wrong with the world, but if it happened to Roxanne...
He had no doubt that she loved him, but that kind of exposure could really put the kibosh on the ol' romance. Countless failed Hollywood marriages were testament to that.
Dark, ee-vil plans filtered through his brain as an alternative outcome presented itself. Perhaps a media frenzy would sour her on Metrocity, and encourage her to become his Evil Queen.
Maybe, if he were discreet, he could find a way to reveal their secret. All without Roxanne finding out it was him, of course.
There would be outcry, and public humiliation. Roxanne would come to him, weeping, but once her tears dried she would agree to marry him, and they would rule Metrocity together...
The idea made his mouth water, but there were a few problems. First of all, Roxanne was not the weeping type. Secondly, he had a feeling that getting her to turn on Metro Mahn would be problematic. She'd made one or two wry comments about how she wished he would quit trying to destroy her friend Wayne.
Thirdly, if she ever found out the truth, she would KILL him. If she were truly his Evil Queen by then, she would have a large number of methods at her disposal for accomplishing this.
Fourthly, she would break up with him, which was infinitely worse.
He preferred to turn her to the dark side with her full cooperation. To corrupt her behind her back was just too underhanded.
Somehow there was something not quite right with this thought, but he brushed it aside.
It was better, for now, to continue on as they were. He had to seize happiness for as long as it lasted.
If the secret was out, even if he did his best to hide it and had nothing to do with exposing their true relationship, what if she were so badly hurt by public scrutiny that she blamed him for ruining her life?
His chest grew tight and the breath harshened in his throat.
She had a lot to lose: a successful career, the esteem of friends and family, the adoration of the populace as the Damsel of Metrocity.
It was a delicate balance of keeping the whole thing as quiet as possible. The universe might catch on that he was actually happy for once, and exact some sort of cosmic vengeance on him. Super-villains were not made for happy endings.
Which meant hiding it from everybody, even from Minion. For now, anyway. Until the time was right.
He was certain he'd know the right time when he saw it.
In the meantime, he would do everything in his power to assure Roxanne of his undying affection, by giving her everything he had, or as near to everything as he felt she could handle without recoiling from him in horror.
No doubt she would disapprove of most of his criminal activities. But the smuggling and thievery, the money laundering, the computer hacking, the occasional tussles with other criminals and super-villains, not to mention the attacks on Metro Man, were all essential components of his status as top dog of Metrocity's criminal underbelly, and the future Overlord.
Maybe he could sort of introduce his enterprises to her gradually, to sort of cut down the shock value. She was no fool, obviously, she knew he was a crook.
All she'd said so far was to never give her anything that had been stolen. He was a little hazy on whether it was all right to give her things that he'd bought with stolen cash. He was relieved that she hadn't grilled him. She probably could get him to confess everything if she put her mind to it.
It wasn't like all his money was ill-gotten. The patents and interest accrued from (relatively) legitimate investments brought in a tidy sum, though not quite enough to maintain his empire. Rocket launchers and computer chips didn't grow on trees, and there was much that he couldn't manufacture.
The holo-watch, built with his own hands, was a perfect gift. Next, he would start work on a de-gun for her. That would impress her. Even Minion didn't have one. It was only fitting that his bride-to-be should wield a weapon to match his own.
As he picked out the screws for the backing, he heard a familiar metal footfall behind him. He tensed slightly. He'd waited specifically for a time when Minion would be busy cleaning the laundry room in the basement, so he wouldn't wonder about the new holo-watch. Minion had finished early.
Megamind made himself relax. What did it matter? Nothing wrong with an extra disguise generator or two around the place.
"New holo-watch, Sir?"
"Indeed. We could use a few spares." Megamind finished tightening the final screw. He strapped it on his wrist and stood up. "Say something so it can record your voice," he said, activating the record feature.
"Um... daydream believer."
Megamind snorted and gave him a brief sideways glance. "Listening to the Monkees again?" He turned the dial and pale blue laser lights ran over Minion. Another spin of the dial, and blue-white light flickered over Megamind.
Two Minions occupied the room. Megamind smiled down at his own hairy gorilla arms and massive chest. "Works good, Sir!" he said brightly.
"Hey, I don't sound like that," the real Minion protested, putting his hands on his hips.
"Wanna bet?" Megamind chuckled and turned off the hologram. Unbuckling it from his wrist he scooped up the little tool set. He opened the drawer to put the tools away, and, instead of putting the holo-watch into the drawer, he slipped it into his belt, using his cape as cover to hide the manuever from Minion. He planned to meet Roxanne for lunch today and surprise her with his gift.
He'd thought of a way for them to get together during the day, and it was ridiculously simple.
Standing and stretching he walked away, his steps echoing as he crossed the Lair.
Minion padded after him. "The thing is, Sir, we got a problem. Nick and Dickie Rackham opened a music store as a front for a fencing business. Next to Wentz Bakery."
Megamind gave him a sharp look. "How long has that been going on?"
"Since your last prison visit."
"Fools. Well, tonight take a brainbot squad, two brutebots, and your pick of weapons, string them up by their ankles from the nearest light pole, seize all assets, firebomb the place, et cetera, et al, ad infinitum. You know the drill. Spare the bakery. In fact, we haven't had any cheese danishes in a while, pick up a few on the way home."
Minion cleared his throat. "Erm..."
"What now?" Megamind sighed, pausing by the monitors to change stations. The News at Eleven for Channel 7 was starting. He brought up KMCP, NBC, and the underground show Evil Now!, but that particular monitor continued to show a blank screen. The forces of good were constantly messing with Station 666's satellite signals. The station itself was owned by a billionaire in Jersey City, and untouchable.
"Well, it's just that this needs your personal attention, Sir. 'Cause you said that if they invaded your turf again, you'd kick their butts back across the east side. Personally. So, we raid 'em tonight?"
Drat. He had said that, hadn't he? He bit his lip. This kind of thing could last until after one o'clock in the morning. Terrorize the Brothers Rackham, get back to the Lair, shower, try to get together with Roxanne...he'd be running all over town, and there was dinner shot. The clubs would still be open, but she might be too tired for dancing by then.
"This'll be great!" Minion said cheerfully. "You've been in the clink a lot lately, people have short memories. You can show 'em who's who. Guys on the street might think you lost your edge, unless you..."
"My edge." Megamind straightened. Slowly he turned and fixed Minion with a cold glare. "Are 'guys on the street' talking? Who says I've 'lost my edge'?" Quote marks clipped into place like bullets into a chamber.
Minion tapped his fingertips together. "Um...well...no, not...nobody really," he stammered. "But...you know...gotta keep up appearances."
"How about you, Minion?" he asked in the same cold voice, raising his chin. "Do you think I've lost my edge?"
Minion laughed nervously "Aheheheh. Of course not, Sir. No. Absolutely not."
Megamind released him from his glare and studied the Channel 7 monitor, showing the traffic reports. "My time is too valuable to waste it chasing after those peons, Minion. I trust you can take care of the Rackhams. See to it."
Minion sighed. "Okay, Sir. But, just one more thing. I was wondering when the Rat-bots would be ready to go. We got their squeaks worked out."
Megamind sighed. A number of ee-vil plans were gathering dust, though the plan to flood the city with giant mechanical rodents was closest to completion. "I'm not satisfied with the mix. Let's get some eagle screams worked in."
"How about the Deadly Donkey?"
"That's for Cinco de Mayhem. Next year, filet mignon."
"Well, if you could set up a timetable for the next battle, Sir, that would really help. Because it seems like we're running behind schedule."
Megamind turned on his heel and made a bee line for the kitchen. Minion padded determinedly after him. "Then I'd have some idea how long it'll be. For how it'll go. And I need to coordinate the kidnapping, so I can make sure to get back in time to assist you."
"Oh. Yes. The next kidnappping." Megamind's heart rate increased a notch. He opened and shut several cupboards. "Ah. About that. It won't be necessary. We should leave Miss Ritchi out of this one."
"What? Why?"
Megamind ripped open a new box of Pop Tarts, cherry flavored. "I'm thinking the whole Damsel in Distress scen-ah-rio has had its day. Run its course. Time for a new direction."
Tearing open the package he pulled out one of the Pop Tarts and bit off a corner. Damn. He'd meant to put it in the toaster but Minion was gaping at him, gaping.
Angrily he chomped off another corner. "What's the matter?" he snapped, mouth full. "You look like you've been stranded outside the containment unit."
Minion shook his fins. "What direction would that be, Sir? You mean a new kidnapping victim?"
He filled up a glass from the faucet before answering. "I was thinking more along the lines of a simple confrontation, just like it was in the old days, Mr. Goody Two-shoes and myself, head to head, no Damsels getting in the way."
"But you said Miss Ritchi was essential to your plans. Indispensible. The pinnacle and focal point of every..."
"Well, this is what I'm saying now, Minion," Megamind said testily. "We don't need to go around kidnapping Miss Ritchi every which way. From now on it's just the purity of a straightforward battle, from which I will emerge triumphant!"
He took another drink of water, trying to ignore Minion, who, irritatingly, was still gawking at him as if he'd lost his mind.
"Wow," Minion said. "Just. Wow. I never thought I'd see the day when..."
Megamind slammed the glass down on the counter. "I don't see why this is so difficult to understand! If I say we don't need to kidnap Miss Ritchi anymore, then we don't. End of story." He strode out of the kitchen with a swirl of the cape.
Minion watched him stride away into the darkness of the Lair. A kitchen-bot emerged with a dust pan and a whisk broom. "No, I got it," he said, taking the dust pan and broom from it.
"Even worse than I thought," he muttered. Sir must have promised not to kidnap her anymore.
Minion had very nearly confronted him. So how long have you been seeing her? was on the tip of his tongue, but he'd chickened out.
Sir had issued a specific threat against those dirtbag Rackhams, well-known associates of the vile Psycho Delic, and was failing to follow through. And no more Damsel kidnappings? This was serious. Minion wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he knew he would have to do it soon.
I think that Minion was rather looking forward to conducting a little mayhem with Sir. But he gets stuck with it, while Megamind goes off to play.
The 'alligators' in the movie are probably really crocodiles. It has been pointed out that they look and act more like crocs, but I've decided to stick with the movie canon, and just went ahead and called them alligators. Maybe in the Megamind universe they're an especially aggressive species bred by evil-doers.