Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear, or anything else I might mention in this story
Metal Gear:
In Da Hood
By: C Dink
Chapter Four: A New Life
AU: Okay guys, finnally an update, this particular chapter was co-written with Ocelot1092 an it's a funny one, and now there will be more updates, but the chapters will be shorter, but i think it'll be ok, well i'll let you read, enjoy!
Announcer:When we last left our band of retards, they fled to raidens summerhome, meanwhile Kansas and Toto were hot on their trail, lets see what happens
Snake: Okay Raiden, get the keys and lets go in.
Raiden: keys?
Snake: yes, get them so we can go inside...
Raiden: I don't have keys
Snake: who does?
Raiden:I don't know..probably the guy that owns the place...
Ocelot: Are you fucking serious?
Johnny: I thought this was your summer home?
Raiden: it was until the owner changed the locks...I know, we can go to my house-boat!
Snake: Let me guess, you dont have the keys to it either?
Raiden: no, the keys are right here, its just I dont have a house-boat
Johnny: I can't beleive I stole a van for this...and I was almost manager at Wal-Mart too...
Ocelot: stop being so gay!
(Punches johnny, then a man comes out of the house)
Man: Mary is that you?
Ocelot: It's Ocelot dammit
Snake: Solidus!
(Peers at snake)
Solidus: Susan?
Ocelot: I thought you said you haven't been to jail?
Snake: I haven't...,Uh Solidus we need a place to hide from the cops, can you help us?
Solidus: sure you can stay in my house-boat, there isjust one problem.
Snake: Whats that?
Solidus: I don't have a house-boat...
Ocelot: Is everyone such a dumbass?
Solidus: well I guess since I don't have a house-boat you can stay here...
Snake: good, lets make ourselves at home
Solidus: yeah go right ahead, invade my home,I don't care
Johnny: Will do...
Ocelot: I think he was being sarcastic
Johnny: you think so?
Ocelot: God your fucking stupid
Johnny: don't make fun of god!
Ocelot: I rest my case.
MEANWHILE, With Kansas and Toto...
Toto: we almost there Kansas?
Kansas: Yup, Let's go see the squirrel...
(Kansas and Toto walk up to the door, and ring the bell.)
Squirrel: Kansas? Toto? What are you guys doing here?
Toto: how do you know our names?
Squirrel: Well considering the story does have public access and anyone with the internet could read it whenever, I feel I don't need to go into much further detail.So What do you want?
Kansas: we want what you want
Squirrel: 2 girls, one hot-tub...it's a small world now isn't it!
Toto: no we want to get rid of the metal gear cast so..
Squirrel: so we can be the stars!
Kansas: if you knew then why did you ask us?
Squirrel: to take up more lines...I'll help on one condition, you must call me, PLASMA SQUIRREL!
Kansas: ...
Squirrel: yup
Kansas: ...
Toto: Thats stupid.
Squirrel: It was all that was left!
Kansas:Why not a kickass name?
Squirrel: Kansas and Toto are kickass names?
Toto: Shut up, we'll just call you squirrel!
Squirrel: Fine, for now
Toto: Well now we got that settled, can I use your bathroom?
Squirrel: NO!...um...I mean...it's not my house...im just...uh...tieing up some loose ends...
(Vamp walks out of the house)
Vamp: Dinner is getting cold sweetheart!
Squirrel: I said stay in the house!
Vamp: I was getting lonely...
Squirrel: Get in the damn house!
(Vamp goes back inside)
Kansas: umm...yeah...we can work this out later.
Snake and the Gang
Solidus: so Mary, how have you been?
Ocelot: its O-C-E-L-O-T ocelot...i'm going to shoot the next person to call me Mary in the foot with my revolver.
(Johnny walks in)
Johnny: Hey Mary!
Ocelot: okay it's on...where's my revolver?
Solidus: it's in my pants...still...you know...from bed last night?
Ocelot: I said don't talk about that!
(Otacon walks in)
Raiden: say Otacon...where have you been? I haven't seen you all chapter...
Otacon: in my house-boat
Snake: You have got to be fucking kidding me...
Otacon: nope
Ocelot: you're lucky I don't get my revolver and shoot you in the foot...
Otacon: Oh yeah, I brought my friend I met at the bar last night...Fatman!
Johnny: You brought that retard
Ocelot: Yeah, why are you so fat?
Fatman: Because every time I bang your mother she gives me a cookie...BURN!
Snake: That was a good burn, congrats
Ocelot: Just end the damn chapter
To be continued...
AU:Well, if you thought this chapter was funny, it's because Ocelot helped me, and he'll be helping me on future chapters too I hope, so keep looking for more as always keep it real