Sara looks over at her alarm clock. It's 6:00 in the morning, meaning she should be preparing for school, yet she feels no motivation to get up. She misses Wirt. The only reason she agreed to go to prom with Jason Funderberker(the human) was to get back at Wirt, hoping his jealousy would make Wirt beg her to take him back. Prom is in six days now, but it feels a lifetime away. The doorbell to Sara's house rings, she gets up from her bed, sluggishly strolling to her front door. She opens it, "Hey Sara, it's Mabel here.

I brought you some cupcakes to make you feel better about, what's his name again? Walt?"

"It's Wirt, Mabel. Thanks though, I appreciate it," Sara says impassively.

"Also, I'm sorry about what my brother said. He hasn't been the same since the event," Mabel explains, with a rare glint of sadness in her eyes.

"It's ok," Sara says dishonestly.

"Hey, I have an amazing idea. Let's walk to school together," Mabel excitedly exclaims.

"Sure," Sara says with a touch of reluctance, "Let me put on some clothes."

At this moment, Mabel notices that Sara is completly undressed, from head to toe wearing nothing but clown makeup. She's somewhat aroused, but contains it, as she has feelings for Mermando, or so she thinks.

…

As the students of the Unknown High School walk into the school building, an announcement from Vice Principal Enoch is uttered. "Hello children. Remember that prom is less than a week away. I'm happy to announce that the theme will be: The Inevitability of Death, Under the Stars."

Greg says to older brother, "A bit of downer. I was hoping that the theme would be…"

"What the…," Wirt interrupts, "Is that? Beatrice!" Greg screams at the top of his lungs! "I haven't seen you since that adventure we went on years ago."

Wirt, utterly perplexed, asks, "Did you get in trouble with the bluebirds again?"

As Wirt says this he couldn't resist the erection pushing against his tight blue pants.

Beatrice flirtatiously proclaims, "I knew you were into birds so I thought that I makeover would make you happy."

Suddenly Lorna flies into Wirt's field of vision. "Why are you talking to her, Wirt. We both know that I'm the bird you'll go to prom with."

Before Wirt can respond to this, he see's his ex-girlfriend, Sara, holding hands with Jason Funderberker(the human)!

He storms away from the two birds towards Sara and Jason. "What the hell Funderberker!" he yells as he punches Jason across the face.

"What was that for," Sara hollered. Wirt turns around, disgusted at the now bloodied face of his arch rival, when he notices that Beatrice and Lorna are fighting each other. Each bird claws one another, eager to win the love of Wirt. Paul Blart was in the hallway, but he merely watched due to his incompetence at his job.

Abruptly, all five students are called to the principal's office through the intercom.

The five feuding students reach the door of the principal's office and each take a seat inside. "Please explain to me," Principal Endicott declares, "Why you five are sitting in front of me today."

Jason blurted, "I got punched in the face."

Endicott replies, "Nobody asked you to talk Funderberker."

Jason replied, "Yeah you did."

"Shut up!", Endicott exclaimed, "Wirt, why did you act in such an inappropriate manner?"

"Mr. Endicott, I didn't do anything," Wirt falsely states.

"Yeah, Principal Endicott, we honestly have no idea why we're here," Beatrice says, reinforcing Wirt's lie.

"But, there was a punch. And birds clawing each other," Endicott explains.

"What birds?" Lorna asks.

"Oh no! Is it happening again," Endicott solemnly proclaims.

"What Mr. Endicott?" Sara asks in an innocent tone.

"I'm afraid I'm once again seeing things! Oh, my nerves! What if I'm on the brink of of of, madness!" Endicott says while sweating profusely.

Fred the Horse, cleaning Endicott's office, proclaims, "Yeah that must be it!"

"No, Wirt definitely punched me," Jason vocalizes.

"Get out of my office! Now! Before I lose my sanity! Endicott yells.

The group of five shut the door behind them as they return to the hallways of Unknown High.

Jason confronts Wirt pronouncing, "You punched me. What's wrong with you. I've never done anything to hurt you."

"Oh shut up, Funderberker," Wirt utters.

"Ok Wirt, I'll make him shut up!" Sara says as she grabs Jason and begins making out with him."

Dipper taps Wirt on the shoulder, "What's goin' on home-slice?"

"Can you stop talking like that Dipper, you pretentious prick! I get no respect in this damn school!" Wirt exclaims furiously.

Wirt turns around to walk away, but is shocked to find his brother Greg standing in front of him.

Greg, deeply concerned, states, "Jason the Frog and I are worried about you, Wirt. Ever since the event you've been acting irrational."

"Irrational, Why do I put up with you people!", Wirt says this and storms away.

...

Wirt heads back to the Tavern and meets up with his friends, Arin, Danny, and Ross. Wirt asks the three loyal friends, "What's wrong with people? They judge me for the most insignificant things."

Arin replies, "What is this? This apple juice is too damn sweet! You've got to look at yourself and ask, 'What am I willing to put up with today. Not fucking this.'

Ross suggests, "Don't be mean, Arin."

Danny replies, "Goddamnit Ross."

Ross says, "I open my mouth and things bad happen."

Wirt yells, "Shut up, all of you."

Hoshi walks up and joins the conversation, "I will take the bullet "

Wirt yells to the depressed Asian man, "When did you show up? Get out Hoshi, It's none of your business!"

Arin looks at Wirt in the eyes, "You don't treat my friends like that. If you don't stop, Danny here will have to teach you a lesson."

Wirt smugly replies, "What's that skinny little jew going to do to me? Throw me a bar mitzvah?"

Danny says in a scratchy, but potent voice, "I'm gonna learn you how to play buttball."

As Mr. Sexbang pulls out his long and hard wood, baseball bat, Wirt runs out through the Tavern's front door.

Danny yells to the fleeing teenager, "Get out of here!"

Wirt suddenly runs into a mysterious figure knocking him down on his tight and firm ass.

"Yellow," he says, as Wirt realizes it's his friend, Bill Cipher.

"Remember me, gnome boy, we met during, the event, you know the one we're obligated to never speak about?"

"Yeah. Hey. What are you doing in the Unknown," Wirt asks out of curiosity.

"Oh, just turning young ladies into birds."

"What? Why?"

"I was only helping you out. You once told me that you have a huge bird fetish. So I turned your friend Lorna into a Cardinal. Awesome, right?"

"That's terrible!"

"You didn't think it was terrible when you asked her to prom."

Wirt replies, "I'll admit it was pretty dank bro."

"Speaking of dank, I need your help since I helped with your prom situation."

"Sure," Wirt says without hesitation, "Anything for my favorite triangle man."

"Awesome. I'm working on this project. Nothing harmful, just need you to shake my hand real quick.

"Sounds easy enough," Wirt confidently proclaims as he reaches his hand out to Bill's fiery blue hand and shakes his hand.

Bill starts laughing maniacally.

Wirt asks, "What's so funny? Are you watching Clarence? That show's hilarious."

"Oh, that's not why I'm laughing. I was originally going to take over Dipper's body, but, you know, been there, done that. I wanted some fresh blood and since you're the hottest hunk at school, you seemed like the perfect candidate."

"Thanks for the compliment. Wait, what was that about taking over my…," Wirt is interrupted as his pupils transform from circles into a vertical rectangular shape.