#Tuckson #SlowBurnContinues #Endgame

"How's he doing?" Lucy asked as she quietly crept into Noah's room and did a quick scan to check it out. Olivia had her chair pulled as close to his little crib-like bed as she could, her eyes glued to her son. The room was bright, or as bright as it could be given it was still a hospital room. The walls were peach color, with teddy bears painted as a border on the wall. Despite it being a pediatric room, Noah still looked small in the bed, neither of the side railings were up, and an oxygen mask was still on his face. IV cords hung from the wall, leading into his little hand, where he was receiving antibiotics and steroids to help his lungs.

Olivia looked gutted.

"Resting," she said softly, reaching up and running her hand through his hair. "Finally. He was squirming and restless when we first got settled…"

"He's a tough little guy," Lucy said, sitting down in the chair on the other side of his bed, but she didn't relax right away. Her body stayed tense, though Olivia was too wrapped up in Noah to notice.

"Yeah…"

They stayed like that for a while, both women being soothed by the sound and sight of the little boy's breathing, which seemed to be improving slightly as time went on, before Lucy took another breath.

"I should get going," she said softly, moving to stand and gather her stuff.

Olivia looked up from where she was still leaning over Noah and gave the girl a smile.

"Lucy," she began, clearing her throat and swallowing a bit, so her voice didn't come out shaky. "Thank you…for…everything today…"

"Oh, Liv, of course," she said, cocking her head to the side and looking at the woman. "He's gonna be just fine…"

"Yeah…"

"Keep me posted on changes?" Lucy asked, adjusting the straps on her backpack and moving to kiss Noah's forehead. "And let me know if you need me?"

"Absolutely," Olivia confirmed. "I'm not going anywhere right now…"

Lucy smiled, seeing the guilt that was beginning to eat at her boss, but knew she wouldn't open up to her about it. Giving them a little wave, she made her exit, the door clicking closed behind her.

As soon as Lucy was gone, Olivia closed her eyes and allowed a tear to slip down her face. Moving to wipe it away with her forearm, she took a shuddering breath and pushed the emotion down. After everything that had gone on that morning, she refused to give herself the relief of tears. At least not yet. So instead she remained exactly where she was, sitting as close to her four year old son as she could, stroking his little cheek, and whispering her love to him.

A light knock at the door startled Olivia out of her daydream. Assuming it was the nurse, whom she liked a lot, she called softly for them to come in and moved to stretch a bit, though still remaining in her seat.

"Hey, Liv," a soft, but gruff voice said, the sound creating a comfort as it flowed into her ears.

Looking up, Olivia allowed her jaw to drop.

"Ed…" she whispered, her own voice hoarse but full of surprise and maybe even relief at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in the doorway.

He stood there awkwardly at first, moving his eyes from her face to the little boy who was still sound asleep in the bed. Hands in his pockets, as per his usual move these days, Olivia couldn't help but notice the concern that was dripping off of him.

"Come in," she said, giving him a small smile. "Have a seat."

"I don't mean to just, intrude…" he said hesitantly as he took up the seat Lucy had just vacated. "But I ran into Lucy down in the gift shop…"

"Ah…" Olivia said, wondering how he got to them so quickly when no one had been instructed to call, though not quite registering that he had been at the hospital in the first place.

"I had to see him…check on him…" Ed allowed, his blue eyes settling on Noah's form. He took in the scene of the little boy, attached to the oxygen mask and the IVs, and let out a little sigh. "Poor little guy. What's the diagnosis?"

"Early pneumonia," Olivia said, emotion catching in her voice. Ed's eyes snapped up to her face and he watched as an assortment of feelings flashed through her brown eyes. From worry to fatigue to guilt. He saw them all in her eyes just then.

Ed let out a breath and leaned forward, tentatively reaching his hand out to cover Noah's, which was resting at his side.

"Geez," he said, the concern still radiating from his entire being. Doing a quick scan, he noticed a couple of IVs dripping. "They got him on steroids?"

"Yeah," Olivia allowed, rubbing at her eyebrow. "Steroids and an antibiotic."

"That's good. Should help him quickly."

"I hope so."

The trio sat in a comfortable silence for a little while, until Noah began to stir a bit, smacking his lips together and trying to move the oxygen mask with his hand.

"Hi sweet boy," Olivia said, standing up quickly and leaning over so she was face to face with her waking son. "Let's leave the mask on right now, okay? It's helping you get better…"

But Noah was having none of it. He jolted quickly, tearing his hand from Olivia's and removing the oxygen mask, allowing it to rest right above his head for a bit.

"Mommy…" he said, his little voice not more than a whisper, but Olivia could hear the tears building.

"I'm right here, baby," she cooed, cupping his face with her hands and kissing his forehead and then his nose. "I'm right here. You're okay."

Noah blinked a few times before turning his head, eyes widening in surprise.

"Tucker," he said with the tiniest bit more emotion in his voice. Ed leaned forward and took his little hand.

"Hey, Noah," he said as he gave the boy a smile. "How ya feelin'?"

"Not good," he responded, his mouth forming a frown and his brow scrunching up. "I in da hoppital."

"I heard," Ed said, his smile growing a bit as Noah continued to look at him and talk to him. It had been a long time since they'd seen each other, and he was a little surprised at how out going he was given the current circumstances. "I bet the nurses and doctors and your mommy are all taking good care of you."

"Yep," he said. "You stay here?"

Ed looked up at Olivia, who still had her eyes on Noah, but he could tell the question hit her hard. She closed her eyes for a bit, gathering herself, before looking up and nodding at Ed, signaling it was his call.

"I'll stay here for a little bit, bud," he said.

"Dat good," Noah said, his little hand reaching out to Ed, so he leaned closer and felt his eyes close as the little hand patted at his cheek. "You here. Mommy here. I here. In da hoppital."

"That's right," Ed said, looking over and seeing Olivia once against struggle to keep her composure. "We are all here. Do you want anything?"

Noah gave Ed a thoughtful pucker and tapped his cheek for a bit, before shaking his head.

"No fank you."

"You just let me know if you change your mind," he told him before looking at Olivia. "You too, Liv. I can run get food or stuff from your place, if you need it."

She just nodded; her voice was too shaky to even give him a response. The emotion of the last five minutes had her near tears yet again. Watching Noah wake and light up at the sight of Ed, then hearing their little conversation and seeing how her son still just reached out to him, was eating her alive in that moment. The emotion was almost too much to bear. So instead of thinking about it, Olivia let out a long sigh and settled into her chair, allowing herself to watch her son and Ed interact as she continued to thank a higher power that her little boy was awake and alert, despite his illness.

Forty-five minutes later, after Noah had unenthusiastically picked at the tray of food a nurse brought to him, he was fast asleep again. Only this time, he was sans oxygen mask. The doctor wanted him to wear it, but it didn't have to be constant. So a very happy little boy snuggled into his pillow as Olivia covered him with the blankets, and he fell into a deep slumber. The sound of his breathing still filled the room, his lungs still congested, but his inhales were longer which was a good sign.

Ed was sitting back in his chair, blue eyes darting from Noah to Olivia, as the woman continued to harbor what Ed knew was guilt given her body language. She still held Noah's hand in her own and refused to sit back in her chair and get comfortable.

"Ya sure I can't getcha anything?" Ed asked again. "A change of clothes, something to eat, or some coffee?"

Olivia let out what seemed to be a combination of a sob and a laugh as she finally lifted her face and looked at Ed. His question, though entirely sincere and innocent, transported her back to a place in time in which she found herself leaning on him.

"Can I getcha anything? Something to eat? Maybe a coffee?"

"Just be here."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Blue eyes met brown and immediately Ed knew where her mind had just traveled. Cursing himself a bit, he whispered his apologies, but Olivia just shook her head.

"I'm fine," she whispered, voice cracking at the end.

Finally unable to stand it any longer, Ed stood up and moved his chair to the other side of the bed so it was right next to Olivia's. He leaned up a bit, resting his elbows on his thighs, and studied her silhouette.

"Ya don't hafta be fine, Liv," he said, his eyes narrowing a bit, hoping that she would allow herself just a moment's relief. To just let him be there for her, even if just for a few minutes.

"Do I?" she asked, shaking her head, brown eyes landing back on the sight of her son laying in a hospital bed. "Ya know, I told myself…over and over…that he came first. No matter what…"

"Olivia, he does," Ed said, his voice coming on strong, yet still soft.

She just shook her head, biting her bottom lip to stop the onslaught of tears that sat right behind the whites of her eyes.

"Does he?" she asked, her eyes never faltering from where they were set on Noah. "It's like…I don't even know who I am right now…"

Ed let out a little sigh as he felt his heart break at the sight before him. Despite the pain, his gratefulness that Olivia was opening up to him just a teeny bit did not go unnoticed, or unappreciated.

Taking a chance, he reached out and placed his hand on top of hers where it was resting on the bed. And much to his surprise, he felt her fingers wrap around his and grip tightly, almost as if he were her lifeline in that moment.

"Olivia, you are the most amazing woman I've ever known," he said simply and honestly, hoping that he could pull her out of whatever self-blame pit she had fallen into. "You love your son with every fiber of your being. And he knows that. And he does come first. Period. Just because you throw yourself into your job, does not mean that Noah is taking the backseat…"

The bobbing of her shoulders caused Ed to pause and check in on her. Though seemingly allowing her body to sob a bit, her face was dry and her eyes were open. So he continued.

"Noah being sick is not your fault, Olivia," he said firmly. "It is not your fault."

"Ya know," she started, her voice deep with emotion. "I convinced myself that I wasn't spending time with him, because I was trying to 'have it all'. The man. The job. The son. But that wasn't true at all…"

"Olivia…"

"I get so wrapped up in my job. In the cases. In the vics," she continued. "I mean, this time eleven months ago I was actually scolding a vic…just to get the case to stick…"

"Liv, look at me," he said, bouncing their joined hands so she would lift her head, and their eyes met again. "You are an amazing mother. An amazing Lieutenant. And an amazing advocate. You've changed so many lives…and what happened today? With Noah? Would've happened whether you stayed home, or you went into work to check on that girl…"

Olivia squeezed his hand a bit tighter as she closed her eyes and let his words sink in. Just as she was getting ready to reply, however, the sound of Ed's phone vibrating in his shirt pocket filled the silent void.

Shooting her a remorseful look, he let go of her hand and reached to check on who it was. Silencing it, he stuck it back in his pocket and took a deep breath.

"You have somewhere to be…" Olivia said, a hint of remorse but maybe some relief in her voice. She was beginning to open up too much and it was scaring her.

"I can stay," he offered. And he meant it. "If ya need me."

"We're fine," she said, looking at him and giving him a close-lipped smile.

So Ed nodded and stood up, heading around the bed to grab his jacket. Once it was on, he leaned over and kissed Noah's cheek.

"Get better soon, bud," he whispered, before standing up and heading for the door. Before he opened it to leave, he turned back around to look at Olivia.

"Mind if I stop by again tomorrow?"

"I'd like that."

Ed nodded in confirmation, then quickly made his way out of the hospital room, the door closing softly behind him.

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