I'm really on a roll here….Evanescence's new song Lost In Paradise totally inspired the mood of this chapter if ya wanna give it a listen to catch my drift…
It had been a whole week since Tarja's failed attack on Altair, and she refrained from coming outside of her home. What she had done was rash, foolish, and childish. And now, with Malik now gone for two whole days already, Tarja felt the worst was about to come for her. Her entire existence now felt soiled. She was so lost and strayed from her path, ready to take the life of someone else to put her anger to rest. She knew now that that wouldn't do a thing.
Altair was leaving today to perform a series of assassinations of Templars who were linked to the attack on Masayaf. Tarja wasn't sure exactly, but she was worried. She had come to the conclusion that killing Altair wouldn't solve anything, and that the only thing that would heal her heart was time. She hadn't spoken to Altair since that day the previous week, and he had said nothing about it to anyone else. If Al Mualim knew what she had done, she would be punished indefinitely.
Suddenly, from her bedroom window, Tarja heard Altair's voice, and sprung from her bed to peer out the window. She looked down into the city streets to see him walking through the crowds towards the gates of the city. This was it. Tarja wanted so badly to rush down her stairs, burst out her door, and give him one last embrace before he left. She didn't want his last memory of her to be an attempted murder. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, to tell him everything. But yet, something held her back. Something chained her to simply peering out the window at Altair and not acting. She backed away from the window and watched Altair walk out of the city and out of her life for God knew how long. It was the end, she failed to tie off the loose ends with Altair. Now, she really was alone.
Tarja snaked away from her window and back to her bed, taking shelter underneath the scratchy covers. She pulled them close to her face and inhaled their musty scent. How she longed for the scent to be his…
000
Altair rode away from Masayaf on his big, powerful white horse. Though, there was something that he felt was trying to keep him at Masayaf. Something awful. It was Tarja, he knew that. But he couldn't help but feel he was endangering her in some way. He shook off the paranoia and focused on his mission at hand: to assassinate the men Al Mualim had told him to. But no matter how hard he tried, Tarja was still stuck on his mind. Ever since her outburst a week earlier, he began to see his mistakes in a new light. It was her, in the end, that inspired him to change, and to be a better man.
And then, Altair came to a decision. When he would return next, he would go to Tarja, and he would speak to her of his discipline and his success, and grow as a man because of her. He wanted to prove to her that he was not lost, and he could repent himself. The amount of regret he owed to Tarja needed to be paid in actions, not words.
Night had begun to fall on the assassin's back. His horse was at a slow walk now, and the day's heat had begun to cease with the sunlight. Altair felt the heat he had retained in his robes from the sun exhale, and he begun to feel the Fertile Crescent's unloving night begin. The sky was a deep purple now, and still, Altair continued to think and ponder his new mission: to beg forgiveness from Tarja.
Altair settled down next to a large pile of hay and tied off the reins of his horse near the hay. He had laid down on the soft hay and had been trying to get some sleep, but couldn't get his mind now off the times he and Tarja shared before all his mistakes and arrogance took wing.
Tarja was a quiet, polite girl then. She always greeted Altair sweetly whenever he walked by her, and he never once gave her as sweet a greeting.
Tarja would make him warm meals and drinks when he would return from a long, frustrating day, and he never accepted them due to his own pride.
Tarja tried so hard to get through to him, but he threw it all in her face, and there he was, regretting everything.
Altair decided to stop dwelling on Tarja for the day and got to sleep. He buried himself under the hay and let himself fall asleep…and he was still thinking of her…
Altair awoke the next morning quickly and quietly before dawn. After assembling his gear and waking up a little more, he mounted his horse and continued onward for Jerusalem; his first destination. Malik would be there, and he could consul him on his feelings, he owed Malik and apology as well…
000
"Well, I don't quite know what else you want me to do, Malik. I apologized for my behavior," Altair finished. He had just been through a grueling argument with Malik, who seemed to not accept his apology. Altair was getting frustrated now. Not because Malik wouldn't forgive him right away, but because he appeared to expect more from Altair. "Do you want me to somehow travel back in time and repent what I have done?"
"Actually, if you could do that, it would be preferred!" Malik said. Altair glared at him, he was not happy. "See, this is what I don't seem to understand, Altair. You come in here, and you address me kindly with your apology and regret. I don't condemn you for that. But it's the fact that you think that mere words will solve the problem. And yet you still tire from this argument!" Malik said. Altair winced.
"Alright, I understand. But do you not appreciate that I want to change, and I want to make it better for you and Tarja?" Altair said. Malik sighed.
"Dear friend," he said, and placed his only hand on Altair's shoulder. "I thank you for you taking responsibility and apologizing, but it is not that simple. If you truly want to repent, then take it upon yourself to show us. Not by bribing, may I add. I don't want you lavishing my sister with riches and expect everything to be okay. But," he paused. Altair listened, desperate to finally put the situation to rest. "I do want you to recognize opportunities where you can express your sorrow from the heart," Malik said.
"Brother, I will do that. I will try my best to heal you and Tarja's souls," Altair said. He turned to leave the Assassin's Bureau to proceed in his investigation.
"Altair!" Malik called out as Altair reached the doorway. Altair turned and looked at Malik. Malik smiled and walked over to him, handing a feather to him. "Don't let your emotions cloud your mission," he said. Altair looked at Malik for a few seconds, then proceeded to leave the Bureau onto his investigation.
Malik walked back over to his desk and picked up the compass with his right hand and began plotting out a route for Altair to escape from Jerusalem after his assassination. He then wondered if Tarja was safe alone in Masayaf. Malik set the compass down and stretched his back, and sighed.
'The people in Masayaf are good, but still…I wonder if I should bring Tarja here with me. She may be lonely and in need of me. I am all she has left,' he pondered the well-being of Tarja a little longer before picking the compass back up and resuming his work.