A/N: Hey Everyone! Sorry for such a late update. Had major writers block, work and then I had to get out an idea I had for another fic, which you should check out as well. I have also updated Can It Be, it's a bit short though. Anyway, as always let me know what you are thinking so far and all that good stuff. As aways I do not own PP or anything else but the story is mine. Sorry had to re-upload, something weird happened to the first upload...
Now on with the show...
Out of all people… This is who Beca picks… This is who Beca decides on… Emily is with Beca? This can't be right? I mean Emily knows what we have… I mean what we had. I sit back in my chair and just stare at the screen. My heart has stopped and I can feel it in my stomach. Emily… Oh Emily… I furrow my eyebrows. It has come to my attention a couple of days ago that the media was in frenzy with Beca. It was then that this morning I decided to check it out. So naturally I had to look it up. When I opened the article, it was what I least expected. Beca was kissing another girl. The second picture was Beca standing up holding out her arm and the girl getting up. The last picture the girl had her arm looped through Beca's and I couldn't recognize her at first. But the more I stared… The more I looked, I saw those big brown eyes… That's when I realized it was Legacy. Of all people I thought it could be, it was her… I put my hands over my face and let out a breath. I always knew she had a thing for Beca, I fucking knew it. I lean back in and inspect the picture for the 100th time. My Becs… She looks genuinely happy… It's this very thought that causes me to slam shut my computer and I get up and stomp around. Tom has realized that I have become distant so he has decided to give me some time which I couldn't be more thankful for. He has become a very attentive boyfriend but after that night with Beca, I just push him away. He knows that she has this impact on me. Of course he knows he so desperately tried to get me… I hear my phone ringing in the other room and its Aubrey. I can tell from the ring tone.
"Hey Bree."
"Hey Chloe Bear, how are you?" Aubrey says and I hear her practically biting her lip on the other end.
"Oh god Aubrey… I am sure you know… Did you see…"
"Yea I know about that." She says and I should have known she knew. Beca is around them most of the time.
"Out of all people Bree, here comes Emily to save the day… Just like Beca did for her so many years ago…" I know at this point I am just being dramatic but I don't care.
"Chloe seriously?" I hear Aubrey's tone become stern. "Of all things, you are saying that to me? You know it's not like that at all." And she is right but hey sulking is what I am doing most days now anyway.
"Oh please Bree, you know my suspicions all senior year and her she shows up after Beca is single and after…" And I don't know what to say really. Because I caused this. You left Beca remember…
"After you left Beca." Aubrey finishes. And what am I supposed to say to that. "You do remember you left her right? You left her with nothing but a heartache. What did you expect Chloe? Beca to wait for you all night and day until you got your shit together?" I gasped because I realize I have hit a sensitive spot for Aubrey. She's right though. What did I expect?
"Yes I know but it's not like I stopped loving her Bree, it's not like I just was able to forget about her." I say because I am trying to defend myself even though Aubrey has all the right in the world to be saying these things to me.
"Are you serious? So you dating Tom after a month is still loving her?" Aubrey says and it stops me more than anything else. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
"Yea-uh… God you are right. But I-I don't know what else to say, but someone like Tom is what I deserve now… Well did deserve anyway I think… And now he left knowing I needed time to think… I don't deserve Beca. But I thought if I fixed…" And I stop because I have to hold back my sobs.
"Are you and Tom done?" She asks.
"God I don't know… He knows everything and he is trying to be supportive and he gave me some time to think which I am grateful for. He also was there when everything crumbled so…"
"Chloe can you just tell me. Just tell me why you did it." Aubrey says interrupting me. I stop and realize my mouth has gone dry. Aubrey doesn't know why I left but I never wanted her to know either.
"Uh-I-uh.. Aubrey please don't…" I say in a whisper. This is a conversation between Beca and I and I know it would make it tons easier if Aubrey knew but this was something that needed to be solved with Beca being the first to hear. Knowing my luck, words would get twisted and the message wouldn't be relayed.
"Chloe you know you owe her that much right? You owe here that and a lot more and from what I can see, Beca… she's gonna put up a fight and you know that right?"
"I know Bree, I know what I have done but she has to be the first to hear and if you're are there great but I need it to not be a telephone game." I knew that what I had done was bring Beca's walls down and I literally took over her heart and let that get crushed and now it's fragile. What I did only re-enforced those walls that took me so long to tear down. Those walls were put up and I doubt I'd ever be able to see the inside. There's only one thing I was gonna ask of Bree and I knew she would do it to help me. "Can I ask one thing of you?"
"What's that Chloe?"
"Can you tell her to come talk to me or text me or whatever when she can?" And silence took over the phone line. A dead silence where I wondered if Aubrey had actually hung up on me. "Bree?" Another few seconds pass.
"I-uh... Chloe you know that Beca won't like that... Don't get me wrong you owe it to her to explain but Chloe..."
"Please Aubrey just keep hinting at talking this out just do that, like uh-just small hints... Please..." Maybe it's the plea in my voice, maybe it's the desperation, maybe it's the pathetic tone in my voice, whatever it was Aubrey took mercy on me.
"Ok Chloe ok. Just hints though ok nothing else."
"Thank you."
After the phone call with Aubrey I have been trying to get myself together. Every couple of days Beca was still being seen with Emily and it broke me every time. Come on Chloe, imagine when you did it to Beca with Tom. I know it's true but I can't help it. Beca is literally smiling and seems like my old Beca... I don't bother to read the articles anymore because somehow my name gets brought in there about how I'm reacting to this blah blah. I know the truth, they don't so they assume Beca at her worst. Beca seems more open to attend things with Emily on her arm. They aren't big on kissing in public but every so often the paparazzi will snap a photo of the two in a quick peck and I can't help but cringe. Every picture I see of them I think about what Beca would or wouldn't like. As I go out to do some basic things I am bombarded with questions about how I feel betrayed and how I must be hurting. And all I could say was how I don't want to comment or how it's not as it seems. Then I imagine what kind of questions Beca and Emily must be getting. God this is just a mess. Every morning I wake up and I have no energy. I must have slept more than 8 hours every night but I wake up and there's nothing. I do everything the same every day. I wake up and lay there for some time. Check my phone and see Beca updates or texts for movies and such. And then I eventually get up shower, with no enthusiasm might I need, then I go downstairs make the same coffee in the same mug in the same place every single day. It's pathetic really. Chloe you are just pathetic. I shake my head because if I let those thoughts continue I am right back to where I started. Then I dress and go about my day. It's worse when I don't have a movie to work on or anything. Recently I have been able to land a few small parts but that's it. I have tried very hard to not slip into my old ways… Which got you here in the first place, remember? I know I have to get out of this black hole that I made myself and it's frustrating that I am not that bubbly person. At least the genuine bubbly person, I am good at faking it. I did for so long anyway. I can pull through this. I have done it before. I can pull myself from this grave I keep digging myself.
A couple of weeks after the phone call Aubrey had been trying to get me to have coffee with her and I have finally agreed. Stacie was out of the house and so was Beca so she invited me over. I was hesitant at first but she assured me that Beca and Stacie would be gone all day. I was ready in some comfortable clothes, since we would just sit and drink coffee at her house, and I slipped out of my car to approach her front door.
"Chloe! Hey!" Aubrey says it's that happiness that make me lunge at her and grab her in a hug. How I missed this happy interaction between us, the familiarity of this was close to bringing me to tears.
"Hey Bree!" As I pull back and smile the first real smile in a long time.
"Well come in, let me shut down my computer and I'll meet you in the kitchen." She closes the door behind me and I head towards the kitchen. Everything here feels like home and I make a small detour from the kitchen to the fireplace. I look at all the photos and see that all the pictures of me and Beca have been take away. If I am in the pictures its either an old Bella's one or it's with Aubrey. I am surprised that those are up.
"No matter what they said, or what you did, I wasn't gonna take those down." Aubrey said having me a cup. "I mean don't get me wrong I was mad and may have laid them down flat for a several days, but I wasn't gonna take them down." Aubrey says and she is giving me a small smile.
"Thank you Aubrey. For standing behind me when I had no right to have your support." I say back and turn around to hide away the tears that have started to form.
"Chloe…" Aubrey touches my shoulder. "I know that it was hard for you to leave and I know whatever your reason was, was good enough for you to turn your back." I turn around to see that Aubrey is desperately trying to make me feel better. Even though I don't deserve it. "And I will tell you the same thing I told Beca and that is you are my family. Beca is also my family. And even though you caused her pain, you will always be apart of me. So yea I won't ever let you feel alone. I will be here Chloe and I want you to know that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe this could have been handled a little different but what's done is done." Aubrey sighs and I know it kills her to be in the middle even though I know that neither I nor Beca would make her pick or decide. "And I know what you're thinking, it doesn't suck to be in the middle, what sucks is to see my family still hurting." And I nod with tears running down my face and I hurt more people than just Beca. I hurt the one true family I had.
"God you have no idea how much I partially regretted the decision I made." And I feel all the emotions at once. I'll just explain myself now… "How much I regret hurting all the people I loved but…" I start to say until I am cut off.
"You had to do what you had to do right?" And I turn to see Stacie standing behind me with her arms to her side and she has her green eyes staring right at me.
"I-uh.." I started and I am choking on my words because I am in panic.
"Stacie please don't…" Aubrey starts as she steps partially in front of me. Stacie holds up her hand. And now I am in flew blown panic mode. I have never seen Stacie so determined so stern. Usually I avoid her gaze but I am captivated by her piercing eyes.
"No Aubrey stop." She finally says and I see Aubrey tense and this is really happening.
"No Stacie you stop." I raise my voice a little as I clench my fists and take in a deep breath. It's about time I defend myself, I can't keep this up…
"Excuse me?" Stacie responds with her eyebrow raised and a hint of anger lacing the words.
"I said stop." I look back towards Aubrey whose eyes have widened and she looks like she will puke. "I am so sick of you treating me like shit."
"Oh you are sick of ME treating YOU like shit huh?!" Now she is challenging me and Stacie is not backing down and neither will I.
"Yea I am. I am so sick of you thinking you know everything but you don't. You don't know anything."
"Are you fucking serious?" Stacie is getting redder in the face and it's as if her emotions are rubbing on me. I feel myself getting angry.
"Yea I am serious. You don't know anything."
"Well I'll tell you what I do know ok? I know that you are a conniving bitch. I know you broke Beca, I know that you couldn't give two shits about her…"
"Fuck you Stacie. Just fuck you ok. Because you fucking don't know what happened and I won't let you win this time." I snapped. She can't come in and assume the worst. She doesn't know.
"You won't let me win? You are the one that left. You are the one that turned her back. What was it getting to serious for you? Was it just some game to you? Huh?" Stacie looks on the verge of tears. "What was it this whole time?! You know what it was obviously nothing…"
"All you do is assume Stacie you don't…"
"YOU'RE RIGHT! I FUCKING DON'T KNOW CHLOE! SO WHY DON'T YOU EXPLAIN IT HUH?! THAT IS WHY WE ASSUME THE WORST BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN US NO OPTION CHLOE." We are inches apart from each other. And I am trying to form my next sentence. She's right. I didn't give them anything else to base their view of me.
"You don't' think that I love her huh? You don't think that it fucking killed me to leave huh? You think it was easy just to…" Tears are falling and I am gasping for breath.
"ENOUGH!" Aubrey says standing in front of me addressing Chloe.
"She fucking started…" Stacie said getting in Aubrey's face.
"I said ENOUGH Stacie." Aubrey said take another step in front Stacie. "I've had it with the both of you." Aubrey says now directing her attention to me. "I've had it with the fighting and the yelling and the insults." Aubrey looks defeated. I feel so horrible causing this riff in her family and in our friendship. It's not fair that my problems affect their relationship. All Stacie did was glare and I can feel her burn holes into. I am sure the look I was sending back was causing her to look the same way at me. "Now if you don't want me to A.) Vomit everywhere and B.) To not be mad at any of you, you guys better start settling down and listen to me very clearly. You will respect each other in front of me. I know where both of you are coming from believe me. But I will not allow this back and forth. That being said if you will not say nice or civil things shut you're fucking mouth." We both stared wide eyed at Aubrey and knew we had gotten in trouble. I slowly glanced at Stacie and sent her pleading eyes. She looked at me and shrugged and she crossed her arms in front of her and hung her head. She stayed like that until she finally spoke.
"I am trying to understand ok?" And she finally stares at Aubrey and I see her gaze soften. "I am finally gonna see what is happening. All this hostile air is putting a strain on me and Beca but mostly you. It is not fair to you. It's not fair that I make you chose between her and Beca. I mean Beca doesn't do that why should I do that to you? Granted we know why Beca is doing it, because she still can't stand any foul talk about Chloe," She glances my way and I don't feel as threatened. "… which explains why she hasn't tried to correct all the rumors because it would make you the bad guy." She says still looking at me. "And I mean you are but Beca would never let that happened no what matter what you have done to her she wouldn't let that happen." And I hear her voice becoming more stern.
"Stacie…" Aubrey says warningly.
"Right sorry. Anyway I am here to not hate you anymore basically." She says now looking at the floor. "I am here to help Beca heal. I have to agree if she just talks it out with the cause of the problem it would give her closure." She says flat out. I am unsure how to feel. Yes, this is what we need, we need to talk this out but closure? Full on complete closure? That means that she can finally push me out completely. I would never have her right? That's what closure is isn't?
"Chloe listen I just mean Beca can't just look at you and shut down anymore. Or the mention of your name cause her to panic." Stacie says as if she is reading my mind. "She needs to be able to see you and control those feelings. If I am being honestly that night a couple of weeks ago, I thought for sure you had sent her into shock, that those 8 months when down the drain. But instead I saw Beca hold her own and that was something I didn't expect." Stacie says as she walks over to sit on the couch and Aubrey moves as well so I think I should too. I sit across from them and wait. Stacie looks like something is troubling her and I know she will keep talking. "Chloe before that I night I was convinced that you didn't love Beca." She looks up and now I see she's letting me in her mind. I can see that pain behind her eyes that she shielded with anger. I know that this has taken a toll on her too. "Before that night I had my mind set on the fact that you strung her along for a reason that was unknown to me. Before that night I saw the worst in you." And I put my head down and tears start to run down my cheeks once again. This day has taken a different direction. "I hated you more than Beca did, more than anyone really." Stacie had a couple tears run down her cheek as well. I look at Aubrey and she is torn between holding up a good front and letting the emotions get the best of her. "But that night, when Jesse mentioned some of the looks you were giving Beca, it confused the shit out of me. I know jealous Chloe, so I knew something was going on still." Stacie started to wipe her tears away. "I knew the second I realized jealous Chloe had slipped out that you had feelings for her which led me to actually question why you did what you did. It led me to believe that things aren't always black and white and I know you can't explain to us…" Stacie reached over to grab Aubrey's hand. "… but the very least you could do is explain to Beca this whole mess." There was a pause and Stacie smiled to herself and spoke again. "Now that's something I never thought I would say to you after what you did. Never would I have given you a chance to explain yourself. But the day after that night Aubrey made it clear that this is what Beca needed and after the emotions you displayed I have to say now, that I-uh I agree." Stacie looked at me with a mix of emotions. She had a look of plea, of sadness, and of vulnerability.
"Stacie I-uh-I know that I have been hurting you guys and have been hurting Beca but I-uh-I had too. I had to push her away and…" I look like a mess I know I do. Just tell them just say why you did it.
"Look Chloe you don't have to explain to us. I know that this should be left between you and Beca. I see that now. I just wanted you to know why I acted the way I did. Why I was so cold with you." Stacie said and she got up and straightened herself out. "I'll leave you guys to whatever you were doing I just saw an opportunity and decided to take it."
"Wait Stacie…" I stood up and gained some confidence that Stacie had from what she revealed. "Look I am sorry for hurting you guys…" I slowly reach out and she lets me grab her hand. "I am sorry for everything and I know I have a lot to do to make you realize how sorry I am but I want you to know that I made a decision that I thought was right at the moment. I made a decision that ruined both of our lives. And maybe you will never understand but I had to do what I had to do because in my heart I love Beca… I love Beca so much that I couldn't have her drown with me. I only knew of one way to get Beca to hate me… So I did it." Stacie had reached over and grabbed my other hand. I let out truth. I feel some weight fall off my shoulders and it causes more tears to come and I have to stop talking and I have to bring my hands to my face. There's silence and that's when I feel someone hug me. My legs give out from the sudden contact and without looking I immediately hug back and to have such comfort, feels so wonderful.
"God Chloe…" And I know it's Stacie who is hugging me. "Why do you have to be so… difficult…" And she chuckles because there's honesty behind that but there's also a hint of understanding. I feel Aubrey hug us too and she is sobbing as well. I know Stacie will have a while before she fully trusts me, if that, but I know she understands me now. She understands how hard it really was for me, how much I love Beca. We stay like this for a while and it's not awkward. I finally feel strength in my legs and I let go.
"Thank you." I whisper and I feel embarrassed all the sudden.
"Hey…" Stacie says and she rubs the back of her neck. "It'll take some time but I just want you to know that I want to be here for you too. I want to be like Aubrey and support both you guys.
"You have no idea what that means to me Stace." I smile and I see her smile back.
Stacie said she had to return a couple of emails so she would leave us too whatever we were doing. Before she left she gave Aubrey a quick kiss and she stood in front of me and wrapped me in a hug. She told me she would see me around and that gave me hope. Hope that this would all pass and I would have sunshine in my life for most of the time instead of darkness. Aubrey and I settled into conversation mostly about how her relationship with Stacie was going. It felt so normal, it felt like old times where we would talk about our relationships. Their love was so similar to mine with Beca's. To be there for Aubrey to speak her heart about loving Stacie felt so good because my friends were happy. I know this internally hurts me but I couldn't be anymore happier. We have switched our cups of coffee for a glass of wine. As we settle into wine conversation we here someone open the front door. Who could that be?
"AUBREY?" I see Aubrey widen her eyes and look straight at me. Who is that? She sounds familiar…
"Uh-Yeah we are uh-in here…" Aubrey says and she still has her eyes on me.
"Aubrey, Beca sent me to find a flash drive and she said you could point me to the location of all her flash drives…" The girl turns the corner and stop dead in her tracks. She is beautiful. Long brown straight hair. Legs up to her chin. And her eyes… So big and brown and kind… Oh shit…
"Oh I didn't know you had company…" Emily says and recognition sets in on her face. "Oh Chloe…" Emily's eyes widen and she looks terrified.
"Legacy…" Is all I can muster because this just got even more interesting.