Right, we're working on a little clothing device we call the Cats-eye Goggles. This time there's no hidden meaning, though, and instead we're calling it for what it actually is. That's right, everybody! For a purpose that even I don't know, with these goggles you simply strap them on for an hour, take them off and you've got cat eyes! Just one reminder though: These are for your aesthetic needs. You're not going to be seducing panthers or lions anytime soon, nor are we encouraging you to abandon all that's ahead of you, running into a savannah and tending to your supposed four-legged forefathers.

Again, -no hidden meaning-. We've learned from our mistakes. I'm not going to be calling anything the Aperture Partytime Successor anytime soon, and you know it's not living up to it's true name because I'm not talking about it's legacy.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I'm going to be writing a new mini-book. The Tao of Success. You're probably wondering why it doesn't sound incredibly egotistical like Cave Johnson Thought, Caveism or the Tao of Cave. On any other day you'd think otherwise, but I'm telling you now that the book literally involves -every plan- I have in order to boost the future into success. Now you're probably wondering why that's necessary. Why would you want to boost the future with a piece of paper if you're already going to win the election, and if you don't win it why would you want that sad son-of-a-gun who's currently using a percentage of the population for his own needs to boost -his- priorities which don't involve tasks that do -not- involve cows, flying saucers and London or snorkelers on fire underwater with columns of watermelons as their spine?

Here's a question. What future? Without me as your president, first of all, there is no valuable future that could possibly be looked back on and make yourself think, "Wow, I'm so glad Greg's head didn't get stuck in a revolving door and ultimately bursting thanks to the productive method of Cave that made revolving doors translucent walls you could walk through with the color of -your- choice!" Second, I'm not talking about what future you're thinking about, unless you're thinking about what I'm thinking about and not what I think you're thinking about. I'm talking about a point in the future where reproducible human errors are a problem, though this time also including reproducible can errors and wall errors, ultimately meaning everything is living. My point is, if the future brings "Plants-and-wood vs. Everything" to a literal point or you're just very far into the future, the Tao's going to help!

Just a note, if there's a Chinese-heritage Cave Johnson from whatever multiverse, he's probably going to be ripping you off. Oh, and his excerpts of the book may involve something like how special stacked houses are and why their eyes will be an extremely important feature in the year 2477. No offense, but that's never going to be important. Unlike Chinese Cave, I'll be talking about how you succeed. One more note, the Tao of Success WILL NOT be showing you how to have cows operate flying saucers as a supreme goal to either turn London into greases-slop or turn that big clock tower into upright stacks of bacon and/or beef.