A/N: Sorry I didn't get this chapter up yesterday.
Father Christmas
Chapter Four
Jenny sat up and wiped two globs of quicksand off her face. She was now in a yellow wallpapered room beside her father. They had fallen from what she could only conclude to have been a portal within the quicksand, because they'd come through the ceiling and landed on the floor. "Just out of curiosity, since I've never experienced it, is that what being born feels like?"
The Doctor opened his mouth and quickly shut it. He raised a gloopy index finger. "Whatever answer I could possibly give to that question would be the wrong one. After we get out of here, we'll drop in on Martha. She's a doctor—and I think she and Mickey have a son now, too—so you can talk to her about that."
"Speaking of here," Jenny said. "Where is here?" She turned in a circle, noting a fireplace lined with five stockings. The names scrawled across them: The Doctor, Jenny, Joe, Monique, and Teddy.
The Doctor peeled off his suit jacket and shook it, splattering a nearby dollhouse with quicksand freckles.
"Before, during the jumping rope, the kids told me I was in the Toyroom. I don't even know how I got here. One minute I'm putting a DVD into my ship's drive and the next minute I'm waking up to 'Cinderella dressed in yella.'"
The Doctor stared at the ceiling. "Oh, that's cute."
"What?"
"It's an old jump rope rhyme from Earth. Where we are decidedly not. And you probably got here the same way I did." The Doctor pointed to the ceiling, where they had fallen through the quicksand. "A portal. We're in another dimension."
"Very good, Doctor!" Sid's voice echoed.
"Did it take you long to rebuild after Charley and I were here last?" The Doctor taunted.
Sid materialized before The Doctor, a sneer on her lips. "I think it turned out rather well, don't you? I hope you and the progeny like it, because you won't be leaving."
"New body too." The Doctor walked a circle around Sid.
"I could say the same about you."
"Weren't you a man the last time I saw you?"
"I'm a Guardian of Time, I have no sex."
"Now there's a game you're missing out on. But I'm not here to judge. In fact, I'd rather not be here at all, so why don't you just let Jenny and I go and skip all that rubbish falling action. We all know I'm going to defeat you in the end anyway. How many times have I done so already? One? Six? Eight?"
"Dad?"
"Apologies. I don't think you were properly introduced, were you, Jenny? Jenny, Toymaker. Toymaker, Jenny. But you already know that, don't you? How did you find out about Jenny in the first place?"
Sid's teeth glinted in the fluorescent light. "I watched you abandon her on Messaline, of course. I can see everything from the Toyroom."
"You just can't survive for long outside of it."
"Long enough," Sid said. "Long enough to plant the traps that got you here, Doctor. Oh, Doctor: an idol for children because he's nothing more than a child inside himself."
"I fail to see the downside."
"Dad!"
The Doctor turned at the sound of Jenny's rising intonation. He noticed that the dollhouse had sprung up to three times its original size and the door handle was turning. "Expecting guests?"
"Poooooor Jenny," Sid singsonged. "Born a woman; born a soldier. Nary a time for childhood. Perhaps you'd like to make that up to her now? Say, with a tea party?" Sid tapped her palm and the doll house door burst open, revealing an array of life sized toys.
A G.I. Joe charged through, carrying a round table above his head.
A Monique Superstar Doll draped with a lavender duffle bag walked out behind the G.I. Joe and used the duffle bag as an oblong wrecking ball to pop The Doctor in the side of the head.
Joe placed the table before Sid and charged back into the doll house, returning with a stack of chairs.
Meanwhile, Jenny took up a fighting stance and landed a series of roundhouse kicks into the belly of a teddy bear, but they seemed to be having little effect. Finally, Teddy grabbed Jenny by the ankle and flipped her over zir shoulder. Jenny swung her free leg around Teddy's neck in an effective headlock, but being a teddy bear, the lack of oxygen that would normally be inflicted on someone who relied on breathing proved futile on a stuffed animal.
Sid sat down at the table while Joe arranged tea cups at the empty place settings. She lifted the kettle and poured Jenny an imaginary drink while Teddy secured Jenny in a chair. "Cream or sugar?"
Monique lugged the unconscious Doctor into a too-small seat between his daughter and the Toymaker. She dropped the weighty bag into his lap and unzipped it to reveal an array of costumes.
"Are you familiar with dress up, Jenny?" Sid asked.
"No, but by the look of the contents of that bag, there is a high probability I'm going to hate it."
Monique pulled out a dusty green velvet top hat and sat it on The Doctor's head.
While Monique rummaged, Sid stood up and moved to the fireplace. She lifted the stocking labeled Jenny off the hook, returned to the table, and tossed it over to Jenny's place setting. A black chunk rolled out between the lips of the stocking and fell messily into Jenny's lap. Sid sipped her imaginary tea. "Do you know what that is?"
"Coal."
"Allow me to rephrase: do you understand what it means?"
Jenny shook her head.
"Once a year children on Earth are said to receive coal if they've been very, very naughty."
"Because I 'cheated'? Well if I get coal, what, pray tell, do you get?"
Sid laughed into her tea cup.
The Doctor came to again sometime later. By then, the life sized toys were gone.
"Nice of you to finally join the party," Sid said.
The Doctor narrowed his eyes at Jenny. "Are you—"
"Held captive in blue and white frills? Why, yes, yes I am."
"I was going to say dressed like Alice, but yes, yes you are."
"Who's Alice?"
The Doctor groaned. "To-Do List: fairytales. Maybe we'll drop by and see Lewis too? Interesting bloke. We once had a scintillating conversation about Constantine."
"I know who Constantine is."
"Finally."
Jenny glared.
The Doctor returned his attention to Sid. "Is this what you've been reduced to? Dress up and tea parties?"
"What are you insinuating, Doctor?"
"It's not very imaginative, is it? Need I even point out the rampant clichés?"
"You know what I don't understand?" Jenny asked. "The point of bringing someone somewhere for the sole purpose of holding them captive. What benefit do you get out of watching someone else be miserable?"
"It's not about the misery, Jenny. Sometimes one needs a change of pace. It's about the adrenaline; the vicarious rush. When you live as long as I do, there comes a time when you need someone else to live for you." Sid twisted her head towards The Doctor. "You know what it feels like to be boxed in, don't you, Doctor?"
"I was 'boxed in' on Gallifrey. The TARDIS gave me freedom."
"And yet here you are, always hungry for a new companion to help you see the mystery of the universe again."
"But I don't keep them against their will."
"Anymore," Sid corrected.
"Barbara and Ian were exceptions. Initially. And stop turning to turn the tables, that was an entirely different situation. I didn't even want them in the TARDIS to begin with!"
Jenny's face perked. "Dad."
"What?"
"Turn the table."
"It's an expression, Jenny. It means—" The Doctor side eyed Sid. "Turn the table!"
"Exactly!" Jenny thrust her legs under the table in time with The Doctor. The force flipped the table along with the tea set toppling onto Sid. Jenny then stomped her feet on the floor and began to rock her chair until it would teeter on its hind legs and fall forward again. Three times she tested the strength it took to balance the chair and finally she pushed it back with so much force it flipped Jenny onto her back, crushing the chair between her weight and the smack of the impact. Jenny hopped up, her hands still tied behind her back with a Double Dutch jump rope—poetic justice, Sid had called it—and crossed over to her father. "I hope you have a battle plan that follows this because I'm out."
"I usually just make it up as I go along, so why don't we worry about getting ourselves untied first?"
"Right."
"Over here, over here," The Doctor said. He ushered Jenny against the yellow wall and angled his hip against the hands held behind Jenny's back. "Feel for the button and press it."
"Why?"
"Trust me!"
Jenny nodded and felt for anything button-like. When she pressed it, nothing seemed to happen. "I don't think it—"
"Shh!" The Doctor whispered. He pressed his mouth to her ear. "Perception filter. If it works, we'll have blended in with the wall like chameleons. Everyone sees what they expect to see and just a smidge of what we want them to see."
Dazed, Sid crawled out from under the shattered remnants of her tea time and thumped her hands together, summoning Monique, Teddy, and Joe from the dollhouse. "Find them!"
Jenny craned her neck to smile at her father.
Sid flung her arm upwards, sending Teddy, Joe, and Monique into the ceiling, presumably by way of the portal through which Jenny and The Doctor had originally arrived. Moments later, Sid herself was gone.
"Well, that bought us time," The Doctor whispered.
"Why are we still whispering?"
"We're in a dimension where toys come to life. You never know," he said, eyeing the shattered tea set. "The Dish and the Spoon might tattle on us." At Jenny's confused look, The Doctor bopped her nose. "I know, I know, you'll understand that reference later."
"Before, on Messaline, you said you had a ship. Do you know where it is?"
"The sixty-first century, last I checked. I'm not sure how we get back there though. Usually the Celestial Toymaker gives us a game or a riddle that you have to win in order to destroy the Toyroom. Usually she—or he—ze, designs them as unwinnable, at least for most people, and once you lose you become a toy in zir Toyroom."
"But ze's been playing games that aren't really win or lose."
"Yes, it seems ze has learned a thing or two since our previous encounters."
Jenny knelt down beside the broken tea set, turned her head to look over her shoulder, and picked up a sliver of shattered China. She began to try and slice the jump rope binding her wrists behind her back, but only ended up nicking fingers and further breaking the shard in the process.
"That's never going to work," The Doctor stated unhelpfully.
"Then what will?"
The Doctor narrowed his eyes at the white apron on Jenny's Alice costume. "What's that?"
Jenny looked down and noted the dark stain on the pocket. "Piece of coal. Apparently I've been a bad, bad girl." She noticed a stricken look in her father's eyes for a nanosecond and then it was gone.
"I have an idea."
"Finally."
The Doctor glared. "Stop that. Now turn. Turn, turn," The Doctor repeated until Jenny turned so that her hands were to his chest. "Now, feel for my inner breast pocket. It's bigger on the inside."
Jenny grunted as her muscles stretched against their nature, searching for something she couldn't even see.
"What you're looking for will feel like a long rectangle with a string on the end and buttons on one side. Pull it out."
A few minutes later Jenny felt a string and her fingers followed it up to something hard and rectangular. She pulled out whatever it was.
"Wonderful! Now hand it to me." The Doctor turned his back to Jenny and felt for the object in her hands. There was a buzz and a moment later The Doctor flexed his wrists. "There we are! Now, your turn." He pointed his Wii remote at Jenny's wrists, it buzzed, and the jump rope fell away.
"How'd you do that?"
The Doctor grinned and opened the back panel of the remote. "Sonic screwdriver. Sonic waves loosen the stability of the ropes and viola!"
"A screwdriver?"
"I originally thought it up to build cabinets. Don't judge!"
"How do you go from cabinet building to rope removal?"
"If Humans can turn their cell phones into miniature camcorders and Internet browsers, I can have a rope removing screwdriver, thank you."
Jenny shrugged and began to remove the Alice costume Teddy had forced her into. Once she was down to the hoop skirt, she fought with the knot until the hoop fell into a circle on the floor. Jenny stepped over it and bent down to give it a closer inspection. "People didn't actually wear these, did they?"
"Still do. We'll have to go to a Con sometime, you'd be surprised."
"A Con?" Jenny cocked her head as her father rattled off an explanation involving the word convention, but all she could think of was a con job. She suddenly looked at her nicked up hands and thought of the blacktop that should have torn up her skin. Jenny wiped the ground outside the hoop of the skirt and then wiped the circle of ground within the perimeter of the hoop. "How did you say those perception filters work again?"
"Everyone sees what they expect to see."
"And just a smidge of what we want them to see?"
"Exactly."
"Do they ever fail?"
"Occasionally. Like in water, but I waterproofed mine. Why?"
"Because if this is carpet, then why can I see my reflection in it?"
The Doctor dropped to Jenny's side and stared at the spot on the carpet that she was examining.
"The same thing happened back in the park when I fell on the ground. But only for a moment."
"Oh," The Doctor grinned. "That's new."
"Explain?"
The Doctor waved his sonic over the area and a patch of the carpet faded away to reveal a shimmery disc. "Ze rebuilt the Toyroom on a disc. Literally on the disc; the surface of the disc! An entire dimension on a disc! It's a Discworld. Terry would be so proud."
"That's why the DVD was a portal."
"And the Wii game," The Doctor agreed.
"Very good, Doctor." Sid materialized beside the doll house. "A perception filter. Very clever, but now that the charm's worn off I'm afraid it's no longer going to do you any good."
The Doctor unhinged the perception filter from his belt and tossed it to Sid. "We've discovered yours as well, Toymaker."
Jenny looked at her reflection on the floor, then her eyes wandered to the apron. She suddenly grabbed it, pulled the chunk of coal from the pocket, and rolled it between his palms. She locked eyes with her dad. "Looks like the pressure's on now. Wouldn't want to make this situation worse by…" She shrugged. "Making waves?"
Sid waved zir arm and a shelf identical to the one from the Toy Shoppe, complete with the yellow stained porcelain faced dolls, materialized along the wall. "All toys must be shelved at some point."
"I like to think I still have some shelf life," The Doctor quipped. He lifted his arm into the air just in time to catch the coal that Jenny pitched to him and immediately turned his sonic to it. "You know what happens to coal under pressure? And I don't mean the type of pressure where you're trying to maintain your autonomy whilst someone else is attempting to lock you away in their toy box. I'm talking about the kind that normally takes millions of years but that I'm using high pressured sonic waves to simulate in twelve seconds!"
"Your point, Doctor?"
The Doctor tossed the lump to Jenny.
Except, when Jenny opened her hands, the lump was no longer black, but clear. "Right here!" She tapped the topmost point of the diamond with her index finger.
"A diamond, how lovely," Sid said. "But unfortunately I'm not that kind of girl."
"Oh," The Doctor frowned. "I'm afraid you have the wrong impression. I'm already taken. However—"
"It'll look wonderful on my shelf," Sid interjected. "Right alongside you both."
"About that…" The Doctor held up his sonic and the screws holding up the shelf spiraled out of the wall and the shelf promptly collapsed.
"My antiques!" Sid raised zir arms and summoned the shattered dolls to zir.
"I'd be more worried about the disc if I were you. They're such temperamental pieces of technology."
Jenny nodded. "I would hate to find out what would happen if one was…" Jenny squatted and pressed the point of the diamond to the floor. "…scratched."
"No, don't!"
The Doctor grabbed hold of Jenny's free hand while she carved the diamond into the floor.
A glittering vortex infused the cracks, sucking the pair in.
The last thing Sid saw before the portal closed were the words illuminated by the glow of the vortex: GAME OVER!