Hey guys! First of all, thank you all for the lovely comments. They make my days. I am sorry I have not updated in a while, but I am still recovering from these weeks episodes. I can't believe what is happening (sobssss)

Anyway I am sorry this is totally a lousy chapter where nothing actually happens, but I was having all kinds of feelings now and just needed a way to discern them and make them recognizable. I am sure that by now it is more than obvious that I love Will, so I am sorry if I haven't done right to his character in this chap, but I just wanted to you know get into his head a little. Hope you enjoy!

The punching bag made a dry sound.
It was bothering him a little, but he had to go on, he just had to.
Anger fueled his actions; without it he wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning.
Anger kept him sane and focused and ...well angry.
He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to hurt her so bad. He wanted to literally wound her, see her suffer. And then he just couldn't stand himself; the mere thought of a bruise on her creamy skin doubled his pain; the thought of her feeling even an ounce of what he felt made him sick.
The dry sound billowed in the air again.
How could she do that? How could she leave without looking back, without a goodbye, without a hug or a kiss?
But most importantly how could she just be okay with it? He wouldn't. He could never be able to live with himself, stare at his own reflection if anything he had done could cause her even a nail crack.
So, how could she...live as she slowly drained away his life?

The crunching of the punching bag mixed with the leather smell got to his mind, eating away the last residues of energy that heartbreak barely left.

'Will, please let go of me.' She begged tears in her eyes as his grip clawed around her forearm with each passing second.
'And here I was, thinking that facing you would make a difference.' said he ignoring her pleading eyes as if she wasn't really there; as if he hadn't really just grabbed her in the hall and forcefully pushed her in the first room he found.
'Cos I believed,'he went on as a sad smile darkened his features. 'there still a part of your heart, a part that belonged to me, and...'
His grip was suddenly lifted; ever so gently that the lack of physical contact was almost too much to bear after that strong a clench.
'I always believed you were mine.' He said, his back to her, managing to keep his voice from breaking.
'Will...'
His eyes had filled with tears.
Gosh, he wanted her back. So badly. He wanted her to actually be his, not just in the dreams he had mentally created ever since his eyes first caressed her form back in college. But, this time he just couldn't, this time ...
He turned facing her once more.
'Stop saying my name, okay? Stop it!' He shouted.
His angry eyes fired up scaring her a bit, as his figure approached her again. She knew he wouldn't really hurt her, but there was something about his anger that sent a shiver right to her heart encapsulating it in a cold limbo.
It was as if she knew that she had to indulge him in this, she had to let him be mad, and even hit her till he was over it. He would never be able to move on if he didn't.
'I really am sorry.' She whispered as gracefully as a royal highness would have, so he backed away again and made his way to the door.
'Where are you going?' Her question was painful to him, because hearing her voice elicited her magnetism.
'I am leaving.' His tone was cold now, distant. 'I don't trust myself right now.'
'Then be mad Will! Curse me, yell at me, hell hit me too, but please just do something.' She pleaded her voice choking.
His hand had frozen on the door knob as he gulped down yet another sob.
'Oh God!' He managed to whisper before turning back and facing her. Without thinking about it, he threw her to the nearest wall and put his arms on her sides baring her exits.
Her body trembled, her chest heaved, her back was firmly pushed to the wall but she didn't move. His breath tickled her neck and lips mixing with the taste of her salty tears.
'You want me to hit you?' His voice was so low and docile that it awoke the odd memory of Peter talking to Grace when she was still in her womb. She thought her heart would explode with pain at the mere ringing of the thought.
Tears meandered down her face, but yet she stood still, her arms down as he stared at the floor.
'Cos I have wanted to do that for so long... For so long. I wanted to hurt you, to slap you...'he raised his eyes to meet hers trying with all his soul not to break down at the sight of her tears.
'Why did you do this to me sweetheart?' He hit the wall on her side with his fist so hard that she jumped and closed her eyes, instinctively frightened; so hard that blood started coming out as the lighting pain travelled up to his arm.
'I am so so...'
His eyes came unafraid to hers this time as the mere phantom of the word 'I am sorry' drew another thick line dividing the two.
Apart.
That's what they were even though the security distance of non-lovers was long passed.
His chest heaved using his short breaths to keep tears from falling down. He beheld her in sight as his bloody fingers caressed her face. She then opened her eyes and met his look, her heart shattering with shared pain.
She wasn't crying anymore, but she didn't trust her voice yet because sorrow has a way of fusing with vowels making them stick to the memory easily. She didn't have any good words worth remembering; good enough for him to remember.
He used his fingers to wipe away her tears, but her face got bloody. She lowered her gaze, but was too afraid to move. His face was inches away from her own. So she carefully grabbed his fist and lowered it down.

He put his face on her shoulder and without even reckoning it at first she felt his tears moist her bare shoulder and clavicle. She felt his breath come to pants and tickle tantalizingly the hollow of her neck as he there planted a dry-lipped kiss, mixed with tears and heart-ripping feelings that were making him lose his sanity.

She froze. What was he doing?

'Will?'

His lips started making his way up her collar bone, hunger rising with each. His breaths were short and oddly synced with the regularity of his kisses. He had cornered her. She instinctively tried to push him away, but he just got closer. She didn't realize where fear came from, because she had been with Will innumerable times. But never like this.

He could feel under his lips that she was get frightened and tensed and even though he never wanted to scare her, the scent of her skin went to his head intoxicating him.

'Will... Please stop.' She cried out as he had kissed the fine angle of her jaw.

He stopped. He had intended to. He couldn't go past that line, he couldn't reach her lips or look into her eyes.

He would never hurt her.

He had just claimed his goodbyes.

Abruptly he hit the other side of the wall with his good hand taking Alicia's fear to another level.

'Why baby whyyyyy?'

Him calling her baby tore her heart away, because he had never uttered it in such miserable fashion.

'Will...' Her body trembled under his weight as she sobbed softly. 'I never meant for this to hurt you. Will ... I swear.'
This was the first real sentence she could form and to accentuate it she squeezed his bloody fist. The blood was oozing down.

He didn't respond to that, and she knew he wouldn't. Not anymore.
She knew him. If he spoke now, he would never get back from the abyss of despair.
With both her hands, she lifted his head from her shoulder and cupped his cheeks. He refused to look at her and kept his gaze on the crumbling wall behind her. She fondled his cheek with the back of her hand and wiped his tears away.
But he backed away from her staring at her.
Oh no, no, no. If there was one thing more pain-inflicting than a stab on your back was her sweet look, her worried look, the kinda look that arouse his wild dream that there would always be a part of her heart that cared about him. Although she had always been the woman he most desired both physically and emotionally, her gestures now didn't stir anything inside him, nothing sexual that is.
As she grabbed the chair he had nearly destroyed earlier and made him sit, he just couldn't help feeling lost. It was as if this would never pass. It was like dying, only one breath at a time, one heartbeat at a time, slow and agonizing.
She had already opened the First-Aid box by the time his eyes found her again. When she grabbed his hand again, he stopped her.
'Alicia.'
She raised her eyes fearfully despite her best efforts to keep a straight face.
'I love you, I will always love you. And...' He looked away. 'And I can't imagine a worst fate, for anyone.'
He looked right through her. One last time. He wanted to see in the depths of the soul displayed in her eyes if that hurt her.
It did.
He was not content, but it was then he knew he had to leave.
He loved her too much to hurt her back.