Note-Ok, I know some of the stuff in this chapter doesn't happen in the original, but what the frick.
The black figure slowly drew up to Perry, who was shivering in fear. It seemed to be clad completely in a black cloak, covered from head to toe. Even the face seemed to be covered by the hood, and as hard as Perry strained his eyes, he couldn't see the face within.
"So" swallowed Perry, trying to remain brave and composed. "I assume that you pathetic excuse for a Halloween costume is the Ghost of Christmas Future? Who are you, Ted?"
The thing shook its head slowly.
I should do something Perry thought. This could get awkward. Maybe if I had ninja skills…dammit, Newbie's rubbing off on me! Ah, to hell with it!
And with that, he growled, raised his hand, and ripped off the spirit's hood. Then, seeing the face, he took a few shocked steps backwards.
"You…" he whispered hoarsely.
"Hey! You're not meant to do that!" said the Janitor, snatching back the hood.
"What the hell are you doing, Jumpsuit?" snarled Perry. Carla and Turk were bad enough, but this was almost becoming a bit of a joke. Kelso really had it in for him.
"I'm your ghost. But ok, let's make a deal" said the Janitor. "The whole talking thing isn't part of my job description, so let's just pretend this never happened"
"Works for me, Lurch" said Perry wearily, wondering when the whole stupid ordeal was going to be over. The Janitor pulled the hood back over his head, and nodded slowly. Perry sighed, and rolled his eyes. This was gonna be a long night.
"Where too first then?" he asked, bored. Janitor pointed slowly, and Perry turned to look behind him. Then he blinked. Hard. The dismal, dark street that should have been behind him had turned into a room. The nurse's station, to be exact. Perry turned back to the ghost, and saw that behind him was the same room. The Janitor urged him forward to a group of doctors huddled by the coffee machine. Perry recognised Dr Zeltzer, but none of the others.
"It'll be a very cheap funeral" remarked one of the doctors, sipping his coffee. "I don't know anyone who's going"
"I'll only go if there are prostitutes" remarked Dr Zeltzer monotonously.
"I doubt that…although maybe the Sully gals will turn up" said one of the doctors.
"I doubt that even more!" said Zeltzer. The others laughed, and nodded in agreement. Then a sound of pagers went off, and the doctors scattered.
"Who's funeral's that, then?" Perry casually asked the Janitor. But the black-clad man only beckoned. Perry followed him down a flight of stairs, where a young couple stood, talking happily to each other. Not doctors: they weren't in Scrubs or lab coats, so they must have been patients.
"It's fantastic now he's not on our backs anymore!" said the young woman, as Janitor and Dr Cox passed them.
"A death to celebrate…" said the man, and he kissed the woman. But by this time Perry and his ghost were almost out of earshot. Perry turned back to in front of him, and saw that they had stopped by a door. It was the morgue.
"What, have we come to visit Pee-Pants? Highlight of my night" Perry muttered scornfully. The Janitor didn't answer. Perry sighed. By now he was getting irritated. None of his remarks invoked any reaction from his ghost. The Janitor simply glided through the door. After a few startled minutes, Perry followed. Instead of connecting with hard plaster and wood, like he'd expected, there was a tingly sensation that wasn't unpleasant. And then he was standing in the morgue. Doug was sitting on a table, sucking a cherry sucker.
"Oh come on…" Perry muttered. But then the door behind him opened, and two people came in. It was Todd and Ted.
"Hey, guys!" said Doug.
"How's your penis?" grinned Todd. Ted just nodded sombrely.
"Did you get them?" he asked. Perry could see the beads of nervous sweat breaking out on his forehead.
"Where's Nurse Roberts?" Doug butted in.
"Wouldn't come" replied Ted impatiently. "Said it was against her faith. Now do you have them or not?"
Course I do!" said Doug. "They're right here!" He walked over to a table, and picked up a ragged black bag, which he dumped in front of his visitors. He then proceeded to attack the lollipop again as Ted and Todd began to rummage through the sack. Ted pulled out a watch and grinned widely.
"Wow! His watch!" he smiled. He held it up to the light, and then against his wrist. "A Rolex! Sweet!"
"Hey, dude!" said Todd. "Hamburger five!" He'd pulled out a limp looking burger from the bag, and took a large bite out of it.
"Todd, that's disgusting!" said Doug. "That's been in the morgue! I've got nicer stuff in here!"
"Are you sure this is legal?" Ted asked, still admiring the Rolex.
"You're the lawyer, you tell me" said Doug, shrugging. "I've got some nice clothes if you want them. They're less costy than that watch"
"I don't care!" said Ted. "Now he's gone I can afford it!"
"Who's gonna take his place?" asked Doug.
"No idea" Ted shrugged. "They were thinking of Dr Dorian until they checked his attendance"
Todd had, until then, been eating the burger, but now he looked up, mayonnaise dribbling down his chin. "My attendance in the bedroom is always high! Playa Five!" he said. Nobody obliged him, and he slowly lowered his arm, embarrassed at being ignored.
"How much do I owe you?" Ted asked.
"Bout a hundred for the watch. But if you like I'll through in a nice expensive pen for nothing. And Todd's gonna have to pay for that burger"
Ted foraged in his pocket, pulled out a scruffy dollar note, and handed it to Doug. Doug handed him a shiny pen, and Ted and Todd turned to leave.
Perry was shocked.
"Selling off a dead man's belongings. That's sick!"
The Janitor didn't respond.
"Can we go somewhere where there's some…tenderness associated with death?"
Janitor turned back to the door, and opened it. Instead of the stairs going up to the hospital, there was a room. A room full of light that he recognised. Sure enough JD was sitting on the couch. Elliot came into the room, crying quietly, and JD looked at her, dazed.
"JD…I'm so sorry, but…he's gone…" Elliot sniffed, her voice an amazingly high pitch, but still trying to keep things together. JD seemed frozen, but then nodded acceptingly.
"At least he went peacefully" he said.
"No…" Perry muttered. "No…"
He ran into the next door bedroom, and thrust back the covers that had been laid body-bag style. Sam Dorian looked peaceful, like he'd just gone to sleep and hadn't woken up. Perry just stood, aghast, staring at the still body of the five-year old. When he turned, the Janitor was standing behind him. Elliot and JD came into the room.
"Oh look, his covers fell off" said JD, trying to distract himself. He neatly folded the covers over Sam again, and then stood silently, watching the bundle. After a few, painful minutes he spoke: "He was a good kid"
"It's just pneumonia, it's curable! Dammit, Newbie!" Perry yelled. He kicked at the bedside table, but his leg just went through it. He yelled out in anger and frustration. Why wasn't JD doing the same? Then he felt an ice cold hand on his shoulder, and he started. The Janitor had a firm grip on him, and then there was a lurching sensation in Perry's stomach as they seemed to fall through the floor. Perry shut his eyes, expecting a crash. But when he opened them, he was standing in a green field, adorned with trees. But it wasn't just a field.
It was a graveyard.
"Oh no…" Perry muttered. "This doesn't look good"
The Janitor led him through rows and rows of stone plaques. As they walked Perry read them. He noticed that the names of people that died changed through the ages. Betsy and Janet became Frankie and Lola, and Harold and Charles became Spencer and Ben…Ben?
With a glance, Perry realised that the Janitor had stopped by Ben Sullivan's grave.
"Now, that's just not fair" he scolded, feeling the familiar clogging in his throat he got when his friend was mentioned. But the Janitor shook his head, and pointed to the grave next to it. It was the last in the line of stones, and the grass around it was freshly cut. But what chilled Perry right to the core of his heart was the inscription.
Here lies Dr. Perry Cox. Died of liver failure. 1961-2008.
"Wait…that's my grave?" Perry asked the Janitor. "No…No words of solace? No kindness? Just a name and a date? All those people earlier…they were talking about me? I'm the hated man whose death people celebrate?"
Storm clouds seemed to be gathering over the cemetery. The Janitor stood motionless.
"Spirit!" Perry found himself yelling. "Tell me I can wipe away the writing on this stone!"
Then the ground seemed to move underneath him, and the Earth split underneath his feet. The gravestone cracked and tore in half, and when Perry turned, still unsteady, he saw that the coffin was visible through the ripped ground. Another tremour made him fall forwards, and he crashed into the coffin. The wood splintered and cracked, and then he was lying face-to-face with his corpse. Then the coffin fell down, down through the ground, and Perry shut his eyes tight and waited for the impact.