Chapter 4: Lonely This Christmas
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White Christmas and I'm blue
Like fireworks with no fuse
Christmas without you
The fireplace keeps burning and my thoughts keep turning
The pages of memories of time spent with you
Old Christmas songs we knew and used to make love to
Make it hard to get used to Christmas without you
Christmas without you
White Christmas and I'm blue
I love you I miss you
So sad but so true
Christmas without you
Like a mystery with no clues
Like fireworks with no fuse
Christmas without you
The sweetest gift I know would be if the new snow
Could fall on your footsteps on this Christmas eve
The most joyous Christmas if luck could be with us
Would be if Saint Nicholas brought you home to me
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Iruka smiled at the half-drunk group of shinobi scattered around the living room, playing cards and eating their dinner. The group of teenagers, who were yet of drinking age huddled in another corner, exchanging small talks in between munches. He held the glass of white wine in his hand as he turned towards the window.
It was dark and quiet out on the streets of Konoha with most people staying in at home celebrating the festival with families and friends. He couldn't help, but feel again the emptiness in his heart that had been plaguing him since Kakashi had failed to return at the designated time.
Everyone is together with their loved ones on this beautiful festive season. But yet, he was all alone. Iruka was sure that his will not be coming home anytime soon.
"Iruka, aren't you going to eat something?" Kurenai came up beside him. Iruka shook his head.
"Later. I'm not hungry yet."
"It's not good to drink on an empty stomach." Kurenai frowned.
"I know. It's not too much anyway; I'm just on my second glass." The chunin gave her a reassuring smile. "I will eat something later."
Kurenai nodded and gave him a pat on the shoulder, standing beside him in silence.
"Where's Asuma-sensei?" Iruka finally broke the awkwardness. Kurenai shrugged.
"Who knows? I haven't seen him since an hour ago. Perhaps he had forgotten something and headed home, or he's having his smoking chain downstairs."
Iruka chuckled. Kurenai laughed. And then, someone called for the ruby-eyed kunoichi. The jounin gave Iruka another firm pat on the shoulder before leaving him to continue his gaze out of the window.
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Iruka watched the soft snow covering the ground outside. A smile found its way up to Iruka's lips. He wasn't lying when he told Kurenai that the snow brought back memories. In fact, the snow reminds him of Kakashi. It was the only witness when Kakashi first stole that kiss off him two Christmases ago. It was the only spectator when they whispered their love to each other on that cold winter night.
He took a sip out of his glass as he smiled at the warm memories of the events that transpired which eventually brought the two of them together.
He and Kakashi hadn't spoken much ever since their conflict over the jounin's nomination of Naruto and his team for the chunin exams. And their cold standing towards each other had lasted until the Christmas party three years ago. That had been the first time they had spoken after Sasuke's defection, Naruto's departure and Sakura's new training regime.
Iruka had somehow felt that the jounin had been affected by the disbanding of Team Seven and had taken the initiative to talk to him when he found Kakashi moping at the corner of the room during the Christmas party at Anko's house. Kakashi clearly wasn't interested in the party and had only attended because his friends had dragged him along.
They hadn't dwelled on long in their conversation, because Kakashi had obviously been bored out of his mind and left the celebration half way through. But after the Christmas that year, the jounin had taken on a friendlier disposition towards Iruka and their status quickly elevated from mere acquaintances to friends. And it was only half a year through their friendship that Kakashi officially courted the younger chunin.
Iruka still remembers with fondness all the dates that the jounin had brought him on and the little things that the older man did, like bringing him his lunch, making sure he was well-rested and giving him random gifts. All those little acts of love were etched deeply into his heart and mind and whenever he thought about it, he would find himself loving Kakashi a little more.
They had eventually gotten together on the Christmas that year. It hadn't been planned. Perhaps it had been by a mere twist of fate that threw the two of them onto the same path and made them see each other as more than friends.
As usual, Kakashi had left the Christmas party early and Iruka had left shortly after. When he stepped out from Genma's house, he had been surprised to find the silver-haired jounin waiting for him on the streets.
They had shared a silent walk back to the younger's man apartment when it started snowing. Iruka had been shivering from the cold, because he had apparently forgotten his jacket and Kakashi immediately shed his own to offer to the chunin. When Iruka had put it on gratefully, the older man had leaned forward and stole the very first kiss off the academy teacher.
And that kiss under the snow had sealed their love to this day.
Iruka stared at the streets just a little way off – the place where they had exchanged their first kiss and made their first proclamation of their love for each other. He smiled sadly and felt his heart sank a little.
Kakashi had been with him on the Christmas the year after that. And had promised to be here this year too. But, it was plaintively obvious that the jounin isn't going to make it back in time for the celebrations. Iruka doesn't need that either. He just hoped that his lover would return home safely. It just doesn't sound too promising when he hadn't heard from the older man in days.
Iruka closed his eyes and muttered a soft prayer. 'Kashi, please come home soon.'
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