Important Questions

Bang!

"Hey dad, dinner will be ready in five minutes. Go get changed then come back down. I made steak and chips for you."

I turned around in time to see Charlie walk into the kitchen with an utterly shocked face. I tried to hold it in. I swear I did, but I couldn't. I busted out laughing. Charlie's face went from complete shock to complete horror. This couldn't get any funnier.

"Oh god. I'm dead aren't I?" I suppose it does get funnier. "Jeez, what will Bella do now? Please don't do anything stupid Bella. I am so sorry. I know you were hurting I should been more supportive. Do know that I love you and that he loves you to. I hope he comes back and do know that I approve of him. I know you might not think it but no one can fall in love with you then go to hating you. Don't give up on him Please look after yourself. I am so sorry." After the mention of him I sobered up quickly. Charlie knew that he was not to be mentioned out loud in this house. For him to say something like that about him in front of me proves he does indeed think he is dead.

"Dad I understand why you might think you are dead, I promise that you are not dead." Quickly flipping the steaks over, I turned back to him to find him staring at me with an inquisitive look on his face.

"If I am not dead then tell me something only Bella would say." I had to laugh at that.

"I'm sorry dad. You're just too funny. But seriously you aren't dead. I swear on Renee's, no, I swear on his life that you aren't dead." Wrapping an arm around my stomach to hold it together, I turned back to the steak so Charlie couldn't see the stray tear that always escaped my eyes when talking of him.

"Come and sit down dad food's ready, just get changed after you have eaten."

A dazed and confused Charlie plonked himself down at the table whilst I placed the steak and chips in front of him and took my small salad and sat across from him. I saw that Charlie wasn't aware of what was happening and seemed lost in thought, so I let him be. Half way through his meal Charlie seemed to grasp reality again and started chocking.

"What happened to you Bella? Did someone hurt you? Please tell me you didn't do it yourself." At my uncomfortable look Charlie started a rant. "Bella, why? What possessed you to harm yourself? Is that why you have come out of you shell? Because you have found a way to 'deal' with the pain. Do you remember what I said when I thought I was dead? How I love you and that he loves you to. Do you think that when he comes back into your life he is going to accept what him leaving did to you. He will never forgive himself and I'm scared of what he will do to himself when he finds out. Did you even think that I wouldn't notice? I've been trying so hard to help but I can't cope with this. Please Bella tell me why?"

I couldn't say anything. I just sat there staring wide eyed at Charlie. This must be how he felt when he came home. How can he think I did this to myself? As his words sank in, I realised that he mentioned him again, in a way that he had never done before. I broke down sobbing for the first time in months all the pain of his departure washed over me. I couldn't cope with it. Scrapping my chair along the freshly cleaned floor, I collapsed out of the chair onto the floor and screamed. For the next hour and a half, I just lay on the floor clutching my hair, crying and screaming for the only one who could make this end. I was faintly aware of someone holding me, rocking me and mumbling something to me, but I couldn't make out what it was because my screams drowned out all other sounds in the house.

When I finally calmed down Charlie was apologising constantly. Clutching Charlie, he helped me to my seat by my half empty plate of salad. He knelt down before me with a small smile on his face and wiped the tears of my face. It was no use they just kept coming.

"I'm sorry dad."

"No, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. I need to know though did you do this on purpose?"

"No. I would never do anything like this on purpose."

"I'm so sorry I assumed you did. What happened then?"

"You know what they say. Never assume anything it will make an ass out of u and me." With that we both forced out a small chuckle, but you could tell it was forced because there was an edge to it. "I promise to tell you everything if answer one question for me."

"I can do that."

"Well it is more three questions that I want to know. Do you really think Edw… he still loves me? And, when you thought you were dead did you really mean what you said about approving of him? Finally, what did you mean by 'I'm scared of what he will do to himself'?"

I could see that Charlie was having a mental battle. To be honest I didn't know if I wanted to know the answers, but part of me ached for Charlie's approval of the one I don't have. As I looked down at Charlie, I pleaded with my eyes for him to answer. He either didn't want me to be upset or thought it was best to tell me because no matter how uncertain he was he started to answer my questions as if watching what he was saying.