Chapter 4

"Eeep! Simulation tests today!" Sage squeals, grabbing Erika by the arms.

"Yes, I know," Erika says, as if talking to a child, "I am doing them too, you know."

"No need to be so rude!" Sage pouts.

Erika laughs, "Sorry... I'm just nervous too..."

Aria appears beside them, "Yay! Simulation tests today!"

The other girls stare at her like she's mad, "You're excited?" they ask.

"Of course! Well, no I'm little scared to see my fears, but I think it'll be cool." She says, simply.

"But Tobias is doing them with us! Surely you can't want that?" Sage asks desperately. She seriously didn't want him to see her terrified. It was none of his business.

"Dude!" Erika says, offended.

"Sorry, but it's embarrassing!" Sage says, "What if he tells Zeke?" she whispers.

Erika laughs, but Aria just rolls her eyes, "Zeke's afraid of needles," Aria points out, "He can't say anything to you."

This makes Sage smile, knowing it's true. "Fine. Let's just get them over and done with." she says in a sulky voice.

"Hey, you guys ready?" Seth appears at the door. He leans up against the frame, his black hair falling on his face, his beanie on his head once more.

Aria smiles, "Yep." she says and they take hands, leading the way.

...

Erika is in an abandoned circus with her friends around her. For some reason she finds herself absolutely terrified, and she's not sure why. Then she remembers; clowns. She curses under her breath.

She turns to Uriah, who's pointing and laughing at something in the distance. "Let's get out of here, you guys." she says.

But they all disagree. Then Erika sees what they're looking at and leaps about a foot into the air. "Holy..." She mutters.

There's about seven clowns with contorted faces, doing an act, way down in the main tent.

"You guys..." Erika pleads, but they drag her towards the clowns.

Once they're close enough, they stop to watch, and that is when the clowns notice them. A low hiss escapes one of them and he smiles at Erika, showing a row of pointed fangs.

"Run!" She pulls at Uriah and Tobais, trying to catch everyone's attention, but they're mesmerized by the clowns.

"RUN!" she screams, but they don't move. She doesn't want to leave them behind, but she sees no other choice.

So she runs, leaving her friends behind. AS she runs, she looks back to see he friends and her brother being ripped apart.

Erika sobs loudly, her heart hammering in her chest. She keeps running, but the clowns are catching up on her. She feels something dig into her shoulder, but there's something about that pain...

THIS ISN'T REAL

Erika is no longer scared, she turns to face them, and lets herself be killed, because it's not real.

Quickly the simulation moves onto her next fear.

Erika is surrounded by a crowd of people, all shouting loudly. She can't hear a thing, can barely think...

Just breathe, she tells herself...

THIS ISN'T REAL

Next fear...

"Oh, you little bitch, you think you'd get away with that, huh?" Marcus starts to unbuckle his belt.

Erika whimpers like a child. In his eyes, she certainly was one. Just one more year, she reminds herself.

"Bet you wish you had your brother here to take the beatings for you, don't you?" he says with an evil glint in his eye.

She shakes her head, "I never asked him to..." she whispers.

"DID I ASK YOUR OPINION?" Marcus roars.

Erika feels her heartbeat stop for just a moment. She's so scared.

She had been silent for too long, "Well? DID I?" Marcus shouts again.

THIS ISN'T REAL

"No," Erika murmurs quietly, a little confused. Was this real? It felt real...

THIS IS'NT REAL

"No," she says again, but louder this time. It's not real. It's not real.

Marcus approaches her like a lion stalking its prey, "Was that confidence I heard in your stupid little voice?" he asks, appalled.

Erika lets out a tiny laugh. It's not real. "Yeah, maybe it was." she says.

For a moment, Marcus looks shocked, but he recovers quickly. He tightens his grip on the buckle of his belt. "I guess we'll just have to beat it out of you, then."

Suddenly, Erika's no longer afraid. There's tears running down her face, but suddenly she's not scared, because this isn't real. None of it is.

THIS ISN'T REAL

Next thing Erika knows, she's sitting in the Simulations room, her brother sitting across from her, a shocked look on his face.

"Erika," Tobias says. Erika lets out a sob, but she holds back the tears... mostly.

"I'm so sorry," she tells him, wiping the fast falling tears from her face.

"No, I'm sorry." He says, leaving his position at the computer to wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry I left you there."

Erika sniffles, "It's okay... " she says softly.

Tobias rubs circles soothingly on her back. "He will never touch you again. I promise."

...

Sage is standing in a room, surrounded by the people she loved; all her friends. Each and every one of them is crying, and it's absolutely terrifying. Sage can barely handle this. She's so awful at helping people like this.

"You guys?" she asks. They all turn to face her at the same time. Each of them is holding a knife in one hand.

"What are you doing?" she asks softly, confused. She reaches out to take Zeke's hand, but he flinches away from her.

"Don't touch me." he hisses, as if he's scared of her.

"Please, Zeke, what's going on here?" she cries, so worried.

Suddenly they all slice their wrists downwards, not even wincing at the pain.

Sage screams in fright, "NO!" Tears start to stream down her face. This is insane... Is this her fault?

"I can't help you! I don't know what to do!" she screams.

"You can't do anything." Erika tells her.

Sage gasps... she can't do anything; she can't save them. It's over.

She shuts her eyes, feeling awful. She has to let them go.

Next thing she knows, she can hear a loud bug buzzing in her ear. Sage yelps, and opens her eyes quickly.

There are bugs everywhere, all of them making that disgusting, horrific noise... that sick buzzing. Ew. She starts to run, but they're everywhere, she has nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. So Sage curls up in a ball and makes herself as small as possible. The buzzing of the insects becomes louder and louder, making her shudder. She's not sure how long she stays there, but after what seems like forever, there's finally silence.

When Sage opens her eyes once more she is standing on the edge of a very tall building. She yelps and jumps backwards, but there's an invisible force pushing her to the edge. She sobs as she looks at the distance between her and the ground. Just get it over and done with, she tells herself. JUMP! So she does.

When she lands Sage opens her eyes to see herself sitting opposite a woman almost identical to her. The woman is glaring at her with a look of pure hatred. "You shouldn't have come."

"Shit." Sage whispers, "Mom?"

The woman stands angrily, "Do NOT call me that. I am not your mother. I didn't want you when you were born and I don't want you now. Why would I?"

Sage is shocked, "Why? What did I do?"

The woman scoffs, "Please, just look at yourself. You're a mess."

A single tear falls down Sage's cheek slowly, but she doesn't brush it away. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not. You don't care. You don't know me, and I am so glad I never had to know you." The woman says harshly.

Sage gulps, letting her eyes close and she lets out a single sob. When she opens her eyes once more she's surrounded by a ton of people who are all watching her intently.

She cocks her head to the side, "Yes?"

All of a sudden all the people start talking. Oh God- conversing. Is this really one of her fears; socializing? That's just sad.

So she tries to make polite conversation and lets her heart rate drop a little so this whole thing will end. Finally, it just ends.

She blinks and finds herself back in the Simulation Test room, Tobias staring at her like she's a freak. Or maybe it's just her imagination, maybe he always stares at her like that. "What?" Sage asks angrily.

"Wasps?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No. Just the sound they make. It's disgusting. I couldn't care less about what insect it actually was to be honest." She tells him, standing to leave. He hands her a sheet with her fears, Heights, Bugs, People, Suicide, Saving people and Meeting her birth parents. Six. Not bad.

...

Aria is sitting in the center of a room, surrounded by dolls. Not just China dolls either; any sort of doll you could name. They're everywhere, and every single one of them is watching her every move. Aw shite... She starts to breathe in little gasps. She can't move- they are literally EVERYWHERE.

THIS ISN'T REAL

Could that be true? I mean, after all, she is Divergent... Aria shuts her eyes, and tries to calm herself down just a little, hoping the simulation might move on. And sure enough, when she opens her eyes carefully, this time she's in a room with all her friends. Oh god, what's going to happen?

She moved closer and listens while Erika says, "Do you guys ever think about Aria?"

Aria starts in shock. What the hell?

Seth looks up, "Not really... Not in a long time. Why do you ask?"

Aria stumbles and goes to stand in front of her boyfriend, gazing wondrously up at his face. He has changed, a little paler, and maybe thinner too.

"I dunno," Erika says, "I was just thinking about her last night. I..." She breaks off. "You never think about her?"

Sage stays silent and simply stares at Erika with pity, but Seth simply shrugs. "No."

Aria feels her eyes start to burn, but she doesn't shed a tear. She reaches out and tries to touch him, but it's as if she's not really there. "Remember me." She whispers, but it's not enough.

"Remember me, you bastard!" She yells, trying to hit him, but of course; it doesn't work.

Aria sinks to the ground and lands on her knees.

THIS ISN'T REAL.

She realises she's shaking and tries to calm down. If she can just calm down, she can move on. This will be over. Aria shudders, and watches as the scene around her changes to simple blackness. She waits for the light to appear, but nothing happens. She tries to open her eyes, and then realises they're already open.

"Turn on the light," Aria says, trying not to show the fear in her voice.

Someone grabs her hand and she jumps in fright. "Shh, it's me," A male voice says.

"Seth?" She whimpers, "Turn on the light. Please."

He rubs her hand soothingly, "The lights are on, babe."

Aria starts to panic, "Stop it, Seth. This isn't funny."

"Aria," he says, holding her body to him, "I'm not joking, I swear. You... I'm so sorry, babe, you're blind."

She hears something shuffle behind her, "Seth, what's behind me?"

"Nothing, hun. Don't worry about it." Seth replies calmly.

"Seth- I CAN'T SEE! What the fuck is behind me?" She's terrifed now. God, how could she survive this? She can't deal with this; she needs to see, needs to know what's happening...

THIS ISN'T REAL.

"Nothing." Seth says, "I promise."

Aria takes a deep breath and tries to relax. She lets herself be comfortable in Seth's arms. After a long time, the arms around her are gone and Aria knows she's now got to face the next Simulation.

She's standing in a wide open space that seems to never end. She whirls around and stares behind her- it's the same, everywhere she looks. How is she supposed to do this? She can't look everywhere at once.

All around her everything goes on forever. Her heart beat speeds up at the thought- forever. Such a long time.

Aria wanders, absolutely terrified. Every now and then she looks around, worried by the fact that she has no idea what's going on around her in the places she can't see when she looks away.

THIS ISN'T REAL.

It's so hard to remember that sometimes. Aria sits down and brings her knees up to her chest, curling up into a ball. The instinct to keep looking around is unbelievably hard to fight, but she manages it somehow.

When Aria looks up once more, she's sitting in the Simulation Test room again. Oh thank the Heavens...

"Aria," Tobias says, standing and moving closer to her.

Aria suddenly realises why Sage hadn't wanted Tobias to see her fears. It was weird having him know such private thoughts.

"Just leave it," she says and Tobias nods.

"Okay," he says, "Dolls, having no legacy, blindness and oblivion." he pauses, "Four. Well done."

She smiles politely, "Thanks." Aria lets herself out.

...

Seth is watching his mother and little sister Heather walk along the side of the chasm. He runs towards them, what were they doing? "Mom!" But neither of them seem to even hear him.

Suddenly, out of nowhere a Dauntless man with a gun appears. "Mom, get down!" Seth yells, but neither of them notices either him or the other man.

"Heather!" He screams. This was his job- protecting his family. Why couldn't he do it? His dad had died six years ago when Heather was born and so there was only Seth left to take care of them.

The man sneaks up behind them but Seth jumps in front of his family, feeling only the slightest pain when the bullet hits his heart. He protected them.

When he opens his eyes again, he's suddenly in deep water, but completely paralyzed. His mind is racing, trying to tell his body to move but he couldn't. He was losing his breath, drowning. He couldn't move or breathe. But he could see and think. So in his mind he envisioned his family, making sure his last moments were with them.

All of a sudden, Seth can breathe again, only he is now surrounded by a ton of slithering snakes. He yelps and leaps in fright, only to end up stepping on another snake accidentally. He curses under his breath. Come on, if you can think, you can reason your way out of this. Now, of course Seth knew this wasn't true, but what else could he do?

So Seth stands there in the centre of a ton of writhing snakes and simply pretends he's not really there.

And sure enough, the hissing of the serpents fades and when he becomes aware of his surroundings, he realizes he's no longer there.

This time, Seth is at home with his mother, and she's in the middle of talking. "...your father?"

What? Seth tries to think back, but no images enter his mind. His father... who?

"Right." he says to his mom.

"Don't you remember how he used to play with you?" she asks with a smile.

"Eh..." No. Seth can't remember. That surely wasn't a good sign. Was he going insane?

Seth shrugs, "I don't know, mom..." he says, ashamed. What was going on?

What is he doing? What the hell is going on? He' s so confused... Is this what madness feels like?

Seth groans and puts his head in his hands, brushing his dark fringe off his forehead and taking a deep breath.

When he looks up again, he finds himself back in the Simulations room with Tobias. Seth lets out a deep breath he hadn't realised he was holding. "Aw shit." he mutters. He is so glad that's over.

"Dude, well done." Tobias tells him, "Five." Failing to protect his family, drowning, snakes, forgetting and going insane.

"Thanks man." Seth says, standing and leaving the room quickly.

...

"Wait a second, you're scared of clowns?" Uriah asks his girlfriend. Erika nods.

After the tests finished, everyone reunited in a small room near the Dauntless Leader's offices. Aria and Seth sat on a table in the corner, wrapped up in each other's arms. They both needed to be comforted after the tests, not unlike everyone else, but at least the pair of them had gone through it on the same day.

"High five, me too!" Uriah says happily. The couple high five and then kiss quickly.

"Ew. Get a room, you two." Zeke says. He then turns to Sage. "What about you?" he asks her, "What are your fears?"

Sage lists them and Zeke seems to suddenly understand something.

"You're adopted!" he exclaims, "That explains so much!"

Seth frowns, "It explains, like, nothing."

"No, seriously," Zeke says, "I thought I recognized you, and now I know why- your mom's in Dauntless!"

Sage jumps about a foot into the air in fright.

"You idiot," Aria says to Zeke, "That's one of her fears. What did you tell her that?"

"'Cause, now she can get over the fear." Zeke says calmly.

"No! No way!" Sage says.

"Oh my God, I see it now!" Uriah says, "Sandra-"

"Shut up!" Sage cries and Erika kisses him to keep him quiet. Sage puts her head in her hands, "Her name is Sandra?"

Zeke puts a comforting arm around her, "Yeah. She's really nice, too."

"Stop!" Sage says, flinching away from him, "I don't want to hear this!"

Tobias pokes her, "I know her too, Sage. I'm sure she would love to see you."

Sage stands and backs away quickly, "No, okay? Just don't. I mean, thank you, but please don't." She walks away, closing the door behind her.

"Drama queen," Uriah comments. Zeke glares at him and Erika hits him, "Shut up." But she's smiling.

"Sorry, sorry," he says.

Seth mutters something to Aria who smiles happily, "Sure," she tells him and stands up.

"You guys, we're gonna go, see you later, okay?" she says with a sweet smile. Tobias, Uriah Zeke and Erika wave them goodbye.

Once they leave the room, Erika groans loudly,throwing her body over Uriah's lap, "I'm so bored!"

The boys stare at her like she's an idiot. As if they're not totally bored too, you know?

Uriah nudges Tobias, "Hey isn't that Tris?" he asks. He can see her out the window.

Erika's head snaps up in a flash, "Who's Tris?"

Zeke grins at her, "Not so bored now, are we?"

"Who's Tris?" Erika repeats.

Tobias looks a little scared, "My girlfriend, remember?"

Erika's mouth pops open in surprise, "Seriously? Which one? Is she pretty, can I meet her?"

Tobias looks embarrassed, "Yeah, I suppose so."

"You suppose she's pretty, or you suppose Erika can meet her?" Zeke asks.

"Both," Tobias shrugs.

Uriah knocks on the window, and then girl looks up and rushes around to the door, which Zeke opens for her.

"She's pretty," Erika mutters to Uriah, "Bet she's a bitch."

Uriah laughs but Tobias glares at her, "Shut up." God, it's not her fault he actually heard her.

Tris walks over to Tobias, "Hi," she says.

"Hey," The three boys reply.

"Who's this?" she asks, nudging her boyfriend.

"My little sister, Erika." he mutters, as if he really couldn't care less.

"Oh, hi!" Tris says in a super friendly voice.

Erika smirks, "Oh, so you're the bitch that's dating my brother!"