Disclaimer: I don't Bleach or Ranma 1/2
"What a haul! What a haul!"
Akane sighed at the cheerfully-spoken slogan of one very greedy pervert. Ever since Happosai had integrated himself into Nerima's crazy recurring rut, the temperamental pseudo tomboy had come to know his annoying mantra almost as much as she knew her own, and whatever she heard his catchphrase ringing through the air she knew he was up to no good.
This time was no difference.
"Get back here you creep!"
"Give us back our underwear!"
Enraged cries accompanied by loud stampedes met Akane's ear before an angry mob of indignant females wielding brooms, mops, and other such household items appeared around the corner, chasing the little imp, whom wore a set of panties over his head as though it was a mask and had a green bag thrown over his shoulders filled with his stolen treasures, onto the playground, conveniently into Akane's direction.
If Akane had learned one about positive thing during Ranma's time living with the Tendos, it was how to stop a seemingly unstoppable rampaging pervert.
"Oh, Grandfather Happosai!~" She called out in a sickly sweet voice.
Happosai, thinking nothing of the malice hidden within Akane's angelic tone, glanced in her direction, hearts forming over his eyes, "Akaneeeeeeee!~" He chanted happily, his pursuers long since forgotten.
With an unnatural spring, he flew toward his targets, Akane's beautiful, heavenly cleavage, only to meet the boot of the girl herself into his chin, weakening his grip on his bag as he soared off elsewhere via the Akane-ass-kicking-express, his green bag laid by Akane's feet.
"He never learns," She sighed, bending down to scoop up the dropped bag filled with the girls' bras and panties, a cheery smile forming on her lips at the relieved sighs of the mob of girls, "Here you go, girls!" She chirped, tossing the bag to them.
"Thanks, Akane!" They chanted appreciatively, going on with their day.
Akane waved them off, her happy grin fading into a look of wistful contemplation as she glanced at the sky above. School hadn't even ended since Ukyo and Kuno took off in search of Ranma in Karakura Town, her sister told her before stalking off to the cafeteria for lunch, and already she was starting to think the cursed martial artist had the right idea evacuating Tokyo the first chance he could.
Given how many people were on his tail, living here in Nerima was a hassle that clearly wasn't worth whatever little merits it had, if it had any at all.
Sure, it hurt her quite a bit – as much as she tried to deny it – that Ranma thought the negatives outweighed the positives so much that he just had to abandon ship, but she could see why he would.
"Oh Ranma, you idiot."
She turned, carrying on with her day.
Baw. Why was she worrying about such a jerk for anyway?
He was probably off having fun in Karakura Town without her.
XxX
(Karakura Clinic)
XxX
Ranma certainly was having fun sprawled out lazily on her side on a beige-coloured three-seated couch in the Kurosaki household living room, playing a fighting game on a console Karin lent her while the others were attending school. She was wearing one of Ichigo's shirts while her clothes were in the wash following yesterday's mini skirmish with the hollow.
The length of it reminded her how small her female form was in comparison to Ichigo's lanky, muscular self. It looked more like a dress than a shirt on her petite body, to the point she had taken to only wearing a set of Ichigo's draws underneath.
It wasn't even visible.
They were really quite comfortable too.
Lounging around in the sanctuary of the Kurosaki's residence and out of fate's radius was actually quite refreshing.
Hence lied the problem.
Ranma Saotome wasn't meant to get a duration of relaxation. Not a day in her life went by that wasn't messed up by misfortune, harassment or general mayhem. Even since she grew old enough to start memorizing events, mayhem had surrounded her at every turn.
In fact, it had only increased since she had moved to Nerima, thus she was not surprised, as much as she was annoyed, when one of her usual molesters crashed through Isshin's roof, landing before her in a heap surrounded by dust and splinters.
"Well, the vacay was fun while it lasted," She sighed, picking herself up, "What the hell are ya doing here, you old freak!?"
Happosai picked himself up, no semblance of surprise or even wounds on his person despite the explosive kick from one city to the other from Akane, euphoria surging through him at the sight of his faux sex-toy, her creamy legs draping over the couch, "Oh, Ranma-chan!~"
Ranma stiffened at the lust in the elder's eyes, covering her assets defensively, "Get away from me, you creep!" She demanded, abruptly tossing a pillow at the old man.
Happosai batted the incoming object away, his lecherous grin widening by the second as he took a threatening step forward, his malevolent aura weighing Ranma down, "Kukukuku. Now we can play, my pretty!"
Pushing herself back up against the couch, Ranma buckled her knees tightly together, "Oh man."
Happosai bent down, pushing the innate energy flowing through his diminutive body into his legs for an extra spring, "Ranma!~" With a cheerful cry of joy, the childish stagnant elder flew forward, right into the roundhouse foot that batted him away from the girl.
"Isshin?" Ranma blinked, thankful for his interception as the bread-winner landed on his feet from the jump kick, hands on his hips with an uncharacteristic serious frown on his bearded face.
"Ow! Who did that?" Happosai whined after bouncing off of the wall, rubbing the back of his head. Picking his head up, his eyes widened at the familiar figure standing before him and his prize, "Oh!" He stood, waving cheerfully at Isshin, "Hi ya, fella. Long-time no see. Whatcha doing here?"
"I live here," Isshin deadpanned.
"Wait a sec," Ranma said with a blank look, pointing at Happosai from behind her barrier, "You know the old freak, Isshin?"
Happosai adjusted his little head to the side to glimpse at the red-haired beauty, wetting his lecherous smirk, drawing a cringe from Ranma.
Isshin, as if sensing his "third daughter's" discomfort from his old acquaintance's perverted stare, moved to block her, eliciting a sigh from Happosai.
"Yes, my pretty," Happosai said, removing a pipe from his makeshift Karate Gi, lighting it with a small discharge of Ki on the end of his finger. Ignoring Ranma's glare at the pet-name, the small lecher of nigh immortality inhaled, exhaling his stress away in one relaxed cloud, "Why, me and the boy go way back. Right fella?"
"Yeah, we were such great buddies, back in the day, you and I," Isshin sarcastically confirmed.
"Ah!~ The good old days."
XxX
(Flashback – Years ago)
XxX
"Give us back our underwear, you creep!"
The blissful cries of fierce young ladies greeted Happosai as he skipped away from Karakura High School, typical burglar-like bag filled with his hard-earned treasures flung over his shoulders and a pair of panties slung over his head.
"Ah!~ The innocence of beautiful young ladies!~ What a haul!~ What a haul!~" He chirped, seeing a half-eaten apple hurled through the air, "What's this? An early smack for a well-behaved boy like me," Grinning impishly, Happosai bounced up, ready to gobble his morsel whole.
An ethereal crystalized arrow rocketed into view, tugging at Happosai's scruff before his mouth could capture the bait and carried him to a wall, effectively pinning him.
"What?" He blinked, realizing his predicament when a slender, fair peached-skinned girl with short orange-hair wearing the same red sailor fuku uniform as the others appeared before him, her hands drooping to her sides, "Hey, that's no fair! You cheated, cheater!" He whined babyishly, hopelessly flailing his limbs about.
"Thanks, Masaki!" A nondescript beauty smiled Masaki's way. With malevolent smirks, the other beauties purged their belongings from Happosai, then proceeded to relentlessly laid into him with their makeshift household weaponry.
"Your welcome!" Masaki smiled, full of spirit.
"We'll take it from here."
"Don't pummel him too badly."
"We'll try."
Masaki giggled, carrying herself away with grace to Happosai's close-minded perception.
Ah, Masaki. She was quite the woman I'll tell ya, fella. Strong, independent, frivolous, bubbly, and she was gorgeous, and I mean hubba-hubba gorgeous, and I was but a fool in love.
XxX
"Masakiiiiiiiiii!~" Happosai's flight was ended by Masaki's foot pinning him to the ground after materializing above him speedily, her other foot curled on the side of the anchored leg, and her hands on her hips.
"You again?" She asked, kicking the old man away from her with huge disinterest, "Come to steal more underwear, have ya?"
"Oh Masaki," Tears pooled in Happosai's eyes as he picked himself up, "How could you say that? And here I thought we had bonded so much?"
"Right," Masaki feigned interest, continuing on with potent sarcasm dipping from her tone, "Because all those times I foiled your panties raids brought us soooo~ close together, pervert."
"How could you be so cruel?" Happosai cried melodramatically, shielding his tears with his arm, "I'm just a little old man!"
Rolling her eyes, Masaki bluntly asked with zero consideration for Happosai's feelings, "Do you honestly expect sympathy from me? I don't like you."
"Well," Happosai said, blanking out Masaki's distaste for his overall character with a gleam of opportunity in his eyes, "I could forgive ya," He sprung forward, arms extended wide, "If ya would just lemme have a squeeze of your knockers!"
Masaki dematerialized swiftly, reappearing underneath the flying Happosai, her foot stuck to Happosai's stomach. With a push, she gave him his millionth trip to the heavens, "Get out of here!" She demanded, flipping up right with an angry huff, "Damn it! How can anyone so old be so childish?!"
XxX
(End of Flashback)
XxX
"Ah!~ Happy times," Happosai smiled in fond remembrance.
"Gee. You've sure changed wonderfully, you old freak," Ranma said caustically.
"Yeah, Masaki-chan brought out the best in me," He sighed wistfully, rounding a furious glare on Isshin's lopsided grin. He looked like he was trying not to laugh, "Then YOU had to mosey on by, and ruin our relationship, you whippersnapper!"
"She never liked ya, old man," Isshin smirked, earning himself rapid blinks in quick succession from Ranma at his change in demeanour, "And neither did I."
Happosai waved, discarding Isshin's hatred for him, "Oh, come now, fella. I'm over that now. You won the lady's hand fair and square," He looked around the place, half pleased with his observation, "By the way, where is milady? I would really like to see her after so long."
"She's dead," Isshin coldly elucidated, a hard gaze in his eyes, making Ranma stare at his back sadly, flashes of him crying theatrically in relief that his delinquent son had finally found a girlfriend to a big poster the siblings told her was Masaki - their deceased mother - coming to her mind.
"Oh? She is?" Happosai asked with some sadness welling up inside of his heart, though his demeanour remained rather nonchalant even at Isshin's nod of confirmation. That one was a real pretty, but she was already well out of his reach, "Oh, well that's too bad, fella. Ya have my condolences, 'cause now you won't be able to pay me back for stealing Masaki away from me."
"What a tragedy."
"Unless."
"Go on."
Happosai sprung forward optimistically, "You let me have a feel of Ranma-chan's breasts!"
Isshin grabbed Happosai's face and chucked him through the way he came in, the old man's form fading away until it was nothing but a sparkle in the sky.
"Man, even after all these years, he's still the same creepy old man as he was then as he is now," Isshin said, shaking his head.
"You're telling me," Ranma confirmed with an ironic smile tugging at her lips, her form noticeably relaxing with the removal of Happosai from the premises, her legs drooping over the couch, "The old freak takes every chance he gets to grope me."
"Eh?" Isshin blinked blankly, "That doesn't make any sense. What about your dad? Doesn't he intervene?"
Ranma stifled a snicker with the back of her hand. To someone as protective of his daughters as Isshin was, Genma's passive acceptance of Happosai's molestation of her must have been revolting, "You kidding? The old freak has Pops and Mr Tendo firmly wrapped around his finger. They're scared to even think of stepping outta line let alone making an attempt to."
"I see," Well that was concerning to hear. What father with any semblance of dignity and affectionate for his daughter would be content to watch an old man molest her so vulgarly? Isshin would happily turn murderer to waste any man with the audacity to sexually assault his precious Yuzu and Karin.
"Um. Hey, Isshin?" Ranma asked carefully, making Isshin blink at her dewy-eyed look. She looked so cute Isshin had to refrain himself from hugging her right there and then.
"Yeah, dear. What do you need?" Isshin asked, causing Ranma to feel uncomfortable at his kind, patience approach to her.
Bringing her knees up to her chest, Ranma wrapped her arms behind them, "Well, 'bout Ichi-chan's mom," Realization flashed across Isshin's countenance even before she finished her explanation, "I got the feeling she was pretty tough from the old freak's story, so I was wondering what kinda martial arts she studied under."
"None."
"Eh?" Did that make her a shinigami then? Ranma didn't want to just come out and say it given that Ichigo had informed her his family wasn't aware of his shinigami powers, but if Masaki wasn't a martial artist then how could she disappear so quickly that not even Happosai could track her movements?
"She was actually a Quincy," Isshin explained as if sensing Ranma's confusion.
"Quincy?" Well that just opened up more doors, "What's that?"
"Good question," Isshin crossed his arms, raising one arm to rub his chin thoughtfully, "I'm not good at explaining stuff either."
"That makes two of ya, 'cuz Ichi-chan ain't either," Ranma quipped, lopsided grin tugging at her lips, "Least I know where he gets it from. Like father, like son."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Isshin whined in a playful fashion.
"I think it means the moron apple doesn't fall from the moronic tree!" Ranma jokingly mocked, snickering at Isshin theatrically tossing his head and balled fists up.
"Masaki!" He cried, "Our third daughter mistreats me so badly!"
"'Cuz you're easy-pickings, old man!~" Ranma smiled, promptly getting Isshin to cease his theatrics to better observe her sunny innocence. She had such a lighthearted spirit Isshin couldn't see why anyone couldn't appreciate her, even if she was brash and a bit of a tomboy. In fact, he had the perfect description for her.
'She's like a fuse version of Karin and Yuzu!' Isshin almost had tears in his eyes. All the tomboyish masculinity and sarcastic wit mixed with the cheerful innocence and compassion of Yuzu made Ranma. Isshin couldn't have asked for a better third daughter, "Alright, that's enough. I've gotta summarized description of a Quincy that should suffice."
Ranma grinned expectantly, "Let's hear it!"
"Quincies are essentially super powered humanoid archers."
"Wow, that's actually pretty clever for ya. Hell musta frozen over, huh?" She said, making Isshin's shoulders droop. Feeling bad, Ranma leaned forward, patting Isshin on the head, "I'm just kidding, old man. It's great really."
"You're so sweet!" Isshin cried, swinging his arms around Ranma, caressing the redhead's cheek happily, drawing a dry smile from her.
"This is new," Ranma said, relaxing into Isshin's touch, "I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but if Ichigo's mom was a Quincy, would that make ya a shinigami?"
Isshin dislodged himself from Ranma with genuine surprise evident on his countenance, "Yeah, how'd ya know?" This shown she wasn't just a generic pretty face if she was able to guess that considering she came through the window with Ichigo from the teen's own "secretive" dealings.
"I'm telepathic," She gave him a fake reply before answering for real, "I'm just quick on the uptake."
"I see," Isshin said, arms crossed over his chest, "You're right, though, in that I am a shinigami.
"Can I see it?" Ranma asked with an eager look in her sparkling blue eyes, "Your shinigami form that is."
"Not right now," Isshin shook his head, "My powers are in a state of suspended hibernation."
"How come?" The redhead tilted her head to the side.
"It's complicated."
"Lemme guess," The red-haired wise girl's convention lopsided smirk wriggled up the corners of her lips, "Can't be summarized in a few neat words, right?" Isshin blinked, jestingly feigning ignorance.
"Yeah! How'd ya know?"
Ranma tapped her temple a few times, her silly grin turning sarcastic, "Telepathy, remember?"
"How could I forget?!" Isshin exclaimed theatrically, shielding his eyes with his arm, giving the redhead just a small glimpse of his left eye filled with amusement to let her know he was only playing around.
"Ever thinking 'bout going into showbiz?" Ranma giggled, "Betcha could make a fortune with those acting skills, old man."
Isshin cleaned his nostrils with his index finger, faking humility, "Well, I'm honoured you rate me so higher, m'dear, but I can't leave my precious daughters to fend for themselves," He possessively hugged Ranma for emphasis, his bearded face tickling her smooth cheek.
"What 'bout Ichi-chan?" Ranma said inquisitively, stifling her snickers at Isshin's dramatics, "Won't he need protecting?"
"Ichigo can take care of himself," Isshin said with reassuring confidence. He was a big boy, "After all, he is the jack-of-all trades."
"Jack-of-all-trades?" Ranma blinked in his grasp, catching on to Insinuation of Isshin's witty description for Ichigo. If Isshin was a shinigami, and Masaki, Ichigo's mother, was a Quincy, that only left one other spiritual being Ranma had discovered existed all of yesterday ago, and if Ichigo wasn't part it too then Isshin would have just said all his children were part Quincy and Shinigami, "Are ya insinuating Ichi-chan's also one-third hollow too?"
"Yep!"
"Boy, god won't have to look hard to find a successor, huh?" Isshin giggled, finding Ranma's acerbic wit truly hilarious, "Though I'm curious, how'd Ichi-chan end up becoming every race under the flipping sun?"
"Masaki got affected with a hollow virus," Isshin summarized, "I had to stabilize her essence with my shinigami powers."
"-And that's why your shinigami powers went into sleep mode, and Masaki, feeling touched by your heroic sacrifice, connected with ya. You eventually started dating, got married sometime down the road, and reproduced Ichi-chan and his sisters."
"Precisely!" Isshin grinned, "I'm impressed you were able to follow all that dear."
Ranma's own grin was far more bashful than Isshin's, "Well, it wasn't exactly difficult to figure out."
Isshin nodded, "Should make for an interesting story to tell you and Ichigo one day."
Ranma blinked, "Eh? You mean you haven't told Ichi-chan of his lineage yet?"
"Eh. Well, the topic just hasn't come up yet," Isshin said awkwardly, grasping his hands together and dropping onto his knees, "So please! Don't tell the boy until I'm ready to inform him myself."
"Aw, don't sweat it, old man," Ranma shrugged, "My lips are sealed."
"You're so sweet!" Isshin hugged Ranma again.
"Ehh. It's nothin'," Ranma assured him humbly, "After Ichi-chan, you're like the second person to ever protect me. The least I could do to return the gesture is to respect your wishes."
"Eh?" Isshin blinked, dislodging himself from Ranma. He admired her integrity, but her casual statement that no one other than Ichigo had protected her before he did didn't compute with him, "What do you mean?"
"No one ever protects me," Ranma shrugged blandly, "Not without some kinda incentive anyway. Most guys in Nerima either want to tie a knot around my finger, roast my butt, or just plain use me for their own gain."
"I see," Isshin stood, crossing his arms with a thoughtful frown on his usually happy face, "Well, that's concerning. No matter how many times me and my kids banter, when it comes down to it, we look out for our own."
"Look out for our own, huh?" Ranma recited softly, the words foreign on the tip of her tongue, which she admitted bluntly, folding her arms behind her head and tucking her legs inward in a triangle shape, "Never heard of that. The main slogan floating around Nerima is 'numero uno'. Every man and woman for themselves."
"Well that won't do!" Someone as honourable as Ranma shouldn't live in such a dishonourable neighbourhood, "How would ya like to live here, Ranma?"
Ranma blinked, her arms falling limply to her sides, "You really mean it?" She looked at him suspiciously, "You're not just pulling my leg, are ya?"
"Sure do!" Isshin chirped affirmatively, placing his hands on his hips, "I'll even get Ichigo to pick up the reminder of your things for ya."
This time it was Ranma who initiated contact between the two, lifting herself up on her feet and leaning forward to throw her arms around Isshin's neck, grinning cheerily, "Thanks, old man!~"
"Aw, shucks," Isshin wrapped his muscular arms around Ranma's slender form, covering her with that same intangible blanket of warmth Ichigo had spread around her form only the other day, "Anything for one of my daughters."
Ranma giggled, gently pulling away from Isshin and seating herself on her knees, looking up at the overprotective breadwinner with a smile on her face.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, m'dear, I gotta get back to work," Isshin slumped, slouching off, "Also, I better inform my old buddy of our rodent problem while I'm at it too."
"Buy-Buy, old man. Try not to kill anyone, will ya?" Ranma said with her strange slangy speech mechanisms, happily waving Isshin off, "Booyah!" She bragged, sprawling herself back into her lazy sideways position before Happosai burst in, picking up the controller, "My luck must be finally starting to look up with this!"
A permanent home away from the 'fiancées.'
Away from all the bickering between the suitors and her and Akane.
Away from the peer pressure of carrying on a merged school she was never noted she had to combine by marrying someone she had never even met before.
And into a city with civil folk with honour.
Sign her up.
What could possibly go wrong?
XxX
City of Insanity
C
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FOUR
Infiltration
XxX
(Karakura High School)
Ichigo wanted to freak out madly, framing both sides of his face with his hands and deny vigorously the occurrence that happened before him on the rooftop of his school did not just happen, but he didn't.
Maybe it was because he spent so long silently anguishing the slow transpiring of his nightmare before his eyes, but Ichigo just couldn't find it in him to shout wildly the instance a character from his nightmarish premonition dropped directly from the sky, leaving a small crater in the ground.
"Ahh!" Besides, he had Keigo for that, "That old man just dropped from the sky!"
"Yes, Asano-san. We were all here when it happened," Mizuiro said with bone-chilling indifference. Keigo glared, but didn't respond.
"This sucks," Ichigo grouched, slouching against the metal fence. His recess was decidedly ruined.
Keigo peeked over at him from beside Mizuiro, "Eh? You know that old dude, Ichigo?"
"I do!" Shampoo bubbled at the prospect of being useful, raising her hand up. Her expression soon soured, however, "That dirty old resident pervert of Nerima, name Happosai. Grand-Grandmother call him Happy."
"Wait. The old man's a perv?" Tatsuki asked with a look of annoyance, instinctively sliding two steps to the right to shield Orihime.
Shampoo looked at her, giving her a nod of confirmation, "Yes. He not only go and nab panties of other girls, he grabs onto first girl's chest in sight."
"That creep!"
"Eh? Someone talkin' about me?" Happosai asked, picking himself up from the ground.
"Oh! Look who decided to join us, the grandfather of perverts?" Happosai's attention was drawn to the acerbic quip of a beautiful tomboy, hands on her slightly curvy hips, though as nice-looking as she was, the girl behind her was even nicer, "Better keep your eyes off of us or else you'll forget it!"
With hearts forming in his eyes, Happosai stood, "Hubba-Hubba, baby!"
Already knowing of Happosai's brazen perversion from his dream, Ichigo attempted to warn his female friends, "Tatsuki! Orihime! Watch out!" Key word being attempt. As soon as the first words left his mouth, Happosai had already left the ground, skipping over Tatsuki's head to get to his prize.
"Hey!" Tatsuki shouted, feeling a chill run down her spine at Keigo's yelp and at the old man's gagging noises accompanied by Orihime's awkward laugh. She turned, her eyes narrowing at Happosai's forceful molestation of Orihime's assets, eliciting a blush that was discomforting in every sense of the word from her, "You pervert! I'll kill you!"
She lunged, but Happosai flipped off of Orihime and attached himself onto her chest, squirming his head rapidly over her B-cup breasts. Getting slightly poked in the breast by a horny teenager was one thing, but getting molested by an old man and such in a vulgar way was the most discomforting thing Tatsuki had ever felt.
"Ahh!" The tomboy screamed as Keigo yelped, backing up.
"Tatsuki!" Shampoo made a move to press forward, but was forced to change her approach when Happosai lunged at her. Fortunately, Chad's massive hand was there to block Happosai from her chest, "Thanks, airen. Only you touch chest of Amazonian warrior."
"Hm." Chad hummed, trying to maintain his sobered demeanour at Shampoo's insistence.
"Hey, no fair! You cheated! Cheater!" Happosai whined, frustrating Tatsuki before he was forced to weave in mid-air out of range from a punch from a tangerine-headed teen, "Oh. You wanna piece of me, do ya whippersnapper?"
"You damn old bastard!" Ichigo raged, swiping at nothing but air, "What gives you the right to touch girls inappropriately, you old pervert?" His fist was halted in place by the tip of the old man's pipe, 'What the hell? How can such a little grandpa twerp have such strength!?'
"You're about a hundred years too early before ya can roll with me whippersnapper," Happosai mocked, driving his pipe into Ichigo's chest with all the equivalence of a wrecking ball, forcing him to the far end of the rooftop, his body denting its surface, "Hahahaha!"
"Ahhh!" Keigo screamed, perfectly depicting his friends' horror at the diminutive old man's absurd feat. "He just sent Ichigo flying!"
"No way," Tatsuki murmured, staring at Happosai as if seeing him in a new light; one that was dark and malevolent, "Is he even human?"
"Oh no," Orihime clasped her hands in fright.
Happosai glanced over his shoulder, a malice smirk tugging at his lips, "Don't worry, my pretty, I have just the ticket to cheer you up," He reached into his Gi, brandishing a pink frilly bra, "Ta-da!"
"You can't be serious!" Tatsuki yelled, defensively clenching her fist for all the good it would do.
"What? You don't think she'll like it?" Happosai looked to be on the verge of tears, filling Orihime with sadness.
"I'm gonna,-" Tatsuki stepped forward, but Chad blocked her view.
"Airen?"
"Hm." Chad murmured, "Leave him to me."
"Yeah!" Keigo cheered, pumping his fist in the air, "If anyone can beat that freakishly strong old man than Chado can!"
"Go, Airen!~" Shampoo cheered.
"So, fella. Ya think you're ready for summa this, do ya?" Happosai smirked, twirling his pipe skilfully around in his index and middle fingers for emphasis.
Chad hummed, dropping into a stance.
"Yasutora Sado!" Everyone looked over to the door to find Mousse charging forward with intent in his stride, "I won't let you take my Shampoo away from me!"
"Gah! Stupid Mousse!" Shampoo groaned just as Mousse jumped into the air, "When you learn Shampoo no like you?"
Ignoring Shampoo, Mousse released a flurry of chains hidden within the long depths of his sleeves at Chad, causing Tatsuki and Keigo to gape at the absurd feat as Chad's left arm was chained up.
"Woah! Where was he hiding all of those?" Keigo asked, pushing his cheeks inward.
"Ohh~!~ I know! Maybe he's like an magician!" Orihime beamed, drawing a dry smile from Tatsuki.
"You have one wild imagination, Orihime."
The bespectacled trickster leaped over Chad's head, but not before propping a tremendously large "present" on top of his hand, landing by Keigo with his arms tucked into his long sleeves, the brown-haired teen cringing and stumbling away from him.
"Ha! Let's see you move with that?" Mousse said smugly, making everyone present look closely to find a grey dumbbell-like object the size of a boulder atop of Chad's hand.
"Uh. Maybe he is a magician after all," Tatsuki said, lost for words. How the hell did he have the spaces in his pockets to hide that?
"Told you so!" Orihime bragged.
"What is that thing?" Keigo asked.
"It's a bomb," Mizuiro clarified casually, as if there wasn't an explosive device with enough power to eradicate the lot of them in the vicinity.
"How do ya know that?!"
"My dad owes a lot of explosives, and I tend to play around with them in my spare time."
"So I'm hanging out with a potential firebomber."
"I don't even wanna know what you'll be when you get older," Tatsuki remarked with a dry smile and Mizuiro just shrugged. She turned to the actual already developed bomber, placing a hand on her hip, "Hey, you! What's the big idea bringing bombs in here? Are you trying to kill everyone here or what?"
Mousse scowled at her, "Not everyone, just him!" He turned back to Chad, his eyes widening behind his lenses at the fact he wasn't showing signs of exertion or stress despite holding up such an absurd amount of weight, "What! You can hold that up!?" Chad nodded, 'This guy's not human...'
Casually, Chad removed the chain binding the bomb to his wrist, causing Mousse to pale at the atrocity of the achievement. Then, as though Chad couldn't get any more unbelievable for Mousse to comprehend, flipped the bomb up like a football, and kicked, punting it several miles through the air until it was basically touching the clouds above the sky.
A mini explosion ensued, roofing the sky apart in a beautiful, dazzling display of explosive brilliance Orihime awed at through big-doe eyes.
"Oh wow," Orihime murmured, her grey eyes reflecting the light of the explosion, "It's like fireworks!"
"Way to go, Chado!" Keigo praised, tucking one elbow inward and pumping his other fist into the air, "Show this firebomber dude you can't be defeated like that!"
"Hm," Chad nodded Keigo's way, turning a stoic glance to his opponent of the day, who was scowling defensively behind his lenses, "Ready to surrender?" It was a simple, fair enough offer, and one Chad was hoping the long-sleeved, long-haired bespectacled lunatic would take so anymore potential collateral damage could be avoided.
"Ha! Not on your life. I'm not still finished with you, Yasutora Sado!" Mousse declared, drawing multiple sighs at his pig-headed tenacity.
"Stupid Mousse!" Shampoo yelled, propping a hand on her hip, "You can't beat Airen! He even stronger than Ranma!"
"Ha," Mousse scoffed, smug grin darkening his visage, "Implying I'm weaker than that sick Saotome! My dear Shampoo, I see Yasutora has warped your mind."
"Boy, this guy sure is delusional," Tatsuki noted, her expression drying up.
"Ha-Ha," A nervous titter escaped the lips of Keigo in an attempt to brighten up the situation, "Well, let's look at it this way, at least things couldn't possibly get worse. Right?"
"How could things possibly get worse?"
It got worse.
The already dire circumstance escalated when the dark blue and black kimono and hakama clad bokken wielding swordsman purposely rushed into the rooftop, his wooden sword raised above his head with intent, "Vile barbarian, Kurosaki! Where art thee?!"
"Me and my big mouth…" Tatsuki slapped her forehead in frustration.
"Him again," Chad partly identified, an awkward bead of sweat rolling down his cheek, 'This is getting bad. If this keeps up, Ichigo'll have to release his soul form from his physical body," That would be quite the surprise for their non-spiritually aware friends in Tatsuki and the boys whom will also unaware to the existence of the supernatural.
"What now?!" Ichigo demanded, prying himself from the dented hole in the metal fence surrounding the rooftop, hand on his forehead, 'Damn! That old man hits hard.'
Kuno traced his voice back to his location on the rooftop, his eyes darkening in malevolent glee at the sight of his formidable adversary, "At last, I hast located thee, foul fiend! Now, prepare to be vanquished by the Blue Thunder Attack!" Taking a few long strides forward, Kuno performed several speedy, powerful strokes to thin air, generating a myriad of condense crescent moon-shaped air-blades.
And they were flying toward Ichigo at breakneck speeds.
"Lalalalalalalalalala!"
"Crap!" He dodged the first barrage, then a second one until the tangerine-headed teen was performing crazy dance twisters whilst the destruction of the metal fence continued to slowly occur.
"Holy crap! This dude's insane!" Keigo yelped as half of the right side of the rooftop's fence began a slow, almost majestic descent to the ground below, his hands clasping his head for dear life.
"Just the air pressure of his sword," Mizuiro noted in a whisper, his calm disposition betraying his worried feelings bottled up inside of him. In a flash, his phone was out and his fingers were typing away at the buttons.
"This is getting out of hand," Tatsuki murmured in fright of what she just witnessed, "Hey, Kojima-san! Call the cops, so they can take these nut-jobs to the loony-bin!"
"I'm already two steps ahead of you," Mizuiro replied, phone next to his ear, "Hello, police. I'm calling to report a dramatic disturbance in the area," He nodded, absorbing the words over the line with a few nods and mumbles, "Yes, it's Karakura High School."
"Oh no you don't!" Mousse exclaimed, leaping upward, more devices flying out of his sleeves, "I'm not going anywhere until I rescue my Shampoo!"
"Mizuiro!" Keigo screamed, sighing in relief when Chad got in front of Mizuiro and batted the devices away with a wave of his massive palm, "Phew. That was too close. Nice one Chado."
"Go," Chad commanded hoarsely, "I'll hold him off."
"You don't need to tell us twice!" Keigo said, running toward the exit. He stopped, turning his head over his shoulder to usher Mizuiro along with a beckoning of his hand, "C'mon dude!" Mizuiro shrugged, sauntering after Keigo as if his life wasn't in any significant danger.
"What about you?" Tatsuki asked, turning a glare to Mousse who was glaring furiously at Chad, "Will you be okay holding off this wacko 'till the cops come?"
"Hm," A nod was all she got.
"Tatsuki!" Ichigo's authoritative voice echoed, and Tatsuki and Orihime were overjoyed to see he had gotten himself out of his rapid tennis ball cannon-like air barrage predicament by cleverly rolling to the side. Now, he was running sideways, and Kuno marched his stride pace for pace, "Do as Chado says! And get everyone out of the building! Now!"
"What?!" Tatsuki yelled back puzzlingly, mulling over the dreaded insinuation of the entire school building coming down on everyone's heads, "Ichigo, what the hel-?"
"Just do it!"
With a flinch, Tatsuki relented, "Alright. Fine! But you owe me!"
Ichigo was too busy entertaining Kuno to really go over the details, so he just hastily accepted the terms of their deal, "Sure! Whatever you want! Now, go!"
"Such arrogance! Thee talk as though thee shalt live after being slayed by my sword!"
"Keep talking while you can. You haven't seen nothing yet!"
Shaking her head, Tatsuki began to turn to Orihime, "C'mon Orihime, le-." The tomboy's words died in her throat when she spotted Happosai perched comfortably upon Orihime's breasts, "Damn it! Get off of her, you old pervert!" She lunged, but Happosai flipped off of her chest.
"Aw, c'mon baby. I weren't bothering anyone," Happosai insisted, weaving out of the way from an explosive kick from Shampoo, "Ah. So ya wanna piece of me next, do ya?"
"Shampoo?"
"Go. Shampoo hold perv off!" She asserted, her gaze firmly locked with Happosai's smug one.
"Thank you," Orihime whispered softly, her hands grasped on her chest. Feeling another hand tugging at hers, she glanced at Tatsuki to see her smirking in Shampoo's direction and allowed her to take her hand.
"Give him hell for us, pal!" Tatsuki asserted. With a promising nod, Shampoo leaped up to engage Happosai in a blurry battle of fisticuffs, the two moving at speeds Orihime couldn't even track let alone Tatsuki, "I'm not even gonna try and track that," That said, she chaperoned her friend to the doorway, and their stride was ceased when their ears picked up the sounds of rapid approaching footsteps, "Oh what now?"
From the darkness emerged Ukyo, the tomboy leapfrogging acrobatically over Tatsuki's and Orihime's heads, her momentum carrying her through the air, "Ichigo Kurosaki!"
"Gee. I sure am popular today," Sarcastically said, Ichigo took a gamble, racing forward and just barely grabbing onto Kuno's sword with his hands, keeping him in place.
"I say, what is the meaning of this?! Unhand me immediately, vile barbarian!"
"Prepare to embrace death!" Ukyo yelled, tossing several smaller spatulas as though they were shuriken at the two, and Kuno, being Ichigo's shield, took them head on, gritting his teeth to hold in the pain.
"I see… so… that was thy dastardly intention… to use I, Tatewaki Kuno, as thy personal shield…" Kuno wheezed, mustering up a glare at Ichigo's smug face, "Quite admirable to use one such as I as thy shield, if not truly despicable."
"Thanks, pal. You make an adequate meat shield," Ichigo quipped, foot shoving Kuno into the incoming tomboy's path.
"Out of the way!" Ukyo demanded and with a flourish, brandished her giant spatula, swatting Kuno away.
"Wait. Hold up," Ichigo requested and Ukyo actually obliged so he could inspect her features more closely. The tomboy's relatively high pitched voice and masculine outlook didn't correspond, "You're a girl?"
"Well, duh."
"Could've fooled me honey."
"Shut up!" Ukyo asserted, springing forward to pancake Ichigo, though the tangerine-headed teen rolled expertly to the side as the okonomiyaki chef cratered the ground. It didn't last as it crumbled, falling in on itself.
"Idiot!" Ichigo said harshly, "Are ya trying to bring down the school or something!"
"If it means burying you six-feet under to save Ranma-honey, then yeah, down with school!" Ukyo smirked, slashing at Ichigo's legs, promptly getting him to push up off of the ground in swift evasion, his feet tucked underneath him.
"Uh. Ever figured maybe 'Ranma-honey' came here on her own free will for a respite away from the harassment of you screwballs?" Ichigo retorted, his expression remaining lackadaisical even as he flipped backward to avoid his head getting taken off by Ukyo's spatula, propping back up to his feet just as fast.
"You better not be implying what I think you're implying, sugar," Ukyo threatened, twisting her body around as Ichigo weaved to the side, slashing at him again.
"Oh?" A smirk crept across the lips of Ichigo as he parried Ukyo's weapon with a karate chop, "And what implications are ya referring to specifically? The one that says Ranma doesn't want to be anywhere near you freaks or the one that implies she's spending some quality time as a girl?" He crossed his arms, absorbing the enraged side kick Ukyo slammed into him, "Gonna have to be clearer, honey."
"Ranchan isn't a girl, you stupid jackass!" She yelled defiantly, using Ichigo's arms as leverage to push her entire body off of the ground, bringing her other leg around in a roundhouse kick aimed at Ichigo's head.
"Could've fooled me," He ducked, putting distance between them, "Ranma's having plenty of fun here as she is," He dropped the jest, his gaze turning icy as a result, "So why don't you just scram back to crazy town and leave her alone!"
"Oh?" Despite boiling over with rage at the audacity of this redefined thug to insinuate her fiancée would rather spend his time as a girl, Ukyo managed to repress her anger to call out Ichigo's bluff, "And I suppose you're willing to see through on that threat, huh sugar?"
Ichigo's cold, strong gaze representing his determination never wavered, "If that's what it takes to get you psychos off of Ranma's back then so must be! I'll do whatever it takes to protect her!"
"Heh!" Ukyo laughed, unleashing several shuriken-esque spatulas on Ichigo, "Your hypocrisy makes me laugh, jackass. If you really wanted to be protect her, you would be a gentleman and hand Ranchan over to me."
"Tch," The tangerine headed warrior clicked his teeth with a grimace plastered on his face, furling his form in a ball in swift evasion of Ukyo's sharp projections.
Elsewhere on the battlefield, Happosai eventually had enough of his and Shampoo's air battle display, ending it with a heavy finger jabbed into her left breast, forcing her to the ground hard enough to rupture it.
"Shampoo," Chad said with a strange semblance of contained urgency he found difficult to convey through his monotone, through his actions spoke far louder than his words as he rushed to her.
"Shampoo!" Mousse roared, trying to rush to his dear Shampoo's side, but her new sweetheart swatted him away with an arm that was now glowing with all the illumination of a blue Christmas tree, sending the delusional Nerima resident burrowing across the ground.
"No choice," Chad said, his right arm now a symbolization of a power ranger armour, black in colour with a dark pinkish-red line running down the middle and the top of his armoured arm was split leaving a gap by his shoulder blade as if it was the insertion for his "ammunition."
"Getting serious now, are we fella?" Happosai smirked, leaping forward to meet Chad half way, shoving a Ki-enhanced little fist into the muscular teen's armoured balled hand, and the resulting collision of such magnitude opened up a crater that was continuing to give out at the scenes.
'I… can't believe such a pygmy old man is this strong?' Chad mused, a bead of sweat sliding down his cheek whilst his gigantic fist battled for dominance against the little one.
"Wow," Shampoo awed on her knees, "Airen so strong."
'Damn it! The school really is gonna come down if I don't end this right away!' Ichigo mulled over, weaving away from Ukyo's ever tenacious attacks, "Stop this, will ya? We're gonna end up destroying the school if this keeps up!" He really wasn't looking forward to enrolling in another school because he was partly at fault for the eradication of his old one.
"You know how to make this stop, sugar," Ukyo said, sporting her typical self-satisfied grin on her face, forcing Ichigo into another hasty evasion, "Hand over Ranchan and we'll be on our way."
"Damn it!" Sensing the foreboding aura, Ichigo hurtled forward, surprising Ukyo that he was actually retaliating instead of merely dodging and ducking like most men did in Nerima in response to a female's assault. Using his opponent's shock to his advantage, Ichigo captured her throat in a fierce vice-lock grip, lifting her up, 'This is where it gets worse.'
'Ohohohohoho,' Which was obviously code for, "another crackpot from his dream was materializing before him," just because his current circumstances sucked like that, "So this is where my Ranma-darling has been secluded," The leotard clad Kodachi smirked, springing off of the ground with her trademark red ribbon brandished.
"Go screw yourself!" Ichigo asserted, flinging the gagging Ukyo at the airborne gymnastic.
"What's this, a gift you say?" She taunted, skilfully parcelling Ukyo up within the walls of her lengthy ribbon, "I'm afraid I'll have to decline dearie. You see, civilized folk such as I often don't accept the gifts of uncivilized brutes such as yourself," She condescended, repelling Ukyo back at Ichigo, who rolled out of the way, "You do see my dilemma, don't you? It wouldn't bode well for someone of my high class to accept donation from trailer trash such as yourself, dearie."
"Gee. How humble of you," Ichigo remarked sarcastically, his face as dry as a bowl of cereal without milk.
"Evil sister!" Kuno scowled, dashing to his sister's side as she landed gracefully on the ground, "It shalt be I, Tatewaki Kuno, who shalt slay the vile barbarian Kurosaki to rescue the pigtailed goddess, not thou."
"Ohohohohoho. Brother-dear, you jest surely. By now, you must know of my objective to vanquish the red-haired harlot and reclaim my Ranma-darling from her vile clutches," Kodachi said theatrically, laughing wickedly behind her hand.
"Curse thee, Evil sister! I shalt not let thee lay even a single finger on the brilliance that is the pigtailed goddess' head without a fair and honourable clash of swords. Even if thee art my own flesh and blood I will do everything within my power to conserve my goddess from thy misguided grasp."
"That was truly a "touching" speech brother-dear, but I'm afraid I can't hast the red-haired harlot subjugating my Ranma-darling any longer."
"What the fuck is wrong with you two?!" Ichigo inserted, drawing their attention. He could only take so much stupidity, and they had clearly pushed his buttons, "You do even realize the "two people" you're referring to are both one in the same, right?" His expression dried up.
"Ah!~ But of course," Kuno said with a realizing tone, but somehow, Ichigo didn't have much faith that he actually understood the implications of his statement, "Yes, how can I not? The dreaded sorcerer Saotome has the pigtailed goddess' mind and spirit locked into captivity. Such a cruel fate she suffers, yes. Death surely awaits the foul sorcerer for such a heinous transgression."
"Humph. It would be more accurate to say the red-haired harlot hast my Ranma-darling sealed into captivity, brother-dear."
"I'm heavily inclined to disagree Evil sister."
"So be it."
"I don't even know what to say," Ichigo sighed. What did one say to such blatant delusion?
"Silence!" Kuno swung his sword with authority, "Thee hast enounced thy egregious transgressions involving the fair maiden the pigtailed goddess a great deal of times already. Thee only hast thyself to blame for not taking the chance to vocalize thy last words."
'Who the hell says "enounce" and "egregious"?' Ichigo deadpanned. This guy was just saying big words in an attempt to make himself sound more sophisticated, when in reality, he was just a pretentious pseudo-intellectual.
"Now!" Kuno raised his wooden sword up high, in the perfect position to essentially be sniped, "Prepare to be slayed by th-." A bright blinding flash of an azure illumination connecting with his sword caused the reminder of his flowery sentence to die in his throat. Even before his head could turn up to gaze upon his sword to figure out what was causing it to glow, it had already shattered into a myriad of splinters, "What in the world!?"
"I apologize for the intrusion," The sarcasm was tangible even spoken through a cool, stoic voice that put a smirk on Ichigo's face.
"About time ya got here."
The Kuno siblings traced the voice to its source and the female of the two widened her eyes at the sight of a slender-built, fair-skinned bespectacled teen stood sideways with his arm extended, a spiritual bow on the end of his hand.
The bespectacled teen's most discernible accessory was the silver-coloured cross tied on the end of his right bow-equipped wrist.
Others characteristics of the handsome young man included his shoulder-length midnight blue hair, two bangs framing his oval-shaped face, and smartly-dressed demeanour, white dress shirt tucked into his grey pants, kept up by a black belt, polished black shoes fitted on his feet, and a blue-and-yellow striped tie coordinated neatly around his neck.
"But I don't take well to my quiet studies being interrupted by a myriad of thoughtless imbeciles," He finished, tactfully flipping them the bird by using his middle finger to push up his glasses, a glint of light fogging over the right lens.
Kuno's eyes narrowed, "I see. So thee have tampered in the ways of wizardry."
"I don't know what nonsense you spew, but it ends here!" He asserted, dematerializing slickly before Kuno's stunned filled eyes, reappearing in front of him. Before the mock-samurai could even react let alone dodge the archer's finger was jabbed into his throat.
"Ugh!" He gagged, stumbling backward, grasping his throat as he felt his eyes grow heavy, "What… hast… art… foul… fiend… do-?"
"I took the liberty of disabling your ability to breath properly," The archer cut in, having already grew intolerant to the mock samurai's speech mechanisms, "You'll pass out shortly after and won't wake up for some time."
With a futile attempt to stay up, Kuno fall in a heap on the battered ground, sprawled out in an eagle's spread.
"Sure took ya long enough, Uryu," Ichigo jokingly needled his old, once-upon-a-time arch-nemesis
"Humph. I'll have you know I was preoccupied with evacuating the students and faculty," Uryu said, coolly turning away from their mini banter in contempt.
At the mention of the evacuation of his fellow peers and superiors he had asked Tatsuki and Orihime to do, Ichigo turned, leaving the ground momentarily and spotting the crowd of gathered students on the ground floor.
"I see," He said, landing on his feet, "Thanks."
Uryu nodded, brushing off Kurosaki's appreciation before a dreamy moan of admiration dragged his attention to the remaining Kuno sibling standing by his side. The Quincy's eyebrow rose up above his lenses at her blush as she cupped the left side of her face with her hands.
"Darling."
"Did you hit your head as a baby?" He asked, feeling annoyance sink into him at the stifled snickers of Ichigo, "Don't you laugh!"
"Hey, I'm not laughing," Ichigo blatantly struggled to hold in his laughter.
"So childish," Uryu scoffed before he caught sight of the tomboy slouching to her feet and dematerialized to put her out of commission.
"Oh darling!~" Kodachi swooned, just managing to spot her new beloved behind Ichigo, silencing Ukyo much in the same way he had dealt with her dear brother, "You put on such a graceful, dazzling display of professionalism. I couldn't have thought of a better man to take my heart."
'Man, she really is crazy,' Ichigo thought dryly, 'Just a second ago she was infatuated with Ranma and now she digs Uryu just at a glimpse,' He sighed. How shallow could one girl get?
The swift materialization of Uryu's speed technique echoed from directly beside him, "I've incapacitated the lady and the boy," He said, and Ichigo looked to find Ukyo and Mousse sprawled out unconscious, "That just leaves the old man now."
"Good," Ichigo breathed out in relief, feeling like this nightmare was coming to an end, "Thanks, Uryu."
"Humph. I didn't intervene merely for your sake, you know?" Uryu retorted, "I have a school to attend and I would rather not have to relocate on account of a slew of imbeciles destroying the previous institution I was attending."
"Well it's good to see you know where your priorities lie," Ichigo dryly riposted, and Uryu didn't even dignify his sarcastic remark with a response, merely ghostly forward in a swift dematerialization of Hirenkyaku, "Bastard."
"Oh, my Uryu-darling."
"What the hell is wrong with you? You don't even know him!"
"But of course. One needs but a single glance to understand the magnificence of my Uryu-darling!"
"Gah!"
While the unsophisticated former thug and "sophisticated maiden" bantered, Uryu materialized on Chad's right opposite to Shampoo, asserting his authority, "That's enough!"
"Uryu," Chad identified for Shampoo's sake.
"I would like to assume you have had your fun for the day, sir," Uryu said mockingly, eyeing the diminutive old man with a cold stare, "Since I would prefer we bring this petty conflict to an abrupt end before we accidentally bring about the destruction of the school."
Balling his fists tightly, Happosai saw red at the upstart brat's condescension of him, "You insolent little brat!"
Wasn't that awfully hypocritical of him? Uryu was less than thrilled to notify him of his hypocrisy in a witty manner, adjusting his glasses, "You provide a perfect example of the pot identifying the kettle as black, old man."
"Old man…" Happosai fumed and his eyes were shrouded in a deep blue of foreboding illumination, and his body followed, being bathe in a sea of overbearing blue spiritual energy potent enough to cause the spiritually-enhanced teens to widen their eyes at the level of power the old man was unleashing.
"What the hell?!" Uryu gasped, almost frozen at what his senses were picking up. Even both of Chad's eyes were tangible, "Where was he storing all of that energy from?"
"Chad! Uryu!" Ichigo said, galloping over to Uryu's side, his jaw clenched at the dangerous overflow of power being emitted from Happosai, "Damn it! What the hell is he doing?"
"Y'all little hoodlums need to learn your places!" Happosai yelled, and his body, normally tiny but picked with power, expanded hugely to reflect such, casting a gigantic shadow over not only the teens but the entirety of the school itself, and a malevolent red glow glinted within his pupils.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"What the hell is that old man?" Uryu asked futilely, staring in abject shock and just a little bit of terror at the nigh king-kong sized old man towering above them all.
"Airen!" Shampoo clasped tightly onto Chad's enormous arm.
"Damn it!" Ichigo growled, his face once a representation of desperation was now a reflection of the harsh fate he had accepted. Even if he was to push his shinigami form out of his physical body he would only be speeding up the inevitable. The building could barely sustain Happosai's vast lake of power let alone Ichigo's nigh limitless ocean amount of reiatsu, "Looks like we'll be taking a crack at another school after all guys."
"Humph. See you there."
The giant Happosai struck downward, causing the presumptuous upstarts, in his eyes, to scatter, for all the good it did. His massive arm arrowed into the ground, destroying the entirety of the roof in one go, plummeting them all to the top floor of the building, and the sheer weight of Happosai's Ki inflated body took them down to the next floor. This continued until they were at the bottom, and by that point nothing remained of the once four-story high building except rubble.
Lots, and lots, and lots of rubble.
From an outsider's perspective every row of windows scattered, one after the other after the giant old man sank into the building. Then the entire institution plummeted horrifyingly to the ground, its eradication shrouded in a myriad of dust.
"Uryu-darling," Kodachi said with concern. Somehow, she had managed to get in front of Uryu during the collapsing of the building, thus she ended up on top of him in the end, "Surely, you live! How tragic it would be for a damsel to lose her beloved so soon after finding him."
"Gah…" Uryu groaned, filling Kodachi with delight, "Yes, I thank you for your touching concern, mademoiselle," He really hoped his sarcasm was evident through his exhausted tone, "But I'm going to have to ask you to remove yourself from me so I may sit."
"Oh darling!~" She chirped, helping Uryu up and glomping him possessively, making the Quincy almost wish Happosai had at least killed him so he could get away from this crazy girl, "I knew you were. True love prevails."
Gently pushing the decidedly obsessed girl away from him, Uryu glanced around him, "Is everyone alright?"
Shampoo balanced herself on her hands on her airen's muscular torso, eyeing his sprawled out form with rapid concern, "Airen! You alright?"
Chad lifted up his head, observing his girlfriend's worried visage through blurry, half-lidded eyes of sheer exhaustion. He mustered up a nod and a shaky thumbs-up, drawing a sunny smile from her.
"Hahahahaha! Whaddya know? I guess we did end up taking down the school!" Happosai chortled blithely, back to his normal size, "Down with school, eh fella?"
Ichigo glared at the tiny old man from where he laid, his uniform dirtied and torn all over, "You damn bastard!" He roared, flinging himself up to a sitting position to grab the old man.
Happosai flipped backward, but the end of a cane slamming down on his forehead pressed him back to the floor of deteriorated bricks, "Hey, no fair! You cheated-!" He yelled, but an additional pressure supplied by the beholder of the cane shut him up.
"My, it seems we're late! The party's already burned itself out!" A new jovial voice echoed, and the conscious Nerima residents widened their eyes at the new arrival.
A tall lean-built middle-aged looking man clad in a bush-coloured kimono under a long-sleeved, lengthy darker green coloured haori, green pants to match his kimono, wooden sandals fitted on his feet, and a white and green striped hat on his mane of bleached blonde hair, which to Ichigo, was the man's most defining piece of accessory. A few bangs of his paled yellow hair were seen sticking out of his hat, and a fringe hung in between his eyes.
"Mr Hat 'n Clogs?" Ichigo asked blankly, almost as if he couldn't believe his eyes, and Kisuke smiled softly, reaffirming his sanity, "What are ya doing here? Not that I'm not grateful for your timely arrival, though. Just curious."
"A little birdie told us you might require assistance with pest control," Kisuke quipped, removing a white and green striped fan from his kimono, unfurling it to cover his wide cheeky smile in a lighthearted demeanour.
Ichigo stared puzzlingly at the ex-shinigami, trying to decipher the implications of his quip, "Eh, Ranma?" Maybe she stepped out for a minute and saw one of those nutjobs hot on her heels. Given how they just seemed to turn up at random Ichigo wouldn't doubt his theory for a minute.
"Sure," They could go with that. It worked out either way.
"Damn it!" Ichigo stood with renewed vigour, "One of those assholes must have harassed her again! Crap! I better haul ass back home and make sure she's alright!" He turned to run off, but hesitated, his gaze lingering on the destruction and his knocked out opponents.
Kisuke sensed the teen's uncertainty, and spoke up to reassure him of the situation, "Don't worry. We'll clean up the mess here. You go on and see to your girlfriend," He couldn't resist the urge to playfully needle Ichigo, drawing a glare from him.
"She's not my girlfriend, old man!" He grouched, galloping away.
"That's what they all say!" Kisuke hollered playfully, eliciting one last annoyed groan from far up in the distance from Ichigo, "Alright, time to get to work." And by get to work all he would have to do is press a single button on his convenient Men-in-Black like memory replacement device and have the students wallow in their own ignorance.
…Just because he was delightfully evil like that.
XxX
(Kurosaki residence)
XxX
Game Over
"Boy, I sure suck at video games," Ranma partly bemoaned as the ending credits for one of Karin's video games flashed across the screen in big red letters.
Then again, it wasn't like she had ever switched on a console before today, so her lack of accumulated video game skill was perfectly understandable. Hell, she had only just discovered the wonders of television three months ago when she and her father integrated themselves into the Tendo household.
As far as Genma was concerned, anything that couldn't be used to strengthen oneself or add to one's repertoire of techniques was a distraction to the art, though Ranma heavily suspected he only preached that because they lived on the road for the vast majority of her childhood.
"Meh. No biggie!" She shrugged off the loss, brimming with confidence at the challenge of mastering each one of Karin's games, "I'm just gettin' started now," The redhead grinned slyly, "I give myself two weeks tops before I'm a pro at this."
Bang.
"Woah!" She jumped out of her skin and almost off of the couch at the sound of the brassy closing of the front door, "Flipping heck! Someone's got their panties in a bunch," Her expression would've brightened when Ichigo stomped through the living room door if he didn't look pissed to high hell, "Um. Ichi-chan? How was school?" She asked awkwardly, and Ichigo marched over to her, casting an almost intimating shadow over her slender body, 'Man, what crawled up his butt today? He's looking grouchier than usual.'
"You're not going back to that place!"
"Eh?"
"That crazy town!" Ichigo clarified, "You're not going back there! I won't allow it!"
"Ohhhh-kay," Ranma drawled, smiling sheepishly, "Not that I don't appreciate the prohibition, pal, but what brought this on? If ya don't mind me asking."
Ichigo captured her innocent azure eyed gaze with his hardened hazel one, not even a semblance of amusement glinting within them could be found, "A free for all."
Ranma tilted her head, rationalizing his heated quip with his desperation to keep her out of Nerima, "Lemme guess," A dry smile crept across her lips, "Numbskulls from Nerima showed up at your school looking for me, right?" That would explain why he came back early.
"Yeah," Ichigo confirmed, weaving a calming hand through his thick orange locks, "Can't believe you had to put up with that." He said, taking a seat beside the redhead, propping his elbows on his knees to form a bridge out of his hands.
"That makes two of us," Ranma admitted, curling her knees sideways, resting on her head on Ichigo's shoulder, "Cuz I can't either. They almost drove me nuts with their persistence."
"Did you ever try asking 'em to leave ya alone?" Ichigo asked, though he felt as if he knew the answer to that one without the girl needing to tell him.
"I did, but," Ranma began to clarify, her voice soft, displaying the shame of being unable to control the chaos that surrounded her, "They never listened to me. Not once. How was I meant to go 'bout gettin' 'em off of my back when they're all so darn pigheaded?"
"I see," Ichigo said with a sobered expression on his face, turning to face the redhead, "Well, you won't have to worry about those jerks putting your back up against the wall any longer!" Uncharacteristically, he grasped her thigh to reassure her of his intentions, feeling her flinching against his calloused palm. He caught her unsure gaze with his own, immersing her with his steely eyes of warm resolve, "I'm gonna protect you," He assured in a much softer tone, "That's all there is too it."
"Ichi-chan..." She murmured before a puckish grin slid across her lips, "That makes two of ya," She elaborated at his puzzled look, "Old man Isshin protected me from the old freak's grope attempt after he crashed through the roof."
"What?!" Ichigo looked up at the roof at Ranma's clarification, clicking his teeth in annoyance at the sight of a hole within its surface, "Damn it! Sure as hell hope that doesn't happen all the time. I've already lost my school, I don't wanna lose my house too," Otherwise he might just have to turn murderer, and that would be most problematic.
Samurais didn't murder.
Standing up with a frustrated caress of his neck, Ichigo ventured off to the kitchen, "Wanna drink?"
"Sure thing, loverboy. Since we got the house to ourselves..."
"Damn it!" Ranma snickered.
"Gonna love screwing with ya."
XxX
(Nerima)
XxX
Hours later into the day, and the usual disoriented school actually oriented for once was shutting up shop for the day, letting students out with the hope that the next day and the day after that could be just as relaxing as this one.
Who would've thought the absence of just one student could change so much in a single day? Some students were hesitate to label Ranma the initiator of the mayhem given that all the rowdy students who fanned the conversational flame the martial arts practitioner may or may not have lit first went away with him, and others were more than happy to label Ranma as such for varying reasons. Whether they found the disorder the martial artist generated amusing, or just generally never liked him anyway.
For Nabiki Tendo, she was in between. She knew Ranma was the instigator, and often sat back and enjoyed the shitstorms his very presence stirred up, but for today she casually accepted the respite. After all, she had already scammed a massive sum of bills from her cash cow and scored free okonomiyaki for two and a half months from Ukyo. Really, she was in no position to complain.
As she sauntered past an abandoned warehouse on the route back home Nabiki felt a cold chill run down her spine triggered by the sound of a smooth, polite voice, which was odd in of itself. Normally, Nabiki's stoic demeanour was unbreakable to all. Even the old fool Happosai couldn't rustle her feathers. That said, there was just something disturbing about a voice whom you had never heard before identifying you as if the speaker knew you personally.
"Nabiki Tendo."
Nabiki stopped in her tracks, turning around to find a handsome man clad in a black cloak standing directly behind her as though he had been there the whole time. The fact that he was flexing a sword didn't seem to offset her, "Can I help you?"
Aizen smiled, but the young woman knew from a glance it was fake in every sense of the word. It may have held a distinct semblance of politeness, but it also emitted cold maliciousness that almost threw Nabiki off, "How very clever of you. I must compliment you on your intelligence."
"So the concept of sarcasm doesn't elude you," Nabiki said casually, crossing her arms underneath her bosom, "That's all well and good, but if it's alright with you good sir, I have business I must attend to, so I would rather we keep this discussion brief."
Aizen nodded, impressed by the young woman's audacity. Even in the face of unknown adversity, she still had the sheer confidence in herself to quip back at him in a manner that suggested she was above him. How impressive.
"As you request," The rouge shinigami granted smoothly, "I'll keep my explanation for our meeting blunt as it were," He took a single, purposeful step forward, his next set of succinct words sharp, "Nabiki Tendo, I want you."
Nabiki just stared, her expression unreadable. While most normal women not associated with the mayhem she was associated with would've been disturbed by a stranger declaring their desire for them, she wasn't. If anything, the man was just another Kuno she could potentially control, "Okay," She said, "And may I require what you exactly do you mean specifically when you say you want me?" A saucy smirk curved across her lips, "Because for all little old me could know, you could mean you want my mind or what I like to think you meant... my body."
Aizen's eyes widened indistinctly at the seductive pose Nabiki flexed, and for once he wished he kept his glasses to masquerade his surprise, "Yes," He said, keeping his composure, "As a matter of speaking, I want you and all that it entails for my army."
"Army, eh?" Nabiki repeated, flexing a sly smirk at Aizen's admittance.
"Correct."
"May I ask why is it you're building an army for, good sir?" Nabiki grinned mockingly.
"You can indeed," Aizen permitted, "It's really quite simple, for I only wish to insert myself in God's throne." Which was the fancy way of saying he wanted to conquer the world.
"Oh!~ Like a stereotypical comic book villain!~" Nabiki cheerfully mocked, holding up an index finger.
"Yes, I suppose one could look at it that way," Aizen resisted the urge to chuckle.
"But!" Nabiki's happy grin hardened into a smirk, "Have ya really got the resources and the power to even usurp Nerima let alone the world, sir?"
"Oh, I can assure you, my own physical power and military power are quite vast my dear," Aizen said, merely cocking his head to the side to gaze upon the abandoned warehouse, "Do you happen to see an establishment over there?"
"Why, yes! Yes, I can!" Nabiki answered, "Unless I'm going blind, which in case I'll need to get my eyes checked, I believe that's an abandoned warehouse."
"Really?" In a flash, Aizen's Zanpakuto was unsheathed, slicing at the harmless air, and the warehouse and the surrounding fence blocking entrance were no more; obliterated by the incredible force generated by Aizen's Zanpakuto, "You'll have to bear with me," He sheathed his Zanpakuto coolly, "But I'm afraid I see no such warehouse. Perhaps it was a mistake discarding my glasses so soon."
"..."
"Whoa," Nabiki was stunned. She had seen her fair demonstrations of power by the crazy super-powered martial artists surrounding her on a daily basis, but even their displays paled in comparison to this one, completely blowing a building asunder just by waving a sword at it as if it was a wand. Even the combined power of her father, her Uncle, the old fool Happosai, her sister and Ranma wouldn't even match the power in this man's pinkie finger, "Okay. I trust ya... hm."
"Ah. How uncivil of me," Aizen said, guessing what Nabiki was hinting at, "My name is Sosuke Aizen."
"Pleased to meet your acquaintance," Nabiki smirked saucily, framing her cheek and chin with her index finger and thumb, "Now, what's in it for me if I join ya?"
"Anything your heart so desires."
"Anything?"
"Including money," When Nabiki's eyes widened, Aizen knew he had her. He closed the remaining distance between them, removing a sheet of paper from his white-coloured kimono underneath his black cloak, "I believe that should be enough incentive for you to join my cause, but just in case I want you to consider the offer thoroughly, and if you do indeed decide you want to pledge your eternal allegiance to me find your way to this location. I'll have a pair of subordinates of mine waiting to bring you to mine..." He smiled apologetically, "My apologies, our domain."
Now that was reassuring, "Why not leave now?" Nabiki asked, eager to get her money.
"I see you're eager to coalesce with my army. That's reassuring," Aizen smiled, "However, I'm afraid such a life-altering decision shouldn't be made so impulsively. Once you enter there's no turning back. Take this time to contemplate your resolve of abandoning your family to redefine the world by my side, for every king needs an adequate queen."
"I see," Nabiki said in understanding, her expression an unreadable mask of stoicism. When Aizen requested her palm she gave it to him with grace, light tingles flowing through her as Aizen's fingers intertwined with hers, flipping her palm over and lying the sheet of paper on it. Gently turning it back over, Aizen brought Nabiki's hand to his mouth, propping a kiss on it.
"I look forward to your decision," Aizen said, letting go of Nabiki's hand, much to her chagrin. He turned, sauntering forward, dematerializing after ending his speech, "Nabiki Tendo..."
A cold wind blew the bangs and the edges of the stilled Nabiki's hair and clothes gently to the side.
"Seems like it's already been taken out of my hands."
NabikixAizen indeed, mwhahahahaha