My head hurt when I woke up. England had punched me pretty hard, but I wasn't down and out yet. I would get him back…sometime. Heroes always rise from the ashes! I had to worry about where I was going to live. I looked around and to my surprise there was already a large white building where my house used to be. My new crib looked pretty sweet! Now what was I doing before England drunkenly interrupted? Oh yeah! I was thinking about how it was so awesome to be a big strong hero! I wondered where I could get more land.

"Hola America!" Spain ran towards me. "What happened to your face? You've got a nasty black eye there."

"Oh nothing much. England just came over and caused a bit of trouble, but it's not like I lost or anything. A true hero never really loses. Anyway what's up man?" Spain had been my neighbor to the south and to the west for a long time now. He didn't look as fancy as he used to. Actually, I think his clothes were starting to fall apart.

"Oh, France just told me about the deal you just made with him. You see things aren't exactly going good with my country. New Spain is going all loco, saying he's Mexico now. I don't know how he got that idea into his head. And then Romano's growing bigger, and he'll need new clothes soon. I could really use some money right now. I haven't been able to send many people there lately, so I was thinking maybe you'd like to buy some land from me."

"More land? That would be totally awesome! You have a deal," I said. I gave him 5 million dollars for Florida.

Gaining new territory gave me this weird sensation. Like having Florida made me feel more…manly. Getting more land felt great! I should get more! I think there was more to the west.

I kept running. It was starting to get hot. Sand was flying into my eyes. I could barely see. I couldn't really tell where I was. And I was starting to get hungry. I could see something in the distance. Was that a person or was that an illusion. I couldn't tell if it was real or not.

"Hola amigo! What brings you here?" it called out to me. It looked like a small boy. He was wearing a big goofy hat and some sort of poncho.

"I'm…so hungry."

"Here, have a taco. They're pretty good." He handed me one. It was meaty and cheesy and delicious. Pretty close to the ideal food but not quite.

"You're America, right? What are you doing all the way out here?"

"I was looking for more land to get, but I think I kind of got a little lost."

"My name is Mexico. You're on my land now. I can help you find your way back."

"Mexico? Oh, you're that guy Spain was talking about! He had called you New Spain."

His eyes squinted, "That tyrant called me New Spain, si. Like I was like a little brother or something, but not anymore. I don't want anything to do with that guy. My name is Mexico now.

"So this land is yours right?"

"Si."

"Hey, do you think I could have it? I just bought some from Spain, and thought maybe you'd like to do the same."

"Don't compare me to that Spaniard. I'm not interested. I'm happy the way I am now. I have no wish to sell my land to you."

He started walking through the desert. So, he wasn't going to show me the way home.

"Well, if you're not going to sell it I guess I could just take it…"

He turned around and stared at me. He looked pretty mad. That's when I noticed something on his face.

"Hey what are those? Is that how you can see so well even with all that sand?" I took them off his face.

"Hey, stop! Those are my Texas glasses. I won't forgive you if you take them."

I put them on. I could see a whole lot better! The sand wasn't getting into my eyes. I didn't want to upset the little kid, but in order to be the best hero I could be, I would need these glasses. A hero who could hardly see was hardly a hero at all.

"Sorry, little dude. Turns out I'll be needing these glasses after all."

The little guy was seriously mad now. "This means war! Don't think you can push me around like that Spaniard. I won't let you take everything away from me!" He ran towards me screaming. My reach was a bit longer than his was, so I was able to easily stop him. No matter how much he struggled he couldn't lay a punch on me. I picked him up by the poncho and carried him away. I didn't want to take everything from the little guy. I wasn't a monster.

Eventually, We came to a river. It looked pretty big. This seemed like a good place to stop. I threw him to the other side. Man, I was getting strong.

"I only wanted this much any way. I'm not such a bad guy. I could have taken a lot more, but I didn't. In a way, it makes me kind of nice."

The little guy started yelling at me, but I couldn't hear his little voice.

"There's no need to thank me," I called back. "I am the hero after all!"

I closed my eyes for a second and looked back. He was gone. Was it all an illusion after all? I checked my face. I still had the glasses. Texas, he called them? Seemed like a pretty nice name.

I started walking through the desert again. This time I could actually tell where I was going. I think I was on the west coast now. It seemed so nice and sunny over here. I looked at myself in one of the clear streams. I looked pretty good with the glasses on. Heroes were supposed to be handsome. I thought I saw something else. What was shiny stuff? I picked it out. Was this gold? That's pretty neat. I was going to be rich as well as handsome!

All of my heroic endeavors were starting to make me tired though. I wanted to go home for now. Even by the fastest way possible it would take a while. Plus, how was I going to get all this gold home?

"All aboard!" I heard someone cry out. I looked up. It looked like some sort of monster. This wasn't those kind of ghosts that they told people around the fire, were they. I started to shiver despite the heat.

"Are you getting on or not? Don't you need a ride home?" There as someone on the monster. Maybe it wasn't a monster.

"Is that thing fast?" I asked.

"This train is the fastest thing out there. The Transcontinental Railroad will take you where you want to go in no time at all."

"All right," I said and I got on the train.

As the hero, of course I got a whole train car to myself. The ride was pretty smooth, and I was getting really tired. I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up not long after with a splitting headache. It felt like I was being separated in two!

"Get your hands up, you yellow bellied coward."

"And why should I, you uncultured, backwater heathen."

I opened my eyes. Both of them sounded eerily familiar. I thought I was alone in the car. Instead, I was looking at two dashing heroes facing off with guns in their hands on opposite sides of the car. I though I was the hero! Why were there two other mes?