A/N: I seriously hope you guys aren't brushing your teeth or eating anything while reading the bottom bit of this chapter.
Ultima's PoV
A few weeks later after the little fiasco at the Sushi High Roller, Alice seemed to have calmed down a bit. Still mad at Aversa? Yes. Will she shut up about it? No. No she will not. And, yes, I did call my mom later that day. Stop asking.
I woke up at about eleven thirty with Miley sleeping to my left and Gabby in her lava lamp, as usual. Although this time, instead of me waking up to look at the ceiling until Miley woke up, I found Vlad sitting on my chest and licking at my face as he made little chirping noises with Nina sitting on a chair nearby.
"H-Hey! That tickles!" I laughed a bit.
He kept licking my face and he made a squeaky screech in happiness. I saw Nina smiling and she picked up Vlad as she kissed me on the lips.
"Good morning, sveetheart." Nina purred.
"Sweetheart? That's a first." I commented.
"Vell vhat did you vant me do do? Give you breakfast in bed?" she snapped.
"Well…" I trailed off.
"…You're lucky I'm in a good mood enough to kiss you in the morning, but don't expect me to vake up at five in the morning just to make you breakfast." she grumbled.
"It's eleven thirty." I commented.
"Is it? Vell now that you're avake, I'm guessing you vant brunch?" she asked in a playfully irritated tone, if that was even possible.
"You sound like you want me to get it myself." I grumbled.
"I do, but I'm in such a good mood today, that I decided to do this."
She started rubbing her well endowed chest on my face, prompting my to gently push her off.
"What are you doing?!" I asked.
"Giving you your brunch." Nina replied.
"Your breast-milk is for Vlad!" I reminded
"So? His teeth are growing in and he's old enough to eat soft fruits." she remarked.
"That's no excuse for practically sexing me up in the morning in front of my sleeping wife and our awake son." I grumbled.
"It's eleven thirty." she mocked.
"…So why the whole spectacle?" I asked.
"Because I vant you, me, and little Vladdie to go and visit my parents."
"So you had Vlad wake me up at eleven thirty to have me chug down your breast-milk as breakfast so we can meet your parents?" I asked.
"Pretty much…Don't lie, you vanted to haff a taste." she added with a giggle.
"….That may be true, but -"
"But nothing. Get up, shut up, get dressed, and let's go!" she snapped impatiently.
She picked up Vlad, who promptly nuzzled her arm, and I walked out of the room five minutes later, being careful to not wake Miley up as I dressed. As Nina and I walked down the stairs, I was greeted by Milo and Ultimari hugging my legs.
"Vell you're von busy father today." Nina commented.
"Dada, I hungwy." Milo mewed.
Given my current agenda and Nina's lack of patience, I decided to use parenting tip number five hundred seventy eight point forty two: distracting my kids with car keys…Okay. Seriously? Why do I have car keys? I don't even have a car much less drive one!
I jingled the keys around above the two's heads and they started giggling. When they tried to reach up and grab them, I threw them at Alice, who also started jingling them. Milo and Ultimari ran towards Alice and tried to grab them, still giggling, but to no avail. She walked over to me, keys still jingling, and and kissed my cheek.
"So, where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm going to meet Nina's parents while taking care of Vlad."
"And I suppose that you want me to take care of Milo and Marie while you're gone, right?" she asked.
"Right…They're easy to take care of and you can have Miley help you when she wakes up." I added.
"You really think I'll need help? I raised forty two legendaries when I was twenty years old and we have two little ones on the way…Speaking of which, what should we name them?" she added.
"I don't know. Probably something regal, majestic, or just plain awesome." I answered.
"Sooo…Sephiroth and Samus?" I suggested.
"Yes! Thank you! Finally, you think of something! Sephiroth are the fruits of the Tree of Life, aka my daughter Xerna, and they surround the infinite while relating to the finite!" she rambled.
"So using basic logic, would that mean you're also a Tree of Life as your life is infinite and your surrounded by mortals?" I asked.
"Precisely! Imma tree! I should have a tree party with Xerna sometime. She's been having more fights with her sister Yvonne ever since they tagged along with your brother Seth." she added.
"Can ve please go? My parents are expecting me at tvelve o' clock sharp and there's no vay I can get there in tventy minutes!" Nina snapped.
"Okay. Okay. You two have fun. I'll stay behind and watch the little tykes. G'bye!" Alice called out as we walked out the door.
Nina wrapped her tail around my waist, still carrying Vlad, and took off into the air. Vlad squeaked a bit and Nina descended to the ground. We stopped in front of the Battle Chateau and Vlad made an excited screech while fluttering his wings. He seemed to be reaching out to grab something.
Nina let me go and walked over to a fruit merchant walking back and forth in front of a Daycare Center. On further inspection, the fruit merchant was Serene the Poke-Mart clerk back at the World Championship League. A red headed female trainer and the Daycare Man were too busy watching a mother Zebstrika going at it with her newly born baby Blitzle. If I had to guess, she was IV breeding.
"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes! I've been walking here since nine in the morning hoping someone would buy some fruits and berries." Serene beamed.
"So you're taking a break from selling things…To sell more things?" I asked.
"Yup! It's pretty boring in there. I'm awfully lonely what with nobody coming in. And, no, your siblings don't stand around there all day either. It's just me…Waitin'…Alexandria just leaves when she wants to, because let's be honest here, guard duty is the easiest job ever." she rambled.
"About time you went out to get some sun." Nina commented.
"Says the vampire." I chuckled.
"It's just a common misconception! I'm not a vampire! I'm a fruit bat! A fruit bat!" she stressed.
"A vampire fruit bat." I joked.
"Okay, that's enough arguing, you two. That'll be two hundred PokeDollars for the Deluxe Fruit Basket Berry Supreme."
"Wait what?" I said in confusion.
"I can see your baby Noibat reaching out for it."
"His name is Vlad…Vait. Two hundred? Are you crazy?"
"No, that would be Eris, and crazy is an understatement to her." Serene replied.
"…Vell? Vhat are you vaitting for? Pay her!" Nina snapped.
"Why do I have to do it?"
"He's your son!"
"He's your son too!"
"Okay! Okay! Fine! It's on the house! Just take it! I can't stand seeing a couple argue when there's a hungry baby on the line." Serene yelled while shoving the basket of neatly organized fruit and berries in my hands.
"Better hold on tight. Vhere ve're going is on the edge of Kalos." Nina warned.
She wrapped her tail around me again and took off once more. As we flew across Kalos, I started getting airsick. We were now a bit past Terminus Cave and all I could see was woodland and a small river acting like some sort of border or trail. And sure enough, as soon as Nina started following it, we were now above an enormous zoo-like area.
"What is this place?" I asked as we slowly landed.
"It's a secret resort for retired Pokemon. A retirement home vould just be putting it bluntly." she answered.
"So why is there no path leading there?" I asked.
"The founders never thought a path vas necessary. The river is more of a path if anything, even if it is a Vater Type exclusive area." Nina explained.
We started walking around and Nina seemed to be looking for something.
"N…N…Ah! There! The Noivern and Noibat section! Come on! I can't vait for you to meet my family!" she said excitedly.
"Let's just hope that it doesn't end up like how I met Lucy's mom." I muttered.
"The only difference is that my mother's not a sex hungry plot convenient whore."
"Even if that was true, I still love Lyra….Scratch that. I love everyone on the team. Yeah, Whitney's bisexual, Lavi's random, Natalie's hydrophobic even though she showers, and Ciara's a little cruel to be kind, but still."
"If you say so…Oh! Ve're here!"
We were now in front of a mansion-like building. It was made of stark white marble and the mahogany door had Noivern wings at the top. Vlad was contently nomming at the sliced bananas in his little fruit basket, squealing and flapping his wings every so often as he ate.
As we entered the building, Nina tightened her corset outfit while fiddling with the bow-tie. If memory serves me correctly, the bow-tie itself is what tightens it. She got out a tongue cleaner and scrubbed away at her tongue as well as Vlad's, much to his displeasure. She quickly combed herself and groomed Vlad with her tongue, prompting him to giggle, before combing him with a familiar looking toothbrush.
"Wait…Is that my toothbrush?!"
"Yes. Vhy? Does the fur of your own flesh and blood disgust you?" she growled.
"N-N-No! But why my toothbrush of all things to comb him with?" I asked.
"Something tells me that something vill go wrong, so think of it as premeditative revenge. Be on your best behavior. As you know, I am royalty, and I vill not tolerate humiliation in front of my own family."
"As you wish, princess."
"I vould say my actual title, but they change depending on your strength. Its either Duchess or Grand Duchess like my mother." she added.
Nina walked pass the front desk and entered through a platinum elevator while pushing me in it.
"Hey! Don't shove!" I growled.
"Tough. Let's see…If memory serves me correctly, they should still be on the tenth floor, room 78C." she mumbled as she pressed the gold rimmed button.
The elevator closed and as we ascended to the tenth floor, Nina started to fidget in fear. She was about to bite her nails in nervousness, but I think her pride is was stopped her from doing it.
The elevator opened and Nina led me through a vast hallway with regal looking doors. She opened the door to room 78C without knocking and slowly closed it behind us. It was pitch black but Nina and Vlad were the only ones who could see.
"Who goes there?" a deep raspy voice asked.
"Father, it's me." Nina squeaked.
"Ahh. Nina. It vas about time you remembered to visit your family." her father crooned.
"…Vhere's everyvon else?" Nina asked.
"Vincent is at Smogon University, Hector's in the back taking care of your brothers Victor and Thomas, your mother is sleeping up here vith me, and Hector's bride is in the kitchen." he explained.
"Hector's married?" Nina asked.
"Yes. He married another Noivern a few veeks after you left…Und I see your found somevon as vell. Tell me. Is that your mate?" he asked.
"Um…Vell, I -"
"Speak up!" he barked.
"He's my master and my mate!" Nina shouted.
"…"
"…Father?" Nina asked in fear.
"You're disgusting. You dare to show your face after you mate vith a human and bore his child vhile being nothing more than his slave?!" he snarled. Nina gasped and looked like she wanted to cry.
"F-Father, I -"
"Enough! You are a disgrace! Leave my sight and never return!" he shouted.
Nina was on the verge of tears, but instead of crying she was laughing. A cruel insane cackle that could Eris a run for her money.
"You disgrace your family heritage, you bore child to a mere human, and now you mock me?"
Without warning, Nina blasted out a Dragon Pulse at her father and with a groan, he fell to the ground with a thud.
"You haff the nerve to strike me? I gave you life and this is how you repay me, you ungrateful whore?!" he roared.
"Shut up." Nina snapped.
I saw her eyes flash purple, red, and finally yellow, before staying that way and I could faintly see her conjuring up the same spiky balls she used back when I fought against Miley.
"N-No…This is impossible. There's no vay you could haff his power!" her father whispered.
"Und it didn't occur to you that it could haff been genetically passed?" Nina snarled.
"Can someone clue me in on this?" I asked.
"Vhat right do you haff to learn about a Noivern's most rarest power?" her father growled.
"He has every right to know, Father. Lore states that there vas a Noivern so powerful that he could rival Darkrai himself in the realm of dreams. Known to feed off nightmares and to cause them, he vas exiled. Und now it looks like I'm his descendant." Nina explained. She walked back to me, eyes back to normal and opened the door.
"You're getting your vish after all. I never vant to see you again, not after how you treated me. Goodbye!" she shouted.
She slammed the door and dragged me along to the elevator without saying a word. She dragged me out of the elevator, out of the mansion-like building, and grabbed my mouth.
"Don't you fucking dare say anything. I vant you to keep your damn mouth shut. Go vander around. I need time to myself and take Vlad with you." she muttered while handing Vlad to me.
Vlad licked my cheek and mewed a little while looking back at Nina and tilting his head. I pet his head and we started to walk around aimlessly to the point where I found myself in the Greninja section. I bumped into a familiar looking female Greninja and she took out a watery shuriken - readying herself to throw it.
"Oh. It's just you." she grumbled as she put it away.
"Wait…Gretchen, is that you?" I asked.
"What does it look like? I'm not always with your sister Umbra, you know."
"Fwoggy!" Vlad squealed.
Gretchen's eyes widened a bit as Vlad grabbed her overly long tongue and started hugging it. The more he hugged and the more Gretchen tried wriggling her tongue away, the more she started to notice that she was inadvertently licking him everywhere - and I do mean everywhere.
Vlad eventually started to lick her tongue and this was probably the closest to making out combined with tongue wrestling that Vlad will get at this point in time.
"Pl-Please get your son off my tongue. This is embarrassing." Gretchen squeaked.
"Nuuu…" Vlad mewed as I picked him up.
"I think he has a crush on you." I commented.
"You don't say?" Gretchen said in a bored tone.
Vlad absentmindedly began to eat up his fruit basket and Gretchen smiled a bit. She took a whiff of the air and scrunched up her nose…Well, at least I think she did. She cleaned off her tongue of Vlad's fur and rolled her tongue back in her mouth.
"…You know, I always wondered how you could talk when your tongue is wrapped around you like a scarf." I remarked.
"And I always wondered why my brother gets an invitation to some sort of tournament along with Layla and Charlotte's bothers…Mega Smack Siblings or something." Gretchen added.
Gretchen looked over to the Garchomp section and raised a brow at a Garchomp freaking out over his Mega Evolution.
"Oh dear sweet Arceus, you cruel cruel bitch! How in the name of the Distortion World do I masturbate with these?!" he roared as he flailed around his scythes for hands.
"Huh…Well that just happened. Well, Henry, it's been fun, but I have to go. See ya soon."
Vlad made a squeal in dismay as Gretchen sped off and I pet him to comfort him. He must really have a crush on her…Though, I am wondering how in the world can a baby bat and an adult ninja frog with cup size that can rival Whitney would be able to mate. Then again, I did impregnate Alice, and besides, it really is a wonder how Gretchen can move so fast what with her breasts causing lag. Maybe she uses their bounciness to cause extra momentum - I don't know. I'm not a scientist.
Nina came back a few minutes later, looking a bit calmer than last time. She handed me my toothbrush and - Wait a minute. This looks brand new.
"Nina, what did you do to my actual toothbrush?" I asked.
"Vell I vas so angry at you for not sticking up for me, so I dumped it into the Garbodor and Muk sections, but then I realized that it vasn'tt your fault and saying something could haff just made the situvation vorse, so I felt bad and bought you a new von."
"You took my toothbrush…And dumped it into the…Oh Arceus, I think I'm going to be sick! That's disgusting!" I shouted.
"Ewwww." Vlad squealed.
"I don't think I'll be able to look at this thing the same way again!" I added.
"I think it vent into a used condom vhen I threw it into the Garbodor section. Good think I did that last." Nina mused.
"Gah! Damnit! J-J-Just take the toothbrush back! You made me want to stop brushing my teeth!" I yelled.
"That von't be good for your oral hygiene."
"I'll just get Alice."
"She vont care."
"And neither do I!" I declared.
We went back home with Vlad sleeping in his now empty fruit basket in Nina's arms and Lavanya came up to me holding up purple toothpaste.
"Hey, Henry, you should try this rape flavored toothpaste! It kinda made me wanna eat it."
"That says grape, Lavi."
"It does? Oh and I suppose this says "Cum Bucket" with the C written in reverse and not "Chum Bucket"…Seriously, vomit looks like chum." she added. And indeed, it was what the aforementioned bucket said.
Remembering the whole toothbrush fiasco, I bolted in the house and up to my room with my cheeks bulging with barf.
"Huh. What's up with him?" Lavanya asked.
Nina whispered the whole ordeal into Lavanya's ear and she slowly looked at the bucket.
"…Did you really have to whisper it in my ear? You could have mumbled it a mile away, and I would have heard it just fine."
"Yes. Yes I did." Nina responded.
"Huh…Well, Imma throw up now…Bleh."
A/N: Well that just happened. And no, I was not making a rape joke. A rape is also the stalks and skins of grapes left over when winemaking, usually used in vinegar.