A/N: This is a story about Hermione, lies, and fear. It takes place during and after the events in DH, ignoring the epilogue and allowing certain characters to live. This story has several implied themes including, but not limited to: rape, non-con, mental manipulation, BDSM, and phobias. If you feel that these may offend you, I recommend you seek out a different story.
Agoraphobia – The abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult that is characterized initially by panic or anxiety and finally by avoidance of open or public places. As a result, severe suffers of agoraphobia may become confined to their homes, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
In case you live under a rock, Harry Potter and associated characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Chapter title is from Pretty Hate Machine, Nine Inch Nails.
The reasons for the warnings on this story begin in this chapter
Head Like A Hole
Harry paced around the waiting room outside of the Janus Thickey Ward of St. Mungo's. His eyes fell on his friends that had come to be with him and wait for news on Hermione. Ron, best friend to both Harry and Hermione, sat in one of the chairs. Harry's wife, Ginny, sat next to him along with her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Lupin was there with his wife, Nymphadora Tonks. Even Headmistress McGonagall was there waiting. They were all waiting.
It had been thirteen years since he'd last seen his friend. The woman he encountered in that little flat was hardly recognizable as the girl she had once been.
Harry was awoken from his thoughts as the Healer came down the hall towards them.
"Mr. Potter, I need a word."
"Sure."
He motioned for Harry to follow him a short way down so they were out of earshot of the others. Harry glanced back to his friends and shrugged.
"Miss Granger's situation is very delicate. She is going to need long term care. She has no magical relatives and is therefore the responsibility of the Ministry for her care. I spoke with the Minister, and he has agreed to allow you to become her magical guardian. Do you understand what this means?"
"Yes, basically I am in charge of her care."
"Yes. If you agree to be her guardian, you will be responsible, and we will be able to discuss her care with you. Do you agree?"
"Yes, of course. What do you need to me to do?"
"Well, first I should bring you up to date on her condition, and then you have a few decisions to make."
"Alright."
"From the brief discussions I have had with Miss Granger, I have been able to get some information from her. She has not left her flat since the final battle. That was thirteen years ago. Although in her mind, it has only been three or four years. She was under the impression that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has won the war and that all of her friends are either dead or in prison.
"For several years, someone has been altering and modifying her memories and feeding her false information. Because of this, she has developed several phobias.
"There are large gaps in her memories. We attribute those largely to being Oblivated numerous times.
"It will take the Healers several months to retrieve the memories, and then they will have to start to rebuild her mind. At best, she will be required to be under constant medical supervision for at least a year."
"Whatever treatment she needs, I will pay for. I want her to get the best care possible."
"That won't be necessary. Professor Dumbledore had set up a fund for war victims before his death. Her treatment will be covered under this fund."
"You said there were decisions to be made. What kind of decisions."
"The man who altered her memories also abused her."
"Man, what man?"
"We are not certain who he is. We are hoping to uncover that information during her treatment."
"How did he abuse her?" Harry asked, not even sure if he wanted to hear the answer.
"Everything points to sexual abuse."
"I see. How do you know this?"
"Miss Granger is nine weeks pregnant."
"Pregnant."
"Yes. From our initial tests, I would say that this is not her first pregnancy. Her uterus shows signs of at least one other."
"There were no signs of children in her home. The Aurors have searched her entire flat."
"I do not know what happened to the first child, she has no memory of it, though I am certain that she did carry to full term. Whether or not the child was born alive or dead, and what happened to it, I can not say. We have not found those memories yet, and it may be a long time before we do."
"Does Hermione know about the babies?"
"No. We have not told her, yet. Mentally, it may be best if we don't tell her about the child she is currently carrying."
"What do you recommend we do about the baby?"
"Her treatment for the next several months will be hard on her, but she should be able to carry the child to term and deliver without any problems."
"What kind of treatment?"
"We will have to uncover all the hidden memories. Then we can begin to reconstruct her mental timeline. Our best Healers will work on it. She will be unconscious during treatment. It will be exhausting work for her, and she will probably sleep when she is not in treatment. It is likely we can hide her pregnancy from her until she delivers."
"Is this the best option for her? Won't it be the same as what the man who did this to her?"
"Yes and no. She will regain these memories after the restructuring is complete. So, she will eventually be aware of everything that we do. But it is the best option in order to save the child. In the mental state she is in currently, if we were to tell her, she may harm herself or the child.
"This is where your decision comes in. You need to decide whether or not to keep the child for her. She can not make this decision in her current state. If you decide to let the child go to full term, then arrangements need to be made for it after birth. She will likely still be under our care after the birth."
"How long do I have to decide?"
"I need to know soon. Today will be best."
Harry sat down and put his head in his hands.
"I'll leave you to your thoughts."
"No," he said, looking up to the Healer, "treat her and the baby. When it is born, I will take it home."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, it is not this child's fault. I won't be responsible for killing a part of her. Will we be able to determine the paternity of the child?"
"There are a few spells that we can try once it is born, though they generally work better if we have the information on the father. Until then, we may be able to get some information from her memories."
"Is it possible to find out how old the other child might be? Maybe we could find out what happened to it."
"If the baby lived, it is possible that whoever put Miss Granger in this position killed or harmed it in someway. It is also possible that it could be being raised somewhere by complete strangers. Unless we find the person responsible, it is most unlikely that we will ever know. The most information I can give you is that the child is possibly between ten and twelve in age."
Harry knew that it would be next to impossible to trace a child without any more information. He would have to wait and see what the Healers found.
"I want daily updates. I want to find who did this to her. Who took her from us for all these years? I want to make sure this person is punished."
"Of course, Mr. Potter. Would you like to see her now?"
"Yes."
"This way. She is sedated and will not likely wake up."
"I understand."
Harry visited with Hermione briefly. He wanted to make sure she was alright before he went to tell the others what had happened. He wanted to make sure she was real.
He sat down beside her and held her hand. He wanted to tell her everything would be alright, but the words wouldn't come. He wasn't completely sure if she could recover from this, but he knew that her friends would take her anyway they could get her.
Broken or whole, they would accept her.
He brushed his lips across her forehead and stood to leave.
Out in the waiting room, his friends stood to gather around him as he came back to the waiting area. He told all of them what the Healer had said.
Mrs. Weasley had to sit down when Harry came to the part concerning the pregnancies.
Lupin and Tonks filled them all in on what the Aurors had found in the flat, including the newspaper articles containing the lies she had believed all these years.
After all was said, and Harry promised to keep them all updated, everyone made their way to the exit. Harry kissed his wife before asking her to sit down.
He took a moment to gather his thoughts while he stared at her.
"Ginny, I need to tell you something."
She raised her eyebrows in concern, but motioned for him to continue.
"I offered to take the baby home when it is born. I know you said that you wanted to start an apprenticeship here, but I cannot let the baby go to an orphanage. I want to raise that baby until Hermione is fit to decide."
"Harry, I would have expected nothing less."
"I love you, Ginny Potter."
"I love you, Harry Potter."
They were interrupted by a soft cough.
"Harry, I would like to speak to you for a moment, please."
Harry turned and was surprised to see the Headmistress behind him.
"Of course. Ginny, I'll see you at home," Harry said as he kissed his wife again.
They waited until they were alone again before McGonagall spoke.
"I wanted to talk to you about Miss Randall."
Harry was a little taken aback at the subject of the conversation. In the rush to get Hermione to St. Mungo's and the subsequent events, he had forgotten about the young girl who led him to his friend.
"Harry," she spoke again, a little dismayed at his lack of concentration.
"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have left the girl in a rush, but things…"
"No, that's not it. I understand. What I meant was our last discussion about her parentage."
"Oh, yes. Did you find Professor Dumbledore's books?"
"Yes, though they were not much help. He never finished his project I'm afraid."
"Well, at least we tried."
"However, I may have found some information that is relevant, especially after this evening's revelation about Miss Granger. You see, while I was going through Albus' things, his portrait began to take an interest in what I was doing. He began asking numerous questions and became increasingly annoying. I finally told him what we were looking for. He directed me to his research. Then he began to ramble on about how Perdita was a character in one of his favorite novels. I listened to him rattle on about the story for hours while I dug through his old papers.
"It was when he started to speculate on whether or not Miss Granger was named for one of the characters in that story as well, that he got my attention. I asked him to explain. Being the crazy man he was, he merely suggested I read the story as 'I might find it enlightening'. The story was 'The Winter's Tale'. It appears this book was actually a play written by a Muggle known as Shakespeare."
Harry nodded his head. He remembered who Shakespeare was from his primary school days, though he was not familiar with that story in particular. McGonagall glanced at him before continuing.
"It took me a few days to track the book down and read it. The play is about two childhood friends. After a visit by one, the other assumes that he has slept with his wife and the child she is carrying is not his. His wife flees with the child, but the child is lost in the process. Many years later, the child finds out about her parentage and returns to her father. The child's name was Perdita."
Before she can continue, Harry interrupts her.
"Professor, what has…?"
"Patience, Potter." She took a breath before continuing. "In the story, the mother's name was Hermione."
Harry stared at her. He tried to speak, but instead ended up doing a very good fish impression. McGonagall took his silence as a chance for her to continue.
"It just is too much of a coincidence. Shakespeare's Perdita being the lost daughter of Hermione. The fact that they live in the same building, and you said the Randalls never wanted children, yet they woke up one day and decided to adopt an infant.
"I also checked with the Ministry records again. It is not that there is no record of her birth. The record had been erased. It would've taken an extremely powerful wizard to alter those records. Even her school records show the Randalls as her biological parents. I think we need to go see the Randalls and possibly bring them here."
"I agree. I'm starting to think that maybe someone made them adopt that child. I'll Floo Tonks and have her join us. It will be best if we have an active Auror with us in case that is true."
The duo left St. Mungo's and made their way to the Randalls' residence. It was time to find out the truth about a little girl.
Rather Long A/N:
I never intended to include Shakespeare's 'The Winter's Tale' in this story, nor have I ever read it. However, I did mean for that child to be Hermione's and that they would discover this fact when they found her. I was having a hard time coming up with a good name for the girl, so I searched a website on names, using "lost" as the meaning. When I saw Perdita and the meaning behind the name, I couldn't resist using this in the story. It seemed to fit so perfectly into it. Turning Perdita into Peri is all me though. The alternatives were, well, they were scary.
A/N: My thanks to Sempra for reading through this, time and time again, until I got it all right.