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O.g.
When Erik returned, they propped Gustave up and helped him eat. He was slow and tried st first to hold the spoon but his hand shook too much, so Christine automatically helped feed him. Even their small conversation and meal was enough to exhaust him. He only spoke when needed and the moment the bowl was pulled away, he fell asleep. Christine tucked him back in before turning to her own food and guiltily eating like a starved woman off the streets. Guilt turned in his stomach as he watched her. His fault…
When she finished she surprised him further by saying "You go sleep Erik. I'll watch him." her voice was one to not be argued with.
But a guilt fueled stubborn streak in him raised its head. "No… I couldn't sleep if I tried."
"Erik, I went and rested because I knew it was the right thing to do. Even if I didn't want to." she pointed out quickly.
"yeah well, you weren't the one who left…" he sighed. He was too weary to argue so he came up with something to do as he said "But I will go bathe. So rest assured I am taking care of myself in some capacity." Then he wheeled out before she could protest.
This pattern continued for the next week. Every time she would insist he sleep he would make up a task to do. Which honestly did result in some productivity. The flat had never been cleaner, for the first time in what felt like years both Gustave and Christine were well feed with rather well made food, he was actually working on a prosthetic along with some self given physical therapy to rebuild his good legs muscle. However when it came to eating and sleeping it was a never ending battle. Christine would have to insist he eat every time and he usually rejected the very idea until Gustave started to speak up. He would look at him with big pleading eyes and say "Please eat with me. I don't want you sick to …" and that would always melt his resolve.
Throughout their time together, Erik was surprised how quickly Gustave took to him. He was, as Erik figured, highly inquisitive and intelligent. Though unlike both parents he never pressed matters much after the first answer. It was only natural that he ask about Eriks mask when he started to stay awake longer.
" ?" He asked one late evening soon after their arrival, while his mother dozed in her chair.
"Yes little one?" Erik replied, using his own little name in return.
"Why do you wear a mask?" He asked with a slight cough and wheeze.
Christine had slowly grown more attentive to the conversation and looked at Erik.
Don't lie
He swallowed and looked down. He hoped that, with Gustave being a child, he might be open minded. And it was that tiny bit of sought out encouragement that allowed him to say "I… I have a severe deformity Gustave. One that reaches my face. I wear it as to not frighten others as well as to protect myself. It makes the skin and bones very delicate and so I must wear a mask to also protect it against the elements. When outside I wear a different mask, with a filter in it so I can breathe without falling ill."
Gustave blinked in surprise but slowly nodded "I underst-" but then he was cut off by a bad coughing fit that had both Erik and Christine holding him and making sure he was okay. When he recovered he asked, eyes heavier than before "can I see it?"
Erik shook his head. "I would rather not Gustave. It frightens most adults and I do not wish for you to fear me. Perhaps when you are older…"
Gustave looked a bit annoyed bit was too I'll go argue so he nodded and soon after he fell asleep.
He asked a few more times but eventually gave up. He never once tried to rip it off, and for that Erik was grateful. He was an intelligent child and naturally inherited his parents love for music. It took Erik by surprise when he asked if Erik played.
It took a moment before he was able to respond slowly "I did once yes… It was through music I met your mother actually. I was the one who taught her to sing. But I used to be a master of most instruments. However that was over a decade ago…"
"Could you play for me?" He asked shyly.
Eriks response surprised even himself as he replied "Yes. Though not today. All I ask is a few days to practice."
And sure enough that is exactly what happened. Erik used his free time he should have been sleeping in to practice. He was honestly terrified that he had lost his skill when he went to pick up his violin. Not to mention he had not heard a tune in ten years. Music had faded from even his mind.
Biting his lip in panic he decided to just start out with a simple scale. And thankfully it seemed his long practiced fingers still remembered exactly where to land. And after a few mishaps with his bow, his less dominant right hand caught up.
As the notes began to fall a song came to mind. A simple song really but one he had played more than any other. It was a lullaby, taught to him by Christine. One her father used to play for her and one Erik played for her after her father's passing. Usually on nights she failed to sleep, but sometimes even in the day when she just needed to hear her father.
He tested out the first measure, and as his fingers fell into place he began. Slower than normal at first. Occasionally adjusting as he had a few wrong notes or lapse of memory. But after about the fourth time he managed to play through it correctly and started working on its tone alone. Determined to have it absolutely perfect for when the two woke.
As he played it, other melodies came to mind as well. And it wasn't long before he had put together a small concert for his son. Sure it would take a bit longer for the more complicated pieces he once knew, but what he had now was passable to his own standards. And honestly relieving in many ways. His nerves and emotions were rarely stable, but after a few hours of play he was always left with a sense of calm he rarely got anywhere else.
Gustave of course was ecstatic when Erik played for him. And Erik caught the rather tearful smile Christine had as he concluded with a lullaby that did in fact, put Gustave to sleep.
She came over after the little concert and gave him a tearful kiss. "It's been years since I heard papa…" was all she could say. But Erik understood and smiled, feeling lighter than air at the kiss. He never initiated affections, as he felt too guilty still. But he always received it with open arms. Christine on the other hand did, in occasion, remind him he was indeed loved. Sometimes it was hard for her, as she was still working through emotions herself. But on days when it was a bit easier for her, when it felt like it used to, she gave more than just a few pecks on the cheek, much to Eriks joy.
However there was still one source of conflict. His ever present refusal to sleep.
Christine could only argue so much with him over this self torture. He had yet to sleep since their arrival, which was a little over two weeks ago at this point. It worried her greatly to see his bloodshot eyes and shaky hands that always waved away her concerns as he worried about other things that were 'far more important than a few wasted hours in bed'. But when she discovered him getting sick from exhaustion in the bathroom she about lost it.
"Erik. Bed. Now." She all but barked, leaning against the door he'd accidentally left open in his rush to the bathroom.
"I'm fine…" he muttered.
"No you aren't! Erik this is ridiculous! If Gustave or I pulled this stun-"
"You didn't abandon the love of your life or our son!" he exclaimed, forgetting the sleeping child down the hall.
"Erik what do I tell Gustave if you die from this-this idiocy!Oh I'm sorry Gustave, by the way that family friend is your bloody father laying in that casket!" She snapped back. Why was he so stubborn? Did he not care about them?
"yeah well maybe I'm better off dead!" Erik yelled louder still. Did she just not understand? He couldn't rest knowing what he did.
"You two! Shut it!" Nadir said hurrying between the two.
"Why! It's no secret I hate myself!" Erik roared back.
Nadir sighed and said in a strict voice "shut up Erik. Both of you go see Gustave. You woke him."
Both paled. How much had he heard?
Eriks exhausted mind was nevertheless defensive and terrified. How could he face Gustave if he had indeed heard…
But before he could wheel off and hide, Christine grabbed his handles and started pushing him towards the bedroom.
Once inside they saw Gustave, curled on his side and lightly crying. Instantly Christine came to his side and held him. Erik meanwhile sat, staring in pain as guilt nearly crushed him.
Eventually he choked out "I don't understand… w-who is-is He? Wh-why does he want…" Gustave couldn't even finish his sentence as he got choked up with the idea of a person he was beginning to become truly close with, dying.
Christine glanced at Erik with a cold anger for a second before focusing on stroking Gustave hair. "shh. It's okay. He doesn't want to… die. He's just very ill Gustave. Like you but with a different illness. It can make people… say things they don't mean. Make them not feel the best. That's all."
He sniffled and clung to his mother before calming a bit. Still it was with confused hurt eyes he looked st Erik, coughing slightly as he said "who are You?"
Erik was silent for a long while. But, in an almost trance like state he moved forward. It took a long time before he was finally able to think of what to say.
Don't lie.
"I…" he swallowed. He bowed his head as if at a confessional, looking at his hands, finally able to speak. "I've had… a very hard life Gustave. It's no excuse but… I want you to understand that as I explain… who I am… over a decade ago I did some rather… unpleasant things. Things I have regretted immensely ever since. All because I… fell in love. With your mother. I didn't know how to exactly handle things and I destroyed my life in many ways. But she-god you mother is a saint- looked past all of that and saw something I didn't. And still don't if I'm honest. See Gustave, before your mother I had never felt a loving hand in my life. I think that… was something she looked past as well. She understood, in a way, why I did these awful things. So she… forgave me. And we well… See I never thought I could have children, as I had gone through immense physical trauma as well as mental throughout my entire life. And I was so guilty for all the things I had done the year before that I left, before I found out about you. Had I known Gustave, do not doubt I would have stayed. But I honestly thought your mother would be happier without me. So I tried and failed to help. And I feel so terrible for… for what my choices did to you both."
He looked up and said slowly "But I… I'm trying. Trying to be here for you both like I should have been. And trying to tell you that… I'm your father, Gustave." He bit his lip. Here was to be the rejection. His heart was thumping as he waited for Gustaves response. A man waiting for the shrill sound of the guillotine blade to fall through the slats.
Gustave was quiet for a long time. But his response surprised them both. He coughed before saying slowly "I… I want to see your face. If… if what you say is true, I want to know my father's face. I want to not… not fear any part of him like I did fa-Raoul…"
Christine's eyes filled with unshed tears at her son's last statement. Erik had to swallow the practically tangible ball of guilt he felt at that. Unable to say no to his son in this moment where he felt that one wrong move could quickly end any hopes of a relationship with his son, he nodded. "Alright Gustave. Just… it is shocking to see…"
He closed his eyes and slowly found his rather numb fingers fiddling with the not of the veil. His breath caught as the soft fabric fell, leaving him exposed.
Unseen by Erik Gustave did in fact shudder. It was a ghastly mess. A skulls head with skin barely clinging on in most places, and in some, not at all. His sharp cheekbones were exposed and cracked. Skin hugging their edges like horns. His nose was completely gone and by what looked like injury, ripped wider into a horrible gash. His lips do tight they gripped his teeth, making it look like they were always exposed. Holes in his non existent cheeks framed them. And at the top of his head, part of his skull was missing on the right side, revealing raw muscle. His hair looked as if it struggled to grow at all. Lifeless tuffs of white clung in patches like cotton.
Truly he was horrific to look at.
But as Gustave thought about it, he responded with compassion as he asked "This is why you had a hard life. Isn't it."
Erik nodded, daring to look up at his son. His eyes do fearful that it turned the terrifying display of death into that of sadness. A bed for mercy, like a dog left out in the rain pawing at a warm window.
Gustave, wheezing heavily from his crying earlier, nodded slowly. Then he finally said in a soft voice "I don't fear you… I wish you would tell me more but… I think I can forgive you, based on… everything. But father please don't… don't hurt yourself any more. You need to get better just as I do. Please…"
Erik could not believe what he had just heard. His heart soared as he heard Gustave call him father. And in that moment he could have asked for the moon and Erik would have found a way.
Shakily he grabbed his son's hand and said with more sincerity than her ever had in his life, "I promise Gustave. I promise."
And much to his surprise and joy, Gustave leaned forward and pulled Erik into a hug. "Thank you dad…" he wheezed. Erik could not help the tears that rolled down his gaunt cheeks in that moment.
They would have stayed hugging longer but Gustave started to have another coughing fit again.
Erik pulled back and settled Gustave on his pillows. Christine said softly, whipping her eyes from the rather emotional moment "Here. I'll make us all some lunch while Erik gives you your medicine. Then we all can have a rest."
Gustave, naturally freezing and wanting to cling to someone, nodded and moved closer. To Eriks arm. He looked up at his father and said "Sleep next to me? Please…"
Erik nodded and said gently "I will. Don't worry… here… try to relax as I set up your breathing treatment. It won't be as long as yesterday. I promise."
Gustave nodded and closed his eyes. He hated the feeling of the mask being lowered onto him a few minutes later. The air made his lungs burn as he wheezed. But he had to admit he was better than when they first started.
As the fumes were added, he held his father's hand. Holding it tight as he tried to stay relaxed while his lungs were assaulted. Half way through a cooler substance was added that was almost wet. This second half was easier as it only made him wheeze instead of cough. And after what seemed like an eternity it stopped. Erik then placed on his oxygen tube and he was finally able to breath.
Immediately he mouthed for water and Erik quickly gave him a glass, holding him up. When he settled him back down he asked Gustave, tentatively "Would you like me to put back on my mask Gustave? I won't be offended." He wanted to make sure Gustave was comfortable. Especially feeling as terrible as he did.
Gustave shook his head stubbornly and held out a hand to feel his cheek gently, causing Erik to draw in a breath of surprise. But he eventually leaned into the small touch. Feeling humbled by the silent message if anything.
Eventually Christine returned with some soup and light sandwiches. And for once, Erik took it without question. A silent message to them both that he would try and deal with his guilt issue another, safer way. Gustave smiled slightly, catching on.
About half way through the meal he started to doze. Both parents made sure to be rather quiet as they hurried to finish their meals and clean up.
Erik rolled to the other side of the bed and with one last glance at Gustave, he crawled into bed next to his son. Christine smiled in relief and started to adjust him so he could sleep. Gustave, half awake now, moved instantly to curl around Erik and lay on his shoulder. Clinging to him.
Erik had to swallow back many happy tears at that touch, a wave of paternal love crashing over him. And with the bed and his son next to him, he actually ended up falling to sleep quickly, exhausted from having not slept for sixteen days.
And for once, in a very long time, his dreams were not interrupted by nightmares.
O.g.
Hope you all liked this like I'm your father moment. Please review and thanks for all the support so far! Next chapter look foward to some e/c moments.