This round was interesting to write (I feel like I say that at the beginning of every round, but it's true). We got to choose a magical creature to write about, and me being a swimmer, I went with Merpeople (even though competitive swim has absolutely nothing to do with this fic).

Prompts:
-Merperson
-(genre) mystery
-(dialogue) "I'll survive. I always do."
-(word) frigid

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Of Mysteries and Pies

The name's Ward. Bennett Ward. I'm a detective, and like any typical detective, I wear a funny hat, smoke a pipe (well, I pretend to, see, smoking pipes underwater doesn't really work), and have a peculiar accent. Unlike other detectives, I live at the bottom of a lake, the Great Lake at Hogwarts. Perhaps you've heard of it.

Why do merpeople need a detective? Aren't we all just innocent, adorable sea creatures who just spend their days combing their hair with forks and conversing with seagulls? Sorry to disappoint you, but this isn't The Little Mermaid. There are plenty of merpeople who commit crimes, and it's my job to solve them.

"Ward," comes the soft voice of my partner, interrupting my inner monologue.

"Yes?" I ask, giving her my full attention. Serenity is a quiet mermaid, she rarely talks to me unless we are on a case, so when she does speak, it is important to pay attention.

"There's a woman at the door."

"Oh. Oh, good! Come in!" I shout, hoping she can hear me. The door opens to reveal a mermaid wearing a fancy hat and carrying a small handbag. She is gorgeous.

"What can I do for you, my dear lady?" I ask, sitting up in my seat.

"Oh, Detective Ward, it's tragic, it is."

"What is?"

"There are humans-" she begins.

"Yes?" I lean forward.

"And… they're…"

"Go on," I encourage. I'm on the edge of my seat.

"They're at the bottom of the lake!" she blurts.

I fall out of my chair.

"That's not a case!" I exclaim from my spot on the floor.

The mer-lady looks shocked. "Yes, it is!"

"Sorry, lady," I say as I use my desk to force myself upright. "I only solve mysteries, and it's only a mystery if a crime's been committed. A couple of humans at the bottom of our lake is unusual, yes, but it's neither a crime nor a mystery."

"It is a crime if they're unconscious and tied up! Furthermore, the man who put them there, well, I don't think he had permission," she says, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" I bark. "Serenity, we've got to go investigate right away. Where are the humans located?"

"Over by Gyles's Seaweed Farm."

I blink. "Grab my coat, Serenity."

She nods.

"Of course, they would be in the most frigid part of the lake," I mutter to myself as I look for my bag.

"It's on the ceiling fan," Serenity says, pointing up.

"How'd it get up there? Why the bloody hell do we even have a ceiling fan underwater anyway?"

"You had a little too much to drink and..." she begins to explain.

"Which question are you answering?"

She blinks. "Both, I believe."

I huff and turn my attention to the mer-lady, who's watching our exchange with mild interest. "Well, we're definitely going to check it out; if you come back tonight, I can give you an update."

"Oh, yes. Thank you, Mr. Ward. Just… be careful."

"Oh, I'll survive. I always do," I say, giving her a cheeky wink and my most charming smile.

She swoons, and Serenity shuts the door in her face.

"Well, that was uncalled for."

"Was it?" Serenity asks, her face showing no expression.

"Yes."

"Oh, well."

"Who was that anyway?" I ask.

Serenity raises an eyebrow before scowling. "Ida Banks," she says. "We went to college together."

"You know her?"

"I know her as the whore who stole my pie!"

I'm startled at her strong language, but I choose not comment. Instead, I ask: "Are you sure it was her? She seems too nice to commit such an atrocious crime."

"Yes," Serenity says with such conviction that I can't help but believe her.

There's an awkward pause.

"Well… I guess we should go check out those humans," Serenity mumbles. Her voice has returned to being soft, and I have a feeling that she won't be saying much for the next few hours.

We swim over to Gyles's Seaweed Farm, the water frigid as ever, only to find that there really are humans tied up and unconscious at the bottom of our lake- four of them to be exact. What's even more shocking is that they're being guarded by our own kind.

"What's going on?" I ask. They all turn their attention to me.

"Detective Ward," says the one I recognize to be Derek, the famous seahorse jockey (not to mention, the merman of my dreams), "is it really any of your business?"

"...Yes?" I turn to Serenity and she gives me what I think is supposed to be an encouraging smile. "Yes," I say with more confidence. "It really is. Why are there humans tied up and unconscious at the bottom of our lake, and whose idea was it to put them next to Gyles's Seaweed Farm? We all know that the type of weed he plants isn't seaweed, if you catch my drift."

"Dumbledore put them here." One of the smaller ones from the back speaks up.

"Dumbledore?" I exclaim. They all nod. "Well… Well, I…" I wasn't sure what to say, but I couldn't tell them that.

"Did he get permission?" Serenity asks.

"He got permission from Charlie, but I don't think Charlie was in his right mind, if you know what I mean," says Derek.

I cross my arms and huff in frustration. "Well, that doesn't count. He should've asked the Council of the Merpeople for a permit and then waited two to five weeks for a response."

"Oh, he had a permit," one says, "but it was just a piece of parchment that said, 'I do what I want.'"

"But that doesn't count!" I whine. I take off my funny hat and run my fingers through my thin hair as I try to think. "Do you know why he tied up four unconscious humans at the bottom of the lake next to a weed farm?"

"Said something about a tournament…?" Derek says, unsure. He turns to the others for affirmation. "Yeah, a tournament."

Serenity snaps her fingers. "The Triwizard Tournament!" she blurts out.

"What?" I ask, shocked that she said something.

"What?" echoes every other merperson.

"The Triwizard Tournament! This must be one of the tasks!"

There is a moment of silence as that settles in.

"But shouldn't there be three wizards at the bottom of the lake, then? I mean, it's the Triwizard Tournament," Derek says.

"That's very true," I comment, deep in thought. "Were you all here when the humans arrived?"

They all nod.

"What did Dumbledore say? After he showed you his 'permit'?"

"He told us to guard the humans, and that there would be other humans down in a bit to rescue them."

"Are you trying to prevent the ones tied up from being rescued?"

"...I think so," Derek said uncertainly.

"Well," I say, "I think that it would be best if you pretended to guard them, but after putting up a convincing fight, you let them be rescued."

"Ward, wouldn't that just be giving Dumbledore what he wanted?" Serenity asks.

"Yeah. So?"

"So… so you can't let him get away with doing this! He broke one of our rules!"

"Oh, I'm not going to let him get away with this," I claim, twiddling my thumbs. "But I can't let these humans be harmed because then I'd get into trouble." I turn my attention to the group of merpeople.

"Well, I've got to go write a couple of strongly worded letters. Thank you for your input, and remember, no harm can come to these humans. They must be rescued, but be sure to put up a fight." I turn and swim away.

"Ward," Serenity asks when she catches up, "why is it important for them to put up a fight?"

"Because, my dear girl, I'd rather have our people attack them so they're more focused defending themselves and completing the task. If they were to attack our people, out of pride or fear, then there is a higher chance of someone getting hurt. I'd rather our people have a bit of control over the situation."

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself, rather than the reader," Serenity says softly.

"Serenity!" I scold, "You can't just go around breaking the fourth wall like that!" I drop my voice back down to a whisper. "But, you should know it was I who gave the old coot permission to tie up the four humans and leave them at the bottom of the lake!"

"Why?" Her eyes narrowed. "He's got something on you, hasn't he?"

"...Not at all."

She smirked. "He's got a copy of that picture, hasn't he? The one where you're dressed up in drag?"

"He most certainly does not!" I exclaim, but it's clear to the both of us that I'm lying.

Back at the office, as I'm filing a report and writing a letter to the Council of the Merpeople, the door flies open and Ida Banks bursts into the room.

"Oh, Detective Ward!" she exclaims, draping herself over my desk. "Have you solved the mystery?"

"Well, we solved a couple things."

"Like what?"

"Well, we know who put them at the bottom of the lake, and why they're there, and what will happen to them. And we know that it was all done without the proper credentials, so I'm currently writing a letter to the Head Councilman, so he can sort the issue out and administer the proper punishment."

"Oh, Detective Ward, how can I ever repay you for your service?" Ida asks. From the look in her eye and her position on my desk, it's clear that she wants me. I almost suggest dinner at my place, but I remember Serenity. On one hand, it's been forever since I've enjoyed the company of a merwoman, but on the other hand, I've made such progress with Serenity. She actually talked to me multiple times today!

It was a difficult choice, but in the end I decide that maintaining a positive relationship with my work partner is more important than getting laid.

"You could buy me and my assistant pies," I suggest.

Ida blanches. Clearly, my proposition wasn't the one she was expecting. She slides off my desk.

"Pies?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Why don't you pop down to the bakery and pick up a water pepper pie for me, and a… well, what type of pie do you want, Serenity?"

"Duckweed."

"Yes, a water pepper pie for me and a duckweed pie for Serenity."

"Al-alright," Ida stutters. She clears her throat and looks as if she wants to say something else, but thinks better of it and leaves.

"Thank you," Serenity says, her voice barely above a whisper.

I give her a wide smile, pleased that I could make the soft-spoken girl happy. When the pies are delivered, not by Ida, but by a delivery boy, Serenity beams, and I know I made the right choice.

I hope you enjoyed this, it was rather fun to write.

But hey, if you want to give me feedback, the best way to do it is in a review (so leave tons of those, yeah?)

~Al (littlebluespacemoth)