Pippin looked at Merry anxiously as they strode through the massive, elaborate hallway that was the entrance to Sauron's palace.
Merry: What's wrong, dear?
Pippin: Merry, how the hell are we going to win a sing off?
Merry: *laughs*Pip, we're HOBBITS. Singing and dancing is like a second nature to us.
Pippin: But....I really don't know too many more songs than the drinking songs you and I learned from all our time in the Green Dragon.
Sam: *laughs*Which is most days, it seems.
Frodo: You drink and smoke too much, Pip (this is actually said by Merry, but it fit for Frodo to say it)
Sam and Frodo laughed together as Pippin pouted. Merry scratched him behind the ear, but he ignored her. Even Gollum gave an ugly little laugh at Pippin's reaction. Merry, for a brief second, felt extremely sorry that no one was nice to Gollum, but shook it off as the leader Orc stopped in front of a large, oak door.
Pippin: Holy Shire, that's a big door.
Leader: Yeah, I know. Master Sauron has quite the elaborate taste.
Pippin: Apparently. Hey, remember that time when--
Leader: *ignores Pippin's new sentence and leads them through the door into a large, wide room*
Sauron: *prances into the room excitedly*Oh, GOODIE! The guests are here!!!
Frodo: What...the...FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!!!!
Sauron: *giggles*Oh, it's this FABULOUS Hobbit Music! It just makes me SO giddy!
Sam: Dude, you're like, WAY too happy to even be a Hobbit! And we're DAMN happy people!
Sauron: Don't be silly, dear Samwise! I'm PERFECTLY happy!
Sam: I begged to differ.
Pippin: *has contained his laughter until just now, and is now rolling on the floor, laughing his Hobbitish ass off*
Merry: Pippin!
Sauron: See?! This little fellow's also been effected by it! *laughs along with Pippin, not realizing he's the center of Pippin's humor*
Merry: Pip! Knock it off! *Gandalf-smacks him*
Pippin: Oooooowwwwwwwww. Mean lady! *pouts*
Frodo: So, *ahem* Sauron, what's with this whole sing off?
Sauron: Oh, dear Frodo, I mean no harm by it. I just wanted someone to have fun with! And since there's four of you, why not? ^_^
Sam: Because...we're Hobbits?
Sauron: And?
Frodo: *elbows Sam in the chest before he can say something rude* So there is no real competition to it?
Sauron: I get to keep The Music if you guys lose. *hand-flicks* That's really all there is to it.
Sam: Kickass!
Gollum: Wes wants to sing first, Precious!
Sauron: Oh dear. Who let that in? Well.....okay, fiiine. But go.
Gollum: *sings in a horribly high soprano voice for about 1 minute before the Orcs get annoyed and toss her out of the room*
Frodo: Well, that was quick.
Sauron: And ear-splitting. Okay...um, the littler ones with the ADORABLE senses of humor. Why don't you go?
Pippin: *looks at Merry*Ready?
Merry: Especially if you are, Pip ^^
Merry and Pippin then engaged in their tavern-like antics. Singing a raucous drinking song and dancing along with Hobbitish charm that even Sauron chuckled at. When they were finished they each took a bow, and Sauron clapped delightedly. Sauron then pointed to Frodo and Sam, who gave a STELLAR performance of "Into the West". Sauron was now frowning, and clearly frustrated, but went ahead with his cover of "Single Ladies", to which Sam and Pip couldn't help but dance to, which only frustrated the Rainbow Lord even more.
Sauron: Stupid fat Hobbits, you ruin it!
Gollum: *from behind door*Yes! They does, Precious!
Sauron:....Ew.
Crowd of Orcs: *walk up to Sauron and whisper in his ear*
Sauron: No! That's horrible!
Pippin: What?
Sauron: Even my own guards voted for you four cuties to win!
Frodo: Yes!!! We won The Music back for Hobbiton, guys!!!
Sam, Pippin, and Merry: *cheer with delight*
The 4 Hobbits had never been happier. Not only did they just see Sauron as a total Gay... but they also had BEAT him!!
Frodo: *skipping and humming* That was SO much fun *her serious attitude completely gone*
Gollum: Dont you Hobbitses forgets about our Deal!
Precious: yes our DEAL!
Sam: Do you REALLY think that there is a male in the UNIVERSE that could even like that *looking her up and down*
Frodo punched him... hard... in the stomach: SAMWISE! You say sorry! RIGHT NOW... I mean it! *her serious attitude back and in business*
Sam: *mumbles* sorry
Precious: What was thats? we didnt hear the Fat Hobbit! What did you say?
Pippin: *trying to be funny* THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-GARD...
This time it was Merry's turn to slap... cause she is nicer... so she didnt punch. Then gives Sam "the look".
Sam: *huff* I said, Gollum Precious what ever the hell you are, I said that I was sorry for saying that no male would ever like you... *mumbles* even if it is true *sees the looks he is getting* Kidding! I was Kidding!
Frodo:*Turns to Gollum* What are you looking for in a man?
Gollum: Well he has to be smarts, and attractives, and powerful, and he has to play musics... precious musics... *sighs*
Merry: *coughcough* Well.. um... we will have to think about who fits those details... will you excise us for a moment? *grabs both boys*
Frodo: What are we going to do? Where are we going to get a guy like that... now?
Pippin: Guess we wont... we could just kill the fucking thing!
Sam: *nodds in agrement*
Both Girls give a look of disapprovement
Frodo: We gave our word...
Merry: and Hobbits always keep our word
Pippin: well if Hobbits always keep their word... then... you said... you told me that we could... *grins*
Sam: *walks over to Frodo and wraps his arms around her waist* Yeah you too ^^
Frodo: *smiles at Sam... then smacks him* I meant when we were done with all of this! I swear all males think about is sex...
Sam: As if you dont think about it too!
Frodo: I never said that... I just dont think about it as much... and even if i do... i dont say anything about it out loud.... *blushes*
Sam: I love it when you blush, its just so cute!! *starts to pepper kisses up and down her neck and across her shoulder then back up her neck again*
Frodo: *is now lost in the feeling of Sam's soft lips traveling along her neck and shoulder* Sam...
Pippin and Merry: *AWKWARD TURTLE*
Merry: *clears her throat* Um... guys... *has no effect* Guys *A bit louder but still had no effect*
Pippin: *looks at Merry with puppy-dog eyes* I feel left out...
Merry: No
Pippin: Bu-
Merry: No
Pippin: Me-
Merry: NO... and that is that!
Pippin: Fine mean lady... *pouts*
By now Gollum is irritated... Those stupid Hobbitses were supposed to be finding her a boyfriend and two of them were almost making out. She couldnt stand it anymore.
Gollum: Hellos! Over there!! Hobbitses!! I want my boyfriend!!
Precious: Yes... WE wants our boyfriend!
Merry: *turns to look at Gollum... then looks at her two best friends again... who had now found each other's lips... then looked back at Gollum*... We'll find you your boyfriend... but it will take some time...
Gollum: *huffs*
Pippin: I dont want to spend anymore time with that thing *he said under his breath so that only Merry could hear as he motioned to Gollum*
Merry: Be good... dont be a sassy Brat!
Pippin: FIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEE
Merry: Deal? *looked at Gollum who was staring at Frodo and Sam who were still making out*
Gollum: Fine... deals.
now onto part two!!
The Hobbits descided to just go around to all of the cities, kingdoms, and what-not on the way back home in an attempt to find the perfect one for Gollum
Merry: *Looks at Gollum who is hiding behind a wall and looking through a crack in it at all of the people in Gondor* See anyone who catches your eye?
Gollum: No... they are all ugly here... ick... why do theys have Hairs on thier face? yuck!
Merry: *looks around and sees a few guys that she personally thinks are fairly attractive... but none that are like "TOTAL GOD!"* Yeah? i dont know... lets move on
Merry had left the other 3 back at the camp sleeping. Pippin had been sleeping but had woken up when Merry attempted to leave him asleep. Pippin made it clear to Merry that he didnt like the idea of Merry going off alone with Gollum... but she convinced him by reminding that they will be in the middle of GONDOR... where Aragorn rules over the peoples... then he let her go... still unhappy about it. So now she was here looking for a boyfriend for Gollum... ick.
Gollum: I hates Humans... they are so icky...
Merry: well then what kind of a guy are you looking for? if not man then Hobbit? or Elf?
Gollum: I want a Gollum.
Merry: but... you are the only Gollum.
Gollum: then maybe we loves ourself!!
Merry: well... if you love yourself... then i will buy a mirror... will that pay our debt?
Gollum: What is a mirror?
Merry: well, um... its this piece of stuff... that lets you look at yourself...
Gollum: Like a puddle?
Merry: Kinda... but it is solid... and you can hold it and cary it around.
Gollum: YES YES YES! We would LOVES it!
Merry: *smiles* Then I guess we are done here. ^^
Finally, after what seemed like MONTHS, the Hobbits were finally able to return to The Shire. They laughed and sang and danced on their way, and even Gollum, carrying the mirror Merry had "borrowed" from Aragorn in Gondor, was enjoying herself immensely. They dropped Gollum back off in her cave, and, after demanding hugs from Merry and Frodo, the four Hobbits were on their way home.
Frodo: *looks over the hilltop at The Shire, and, specifically, Bag End*Guys! We're home!
Sam: Finally!!!!
Pippin: Hey, I have an idea, guys!
Merry: It's not stupid, is it?
Pippin: Nope, not this time ^^
Merry: *mumbles*At least he's honest.
Frodo: What's your idea, hun?
Pippin: Let's give The Shire a proper greeting ^^
Merry: *catches his meaning and grins*Those tavern nights do come in handy, then ^^
All four Hobbits: *sing at the top of their lungs* You can search far and wide, you can drink the whole town dry!
Other hobbits soon heard the raucous singing of the four young ones, and all immediately ran outside, knowing that brave Frodo and her companions must have once again saved the Hobbit world.
All Four Hobbits: *still signing at the tops of their lungs* But you'll never find a beer so brown, But you'll NEVER find a beer so brown! As the one we drink in our home town, as the one we drink in our home town!
Merry and Pippin: You can drink your fancy ales! You can drink 'em by the flagon!
Sam and Frodo: But the only brew for the brave and true.....
All Four: Come from the Green Dragon!!!
Suddenly the four young hobbits stopped to face The Shire. Sure, they had wanted to wake people up, but had never thought that the other hobbits would actually come out. Merry blushed and scooted behind Pippin, while Frodo's bright red face became lost in Sam's chest. Gandalf appeared suddenly in front of the crowd of Hobbits, and was CLAPPING.
Gandalf: Very good, very good indeed, young hobbits. We're all very proud of you. Howabout another round of song?
The four hobbits looked at each other uneasily, but it was Sam and Pippin who started up the favorite drinking song again, and soon Frodo and Merry couldn't help but join in. Before anyone knew it, the entire Shire was in an uproar with music, dancing, drinking, and laughing. It was a celebration.
Sam took Frodo aside, out of sight of troublesome Merry and Pippin, and behind one of the brew tents.
Frodo: Sam, what the hell?
Sam: *grins*I've got somethin' for ya, Frodo.
Frodo: What?
Sam: I've got a ring, that won't corrupt you. I want you to be my Hobbit-wife. *slips the beautifully designed ring on her finger*
Frodo: Silly Gamgee, of course I'll wear YOUR ring. *wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him*
Back at the front of things, Merry and Pippin were still leading the crowd in high-energy dance and song. Very typical hobbit actions. Suddenly, however, before everyone's eyes, Pippin "accidentally" fell on Merry and pinned her to the ground.
Merry: Pippin! Silly Took! Get off!
Pippin: No, silly Brandybuck.
Merry: Pleeeease? Drunken fool.
*other hobbits laugh, and just as Sam and Frodo re-enter the scene, Sam grins broadly, as Pippin had often discussed his idea with the other hobbit*
Pippin: Only one way.
Merry: *now irritated*Pip!....Come on...!
Pippin: Promise me one thing, first....*fumbles in his pocket, secretly slipping a ring on her finger, which she barely feels the pressure of on her finger*
Merry: What?
Pippin: Promise me you'll marry me.
Merry: *eyes widen*
Sam: Go, PIP!
Frodo: *cheers beside her new fiancee*
Pippin: Please, Merry?
Merry: *shoves Pippin off of her*Of course, you silly Took.