Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Days of Our Lives or the song My Immortal by: Evanescence or the song I Want You by: Savage Garden. I do how ever own the poem 'The Bottom'. The only payment I receive is feedback from the kind readers.
Chapter Four
Have you ever felt like you needed to get away and fast because you knew if you didn't there would be some hurtful words said? Well if you have then you know exactly how I feel right now. Lucas is still calling my name, but just keep on walking. Well walking isn't really the best word more like a woman on a power trip.
I quickly get into my car and lock the doors just before Lucas walks up to my car. There is no stopping my now. I start up the car and pull away my tiers screeching on the street below.
What a day, what a week, what a year! All of this time wasted! On what you ask, Austin of course! All of this time I thought he was hiding secret feelings for me, but really he was going home every night to Carrie. I'm stupid so stupid! How could I ever think he would want me? No one wants damaged goods.
I felt as if I had left my stomach back on E street. My whole body was shaking. I wouldn't cry not here not now. You are a strong woman Sami don't let a man break you. I keep repeating this over and over in my head. The tears are yearning to escape my eyes, but I refuse to let them.
I needed to go somewhere, where I could just be myself. A place where I could get away from the world. I know just the place I thought to myself as I pushed the gas petal a little harder. Zipping off down the street.
I walked into the same smoke filled room that I went to every Tuesday. Today how ever wasn't Tuesday, but some how I felt like I needed to be here. I needed to feel free, and this was a place where I felt jus that.
"Hey Sami starting early this week?" The bar tender smiles "Can I get you a drink?" He smirks there is a funny little story behind this one. You see every time I walk into this bar 'Trent' always asks me if I want a drink. Even though he knows very well I don't drink.
"Yes actually I would" I say taking a seat at the bar. Trent has a look on his face as if he had just been slapped.
"Are you serious?" Trent's left eyebrow is askew
"Trent just give me a drink…I don't care what anything to make it stop" I say as I tilt my head to look at the bar counter.
"Stop what?"
"Trent just give me a damn drink!" I say hitting my hand on the counter. I really didn't want to go telling a bar tender, whom I barely know all my sob stories.
"Coming right up" He says turning around to the back counter, which contained all the mixes, blenders, and any kind of beer you could think of.
What am I doing? What in the HELL am I doing I think to myself as I stand up off the bar stool. I didn't need drinks to cure me. No the only thing that would help me now would be my music and Austin of course. Well you've got one of them I remind myself as I step up to the oh so familiar platform.
I knew exactly what I wanted to sing. I hoped singing it wouldn't make me cry. The light shines down on me as I look out and see Trent looking confused with a drink in his hand.
"So what's it ganna be today doll?" Glenda smiles up at me.
"My Immortal" I told her
"You've got it" She said as she walked away to the DJ table. The song came pouring into the room as I began to sing.
I'm
so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And
if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause
your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
I wouldn't cry, no not here in front of hundreds of people. My eyes began to fog over. I wouldn't cry not here.
These
wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's
just too much that time cannot erase
When
you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd
fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of
these years
But you still have
All of me
The song had a pause in the middle. I in hailed a few deep breathes and repeated over and over in my head. You are a strong woman do not let a man break you…you are a strong woman do not let a man break you…I took in one last deep breath and began to sing again.
You
used to captivate me These
wounds won't seem to heal
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by
the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant
dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
This pain is just too real
There's
just too much that time cannot erase
Time couldn't sane me even if it hit me between the eyes. Nothing could save me now. It looked as if the wall was going to be built back up.
When
you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd
fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of
these years
But you still have
All of me
I've
tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're
still with me
I've been alone all along
The tears are still trying to fight there way out. I can feel them and I can no longer hold them back. One single tear slides down my cheek.
When
you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd
fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of
these years
But you still have
All of me
The song ended I had planned on singing two at least, while I was here. But as the sobs over took my body I rushed off the platform and grabbed my purse from the bar. I had to get out of here. I was sure that after I left the room would be full of whispers about me.
The tears kept falling. I knew the Carrie Austin thing would sink in eventually, But I thought I could hold it until I got home.
Once I was in my car my body shook with uncontrollable sobs. There was no where I could go and no one I could turn to. I didn't have any friends, so it wasn't as if I could show up at there door and cry on some one who doesn't exist.
A small smile passed my lips through my tears at the remembrance of an old memory. It was the memory of my senor prom. Austin had taken me, because I had no date and because Carrie had insisted. My mind thought back on it as I continued to cry.
Anytime
I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to
a place where
Your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up
shelter
In the base of my spine
Sweet like a chic a cherry cola
His Hand in mine as he placed his other hand on the small of my back. Was this love I was feeling? Austin had always had something about him I couldn't resist. We continued to sway as I rested my head on his shoulder. I wanted to hold onto the moment forever.
I
don't need to try and explain Come stand a little bit closer
I just hold on tight
And if it
happens again I might move
So slightly
To the arms and the lips
and the face
Of the human cannonball
That I need to I want
to
Breath in and get a bit
higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you
I breathed in his scent and the scenery around us. I was making a memory to have for years to come. I would never forget this night.
Ooh
I want you I'm the kind of person who endorses Conversation
has a time and place
I don't know if I need you
But ooh I'd die to
find out
Ooh I want you
I don't know if I need you
But ooh
I'd die to find out
A
deep commitment
Getting comfy getting perfect
Is what I live
for
But a look then a smell of perfume
It's like I'm down
on the floor
And I don't know what I'm in for
In the interaction of a lover and
A
mate
But the time of talking
Using symbols using words
Can
be likened to a deep sea diver
Who is swimming with a raincoat
I wanted to be close to him so many times, but it seemed every time I tried Carrie had come between us. I was finally alone with him. This was perfect I told myself. Nothing and no one could ruin this moment.
I
don't need to try and explain
I just hold on tight
And if it
happens again I might move
So slightly
To the arms and the lips
and the face
Of the human cannonball
That I need to I want to
Ooh
I want you
I don't know if I need you
But ooh I'd die to
find out
Ooh I want you
I don't know if I need you
But ooh
I'd die to find out
The song was over and our bodies drifted apart. Austin did something amazing right then and there. It nearly took my breath away. Austin took my hand in his once more only this time he bent down and kissed it. I was on top of the world at that moment. Tingles ran through my body
The memory faded away in my mind. It was one of my favorites. That night I ran home to write in my journal. I was so naïve then. A few years can change people in big ways. I look at my life in a completely different way now.
The tears had subsided but my body still shook with after shock. I reached for my keys and turned on the car. I had to get home and think about today. It was the only thing that would get me through this ruff time.
I opened the book that held my deepest and most secretive poems. I had expressed so many emotions in this book. I needed to add a new one. I grabbed the nearest pin and began.
The Bottom
Just when I thought
I'd reached the bottom
You gave me your hand
You saved me from myself.
You helped me up only to push
Me back down.
I can still see your eyes
They seem to be laughing at me.
I made sure to push really hard as I marked the last period on the sentence. The jerk! He thinks he can make a fool of Sami Brady! Well he is wrong. I will get through this my heart is in pieces now but I'll make sure to pick up every last part. I will not let Austin hurt me any more and toy with my emotions.
I jumped up from the bed and began grabbing everything in sight that reminded him of me. The corsage from the prom. His stupid Elton John CD, and not to forget his sweat shirt that he left in my car. I threw every last item that was his or remotely reminded me of him into a box.
I guess I felt like if I had all of his things in this box I was getting rid of him. I grabbed the roll of tape and began wrapping and wrapping it around the now lidded box. He would never escape the box, and he can't hurt me any more.
I placed the box on the top shelf in my closet. It would eventually collect dust and be forgotten about. I was ridding him of my life. He would still be there with Carrie every day, but I was kicking him out of my mind. I had to stop the pain.
I should have known I couldn't rid Austin of my life just like that. In less then an hour I had pulled the box back down from the shelf and began rummaging threw it remembering each and everything.
Why is this so hard for me? It wasn't like he and I ever dated. From what I can remember he had always liked Carrie.
Thinking about Carrie led me to remember how rude I was to her. And to Luke or what ever his name was. Man I bet that guy thinks I'm a bitch on wheels. They say 70 of first impressions go bad. At least I wasn't the only one, I'm sure many people insult some one on there first meeting.
I shook my head trying to get the thoughts out of my head. But I couldn't my mind kept asking questions. Why did Luke or Landon or what ever his name is run after me? What did he want to say that was so important?
I finally managed to get all thoughts off my mind and concentrate on Austin. I knew I would see him tomorrow when I went to apologize to Carrie. I was rude to her and to Austin's brother so I guess I owed Austin an apology too.
I didn't want to think any more. I just wanted to shut the world out and fall into complete darkness. I sat on my bed and tried to clear my mind by repeating the word quite over and over again. I was finally at peace as my mind had cleared only holding the word quiet…quite…quite