CHAPTER FOUR
Have to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing! You make me smile xD lol.. hope you'll enjoy this chapter… Please give me more feedback. Thank you a million!
[Scene: Ross's (and Rachel's) apartment. Ross and Rachel are entering, having just left their rehearsal dinner. Rachel seems pretty pissed off as she is walking in quickly.]
Rachel: You totally caught me off guard, Ross! I mean, did you really expect me not to be mad about this?
Ross: No, no, I saw this coming, Rach. I knew you were gonna get so mad which is why I decided not to tell you right away so, you know, in a way, I was actually being very considerate about your feelings.
(Rachel keeps staring at him, mad.)
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: Okay, look, can we at least just sit and talk about this? You know, like a normal couple?
Rachel: A normal couple? What, first you decide to buy a house and not tell me; now you're insulting me too?
Ross: Rach…
Rachel: No, look, I didn't go to Paris because I wanted to be with you. I-I left a pretty damn good opportunity slip me buy, not to mention how many cute sexy French guys I missed out on, and you know how I feel about guys who say "Bonjour". (puts her hand out like she's opening a car door to someone else)
Ross: (looking at her stupid) Is that it? Do you want me to say Bonjour to you now? (does the same hand-signal she did, only mocking her)
(Rachel looks at him, mad.)
Rachel: Don't do this, Ross. Don't make me look stupid again.
Ross: Wha—I'm not making you look stupid. Rach!
Rachel: (screaming, moving to the bedroom) Yes, you are! You always do that! You love being the smart scientist guy because you get to teach me about all kinds of crap that I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT!
Ross: (screaming now too, following her to the bedroom) Well, maybe that's the problem! If you tried to show me that you care about half the stuff I care about, I wouldn't mind telling you about the nice house that I saw and the big pool the size of our apartment but nooo, you can't ever possibly give a DAMN ABOUT WHAT I DO!
Rachel: (screaming) Oh you did not just—(stops) A pool? Hmm. (rubs her hand across her chin, and then screams again) No, the point is… We are getting married. We're starting a life together, and you don't get to decide on this kind of stuff all by yourself!
Ross: You don't think I know that? But I-I just… (sighs) I just…really want it to happen this time.
(There's a pause. Ross is now standing and Rachel is sitting at the end of the bed)
Rachel: (quieter) You want what to happen?
Ross: Y'know, this. Us. I feel like every time we get together, something just doesn't—and we don't—(sighs) I guess I just thought if I found a nice house and put an offer and maybe even bought it without telling you…you know, that—that way, it can't not happen anymore.
Rachel: Ross, you can't do stuff like that. (gets up and stands in front of him) It is happening. It's going to happen. You and me, forever… You can't manipulate me not to leave you by buying me a house and forcing me to stay. It doesn't work that way.
Ross: (winces) Well, they should tell you that before you make an offer.
(Rachel chuckles, grabs him by the back of his head and kisses him gently on the lips.)
Rachel: (still kissing him) So there's really a pool the size of our apartment?
Ross: Yeah. But you know, if you're into that kinda stuff. (kisses her)
…
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are walking in from the rehearsal dinner too.]
Chandler: So, that was…horrible.
Monica: It actually wasn't half as bad as I thought it was gonna be, you know, considering it was half Team Phoebe's organization.
Chandler: You know, it was also half Team Monica.
Monica: (smiling) I know. Didn't you love those tiny little comment cards everyone had in their glasses of champagne?
Chandler: I gotta say…that was a choker. (smiles)
Monica: It was so nice of you to let Joey be the best man. I think it takes a best man to do something that nice to their best friend. (approaches him and starts to take his tie off)
Chandler: Oh, yeah?
Monica: Uh-huh. You know what else I think? (starts to unbutton his shirt)
Chandler: "Best man is gonna score tonight"?
Monica: You bet. (starts to take his pants off when she realizes something is in his pants) What is that?
Chandler: Oh, umm… (immediately steps back) Umm… Umm…
(Pause)
Monica: (staring at him) "Umm…"?
Chandler: It's…birth-control pills. (pauses, nervously) F-f-for men.
(Monica stares at him.)
Monica: What?
Chandler: Right? I was a little offended too. Why don't they make those?
Monica: Get over here.
(She grabs him and takes out the pills)
Monica: It says "Phoebe Buffay Hannigan" on the box.
Chandler: So you think she might know whose pills these really are?
Monica: Chandler, is Phoebe using these?
Chandler: (sighs and goes to sit on the bed) Yes, yes. Joey and I found them in Phoebe and Mike's apartment, but I don't think Mike knows because he keeps going on and on about how the two of them do it everywhere and how more free-spirited they are than we are, so I just held on to 'em until… (puts on a serious face) Until we decide how to get rid of the evidence.
Monica: Wow, this is crazy. I mean, why would she even be using these? I thought they were tryin' to have kids. God, this is big.
Chandler: No, no, it's not. Let's not make a big deal about this, okay? 'Cause then more people are gonna find out and when more people find out, everyone finds out and when everyone finds out… I'll look like a jackass.
Monica: Aw, honey, I won't let them call you a jackass. Mainly 'cause it's a word made up of my dad's name combined to a body part I don't like to think he has.
Chandler: Give me these. (takes the pills) We are not talking about this ever again. (puts the pills away) (serious tone) Do you understand? We are not telling anyone, and we are not discussing this issue again. (quickly) Now let's get naked and have hot, shower sex.
Monica: (grunts) No, I-I dunno, Chandler. I'm not really in the mood. I just keep thinking about—(Chandler looks at her, warning her) About…how Mike thinks we're not free-spirited.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. He even said Team Phoebe cleans the bathroom towels three times just to make sure they're clean-clean-clean.
(Monica gasps)
Chandler: I say, we show Team Phoebe just how clean Team Monica can be by getting in the shower right now, whaddaya say, partner?
(Monica laughs)
Monica: Nice one. Ahh, if only I was still seventeen. (gives him a little rub on the head and walks out of the bathroom, leaving Chandler dumbfounded)
…
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is at the couch reading a bridal magazine as Joey walks in and heads straight to the counter.]
Joey: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: (puts her hand up in the air) Shush, Joey I'm working.
Joey: (turns to face Gunther) Hey, Gunther, can I have a latte and a scone?
Gunther: Sure.
Joey: (smiling) Hey, I haven't seen you in a while! Didn't you miss me? You want some Joey-love? (gives him a hug from across the counter)
Gunther: To be honest, Joey, we did kinda miss you here. Toilet seats are always down now that you don't live here anymore, and most of the women who come to have coffee here…are actually coming back.
Joey: Hmm. Hot women?
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, can you come help me pick out what flowers to use at the reception tomorrow?
(Joey sits next to her.)
Joey: You still haven't picked that out yet? Pheebs, the wedding is in 24 hours.
Phoebe: Aha, see, at least I know that!
Joey: So, Pheebs, I actually wanna…kinda talk to you about something.
Phoebe: Shoot.
Joey: It's kinda…weird and personal.
Phoebe: Joey! Did you have sex with one of my friends again, 'cause I'm sorry, but my circle of friends is gettin' kinda smaller by the second.
Joey: No, no, no, it's not—Well…
(Phoebe looks at him.)
Joey: Look, uh, I kinda…saw something last night when we went to your place to get me a suit.
Phoebe: What, do you mean, what'd you see?
Joey: Those pills you're on.
Phoebe: You took those?
Joey: No, no! Mike walked in so I had to hide them in my pants before I handed 'em over to Chandler!
Phoebe: (horrified) You put them in your pants?!
Joey: Don't worry, they weren't as uncomfortable as you think.
Phoebe: Joey…wha—what were you doing going through my stuff?
Joey: Look, I'm sorry, alright? But we have to talk about this. I mean, does Mike even know?
Phoebe: No, but I mean, y'know, I'm gettin' there.
Joey: Why don't you want kids?
Phoebe: It's not that I don't want kids. It's just that…I dunno, I've never been so responsible in my life before, y'know? I've never held a job long enough to be able to hold a child in my woman-parts for nine months! (Pause) And that's why I had to beg Rachel to let me be the wedding-planner, you know, so that I could try to actually do something responsible for once in my life without screwing it all up like Team Phoebe usually does.
Joey: Ugh, Phoebe…
Phoebe: (puts her head in her hands) Oh God, now I feel awful.
Joey: No, no, hey, the reason I came here is because I wanted to talk to you about this. I want you to know that I support whatever you decide to do.
Phoebe: Really?
Joey: Of course. But you have to tell Mike about this first. If you're feeling at all uncomfortable or not ready to have a child, he has the right to know.
Phoebe: Yeah, I guess. It's just gonna be so hard on him, you know? All of us musicians have a hard time taking bad news.
Gunther: (approaches the couch) Uh, Phoebe? I'm sorry, but there wasn't any more chamomile tea so we just made you a normal cup of tea.
Phoebe: (stands up, flips out on him) ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!
Gunther: (scared, nervously) I'll-I'll go across the street get you some. (rushes out)
Phoebe: (sits back calmly, smiles at Joey) See?
Joey: (a little freaked out) Yeeaah.
…
So this was chapter four. More interesting storylines coming up soon, I promise. Just PLEASE tell me what you thought. I'll try to update very soon! Thanks for reading!