Living with Morrigan Aensland, Tony had decided, was rather like dealing with ol' Hammertime when he'd first become an Avenger. To a lesser extent Steve as well, but at least Captain America only had a few decades he needed to be brought up to speed on. For instance, Steve Rogers didn't mistake one of Tony's televisions as a "mystical prison most foul" and valiantly trounce it to save poor trapped Leslie Neilson from its confines with a magic god hammer. By the same token, Cap hadn't confused the Miss America pageant for a "delightful flesh market" and try to persuade, and boy did she lay it on thick, Tony into buying Miss West Virginia because her talent was magic which was "intriguing".

However, both Steve and Thor were fairly open about their ignorance about the modern world. Morrigan, on the other hand, was...less so.

The first time it really hits home with Tony Stark that Morrigan is not good with technology is early one morning after a particularly vigorous evening together. He walks, though "zombies" might be a better term, his way from his bedroom and toward the kitchen. His mind is still mired in the slow-moving fog of waking, and so he doesn't give much thought to the curious fact that he woke up without the succubus sharing the bed. She usually likes to sleep in, and then attempt to entice him into brining her breakfast with a show of her many good qualities and promises of fun. Tony doesn't cook-cook for anybody, and isn't about to start now. Toaster, oven, and microwave are his areas of expertise in the culinary world and his attempt at an omelet was disastrous enough to negate any future attempts.

Instead, the billionaire is just grateful that he doesn't have to be his charmingly witty self first thing in the morning. Even he needs a break and a cup of coffee sometimes. A few eggos, blueberry if he had them, would be good too.

What he finds going on in his kitchen is so bizarre that it takes him a moment to properly process it. The succubus queen is clothed, which is unusual in and of itself when she ambles around Tony's house, and is tinkering with his microwave.

Well, tinkering might not be the best word. Sweet talking seems far more accurate.

Morrigan is crouched down, nearly on her knees, green eyes staring intently at the device which is clearly not cooking anything. Her black sleep pants are tight enough to be a second skin, and flatter her hips quite nicely, and the succubus' choice of shirt is a sports bra that matches her hair.

"Come on," Morrigan coos at the still silent microwave. Her fingers idly tap some of the buttons, which beep pleasantly at her but little else. "Just warm it up for me, and I'll do something for you. Anything you might like."

Tony gets close enough to look over her shoulder and sees that the microwave's timer reads "24:50:02". If she were to actually find the "cook" button, whatever was inside would be heated for just over a solid day. The billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist is honestly struck dumb that the cooker even goes that high.

"I'm afraid you can do very little to entice me, miss."

Stark blinks, and in his sleep addled mind, he honestly wonders for a moment if the microwave really did just talk. It honestly wouldn't be the first time one of his gadgets decided to grow a consciousness. If that's the case, Tony hopes this one won't decide to try and kill him. Or worse yet, fall for him. That'd be awkward for everybody.

The succubus makes a show of pouting, then gently caresses the top right corner of the microwave's door. He recognizes the motion as something she's done to him when he wasn't quite in the mood enough for her purposes. And seeing it used in this situation has Tony almost going cross-eyed in utter bafflement and feeling a small twinge of totally unwarranted jealousy. Because, really, it's a microwave.

"Oh come now. I've been around for a long," she stretches this word out, practically lolling her tongue around it, "time. I know many ways to make things fun for both of us."

"I find that distinctly difficult to believe," the voice replies blandly and Tony is now just awake enough to remember he never properly introduced the succubus to all of his entourage.

Pepper had met Morrigan by complete accident, and had steadfastly refused to join in which disappointed both succubus and the genius because it was common knowledge that redheads were great in bed. Rhodey was still largely in the dark, ha-ha, about the whole thing as far as Tony knew. By this point though, Pepper had probably told him about his friend's newest bed buddy. Happy knew about her, and steadfastly refused to drive both of them because Morrigan found it endlessly amusing to find new ways to distract Tony's driver from the road. Which really only left one person, er, artificial intelligence.

It takes Tony only a few seconds to recall all of this, and come to the most logical conclusion. Said conclusion demands a response.

Tony Stark, famously known as Iron Man, points at the queen of all succubi and laughs. Morrigan turns those bright green eyes on him, momentarily confused, and swiftly becomes miffed when she realizes she's the butt of somebody's joke.

"What?"

"JARVIS," Tony says between snickers, "I didn't know you had it in you."

"You are the one that programmed me, sir," The AI replies matter-of-factly.

"Point."

Morrigan glowers at her pet industrialist, though she still seems to not quite understand. "Tony, you're servants are terrible. In Aensland castle, none would dream of denying me."

"I do a pretty good job of it. And he's not a servant," Tony replies, smile still firmly on his lips. "He's an AI. Basically, he's the house. JARVIS the house, say hi."

"Hello Ms. Aensland."

Morrigan glances between him, the microwave, then scans the ceiling, looking for the source of the voice. She seems to consider things for a moment, then gives the microwave a few experimental taps. Nothing results from this, obviously, so she turns her attention back to Tony.

"This is not a servant." It isn't exactly a question, though it's a close thing.

"Nope. That's a microwave. You cook stuff with it."

The succubus ponders for another moment. "Then, the voice will not cook things for me."

"Do I appear to be a manservant?" JARVIS' voice is positively sniffy.

Morrigan pouts again, looking visibly dejected and mutters, "Damn."

The succubus, as Tony also discovered, had a competitive streak a mile wide. Anything that could be turned into a contest, Morrigan did just that. The normal one was the bedroom, where Tony made a valiant showing but her demonic heritage would ultimately win the evening. If he was completely honest with himself, he was a little put out by this fact. But, at time marched on and their relationship continued, Tony discovered ways to even the scoreboard.

It happens during a evening, a month or so into their relationship. The sun is nearly below the horizon, and the remaining colors are all varying shades of blue and purple. Tony watches the sunset from his favorite couch, sipping on a scotch on the rocks that manages to hit exactly the right spot. He is relaxed, he is happy, and it all goes down the drain when Morrigan enters.

Not to say he isn't happy to see her, or relaxed around her, but the woman can be absolutely insatiable. It nearly chokes the billionaire to say it, but he just isn't feeling particularly frisky tonight. But she is bright eyed, and bouncy enough to be interested in some early evening fun.

Tony decides to take a gamble and introduce the succubus to a fairly regular human past time: video games. Stark decides on the Nintendo, as it's the most active of the three consoles, and most likely to keep her attention.

She likes the name of the console, and makes the exact same connections between it and naughty things that everybody and a few of their grandmas have made since the thing was released. However, she seems less than impressed with the controllers, and idly examines one while Tony grabs something to play and the necessary peripherals.

"I've seen much better than this," she mentions casually, causing Tony to shoot her a look. Morrigan waggles the controller for emphasis. "Hardly any secondary features, and the color is plain boring. No imagination at all."

Tony allows a chuckle, knowing exactly what she means. Hawkeye showed him that particular shock video, the jerkass little Robin Hood knock off, and he hadn't been able to even look at the console for a few days afterward.

"That's not what they're for," he explains patiently and puts the game in. Tony then takes the little white steering wheel and pops his controller into in, and does the same for Morrigan. "You play games with them. I'll show you."

The succubus smiles coyly at him. "If you're interested in toys..."

"Nope," Tony cuts her off right there. "This is different."

He boots up the game, and Morrigan becomes slightly interested with the flashing colors and music. He explains the rules of the game, racing around the track a few times, and picks the lowest setting to get her used to the controls. The succubus picks the iconic princess of the series, which Tony finds just so fitting. He grabs his usual, the plumber's underappreciated brother.

Morrigan seems to enjoy it once she gets the hang of things, and is almost gleeful when she gets the lightning bolt that miniaturizes all her opponents. She coos smugly at him a few times when she knocks out other racers, and Tony casually mentions he's in first place. The succubus goes quiet, and turns her full attention to the race.

The billionaire knows his way around a racing game or two, because he 's always enjoyed getting to play around with cars, and wins every race until the fourth and final one. The succubus barely manages fifth for her best showing, but often finds herself hassled by green turtle shells, bananas, and deviously placed trees.

The finale is in a large castle, which Morrigan remarks looks vaguely like her home. The main hazards are the various lava rivers. The succubus has a stroke of good luck, and makes it into first during the initial lap. She can hardly control her pleasure at this, and rubs Tony's nose in her obviously assured victory. Stark takes loud umbrage at her trash talking, and zaps her with the dreaded blue turtle shell.

"What?" She demands at this affront. "Oooh you..."

Tony just smiles, and trails her for the remainder of the race, blasting her with every power up he comes across. He declares absolute victory over his voluptuous foe when he knocks her into a laver river and takes first place while she nets seventh.

Morrigan stares at the screen, obviously perturbed. The succubus takes one look at her steering wheel, and casually hurls it over her shoulder.

"The controls are off," she declares with an air of finality. She turns on Tony, and grins. "I know a better game."

She lunges and the night takes a turn for the usual between the two. She expresses mild disdain for the concept of video games for a few days afterward, insisting that Tony found a way to cheat somehow. In spite of her ranting and grumbling on the subject, there is an unmistakable gleam in her green eyes when Tony gives her a Nintendo Wii as a spur-of-the-moment present.

"But you still owe me a controller," he makes sure to tell her.

Something else that sometimes puzzled Tony was the fact that he'd never really seen Morrigan Aensland angry. Not that this was a bad thing. When Dr. Steven Strange, the sorcerer goddamn supreme, mentioned somebody by name, even in passing, Tony figured it was just good sense not to truly annoy them. If he could help it, anyway.

Hey, Tony knew he was a lot of things, but perfect had never been on that list.

When Bruce Banner, aka the Hulk, returned to Earth, Tony knew he was in for it. During the god awful mess that had been the superhuman Civil War, a lot of unpleasantness had gone around. Admittedly, Tony had a hand in more than his fair share of it, and he didn't like that fact in the slightest. The Black Widow had once told him that she did what she did because she had "red on her ledger" and she wanted to wash it clean. Tony felt the same way nowadays.

In the early days of the Civil War, the Hulk suddenly seemed to just lose his shit. More so than usual. The Hulk would show up someplace, never as Banner just as the Hulk, and wreck anything that looked at him funny.

For the struggling Pro-Registration faction headed by Tony Stark, this was absolutely unacceptable. The public had never been particularly at ease with the big green guy, and this sudden episode just played into every alarmist's hands. It was bad enough during the good times, but during the start of the Registration Act, with the Stamford explosion still fresh on everybody's minds, this was the absolute last straw. The American people had already lost two of their cities in the past decade, one with a horrific viral outbreak that the superheroes simply hadn't been able to deal with, and now one to a rampaging superhuman.

They flat out weren't going to tolerate the Hulk's rage anymore.

And so, SHIELD called in the Registered heroes to take him down. And Tony was one of them. Hell, he was the leader of them. And now he had to take down a good friend like he was a rapid animal. The thought of those orders still left a bad taste in the billionaire's mouth.

But, he just couldn't argue with the facts as they came in.

So he, Reed Richards, Dr. Strange, and a few others designed and built a ship. They then subdued the Hulk, much easier said than done, and shot him toward another planet. A world free of intelligent creatures, but plenty habitable. It was as merciful as Tony was allowed to get in the confines of his orders. At least that way, he thought, the Hulk would finally be left alone like he'd always wanted.

It wasn't until the discovery of the full picture that everybody realized they'd been had. Captain America found out that two senators pivotal in approving Registration were in Shadaloo and thus M. Bison's pocket. And then the nanobots used to subdue the villains SHIELD had captured went berserk, turning them into some kind of collective machine consciousness that demanded immediate action to stop. Upon later study, the nanobots came back with trace parts and programming unique to Victor Von Doom.

Everything that followed was a blur. The nanobot controlled villains were battled into submission. A biological agent was nearly released in the headquarters of the Anti-Registration heroes, only to be stopped by Deadpool of all people; the virus was almost instantly recognizable as something the defunct Umbrella Corporation cooked up. Then Captain America was shot on the steps of Federal Hall; he'd been leaving talks to get the Registration Act repealed. He went into a coma, and was reported dead a few days later.

SHIELD came down on every Shadaloo related operation it could find like an angry god, with Tony at the head. But Bison never surfaced, and of course Doom had a self destruct countermeasure in place so any direct evidence of Latverian intervention went up in microscopic smoke. Registration was repealed, though similar bills still popped up every so often, and the superhero community was left to re-mingle, bad blood and all.

It'd been...messy. All of it. Tony got a video from Bison himself during the fallout, encrypted out the ass and filtered through a few hundred proxies so Tony wasn't able to track the live signal right to the smug bastard, and the dictator had gloated pleasantly about using his powers to continuously harass the Hulk's mind for weeks at a time. Which meant that the Hulk had been being forced into a rage, and hadn't simply flown off the handle.

Which meant that Tony had shot a very good friend into outer space for absolutely nothing.

That was so astoundingly bizarre and fucked up, the billionaire couldn't help but laugh. Then he'd drunk so much that he'd been honestly surprised he even woken up the next day.

The Hulk had found his way back just prior to Galactus's most recent attack. Tony had attempted to get in contact with him, but the big guy made it abundantly clear who would get smashed if they met. Iron Man gave him a wide berth after that. But then they were put on the same side once again during the final battle against the world eater. Morrigan was quite pleased with herself at the time, for hurling the Hulk at Galactus' face. Anything that bought more time for the Fantastic Four to find the Ultimate Nullifier helped, and an angry gamma monster to the face seemed quite distracting to the world eater.

The next time Iron Man and the Hulk met, Tony had expressed his deepest apologies and revealed that Bison had been the one tormenting his mind. Bruce's alter ego hadn't forgiven him, not by a long shot, but seemed very interested in finding M. Bison and smashing him for a good long time. Tony promised to help any way he could. Hulk grumbled at that, and leapt away. At least by that point, Cap had resurfaced alive somehow. Nobody really cared how, they were just happy to have Steve back, not least of which was Tony Stark.

Tony and Hulk ran into each other again a few months later, and this time Morrigan was out with him. She was being her usual flirty self, until she caught sight of the big green guy. She actually scowled at him, as thoroughly displeased as Tony had ever seen her.

"Hulk," she greeted with as much joy as somebody greets flu season.

Hulk grunted down at her. "Bat lady."

The billionaire blinked at the two from behind his armored helmet, confused. "Uh, something wrong? There isn't a breakup I'm not aware of, is there? Cause the last time I saw you guys, you were perfectly cool with each other. So cool that she got to throw you at somebody. Granted, it was a giant planet eating somebody but..."

He trailed off when he noted neither of them were paying attention to him.

"Really," Tony tried again, "what's going on? And should I move back a little?...A lot?"

"Your big green lummox here just has no taste, that's all."

At that, Hulk did the worst thing he could every do to anybody. He smiled. "Umar is better."

Morrigan whirled on the big guy, pretty face crinkled up in fury. "SHUT. UP."

Tony managed to separate the two, and by the grace of god, not get smashed or tentacle harpooned in the process. The succubus fumed for the rest of the night, grumbling about "bad sports" and "not getting a fair shot" and "that harpy wouldn't know seduction if it..." and so forth. Tony Stark tried to be supportive, in his own Tony way, but that didn't have any effect. So he retired to his workshop.

"Umar," he wondered as he sat down at his computer.

The name sort of sounded familiar, and it obviously put Morrigan's bats in a twist. He had a mystery, and that could well be a temporary escape from all the bad memories and guilt Tony had been fighting since the end of the Civil War.

He found nothing matching the name online, so he made a couple of calls. Turned out, Dr. Strange had an answer for him. Tony listened to Strange's explanation growing progressively more stunned and afterward could only stare at the phone, dumbfounded, for what felt like hours. He eventually managed to thank the good doctor, then immediately called the Hulk on his old Avengers communicator card.

"What tin man want?" Bruce's alter ego ground out at him.

It said a lot for how shocked the billionaire was that this didn't faze him at all.

"Umar?" He asked, incuriously. "As in Dormammu's sister? The guy who Dr. Strange says is made of metal, crazy magic fire, and megalomania? That Dormammu? His sister?"

The Hulk smiled at him, and Tony didn't even register the hair on the back of his neck go into cardiac arrest.

Stark sputtered at him for a few seconds, then asked the only question that seemed relevant.

"...Did it burn?"

Hulk's smile turned more than a little smug. "Strongest there is."

Tony laughed at that like he hadn't laughed since before the Registration Bill had passed.

As with all fan fiction, I own nothing but the premise. Everything else is entirely owned by Marvel Comics or Capcom respectively.