As soon as Piper leaves, I feel completely empty. Even though I told her to go, I never imagined she actually would.

You knew she'd leave though. That's what she does best.

Once again I start crying, crying for who I was, who I am and who I will become. I cry because I love Piper so fucking much, but completely abhor her as well. I cry because my mum isn't here and again I'm totally overwhelmed by grief for her.

I cry because I'm alone, and I have no fucking idea how I'll get through this by myself.

I wake up the next morning, my head is killing me and my mouth feels like a desert. I turn on my phone for the first time in days and see numerous message from Nicky.

"Vause why the hell are you not answering my messages?"

"I haven't heard from you in 3 days, there'd better be a good reason for this"

"I swear to god I'm calling the fucking FBI if i don't hear from you in the next hour"

I flick through all her mildly threatening and abusive messages until I come across the last one.

"Piper's said you're not well. Please don't shut me out stretch."

Fucking bitch, I think to myself. Of course she told Nicky, subtlety and confidentiality has never been one of Piper's strong points.

"Sorry. I've had a lot on my degrading mind. Come over later." I type a quick reply, hoping that she's too busy fucking Lorna or something to notice it straight away, I need a while to mentally prepare myself. I reach over to my bedside table, being surprised when I find a glass of water there. Maybe I'm not losing my mind as quickly as I thought. I then take a sip of it only to discover it's vodka. What a fucking douchebag. I put it down in disgust and get out of bed to find something non alcoholic to drink and to get some tylenol. I grab a cup and gulp some water down like a dying man and then hunt down some tylenol, I throw a few tablets down my throat and turn some music on. I smile when I hear Debussy play, remembering one particular afternoon.

"Come dance with me Ali," Piper chants, smiling sweetly at me.

"Don't ever call me that again you little shit." I say, trying to suppress a smile as I'm reading a book.

"Sorry", she flashes a wide toothy grin at me, "But I love this song." She says, perching on the end of the bed waiting for my response.

"Babe, it's Clair De Lune, not exactly a floor filler." I reply, my concentration fully on my book.

"C'mon Al, please?" she pouts at me, staring at me with her 'sad puppy eyed' look as I liked to call it.

"Fiiine, but don't expect me to enjoy it." I say, dramatically slamming down my book.

"YAY!" she squeals, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. We start dancing around the bedroom, her head tucked into my neck and our arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace.

"Did you know that this song is one of the four movements of the Suite bergamasque? The bergamask is an old Italian dance which was considered a very awkward and clumsy dance," she smirks at me, "A bit like you when you're dancing," she laughs.

"I agree to dance with you and you start insulting me? Shocking behaviour, Chapman." I look her right in the eyes. "I bet you didn't know that the word Clair De Lune means 'moonlight' in French though, smartass." She is staring at me intently and I realise how apt that description is, her eyes truly are the colour of shining moonlight.

"Nuh uh," she says and leans in to kiss my neck.

"Looks like the walking encyclopaedia needs an update," I tease and hold her closer to my chest.

We continue gently swaying around for hours. I think of all the ups and downs we've had, the laughter and tears but ultimately the complete adoration and care for one another.

After all, love is like a rose; so sweet, that one always tries to gather it in spite of the thorns.

The song ends and my phone buzzes, breaking me out of my blissful memories. A message from Nicky flashes up.

"At least you're alive. I'll be over by 2."

I look at the time. 1.30pm, I still had a bit of time. I get up and decide that the best move would be to make some food. I cut some bread and turn the grill on, only for a crushing pain to suddenly occur in my head making me cry out. I couldn't remember if I'd taken any painkillers or not, I thought I had but I could never be sure of anything these days. I make my way to the bathroom through screwed up eyes and swallow 3 tablets. I put them in my pocket, splash cold water on my face and make my way back to the kitchen. I put the toast under the grill and sit at the breakfast bar, wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with Nicky. She's going to kill me for not telling her and I can already anticipate what's she's going to say.

"Is the fact you forgot to tell me you had a memory problem a symptom of Alzhimer's? Or is it more just a symptom of being a stubborn asshole?"

I put my head in my hands and groan when a great pain shoots through my head again. I feel something in my pocket and find painkillers. How the hell did they get there? I praise some imaginary god and swallow three of the pills. I get up to check my toast when I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I'm overcome with nausea. I run to the toilet, but slip and bang my head off the sink and everything goes black.

Random memories come back to me amongst the swirling darkness and intermittent bright lights. Suddenly I'm seven years old, my glasses are taped together and Jessica Wedge and her posse of friends are taunting me and calling me pig sty.

*FLASH*

I'm in high school, smoking a joint for the first time when the hot girl sitting next to me suddenly takes the joint out of my hands and kisses me.

*FLASH*

I'm backstage at a Death Maiden concert, after just having met my father for the first time. A man called Fahri approaches me and offers me drugs, I politely decline and then he tells me he works for an international drug cartel and proceeds to offer me a job. He tells me that he can get me a better life and I'm guaranteed to make a fortune. I follow him out the door, finally filled with hope.

*FLASH*

I hand my mum the keys to her first ever home, telling her she'll never have to work again. She cries and throws her arms around me. I'm so proud that I can finally give her what she deserves and I cry with her.

*FLASH*

A young blonde walks into a bar and we lock eyes immediately. I already know that this beautiful girl is destined to change my life.

"Alex" a honeyed voice shouts at me. "Alex, wake the fuck up".

"Waa… what?" I open my eyes, confused as to how I'm on the floor. I look down at myself and I'm covered in my own sick. A cool hand smooths its way across my forehead.

"We're getting you help sweetie." My eyes widen.

"Piper?" I whisper, not quite believing she's here.

"That's my name," she gives me a tense smile, "I came with Nicky."

"Nicky's here?" I question her, now completely confused.

"She told you she was coming round by 2?" her dark eyebrows knit together.

"I don't remember," I sigh and close my eyes again.

"I guess you don't remember trying to burn down the kitchen either, huh?" she gives me her concerned mother look.

"Aw shit, I was looking forward to my toast, too," I mumble. "What's Nicky doing?"

"Calling 911, it looks like… you tried to overdose," she bites her lip and looks away. "I'm gonna go see how Nicky's getting-"

"No Piper." I say, 'Don't you fucking leave me," I almost whisper.

"Ok, I won't. It's fine, I'm here." She sits back down and holds my hand.

For the first time, maybe, just maybe, I believe her.

A/N - Thanks again for all reviews and follows :) once again, please feel free to tell me what you think by PM or you can tweet me ( jena_weir). Sorry for the Debussy reference, it's not Twilight I promise, but every time I hear that song all I can imagine is Vauseman dancing to it.