Author's Notes: I know it has been FOREVER. My mind was never able to just settle down and put all my thoughts down on paper coherently, not until a few days ago. This is the last chapter of Illusions. If you have forgotten what has been going on, I advise rehashing this part of the series before continuing.

Which leads me to my next topic...Me continuing this. I want to. Very much, but there is a chance there may be no readers lost after my long break. I have no plans to wait as long as I did with this chapter. I want to get it done and written and I'm prepared to do that. The story has been swimming in my head for a year and I would love to let my readers know what happened. Let me know what you want, and it shall happen. Thanks for reading (if there are some readers left)

Lyrics from "Done All Wrong" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Characters not owned by me

Chapter Four: Broken

Edward

I've done me wrong,

I've done all wrong,

All the wrong I've done,

I'm sure to live quite long

There was no choice.

There was only him.

I took the opportunity, turning on my heels and running in the area's direction. I was going to run to the damn ocean if that is what got me to his side again.

"Edward!" Alice's voice was but a whisper in my noisy brain. I ran on, too selfish to care about Quil or Sam. My feet all but carried me, it was my instinct, my need that directed me in his direction. I ran and ran - sure I'd come to him. And when I felt like I was going to lose myself from the anticipation to touch him again, I felt him. The waves of his thoughts jumping into my mind. They were garbled and incoherent - images flashing about.

"Jacob," I whispered, following the trace of him. I could smell him. I could feel him and it was the fuel I needed to get to him, have him. I pushed on, only to feel his proximity. There was shallow breaths a few yards down and a faint whimper. I searched wildly, pulling branches off trees, knocking out a clearing. My body stiffened at the sight. I couldn't hear anything else, the world didn't exist anymore. He looked so hurt, so broken. His crumpled form curled up, holding himself together, "J-Jake." I fell to my knees, feeling the steam from his heated skin, bathing in his warmth. My body blanketed his, my nose finding a home in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, "Love, I meant what I said. I mean nothing without you."

xXx

It had been 3 days since I found him, mind muddled and eyes distant. Having him in my arms, I expected him to feel comforted and healed. I expected a light joke even under his circumstances. With our history, he took everything with a laugh and a shrug. Why was it different now? Why wasn't he letting me in?

What did James do to him?

When I arrived back at the house with him in my arms, I was greeted by Carlisle and Esme. It was difficult having him out of my touch even for a second, but it didn't seem to matter - the moment Carlisle lifted a hand to Jacob's cheek, that's when he nearly lost control. Snarling and growling, coiling away and attempting to leave. With bewildered stares, Carlisle and Esme turned to me, expecting me to know, but I had no clue as to what poisoned him.

72 hours and he didn't eat or speak. The right half of the bed where he lay, sank under his weight as his back remained forever towards me. I wanted everything to caress his tanned skin, stroke the growing black locks that fell in tangles on his shoulder. I had stayed with him the first night, but feeling his unease and desire to stay awake with me in the room, I eventually left. Eyes of sympathy were all that followed me the next two days.

xXx

News traveled after Alice and Jasper came home. Sam and Quil were alive, just as Alice had seen. She told the news to the family that night as I kept him company. There was something that we didn't know about the injured wolves, Jacob offered his blood to them. Even in my despair, I was stunned. It was something Embry and Jacob kept to themselves, something Jacob kept from me. When seeing Sam and Quil at their peaked health, Embry exclaimed that it had worked and it eventually resulted in everyone knowing.

Jacob saved them. All efforts we made to help meant nothing. They were going to live despite everything. The blood that ran through him, whatever miracle that we made together, saved his pack and he was smart enough to know. Our love saved them.

But could we survive this?

By the fourth morning, I was perfecting my routine, entering the room only to glance at the shape on the bed. He was so still, his mind a clean slate, keeping me out. My heart broke. Hours before, I heard everyone make efforts to find some time from the house. Jasper clearly couldn't handle it. The dead link between us altered his moods more so than anything else I've ever witnessed. Our connection, or lack thereof kept him nearly as isolated as I and it forced Alice to make the choice to leave for a few days. She wanted to apologize, but it wouldn't have done anything for me. I didn't care. All I could see was him.

Carlisle spent more time in the hospital and Esme focused on a project she didn't want to discuss outside the house while Rosalie and Emmett disappeared for an extended hunting trip. It was just us and I needed this opportunity to try. I had tried keeping my distance, I had hoped he'd come around, that he'd let me in, but frankly I was torn and too damn curious about what went on. What did James do to him? I needed to know, because how James met his end depended on it.

"Jake," I settled next to him on the bed, "You have to eat." I tried. No matter how many times Esme placed meals on the bed, on the floor, near the front door, he never got up to take a bite. That stinging pain I had felt over the last numbered days, arose when a foggy thought crossed his mind, "Jake." I hungered to touch him. I was careful, splaying out my fingers, caressing the muscle in his shoulder. He stiffened only for a moment before relaxing under my fingertips. The silk of his skin, the pressure of his heat against my dead flesh sizzled it to life. I was a living, breathing being with him in my arms, I was a part of him. I leaned against his body, finally able to touch him for the first time in 3 days. Our bodies were merged together, his melting into mine as I continued to stroke his skin. The warmth of his back met my chest and I couldn't contain the happy sigh that had been expanding in my lungs.

"Let me help, love." I pleaded, "Tell me what you need me to do." For a second I thought he'd open up. He felt so relaxed in my arms. His fingers idly massaging my own. His breath was a huff against my cold skin and he opened his mouth to speak before shutting it just as quickly. I held him to me until the sun came down.

He was getting weaker, I could feel it. I was just one step away from forcing food into him when he finally twitched in my arm at twilight, "Jake?"

There was a heavy sigh in the room before he sat up in front of me, eyes trained on the window, "I need to leave." If it was possible, my insides may have imploded. I attempted to will some control to keep from losing my sanity then.

"Jacob." I held his wrist in my own, "You're not going out of my sight." The tension in the room was back. He avoided eye contact, but fought against my restraint.

"I don't belong here." He whispered, "I need to-"

"You do belong here," I argued, "And anything you need to do, we can do together."

In the moonlight, his beautiful russet skin shimmered, his face masking a frown. It was if he was concentrating hard on holding something back. I was able to catch one slip of a thought though.

Why are you making this harder for me?

Jacob

I've done all wrong,

I've done me wrong,

All the wrong I've done,

I'm sure to live quite long

I tried my best to follow where they directed me. I could still make out the voices and his scent. I couldn't forget that scent even as lost and bewildered as I was. I was as weak as a normal human and nearly worst off than one. Every part of me ached, yearned to be within touching distance of him again. This was what it was that was killing me. I knew that all I'd get was a moment and he would be gone. I was running back to nothing. I stumbled, tripping over a root and felt myself tip like a helpless tree to a man with an ax. The earth shuddered under me and all was silent...until I heard him whisper my name.

It was a dream.

No. I was dead.

I had to be.

I felt his arms, heard mumbled whispers in my ear before he buried himself into the crook in my neck. This felt like him. His voice, his scent, the strength was coming back to me in bounds.

But it couldn't be true.

xXx

I woke up just as we were entering the property of the Cullens. He had held me like a child despite my height. He never kept his eyes off of me, yet I couldn't stare into his. Everything in me burned to see him, to speak to him, to have him hold me and say it was all fine, we would be fine. But I knew this was coming. Even as I had stumbled through brush and dirt hours earlier, I knew that when he knew, they'd be no more left. I knew I'd be the first to learn what it was like to be denied by your imprint. Whatever connection we had, I was always more than sure he felt it. He wanted me, I could still sense it, but James changed everything. I was solely Edward's days ago. His mark was on my neck, but as of that moment, I was James'. His mark was on me as well. It didn't feel like Edward's, giving me life and meaning; it disintegrated the very source of everything Edward and I became in the short time. It wasn't the physical abuse, it was the memory, a different imprint that could never be forgotten; a fucking stain that would eventually mar the perfection of him. I couldn't let that happen.

I wouldn't.

But the only thing that was left for me to do was temporarily forget - keep the thoughts at bay. And unfortunately that meant losing control. I hadn't meant for it to be in front of Esme, but when Carlisle touched me, all I could picture was James. The way his cold hands worked their way down my chest lagging around my navel before he cupped me, smiling when he caught the grimace that crossed my face.

I felt fury build in me and I snapped. I regretted it only for a moment, but it needed to be done. I needed them far away, it would work better when I had to -

And I saw him. The confusion, the hurt in his eyes. He knew something was wrong yet he asked for no explanation. He waited like the fucking perfect man he was. Our first night together, he laid next to me, yet kept his hands to myself. I had to stay up, afraid my dreams would give my fears away again. I was lucky last time. All he saw was Sam, but luckily he caught nothing of the plans me and Embry came up with him. This time around I didn't want to test my luck.

Even without reading my mind, Edward figured it out. It was the hardest night I ever had to sleep through, more so than those with James. Yet I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake, inhaling his scent everywhere, needing more of him. My body ached so bad, I was sure some invisible force was tearing me apart. He checked on me that next morning for an hour, watching me. I felt his stare, the weight of his concern. I couldn't meet his eyes. The second night, I was able to fall under due to extreme exhaustion. I woke up to no memory of dreams and a foggy glow of light. I had missed Edward stepping in to check on me, but I knew he had been there. The house was alive with discussion of Sam and Quil. To my relief, they were alive and surprisingly healthy.

If I wasn't so sure I had no reason to exist, I would have smiled. I couldn't put my finger onto it before, why their lives were so important, but now I knew. They were pack members, yes, but more importantly, they were just like me. Quil had imprinted on someone, whom, I wasn't quite sure yet, but the look in his eyes, I saw in Sam's, I saw in my own when I looked in the mirror. I knew what it was like to feel the threat of losing Edward. In fact, I knew it to be inevitable. It didn't mean that they had to experience it as well.

xXx

I was starving, but sleeping had did much of the work of distracting me. With as much concentration as I could muster, I kept my mind blank. Dreams had attempted to weasel their way in, causing me to jerk awake in the middle of the night. My muscles were weak and sore from my static position on the bed and I could vaguely make out the distant aches from days before. How many bones did I break?

An arm, a few ribs, possibly my collarbone. and I was sure I had heard my pelvis crack at one point, but at that moment, I had passed out.

Fuck.

I shook my head, feeling a bit too weak. That's when I heard the door open. I felt him behind me. Is it even possible that I knew he was upset and hurting? Was that my heart breaking or his?

I felt his weight on the bed. "Jake, you have to eat." Fuck. He must have heard my stomach, "Jake." I felt ice fingers on my skin. I wanted his touch so much, but a part of me heard the echoes of James' words. I stiffened for a moment, scared out of my mind under his caress. What if he found out?

But despite my fears, my body automatically relaxed under him. The heat and energy that blanketed us was intense, even under this circumstance. I needed him so much. His touch was all that clouded my brain as he molded his body against me. It felt like forever before he spoke again.

"Let me help, love." He pleaded, "Tell me what you need me to do." I felt the binds of my minds loosen just a bit. I made to open my mouth, let it all out, but I held back just in time. I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to crush him that way. If he knew...

It was so much better to make him believe I had a choice in this.

As if prodding my weakening barriers, his melodic voice rung out in the empty house, "Jake?"

I thought I would have more time being next to him, but I was kidding myself. There was no way I could touch him, talk to him, be any bit normal without letting it slip. I sighed in defeat and felt my throat open up as I finally spoke, "I need to leave." I felt him stiffen like stone against my back.

"Jacob." His long fingers clasped around my wrists, burning every controlled barrier in me, "You're not going out of my sight." I heard the demand, but felt the desperate plea in his tone.

I needed him to believe, "I don't belong here." I barely spoke, "I need to-"

"You do belong here," He growled, "And anything you need to do, we can do together." I frowned at the idea of this not working. How the fuck did he know to weaken my will. I could never run away and stay away as I remembered. He chased me before, not taking my goodbye as an answer. But he needed to know, for the sake of both of our sanity.

Why are you making this harder for me? I thought openly.

"Love, I don't understand." His hands were in my hair, combing through my growing strands, "Let me in." His breath fanned against my skin. I nearly lost it and jerked up in the bed, glancing over my shoulder, doing my best to look indifferent.

"I don't want to be a part of this anymore," I started, trying to keep my voice strong, "I don't want my pack in danger anymore. I don't want to be in danger anymore."

"Jake..." He pleaded. His golden eyes searched my own.

"Sam and Quil nearly died. I had to save them because it was my fault they were hurt. I chose you and they suffered for it."

Something happened to him - I wasn't sure what. It looked so much like physical pain took over. His eyes clenched close, his body huddled over. He fisted his hair and a agonized moan left his lips. I wanted to hold him to me, tell him to forget every word.

But I was frozen there.

"You choose-" He said with a clenched jaw. He didn't finish. Something in me knew he couldn't.

"I choose them."

xXx

I blocked out the image of his face just for that moment. They needed me to tell them everything. It was the next morning. I was back on the rez in the small living room, watching the packed bodies that stood or sat and waited anxiously for the meeting to begin. It was between those involved that night Edward and his siblings came on the land. I figured it would be more of a scolding on my part. My disappearance causing their arrival, but I was above flabbergasted when Sam made it clear that there might be a change to the treaty afterall - We may not need it.

And there I sat, hands in lap filled to the gills with Emily's food, staring at the eys of those who missed me.

Sam sat across from me, relaxed and stoic as he usually was. I could make out the crescent moon mark on his shoulder. James had marked the tree of us. I wondered if he felt the same shame I did. We belonged to another as well as our imprinted.

Or perhaps he didn't.

He didn't feel James come inside him.

"I think its only fair we start on just how you knew what to do." He pressed coolly. Emily sat at his side, her fingers weaved with his own. She hadn't taken her eyes off him the entire morning.

Seth cleared his throat. He was one of the first to arrive that morning, catching the room on the couch next to me. He gave a shy smile before speaking up, "Isn't it more important to know where Jacob was? Edward just...left and we didn't hear from them in 3 days," His eyes briefly met mine, an apology in his stare, "I mean, isn't that more important." a part of me felt a compassion for Seth for even considering my well-being, but the other part cowered. I wanted to speak as little about James as possible.

A few of the pack held their breaths, looking over to Sam. They seemed as curious and concerned as Seth

Sam nodded in acknowledgment to the question, "It is very important, but something tells me that we won't understand why Jacob is standing here with us alive, until we understand how he evaded death the first time."

Seems like I was going to have to bear all.

Every. Last. Detail.

The ache that I had been fighting the last three days, throbbed painfully at the thought of Edward again. He had to be in the back of my mind. I couldn't let them see what he was doing to me.

"That night that you came to us and said he bitten you." I could see Paul grit his teeth at Sam's words, "You said you asked him to."

I felt everyone's eyes on me then. Great. Just what I needed; to relive more bad events in my life, "I did." I replied curtly.

"Why?"

I inhaled deeply, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the small room, "It just felt right."

"But if he cares about you so much, why did he bite you?" Leah sneered. They all thought about it at one point or another, I'm sure.

I raked my hair in frustration, "He explained that he had to restrain himself before. I didn't want restraint - by any means."

"So, what did he do, just walk up to you and suck your neck?" Paul asked, getting a few winces in the room.

Unfortunately, the bubble of frustration erupted then, "Let's just say it was in the heat of the moment." I kept my eyes trained on him until he looked away, a slight flush on his cheeks.

Well, hell, he wanted to know.

I hadn't noticed just how silent the room became.

"You guys...did...stuff?" Embry asked.

It was my turn to be appalled, "You guys have access to my brain, it should be clear that you know this already."

Sam sighed, rubbing his jaw in thought, "It doesn't explain why you lived."

I bit my bottom lip, thinking of just how to word this without grossing everyone out, granted, I'm sure their imaginations were already running, "Car - Dr. Cullen sort of explained it. It seems, I have uh...transcended."

Leah raised an eyebrow, "Transcended?"

"For a normal human being, that would be becoming a vampire." There were a fair share of snorts in the room.

"More like descended." Jared mumbled, getting a pointed look from Sam.

"Something in me changed. I became...immune to his venom," I whispered, "And up until a few days ago, I thought it was just him."

"It's all vampires." Emily whispered, looking at Sam, already piecing it together. I nodded.

"So when he bit you, it just happened," Quil frowned, "Why?"

Okay, this is the hard part, "It's clear, we all know to turn for a human, it begins with a bite. In most cases, they take the blood, and the human gets the venom," good start, I went on, "An exchange of fluids." I hoped they got the point, but all I got was blank stares.

Really?

"It was different for us. Before he bit me, the exchange had already happened." I tried again.

I wasn't surprised that Leah caught on first. She guffawed. Everyone else caught on one at a time. Quil momentarily wore a smirk and Embry shook his head as if ridding a vision from it. Paul was deathly silent. The look on Seth's face was confusion.

Sam held up a hand, silencing everyone, "So when you saw that we were bitten, your last effort-"

I nodded, "It was the only option I had left. I didn't know if biting you would have given you the altered venom in time, so I had to feed you my blood."

Jared and Paul's noses wrinkled at the statement. It wasn't pretty, Embry was witness to that.

"So, are we-?" Quil's voice rose with excitement.

"We are." Sam finished, "We're like Jacob, immune to the venom."

"Do you guys feel any different?" Seth asked, watching the three of us as if trying to string together any similarities between us.

"Well being bit hurt like hell!" Quil exclaimed, "It literally felt like their was hot sauce running againt a million paper cuts inside me." He shuddered.

"But what about after Jacob gave you his blood?" Embry asked Sam.

"I don't remember much after being bitten. I only remember pain and then no pain. The littlest Cullen was there to help Quil and I with everything when we woke up. We owe her our gratitude," And at that point, Sam turned to me, "We owe them all our gratitude. It's one of the reasons I called this meeting between us."

I frowned, not understanding where he was getting at. Everyone else in the room kept quiet, leaning in to catch every word.

"I have spoken with the elders and I personally am siding on the idea that we not only lose the treaty, but we pass the immunity to everyone in the tribe. I believe I was wrong, Jacob. We should have accepted and legitimized your imprint the day you came home and told us."

xXx

The shock only faded away after a day or two and when it was completely gone, the panic came in. the treaty no longer existed, we weren't enemies. My pack no longer was to despise the Cullens, but welcome them. How could they? Right after I said I wanted to leave him?

It had been just over a week of Edward finding me in the forest and it was safe to say I was worst off than I ever was. As the pack changed, learned about my captors and their threat, I felt the bonds between us regrowing, but they weren't nearly as strong as the one between me and him.

Most of them were wise enough not to ask. Somehow they knew something had happened.

I had become as withdrawn as I was with him. I barely spoke. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. It was hard to open my mouth and not say his name. My father, happy to have me home, joyous to have me alive, suffered my distance the most. The fear in his eyes were palpable when he came in to check on me each morning.

Just like he did.

I couldn't take it. I spent most of my days on the beach, eyes on the waves, listening to the rez come to life each morning and die down at night. The pack kept near, keeping watch of the land as well as on me. I could feel their eyes, catch the huge shadows in the trees. I knew that if Sam hadn't said anything to me yet, he definitely shared a few words with them.

They weren't concerned about anyone else doing harm to me, but myself.

This was suicide watch.

And by the fifth day without Edward, I could clearly understand why. The pain was unbearable - inside and out. Waves of cold sweats took over my body. Stabs of agony had me clutching my chest every now and then. The rope between us, the entwined straws were breaking and falling apart. I felt the tie slowly falling away. It was my hour glass - counting down to zero. When it finally snapped, I was gone. I knew it.

That morning I stumbled to the beach, trying to catch my breath. This feeling inside was unbearable. Knowing that I'd never see him again no matter what I chose to do was the killer. I had left him before to talk to the pack, sometimes being gone over 24 hours. But it was never like this, because I always knew I was coming home.

I stared at the sea, wondering if I could stand on my shaky limbs and walk over to it. Feel the cold waves, a reminder of his touch. The pressure of the water against me. What would happen if I -

"Jacob." His voice was harsh and emotional. I looked up, meeting Sam's eyes, "Why the hell are you doing this?" I followed his figure as he stepped in front of me, blocking the ocean, "You're killing yourself. Can't you see that?"

"It's better if he believes-"

The look on Sam's face changed, "If he believes what?"

There was a brief silence between us. I knew Sam had others watching me, but it never occurred to me that maybe he was keeping his own tabs on me as well. How the hell did he know I was even considering...

Of course he would know. I had relived those moments through him. When Emily suffered at his change. The hate he had for himself, for the Cullens. That rage and despair that clouded his mind. God, how could I forget that he'd know what I was going through? I shouldn't have came home.

"There's something you didn't tell us." He stated, though I'm sure it may have been a question in his mind earlier.

I didn't know where to look. His eyes were of empathy. He wasn't going to leave until I said something. But I couldn't, I didn't know how. My shoulders trembled as I played back that night I left. He didn't move. He looked so vulnerable and human. God, I did that to him.

"Edward..." His name came out before I could stop myself. I couldn't live with that thought.

Reading my frantic expression, Sam sighed and sat next to me on the sand, shoulder to shoulder, "Jacob," I felt the warmth of him against me and suddenly wanted the marble skin and icy caress, "Tell me what happened."

"I left him." The answer had Sam rigid.

"Did you leave him because you were scared?" He asked finally after a moment of silence.

I wanted to knock him out for knowing what I was feeling too well, "Yes." My answer came out raw and hoarse. My chest was heaving and my stomach wouldn't sit still.

"You thought he would do something?" He read the look on my face, "You'd thought he'd leave you." He answered himself. What surprised me was the look of understanding and...relief, "Jacob, whatever it is that you are hiding, it's not as bad as what you're doing to yourself. Edward came here for you despite what everyone could have done to him. He took Leah by surprise. I saw what he said to them, how he kept his patience." Sam shook his head, staring at the coast, "All that harbored hate and distrust. It was all gone. You changed him. He wouldn't leave you if you betrayed him." I winced at his words.

But I did.

"What if I did betray him?" I whispered.

Sam'a eyes leveled with my own, "I think you're confusing betrayal with something else."

I shook my head, "You're wrong."

"Jacob-"

"What that monster did to me..." I looked away, "You have no idea."

There was a dead moment between us. From my peripherals, I could see something vibrating, shaking. It was him, "Sam?" I stared at him in shock. His body hummed with heat as he did his best to hold himself together. I gave him a moment, watching the shaking slow to just a slight tremble. He finally looked over at me and with gritted teeth spoke.

"Why did James do it?"

"He knew it would break me - us." I turned away. the intensity in Sam's eyes nearly scared me, "He knew he couldn't kill us, but hell if we can't kill ourselves."

"Jacob-"

"I'm not needed anymore, Sam. Everyone can get immunity now. You all know what I've told you. I have no reason to-" The heels of my palms dug into my eyes, "I won't be able to fight or protect. It's hard just to be."

"You have an option. You can talk to him. It's not your fault, Jacob. He will know that."

"He won't want me. How could he? If that's all I think about when he - " I clenched my jaw and fought to just dive into the ocean, "He would have to let me go."

"He won't," Sam argued, "Go to him." He ordered, causing my back to straighten and my eyes to grow wide.

"Sam, no-"

"I'm sorry, Jake, but you leave me no choice. You're killing yourself and if I know any better, you're killing Edward."

I felt myself crumbling against him - the pain was too fucking intense to handle then. Sam held my shoulders in his firm grip, holding me up. God, how could I not think of that. He was in pain, I knew, but I figured it would pass. It always passes...

How could I be so fucking stupid. Sam pulled his hands away just as I jumped to my feet, dashing towards the forest front.

Edward

All I could smell was him. The sun came and went, the time passing like a burning eternity. His words replayed in my head over and over. I couldn't think past it.

The pain hadn't subsided, I just adapted to it. Holding the pillow where he laid his head, clutching it to my chest, breathing all of him in, I knew it was the end. He was gone.

Then there was the rage. What did I allow James to do? I was going to end him. Once the scent was gone from the pillowcase, once I was able to fully adapt to the pain, I was going to find James, end his existence and then end mine. And I knew exactly who to go to to make it so - The raven haired girl.

Alice kept outside the door of the room, pleading against my decision.

"Edward, you'll get yourself killed." She tried and the joy bubbled in me. Then she let the words slip out, "It would kill Jacob." She sobbed tearlessly.

And God, I could see it. My beautiful love, eyes hallow and offering himself to...James. And the pain would double.

And what was I do to then? As delirious as I was, I knew that the last thing I wanted was for him to go. I needed him here. Yet, the hope in my chest swelled that he would still care.

Maybe I was going insane. I must have lost all that held me together before. Alice wouldn't have seen such a thing. If my love needed me, he would have been in my arms. He chose his pack, as well he should have. I failed to save him. He was broken and he knew I did it to him.

It was an illusion to believe that we were forever no matter how much he was bounded to me. I couldn't exist in his world.

I had lost track of time, but in that whirlpool of thoughts, I heard him down the hall, at my door, in my room.

"Son, give him time." Time was all I had and all of it I gave to him, but he didn't ask for time.

"He made his choice." My voice was a hum of death. I read the fear in him. He had been speaking to Alice. The future hadn't changed for me. I had made my choice as well.

"Edward, what we experienced with Jacob the moment he came back; it had nothing to do with you. His captors may had put him through a traumatizing situation. He's confused and scared."

But why would he hide?

"He wouldn't let me in."

"He hasn't figured it out yet," My eyes had moved for the first time in days, following his movement to the edge of my bed, "Edward, I cannot lie and say I understand what you're feeling. The connection between you two is strong. It affects Jasper more than anything else ever had. Alice had explained that Jasper suffered immense physical pain. She couldn't understand it, until we realized that Jacob was no longer here.

"If this separation hurts you, it hurts him. Whatever it is that he is coming to terms with, it may be something you'll need to be prepared for when he comes back."

I laughed humorlessly, my void rumbling in my chest, "When he come back?"

Carlisle's gaze softened when he met mines, "Alice can see Sam and Quil now. And some other of the wolves are beginning to come through," He was quiet for a moment. There was an internal battle going on in his eyes, yet he kept his mind free of thought, "Jacob has been contemplating suicide."

My world crashed around me. I was on my feet, hands already on the door, but Carlisle's order for me to stay only had me pausing momentarily.

"He's fine, Edward." He rushed, keeping my in my place, "Alice saw Sam speaking to him. She can't make out the how soon yet, but he's coming back. Give him time."

xXx

There was an internal war raging in me. Was he coming or not? What was I to expect? I wanted to apologize, hold him, yet give him space and hear what he had to say. In the end, all I knew was that I needed him.

I pressed through Alice's thoughts, waiting for the signs of him to come. I nearly jumped out my room window catching the brief flashes of Jacob walking into the ocean, disappearing in the violent waves. But as quick as they came, they were gone.

And then I saw him, running towards home. I was out my room, rushing down the flight of stairs before running out the back door, not caring that I knocked it off its hinges. I ran in the direction of the beach, sniffing the air, surfing for his mind. I saw him as clear as day, running from Sam. I heard no words, but I saw the fear in his eyes, the regret. I hoped that whatever came to his mind had something to do with opening up to me, changing the decision he made. The hope in me roared.

I smelt his musk, his earthy scent and my heart, dead and gone in my chest, pulsed to life. His mind was open. I felt his need. I ran harder, desperate to feel him against me. He was close. The ache in my body was nearly gone now. I heard his panting and there he was. His skin smooth and fiery waves kissing my cheek. His chest rose and fell heavily. His chocolate eyes stared into my own and I felt myself crumble before him. My knees hit the ground with a muffled thud inches before his own feet. He was still. I held my arms up, wrapping them around his waist, burying my nose in his navel. He shuddered under my breath.

"I need you." I whimpered pathetically. I wanted so much to give him space, allow him time to open up, to let me in, but damn if I didn't want to feel him more. I was awed to feel his hands sneak into my locks before tugging hard enough to lift me to my feet. I followed his desire, hoping he would seal our contact. I rose to my feet, my lips grazing his jaw. His hands, still in my hair pulled me to him. The sheer pressure of our lips together was similar to an atomic explosion of just energy. My world was whole in a matter of a moment. The warmth of his wet muscle urged entry into the cavern of my mouth, getting a weak groan from me. His bare chest burned against mine, singeing the fabric of my shirt.

"I'm sorry," His voice hummed against my mouth. He cupped my cheek with his other hand, thumbs stroking the flesh under my eyes. His lips moved against mines urgently, silently asking for something, I wasn't sure what.

"I need you." It was all I was able to say. I saw the flicker of fear in his eyes and it compelled me to ask the question, to have him fill in the blanks of what happened; what changed him. But the steaming between us was too much to see clearly. Our lips moved against the other in a deadly dance. I could read his lips as if he was speaking to me. He voiced his fears, his pain and his regret of the last few days. He took back his choice. His hands were everywhere, but it wasn't enough.

My shirt was torn from my chest at my own whim, flying carrying itself on air and Jacob knelt before me as I did earlier, trailing his fire kisses down from my collarbone to the brim of my pants. His breath was like a flame on my skin. It wasn't enough.

"Touch me, please." I pleaded, feeling the impatience and need bubbled and burst in me, "Jacob, I don't think I can - " My jeans followed too, shards of fabric on the earth. His lips explored every bit of me, biting and nipping my hip bone, tonguing the outline of my navel and kissing my thighs. I was so selfish. It wasn't enough. I scooped my hand under his arm, lifting him to my eye level and devoured him in another kiss. I mindlessly rid him of his jeans, felt his bare body against mine, chest to chest, arousal to arousal. A hiss of excitement left our lips before they were crushed against each other again. I cupped his backside, pressing him against me to increase the friction. His moan was all I needed to urge me on. Dropping one hand between his thigh, grazing his arousal, I lifted his leg, so he could straddle my hips. I had to take him now. I wanted to feel his heat suffocating me, molding me into him.

I was caught off guard, getting a guttural growl, similar to that which was reserved for Carlisle and Esme the night I had brought him home. I panicked, pulling away in fear. What had I done? But in a blink of an eye, his palm was pressed against my chest, throwing me back with enough force, that I literally hit the ground. In shock, I stared up at him. There was something in his eyes, masked by his drive to top me. He was on his knees, over my body. He grabbed each of my ankles with force, spreading me. I felt the head of his cock against me and the sensation was overwhelming.

He wanted to take me.

With a primal aggression, his teeth latched on to my bottom lip, tugging before he suckled, hard enough to bruise a human. My need for him had my body shaking furiously. I tilted my head back, moaning out in bliss. He took the opportunity to nip me at the crook of my neck, grunting loudly as he entered me with such force, we were moving against the earth. This wasn't like anything before. His energy was demanding, forceful and...different.

I felt his want for me, but through all that he expressed in that kiss, there was still something he was hiding, something he hadn't let go. His thighs hit mine in a earth chattering clap, filling the night air, along with our pants and cries. I felt every bit of him in me, each twitch, every throb and blood pulse. He was alive in me, breathing life in my body with each thrust. Despite my concern and confusion, I could already sense my nirvana coming.

Jacob's eyes glossed over, his hip picking up speed as he rested the palms of his hands on either side of my head. I kept my legs apart, granting him all the access he needed. The pain of him entering me without warning throbbed pleasantly as he renewed his entry again and again. All this, physical pain and control, it was what I needed too. A reminder that the force between us was as strong as ever, not waning. I felt him twitch and throb in me once again. He was so close. I held his face in my hands, catching his gaze, distant and pained.

"My Everything." I whispered, every fiber in my being meant it. He shuddered against me, crying out my name in a whimpering cry. He looked in distress, despite his high. I held him close, feeling the tension leave his body and noticing the change in his demeanor.

"Fuck, Edward - " He started in apology.

How could I do this? Did he make me into a monster? Why did I let myself...

Like a tidal wave, I saw the flashes, the memories.

Jacob

I fought the fury and my want for Edward like a mad man, driving myself into him deeper and deeper. He took it with grace, keeping himself open for me, whining against my desperate kiss, letting me attempt to mark him as he did me. I was losing myself in him and he didn't fucking mind. What was I doing?

And even then, I couldn't help myself when he closed in around my cock as if trying to feel every inch of me from the inside. I tried to hold it off, tried to keep the memories back, but I was losing my grip.

He held my face in his icy cold hands, and I could make out his whispered, "My Everything." And that was all I needed, as I came harder than I could remember, hating myself for such a high at this moment.

I fucking raped him, didn't I?

"Fuck, Edward - " How could I apologize about something as fucked as that?

How could I do this? Did he make me into a monster? Why did I let myself...

And the wall broke. James fucked my brain up so bad, I pushed him away, nearly killed the both of us, just so we could reunite under me throwing him down and fucking him? I thought imprinting would make this easier for us, not harder? Was it because I was the monster now? What James did...

And the flashes of James holding me down, staring at me with the crimson eyes, demanding I whisper those words of want to him...

That last time he came into the room, holding me down after he asked me to strip, holding my thighs in his hand before diving his head down to bite my inner leg. I remembered the brief fire as he pulled away and ordered me to put my jeans back on. I couldn't let Edward see it. He had lifted that leg, it was right there before him. He would have been in me like James. I couldn't let him...He would know and it would ruin everything. Who was I kidding, everything was ruined.

And it hit me.

I was more right than I knew. I hadn't blocked him off, put the wall up. I let go...and he heard everything.

Edward's eyes were dark, a black cloud of fury as he stared up at me. What clenched in my chest was regret, sickness and a tremendous amount of fear.

We're doing wrong,

we've all done wrong,

If we do no wrong,

I'm sure we would be gone

AN: My plans were to have the follow up series be called Awake, the foil to the first, (Sleep) Let me know if any of you guys want me to finish. I do, believe me. I just figured if there is no one out there to read this, I could be finishing all the other unfinished work I have out there.