2 weeks later
Elsie looks up from her desk, when she hears a soft knock on the doorframe. "Mrs Crawley, what are you doing here?"
"Okay, Elsie. You can handle this," but why doesn´t she believe herself?
"I just had tea with Matthew and Mary and I thought that would be a good chance to collect my umbrella," Isobel says and enters the room.
Elsie gets up, but she doesn´t make a move into Isobel´s direction. She rather wants to stay at the other end of the room. Being safe.
"Your umbrella? Yes, of course. It has been so busy lately, that I forgot to return it. I will get it for you, Mrs Crswley, " Elsie says hasty. Nearly rushing out of the room and leaving a bewildered Isobel behind. Of course hasn´t Elsie forget Isobel´s umbrella. How could she? During the last two weeks has it been the last thing she saw when she went to bed and the first when she woke up in the morning. Hanging there like a permanent reminder of the afternoon they´ve spent together. It has taken Isobel only one afternoon to turn Elsie´s world upside down. A world that has taken Elsie so much effort to build up, collapsed with only one look and one touch. Elsie´s glad that she hasn´t seen Isobel for two weeks. Two weeks that gave Elsie time to build up a wall of resistance. But she doesn´t know how robust this wall really is, because Isobel was so different from all the other women she´d fancied before.
Elsie knows that it wouldn´t be good for her to give in, because she remembers very well what happened after she fell in love for the first time and she never wants this to happen again. She never wants to go through this misery again.
Elsie walks back downstairs and stops in the doorframe. Isobel is standing in front of the cabinet where she keeps her little collection of fine china. Isobel is holding a cup in her hand, studying the design, running her fingers over the frail porcelain. Elsie is unable to fight back the images that are popping up in her head. Images of Isobel shoving her against the cabinet, plates falling on the floor. Kissing her passionately, while she unbuttons Elsie´s blouse, exposing her voluptuous bosom. Isobel biting her lips lasciviously, when her sharp fingernails are running over the sensitive skin of Elsie´s breast. Smiling, when she sees what kind of effect her touch has.
And Elsie hears the first bricks falling out of her wall.
"Is something the matter, Mrs Hughes?" Anna asks when she sees Elsie standing in the hallway, clenching the umbrella in her hands. Elsie doesn´t hear her, she takes a deep breath instead and walks into the room.
Anna looks into the room, when she passes it and finds Isobel standing there. Anna shrugs and makes her way to the kitchen, not giving that scene a second thought.
Elsie is about to close the door but when she looks at Isobel, who puts back the cup on shelf, does she change her mind and leaves it open.
"You have a fine collection here, El... Mrs Hughes, " Isobel corrects herself, when she sees that Elsie hasn´t closed the door, which disappoints her. She was looking foward to spend some time alone with Elsie when she came downstairs, maybe having another cup of tea but now she can see the discomfort in Elsie´s face. "She can´t be that afraid, that the others find might find out that we have become friends," Isobel thinks, but before she can ask Elsie what´s bothering her, Elsie begins to speak.
"Thank you, Mrs Crawley. I got the first cup from His Lordship when I had my fith anniversary and as you can see I´m here for quite a while now," Elsie tries to put on a happy face but she knows that she failed miserably. She can see it in Isobel´s face that she has noticed something. An awkward silence fills the room.
"So, here is your umbrella," Elsie finally says and hands it to Isobel. She tries not to look directly at Isobel. She knows how dangerous it is for her, but she can´t withstand the urge to look at Isobel´s beautiful eyes, but before their eyes meet again, Elsie is saved by Anna.
"I´m sorry to interrupt, Mrs Hughes, but do you have a minute?" Anna asks, standing in the door.
Elsie can´t say how relieved she is by this disturbance. She hasn´t even notice that she´d held her breath the whole time and exhales.
"Yes, of course, Anna. Please come in. Mrs Crawley is just leaving," Elsie says and sees the puzzled look on Isobel´s face. Elsie feels sorry for practically kicking Isobel out, but she knows that this is for the best.
Isobel is very confused by Elsie´s behaviour towards her. She knows that there must be more then the fear of the others finding out, because she knows how close Elsie and Anna are and Anna looks to her like a woman who can keep a secret.
"Very well then, Mrs Hughes. I better go. Have a nice afternoon," Isobel forces herself to smile and nods at Anna when she leaves the room.
A delicious smell tickles Isobel´s nose when steps into the corridor and it leads her directly to the kitchen where she finds Mrs Patmore looking into the open oven.
"Mrs Patmore, this smells delicious."
Mrs Patmore startles, "Mrs Crawley, what are you doing here. I am sorry, I didn´t mean to be..."
"That´s alright Mrs Patmore. I just picked up my umbrella. I borrowed it Mrs Hughes a while ago," Isobel answers and waves the umbrella as if she has to prove that she isn´t lying.
"Well, since you asked, Mrs Crawley. This is a cake for Mrs Hughes. It´s her birthday in two days´ time and the cake has to rest for a day."
"Her birthday? I had no idea. Thank you, Mrs Patmore and don´t let it burn," Isobel says and leaves.
"Burn. Pffff. What does this woman think? That is not my fir... Oh,no," Mrs Patmore gets the cake out of the oven just in time.
On her way out Isobel looks into Elsie´s room and finds her sitting at her desk, talking to Anna. Isobel observes this scenery. Her eyes are traveling over Elsie´s face, following her hand when she´s touching Anna´s arm. Elsie looks to the door for a split second and it hits Isobel like a thunderbolt.
Later that day
Isobel sits at ther desk in her bedroom and wraps the gift she´d bought for Elsie. Isobel looks up from the parcel in front of her to the picture, that stands on the desk and picks it up. "Am I really doing the right thing, Reginald," she asks, running her finger over her late husband´s face. Pictures of her and Reginald are flashing up in her mind. Isobel and Reginald dancing together for the first time, Reginald holding Matthew. Isobel standing at Reginald´s coffin, feeling the heavy burden of a lost love on her heart and then a picture of her and Elsie flashes up. Both are sitting together on the settee, holding each other. Elsie whispering sweet words of endearment with her beautiful scottish accent, that Isobel loves so much. Isobel gets up from her desk and looks out of the window into the dark. "Is it so wrong to long for somene else´s touch? To love and be loved?" Isobel hesitates and looks down at the picture she´s still holding. "Yes, Reginald, I love Elsie," she knows that she can´t unsay these words anymore but when Isobel is honest to herself, then she knows that she is in love with Elsie since they first met. Isobel had noticed Elsie´s reaction to Violet´s comment to her question, how they should call each other and Isobel immediately liked her. She always wanted to believe that this was only a deep sympathy and although she has found some women attractive in the past, did she never feel love for them, she only admired their beauty, but with Elsie is it something different. Something she could never point out until two weeks ago, when they spent the afternoon together. All the jigsaw pieces fell into their right places and Isobel could no longer hide from the truth. Elsie´s behaviour has distracted her today, but Isobel was sure that Elsie felt the same. She has seen it in her eyes. Isobel doesn´t know if it is right to make the first move or to make a move at all, she only knows that she would always regret it at least not to have tried.
"I will never forget you, Reginald, but you are not here anymore and I am alive," Isobel says, tears in her voice. "And I no longer want to live with this void," and with these words Isobel puts the picture of Reginald in the drawer of her desk.
The next day
"Mrs Hughes, this parcel just came for you," Anna says and gives it to her.
"Thank you,Anna. I wonder who send it. I already got all my birthday mail."
"Maybe you have a secret admirer, Mrs Hughes, " Anna grins and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
Elsie knows immediately by look at the handwriting, that her secret admirer isn´t that secret at all. Elsie unwraps the parcel. It´a record. "She remembered," Elsie smiles, running her fingers over the cover. A card falls out of the record sleeve. It´s an invitation for tea on her next day off. Elsie gets up from her desk and looks out of the window for a moment. Collecting herself because this gift has taken her completely by surprise. "Oh, Isobel, why are you doing this to me?" More bricks are falling out of her wall. "And why do I have to torture myself? Is it so wrong to long for somene else´s touch? To love and be loved? Yes, Isobel Crawley, I do love you but this can´t be." Tears are falling on the card she is still holding. Elsie knows what she has to do next and her heart is aching by the thought of it, but she rather wants to break her heart herself, than let it break by someone else.